Women Today Ain’t Like The Women Of Yesterday…

by Black Love And Marriage.com

in A Man's Point Of View,Ask The Maat's (Videos)

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VIDEO: by Ayize Ma’at After coaching hundreds of couples I have decided to do a video addressing a common critique from black men about black women. How many times have you heard this: “Black Women today ain’t like the Black Women of yesterday.” Well, in this show I touch on this in an attempt to elevate our understanding and edify black relationships.

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January , 2011 at

{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

james October , 2011 at

Give my a woman "of yesterday" anytime

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Ms. Linda January , 2011 at

You better TEACH Ayize!!!!!

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Ms. Linda January , 2011 at

No matter what anyone says…you are on point Ayize. It's amazing to me how men inserted themselves into the conversation in such a way that it became about them being the head of hose pr not….and the point of the vid was talking about women's voices NOT A MAN'S!!! Geesh!

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ruleyourwife January , 2011 at

Ayize, you know I'm wit ya on the post. I fight that battle with the men's group I facilitate. Always putting them in check about their attitudes and disposition about women. Too many men have a poor concept of their girlfriends/wives. But my position from the biblical perspective is, if we continue to allow folks to misinterpret God's word then we, in my opinion, are as egregious as those who falsify God's word for personal purpose. When you take the title of my blog Rule Your Wife – the principle is a husband "rule" his wife with geniune with love. I'm tire of brother & even sistas who think rule your wife is some type of oppressive concept. So again when I say man is the head, it's not position, but purpose. When Aiyana expresses so fondly of who you are, she is talkin abt the quality of your character of your leadership. So I will cont 2 live by righteous brothers who lead authentically and challenge brothers who try to oppress. But as I stated, u kno how I feel abt U and ur passion to get brothers right.

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Harriet January , 2011 at

2/2

My parents were married for 28 years before my father died eight years ago. To this day, my mom still wears her wedding band! Why? She told me it's because she can live the rest of her life off just the MEMORY of his love for her and never desire another man to give her what she got in abundance from him. Not to say she's closed to the idea of dating, but THAT kind of relationship is incomparable, and to rush into another one is an insult to the very memories she has of my father's love.

That, in my mind, is what the male role of leadership is all about. Loving every part of your wife so fiercely…so selflessly that even when you are dead and gone, the ripples of your leadership and love wash over her and her children for the entirety of their inhaling and exhaling. THAT'S what I believe both Ayize and Ruleyourwife were trying to convey.

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Harriet January , 2011 at

1/1

Finally–back to the biblical discussion–woman was taken from a man's side, his ribcage. Kimberly Nichols said, "Our ribs not only covers the heart which causes our heart to beat, but it covers our lungs which causes us to breathe, everything that essentially gives us life." Break a rib and realize how a little thing like breathing is taken for granted every day. Sad thing about it is there are so many men who think their women are wild stallions…always trying to break them down…"tame" them. That's some bull! A woman isn't a wild animal…she's a precious commodity of priceless value. She has to be willing to wait until she meets a man who sees that innate value within her (I didn't wait, and had to learn the hard way). He then has a responsibility to love her unconditionally, sacrificially.

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Harriet January , 2011 at

My second point is what Aiyana said yesterday: a man who LEADS is so much more sexy than a man who attempts to CONTROL his wife. I just got out of a marriage where control was the order of the day. A woman will inevitably become a marytyr for the sake of her marriage if that kind of behavior persists. Sure, she may not die right away, but she'll be in a zombie like catatonic state if she is willing to allow it to continue. And truthfully, many women (both then and now) make those allowances. And like Tara wrote on BMWK this week, guess who is most affected by this? The little people who are observing three feet below. They pattern their adults lives off what they observed as children. Not what mom and dad SAID, but what they DID. So the vicious cycle continues to perpetuate itself. Show me a man who has to have control over his woman, and I'll show you the biggest punk you ever did meet. Show me the man who cultivates his wife, honors her opinion and appreciates her for her mind as well as her body and what she does for him, I'll show you a KING.

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Harriet January , 2011 at

3/3

Yes, we live in a patriarchal society. But it's important to note the responsibility that lands on the shoulders of men who want to assert the whole "submission" clause too readily. Being the HEAD has nothing to do with status and position, IMO. It has everything to do with following the example set by Christ. He came, He served, He set the example, He employed compassion over condemnation most of the time, He walked His talk…and when it was clear that all that wasn't enough, He died for the cause of our freedom.

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Harriet January , 2011 at

1/3

Wow…where to begin?

First and foremost, I am a Christian. I love Jesus and His Word (the Bible) with all my heart. PERIOD. That said, I totally agree with what you said about religious indoctrination, Ayize. My Christian walk has nothing to do with religion, and everything to do with RELATIONSHIP. Therein lies the root of the "religious" debate taking place here. So many people (even clergy) try to attach all these don't-isms and extra foolishness to life. So people from all walks of live entrust their entire being to Christ and receive a warped example in return, thus transferring from one prison (sin) to another (religion). That shouldn't be, but that kind of mess happens every day!

