Life For Rent: Confessions Of A Mistress

by Black Love And

in Infidelity, Cheating & Affairs

Post image for Life For Rent: Confessions Of A Mistress

By Ruth Purple

The mistress, you can’t hate her enough. If you can skin and burn her alive, you know you would. You can’t help but be overwhelmed with anger.

But stop, pause and ask yourself- is all that hatred and anger worth it? “When a wife gets into all kinds of trouble to get even, she is only acknowledging the mistress’ role. The mistress feels recognized, accepted. It’s kind of twisted when you think about it, but a mistress feels fulfilled in some way when a wife confronts her. The moment you face her, she feels triumphant…” says a Sandra, a former mistress. “Never exhaust your energy on the mistress you are only wasting it…” she continues.

Sandra tells all…

“I was a mistress for three years, until I got really hurt.

At first, I was in it for the fun and excitement. I was really attracted to him. I knew he was married for 10 years, but he said it was shaky and he was not happy anymore. During that time I really felt sorry for him for being trapped in a lousy marriage. When we were together I can see that he was having a time of his life. As time went by he told me that his wife was starting to suspect and that we should lay low for a while. We saw each other under his terms… only when ‘it’s safe.’ Believe me, it was really frustrating.

I felt used. This is just one of the thousands of disappointment I had to endure.

When you are a mistress you:

• Can’t go out on public with him.

• Can’t be with him during holidays.

• Can’t help feeling jealous when he dates his wife.

• Have to get used to broken promises.

• Can’t help feeling used when he leaves you and go home to his wife.

• Can get tired of the sneaking and fear of getting caught.

• Can’t totally trust him.

• You can’t call on him but he can call on you anytime he wants.

• You are the first one to go when finances are tight.

Somehow I learned to cope with this. But what really broke me into pieces was when he sent me a text message telling me that his wife knew. ‘I can’t see you anymore. I’m really, really sorry. My wife is going to file for divorce when we continue to see each other. I can’t afford that to happen. I am really sorry. Goodbye. Please don’t reply.’ This was his exact mobile message.

I was so pissed off that I called his house asked for his wife and spilled everything about the affair. But I was stunned and shut to silence when the wife laughed and answered. ‘I’m sorry, dear. I have a husband and children to take care of. Have a nice day …’ she put the phone down and never heard from them again. I never felt disgusted in my whole life.

If you are attracted to a married man- forget about it! If you are planning to have an affair- don’t! If you are in an affair- get out now! You will always be disposable. Value your life- find a good man. Never allow yourself to get used. If you are in an affair now, don’t think that your relationship is anything special, because in the end you still end up alone… and relationships are not supposed to be that way.”

Ruth Purple is a Relationship Expert who has been successfully coaching individuals and couples in their relationships. Get A Copy of her sensational ebook on Winning Over Infidelity. Experience a Happier Love Life.  You can read more from Ruth at

{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }

3M Car Care April , 2016 at

Really it's the hate for a human because no idle man can't and take this service or situation. i know that every parents played their child like 3M Scotchgard Protector and just one hope that their child can't be digress however. we should take care our parents and honor their advice.


read ut March , 2014 at

A letter to his wife
from the Mistress
#1) I got your text today….I was so amused at the questions you asked???
How Could i sleep with a married man???
Do you really think i awoke one morning and said today I will ruin a marriage?
Because if you did your dumber then your husband said you were…Does your ignorance allow you to think I approached him
for the record I approach no man and never have.
#2) You asked…How could I disrespect your wedding Vows?
Ummm For the record I wasn't the one saying them with you….
I wasn't the one professing my love for you in front of 100 guest, family and friends
I believe this question is for the man who broke those vows not me. Let's be honest
What do i care about YOUR vows
#3) You asked how could I live with myself for wrecking your happy home?
Now this will be my pleasure to respond too…Do u think i was the only one?
Do you think I am the first? If you do… don't read any further then this…If you want the truth
continue reading…When he took me out to dinner the waiter knew his name…
When the flowers were delivered to my job the delivery guy said he always sends the prettiest ones
When we went to the hotel his secret CC was on file. So much for your happy home
#4) You questioned how do i live with myself??? Where is my self respect? Now hold on to your seat belt your about to get an earful….How do u do it? How do u look in the mirror every morning comb your hair and brush your teeth and care for his children? cook him his breakfast possibly even pack him his lunch,,,When you know in heart he is loving someone else…How do you function in life selling yourself short? why do u stay??????? For the kids???? That's a lie…You stay because you feel so inadequate to leave!!!! OMG!!!! begin again Ohhh Geez might have to get a job….O NOOOO for the love of God I might have to like me again. Where is YOUR self respect how can lay next to man who desired the flesh of another women…How do u lay next to man who told another i love u…How do look in your child's eye and let them see you settled as second best????(THAT'S RIGHT YOUR SECOND BEST BECAUSE IF YOU WERE HIS ONE LOVE HE WOULDN'T HAVE SEEKED ANOTHER) Where is YOUR self respect??? Don't blame me cause you kept him…THAT WAS YOUR CHOICE…He thought you respected your self more and was hoping you were going to be the one to walk away but instead you stayed. Now take what you get and don't judge me…Look at the man you kept.