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Landon January , 2011 at

I think what you mean is cool, but truth of the matter is that a man or woman's biological make up is designed for certain things. So while I agree that a woman has a voice, I also believe that voice should be expressed the right way, as should a man's. Men are designed to be the head of the union. That's just what it is. Us not being emotional by nature is "supposed" to allow us to make decisions without the disturbance of emotions, but of course we are so far from that today. The lack of strong me in the family structure has women stepping outside of their role (and my hat goes off to the sisters doing the best they can), but the unfortunate reality of that is all of the ultra moist men you see now a days.

I strayed off topic a little, but still it is what it is. Both matters co-relate!!

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ahaviaij January , 2011 at

Oh my, thank God for you and your wife. This is real talk for people who want to succeed in their marriage. This was my previous marriage in every aspect and it was a relief to? FINALLY hear someone come with the truth and pointing out the stress it causes upon a marriage. Thank God for you and your wife.

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blacktigerwu January , 2011 at

I have to strongly disagree with you here. I have always spoke with older couples and older people who? were fine with their roles because everyone has to supress themselves as far as different things . In a relationship there is sacrifice on both ends. If you feel women are not fine with what is considered their role as home maker Men were not cool with having to work doing back breaking labor not seeing his family much to put food on the table.

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Cynthia January , 2011 at

You deserve a standing ovation for this post. My husband and I try to get folk to understand this one. Love this sooooo much that I have to repost. Love it!

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grownmanbiz05 January , 2011 at

Go head Bro,
I could hear in your tone that this was a passionate issue for you. Me myself, I'm with you. I'm a believer that my woman stands beside me not behind me. Everything we have is because we have each other. Keep it up…….appreciate that post.

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The1Ms.HBIC January , 2011 at

Ayize this is a wonderful post. I will be reposting it. I appreciate you and your message. I find it very uplifting and inspirational. I’m going to repost it on my site. I can also appreciate Ruleyourwife’s comment and I know both personally. They both are mentor couples to me and my spouse. So, they have common goals but sometimes a slightly different view. I love this dialogue we have here. Great debate!

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ruleyourwife January , 2011 at

Great post. When bros hit me w/ that I usually hit 'em back w/, "& there ain't a whole lot of men like the men of yes2day."
But u said "let's have sum real talk;" so I'm going 2 challenge u on a few points. U talked abt "we fallin victim 2 religious ndoctrination . . . & livin n a patriarchial society" & man deciding that man should B place 1st. Now I recognize that every1 ain't Christian & the bible is for bible believing disciples, but it's a book terribly misunderstood.
If 1 studies the bible they'll clearly C that God despises religion. He had strong issues w/ Pharisees, Sadducees & religious scholars. He wanted folks who understood the spirit of His word. As 4 man leadin or bein head, indeed he should B. But understand headship aint abt position, but purpose. As a hubby do I lead my wife honorably? Is my example worthy? Am I a strong root bearin good fruit? I'm head b/c I am my wife's protector. I can't serve her from any other position. If an intruder broke n2 our house how can I protect if I ain't standin purpose in front of her? http://www.ruleyourwife316.com

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Ryan January , 2011 at

That was deep….It's sad but i never really considered the idea that "women follow men because men say women should follow men" It's simple but yet profound. We make the rules and the rules we make reinforce our position in the world. This was a serious post. Thanks bro.

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K.O. January , 2011 at

And let the church say…Amen! Whew…I've gotta repost!

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Jamedra January , 2011 at

Ayize, that was powerful. The "Patriarchal Mindset" you spoke of is what caused me to turn down 2 opportunities for marriage because I saw this mindset in those men & knew that I could never be happy spending my life with one who as I say "loved himself more than I ever could" so expected me to follow suit. & the other who valued what other men had to tell him about our relationship more than what I had to say.
'Medra

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Mike January , 2011 at

Whoaaa Ayize you made it plain didn't you. Sometimes the truth is a bitter pill to swallow. Thanks for the lesson Dr. Ma'at.

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Kara January , 2011 at

Oh my goodness!!!! I thank God for you! Both of my marriages fell victim to the idea that I was supposed to follow the instructions and guidance of my husband and it was craaaazy! Am I a child? No. I finally decided to do some research for myself (beyond just the bible) and there's a whole lot of misinformation and "indoctrination" as you say out there. Most folks (especially men) that I know that want to lift up being head of house and submission of women, etc. do based on what they have heard at church and what is socially acceptable in this country and culturally acceptable in the black community. It's handed down from generation to generation. But, I don't think folks really study the societal circumstances around how this was created.
Of course, there are those that will say it's in the bible, so it's right….so I guess slavery is right too huh? SMH…

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