sutoposeo February , 2014 at

This is a wonderful article, Given so much info in it, These type of articles keeps the users interest in the website, and keep on sharing more … good luck


TheMrs December , 2013 at

I recently took the blinders off and found out that my husband has been cheating. At this point I don't know how long and anything about the mistress and frankly I haven't really thought much about her. I'm sure he is lying to her just as much he has been lying to me. I actually feel sorry for her because after 20 years, I know what she has to look forward to when she gets more that than the fun and exciting part of him that I take care of on a daily basis, paying bills, supporting our children, tuition, illness, supporting his expensive habits, she'll soon miss me even more than he will. They deserve one another. He's been lying to me and hiding it from me so surely he was trying to keep me around for some strange reason. The children are grown and gone and so there isn't much to hold on to for me anymore. Thanks again for the article at this time when I needed it most.


JustTrena November , 2013 at

Truth is, the sideline piece may in fact get the cheating husband but it won’t be because he left his wife; it’ll most likely be because the wife left him. And in the end, the mistress will only be getting what she’s been messing around with, a man who cheats. The relationship will be one of mistrust and insecurity because, hey, he’s a cheater, right? Lucky girl, huh? Yeah, some mistresses will act like she’s happy with the arrangement but any woman saying she’d rather be second (or third) priority, is a fool and is only fooling herself. Even you deserve better.


sowillia May , 2013 at

I have just ended my 2.5 year relationship with a married man. At first I didn't know he was married. Then found out that 7 months prior to us dating his wife was incarcerated. He's raising his 4 grandkids. Two of the grandkids don't live w/their mother and the youngest 2 their mother is incarcerated. I've been helping him care for his youngest grandchild since she was 16 weeks old. She is now 2. His wife is now out and she claims that they are sleeping in separate rooms and that he hopes she moves out. A few people that we both know have indicated that the wife was making over 200,000 a year running a home daycare in which she was licensed to care for only 14. A child died in her care as she had 24 kids. When she turned herself in, the house foreclosed, the luxury cars were repossessed and he managed to move into a place that he can afford. I have helped him in many ways and said that now that his wife is out to give him 6 months. The two younger children's mother will be getting out at the end of the year. Since he has fully custody of this kids, I managed to let him pacify me. I have pretty much told him that I am done. I don't trust him, and make it perfectly clear that I was not going to help him since his wife is home. She will never be able to care for daycare children and does work at some restaurant. But, he still wears the ring. To me that means he has not intentions of leaving her. She did tell him that she had several thousand dollars stashed away, but if the was the case, as a woman why would you tell your husband that you have so much money that he doesn't know when your husband is struggling, pawing his rolex and diamond ring to make ends meet? If she does have the money, that's her business and its clear she is making sure he doesn't get any. She doesn't know about me, but his children and older grandchildren do as well as his brothers. He seemed so sincere but now I have finally realized he's full of crap! Worst thing is not leaving him, but leaving the baby that I cared for. She calls me mommy because I am the only woman and mother she knows. My heart is broken. I feel like I lost a child.


Kris August , 2012 at

I want to reply to this:

Ladies, God will never send you a man that is someone else's husband. You can marry the man you're in an affair with and all you did was legalize the adultery.

When a person marries (in the right context) you are in a COVENANT with God. If you are apart of breaking that covenant then you are sin and God sees you as no more than a Philistine. Remember Goliath? He was an uncircumcised Philistine. He wanted to defeat David and he thought he had all rights to because he was bigger, he seemed to have the upper hand, he seemed to be the logical choice, he looked like because of his position He was chosen, but GOD.. David saw that Goliath could not take what he wanted because he was not ordained by God to do so. That's why he was able to defeat Goliath. That's why he was able to defeat him with only a sling and a stone. God had given him the authority to do so and David knew his inheritance in Christ.

My husband was in adultery 2 years ago. I claimed victory in Jesus' name knowing that the other woman was no more than an uncircumcised Philistine. I prayed daily for my husband's eyes to be open to the truth and the deception. The other woman even used witchcraft to try and turn my husband's heart from me to her.

She thought she had him in the bag, especially when he moved out. That only made me turn up the prayers even more.

Sin is sin. God wants to eradicate sin. We all are in SIN because we all fall short of the Lord. I may not have been in adultery but I was also a sinner. Every day we sin in word deed or action and contrary to what the world believes, God doesn't RANK SIN. I stood in the gap for my husband, for our family, for our covenant and for generations to come.

I had lived by WORLDLY standards before this. In fact when I found out my husband was in adultery I immediately asked him for a divorce (just what the other woman was hoping I bet) but God got ahold of me and showed me THE RIGHT way to live, by BIBLICAL standards. Not worldly standards where people move from marriage to marriage to marriage and taking a hardened heart, bitterness and resentment with them the rest of their lives.

My husband was home 3m later after he moved out. The rug was pulled out from under the other woman's legs, she didn't know what hit her. She thought she was going to have my husband, my life, kids with my husband. He came to his senses like Paul did in the Bible when God turned him from Saul and removed the scales from His eyes. He came home saying "that was the biggest mistake of my life, my biggest regret."

There is a spirit of COVETOUSNESS abound in the world today. People who want to take things that do not belong to them. God says DO NOT COVET.

God will judge the wicked the those that seek wicked paths. I do not hate the other person, I have forgiven her as well as my husband. Our marriage today is better than it was before the adultery because what God allows is for a purpose. Now I have a marriage ministry I manage for God's glory and I assist other women who are healing from the blow of adultery. Restoring our marriage was not easy. There were a lot of tears on our parts but God turns tears to joy and we are proclaiming HIS JOY in a restored marriage every day!

What the enemy thought would wipe us out and take out our family and destroy our children, God used for the advancing of His kingdom.

God is good. What he allowed brought my marriage back together for His glory. I want every man and woman to know if your husband or wife is in adultery STAND UP AND FIGHT FOR YOUR COVENANT! No other man or woman can go to God in prayer for Him to move on their behalf because they do not have claim to the promises of God in this area. Pray for them to find the man or woman that God has for them.

God bless.


Callie August , 2012 at

The wife "listened" to the entire story before she said, "Have a nice day". It means she was gathering all the evidence because she WANTED to hear and know every sorted detail. Believe me, there was no peace in that household for a while. But, why do we feel the wife was triumphant? The husband only ended the affair because he was caught. Believe me, there will be another.


Mrs. Tee June , 2012 at

Don't forget the piece of trash husband who is stupid enough to have sex with someone other than his wife.


Mrs. Tee April , 2012 at

It's amazing how stupid married women are! You are actually defending a piece of garbage husband who would cheat on you and then dismiss the mistress as nothing. “AS A MARRIED WOMAN AND A MOTHER”, I find it appalling how insecure married women are. Common sense should tell you to be calm and talk to the other women. As my mother would always tell me, you get more bees with honey than with vinegar. Also, the women he pursues should never be blamed for his lack of respect for you. I wish you stupid "MARRIED" women would wake up and smell the coffee; he cheated on you which equals he doesn't love you. So don't take your anger out on the other women while you are still spreading you legs for him. The end ………….


Emily April , 2012 at

This is remarkable! How is it that in this day and age people are settling for anything that is not considered marriage! I recently found out that my husband cheated on me earlier this year. He claims that this half-a$$ relationship took place a couple years, but I am no fool and I always had my suspicions and prayed for whatever was going on with him to end. Well, he just ended all ties with this maggot earlier this year because he was afraid that she would reach out to me and expose him. Well she did and she is now stalking me at the moment. There is absolutly no excuse on ANYONE'S end! None whatsoever! There is no excuse for my husband not being a man and facing the difficulties of marriage and there is no excuse why this this maggot should have lowered herself to be with a married man unless this is what she inherited in her family legacy. Some Ho-Males do not know any better! How dear any MAGGOT be upset at a wife because of course as everyone already knows, THE HUSBAND NEVER LEAVES!!! He is married to his wife for a reason MAGGOTS!


Karen March , 2012 at

To all the women who have affairs with married men, there will be a day when you decide to get married, you will maybe meet some single man that you want to spend your life with. You marry this man, then here comes the other woman who does to you what you did to someone else's marriage. KARMA…. it will happen.


Butterflygal February , 2012 at

I have experience some of the grief of being the second woman in a relationship….And sad to say it only end in EXTREME grief!!!!!! I see both sides of the story( The guy saying he's not happy @ home but he's still there) talking to them on their terms……SMDH for 4years I endured that bullshit and Trust I have learned my lesson and if I can't be number 1 then I'm waiting for Mr.Do right…..I wish any woman who is playing second best the BEST of Luck….


marie February , 2012 at

@happy mistress you talk like you are stupid. You must not be to educated. You probably are lowlife to. Why would you settle for less and let a man treat you that way..Its says a lot about your character as to how you would date some one who would hurt his family and children. Don't settle for less…get your own man…how would you like if this was done to your daughter or your mother?


uju February , 2012 at

In my case,i dint plan it.infact I’m strongly against it.but he chased me and kept on chasing me plus he’s my lecturer in sch.although i was attrccted to him also,so it was rili difficult fightin i rili in a tight corner,i want out but dnt want to loose his frdship.its rili difficult.D̶̲̥̅̊ fact is Ʊ will alwys be D̶̲̥̅̊ oda woman. And he can also drop Ʊ @ anytym.


formermistress February , 2012 at

I agree with everything this article is saying. However, what I don't like is the assumption that a woman was out and after the person that was married. A lot of times, it is not the woman who initiates the physical relationship, but the man. This was definitely in my case. He initiated everything. Could I have been the adult and say No, you are married? Sure! But the fact is that I was not chasing after him trying to get my claws in him. He wanted me and pursued me. I am only guilty of being weak. I do strongly suggest any woman in this GETS OUT. You can NEVER have anything of substance and he has all of the power. You will be kicked to the curb when things get tight. He will go on trips with his wife but won't even acknowledge you on the street. As a woman, you deserve better than that but it up to you if you want better or you want to be coach class.


Briana 20andEngaged February , 2012 at

As a wife, it's frustrating either way. You're human, so you can be angry at the woman for intentionally going after a married man. However, I would place my anger first and mainly at my husband. I can't feel bad for a mistress, and while I applaud how the wife handled it, I just don't know if I could continue to stay married to someone who had an affair ongoing. I know people stay for the kids, and every couple is different. You can't really say how you'd react until you're in that predicament. I can just pray I'm never in that situation.
My recent post Dropping the Hint: Tips and Tricks to Getting Your Ideal Engagement Ring


nora February , 2012 at

I just have one question…..are we suppose to feel sorry for her? I’ve been down that road and the other woman wanted to tell me things my husband had said like we were boyfriend and girlfriend. I had to let her know I had 11yrs with my husband and unless he wanted to leave, I wasn’t going anywhere. She tried to tell how she felt bad and my question to her was at what point did you feel bad because you knew from the jump he was married. So I asked was she sorry it hapened or sorry they were caught. She turned stalker so I don’t feel sorry for those type of women


Happy Mistress :) February , 2012 at

Wow, ladies… While I do agree that being "the mistress" may not yield the best public opinion, it has worked out well for me the last 6 years. His wife is well aware, like most wives of cheating men are aware. I have not endured the hardships named above, as he really does work hard to make sure that both households are maintained. He takes care of his responsibilities at both homes, and dates us both frequently. Holidays are practically split between both families.The wife has known about our relationship for at least 4 years and an understanding exists: She enjoys being married, so she's not leaving. He loves us both and he's not leaving either of us. I enjoy him and the benefits of his presence so I'm not leaving. Plus, I don't want him to leave her and would never ask him to. I get what I need and want from him. It's that simple. And really, we are happy. 🙂


mrssays January , 2012 at

I'm team wife all the way. This was the best tell-off I've heard in a minute. "…I have a husband and children to take care of. Have a nice day". Not even acknowledging her relevance was a class act. It goes without saying but he was a fool to cheat on a woman so razor sharp.
My recent post Kids and Social Media: Getcha Kids!


HisMrs. January , 2012 at

Any woman who knowing carries on with someone’s husband deserves all the disappointment, sadness, and shame she gets. He is disrespectful of course but a mistress should be cut slack because her “wet hole” allowed her to be aparty to invading on the sacredness of what is supposed to be marriage. A husband vows not only to his wife but his God so he will have to deal with more than a potential divorce. I applaud hid wife for treating her like second trash after she called to inflict pain on her. She invaded her space, with his welcome but still! As a married woman with a child I understand his wife’s stance! She (the mistress) was nothing when he met her, she was nothing while he had her and she is nothing after being used for her physical goods!


Yana January , 2012 at

As a married woman I still place the entire responsibility on the person who made the vows aka your husband. Placing the blame on the mistress is simply deflection, and deflecting is always easier to do than looking within at your husband or the state of your marriage.


Myra January , 2012 at

I think they all should feel ashamed! Shameful! The name of this article should have been, "How To Argue With Your Husband's Mistress" SMH I might respect the other woman before I respect his lyin', cheatin' a**! Not 4 me! No, no! Lol!
My recent post Ladies, You Choose


2luvly January , 2012 at

I truly believe that women who prey on other women's men are selfish ho's with low self esteem. As you guys said in another post "he's not yours leave him the hell alone". That the truth. Go get your own damn man.


Karen January , 2012 at

Side pieces are always disposable! I love it!!


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