10 Things You Can Say To Make Your Man Feel Good About Being “Your Man”.

by Black Love And Marriage.com on July 10, 2012

in A Man's Point Of View,Becoming One,Black Men,Communication,Love & Marriage

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By Ayize Ma’at

One of the things that jumps out at me in our relationship counseling sessions is that many women in relationships are missing the mark when it comes to effective communication.  Yup, I said it….many women are poor communicators and consequently have subpar relationships.  This may be confusing and somewhat socially contradictory because women have been deemed “great communicators”, “expressive”, “chatterboxes”, “in tune and outspoken”.  But please understand this, JUST BECAUSE YOU TALK MORE IT DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE A BETTER COMMUNICATOR”.  The words you speak only represent a fraction (7%) of what it means to communicate.  Body language, facial expressions, tone, and tempo weigh more heavily on whether the message you’re trying to communicate is actually being received and understood.  Ladies, for the sake of this post I’m only gonna focus on what you say.  If you want to learn and develop the other aspects of communication in your relationship CLICK HERE to get our “SPEAK LOVE RIGHT PACKAGE” .  Also feel free to call us (202-599-0234) and schedule a relationship coaching session.  For now take note of these 10 Things You Can Say TODAY To Put A Smile On Your Man’s Face…(or in his heart).

1.  I LOVE YOU

When was the last time you told your man “I Love You”?  I’m not talking about saying it in passing, before you hang up the phone, or before you walk out the door.  I’m talking about saying “I Love You” in a moment of stillness.  A man wants to feel that his woman’s love is deliberate and intentional.  Please press pause on your day and tell your special someone,  “I Love You“.

2.  IT’S O.K. IF…..

Ladies fill in the blank with (hang out with the fellas, go to a movie, go have a drink, take a nap, do nothing).  This is all about the psychological relief your man feels when you grant him guilt free space.  You see a responsible man is constantly thinking about his family and reoccurring obligations.  Give him permission to RELAX by saying “It’s o.k. if…..”

3.  I APPRECIATE YOU

It’s easy to take your spouse for granted.  It’s also easy to refuse to tell your spouse you appreciate them when you feel your relationship is a constant drama.  While you may be going through rough times all the damn time one way you can consciously shift the energy of your relationship and your man’s mood is by saying “I appreciate you“.  Let him know what he does that you’re thankful for.  Trust me, your man wants and needs to hear, “I appreciate you”.

4.  I FORGIVE YOU

The Mrs. and I saw a movie yesterday that had us both choked up.  The story was about releasing yourself from anger, fear, and pain AND renewing yourself by submitting to the healing power of trust and love.  Ladies, pay attention to this next line.  I GUARANTEE YOU HAVE F***ED UP IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.  Are you able to admit this?  With this understanding I challenge you to show compassion for your man and say “I Forgive You“.

5.  YES

In the words of Floetry, “All You Gotta Do Is Say Yes”.  Yes, Yes, Yes!!!  How many times has your man asked you to do something he enjoys and you’ve said NO?  Whether it be watch a game, go to a club, attend a seminar, or have sex, your man shouldn’t feel like you got “NO!” on auto-reply.  Give him more of what he wants, even if more of what he wants is outside of your comfort zone.  Ladies it will mean a lot to him…SAY YES.

6.  YOU ARE RIGHT

You’ve heard the saying, “Opinions are like a$$holes, we all have them”.  Well everybody wants to have their opinions affirmed.  The next time you and your man are having a discussion, please remember to say, “you are right”.  It’s o.k. to divorce yourself from your ego and occasionally concede.  It’s also o.k. to give credit where credit is due.  You play a significant part in enhancing your man’s esteem.  Do your part and say “You are right.”

7.   I’M SORRY

The general perception is that women do this “relationship thing” better than men.  I will not confirm or deny this statement.  However what I will unreservedly state is that in all the couples we’ve worked with ….women and have made mistakes.  Yes you may feel like your man’s actions were more egregious, but somewhere and somehow in your relationship you’ve messed up.  B intentional about saying “I’m sorry“. It will let him know you’re not solely committed to “being right” or being “holier than thou”.

8.   I NEED YOU

Ladies, this is what your man wants to hear:

“I could be congresswoman
Or a garbage woman or
Police officer, or a carpenter
I could be a doctor and a lawyer and a mother and a good girl
God what you’ve done to me
Kind of lover I could be
I could be a computer analyst, the Queen with the nappy hair raising her fist
Or I could be much more and a myriad of this
Hot as the summer, sweet as the first kiss
And even though I can do all these things
I need you” – Jill Scott

9.   YOU MAKE ME FEEL SAFE

Although the blueprint for manhood is somewhat elusive, there are some basic things that we KNOW we need to do as men.  One of those is to protect our family.  When you let your man know that he makes you feel safe, he instantaneously feels inspired to do more and do better.  Let him know you feel secure when you’re in his arms.  Let him know you feel protected.  Let him know he makes you feel safe.

10. I GOT YOUR BACK

Stand in your man’s corner and cheer him on.  Stand in your man’s corner and challenge him.  Stand in your man’s corner and support him.  Stand in your man’s corner and defend him.  Stand in your man’s corner and promote him.  Stand in your man’s corner and comfort him.  Stand in your man’s corner and salute him.  Your man NEEDS to hear you say…”I got your back“.

If you enjoyed reading this piece I know you’ll enjoy the insight, inspiration, and exercises in our SPEAK LOVE RIGHT PACKAGE.  If you do what we say….your connection and communication will be on FIYAHHH.  CLICK HERE  to INSTANTLY get your copy and to learn how to improve the quality of your relationship TODAY!!!

Ayize Ma’at is Co-founder and President of B Intentional, LLC, the Relationship Education company that owns and operates Blackloveandmarriage.com, the premiere cutting edge Marriage and Family web publication with the largest collection of love and marriage advice videos for African Americans. He is a Marriage & Relationship Educator certified in various Singles and Marriage Education curriculums and has a passion for inspiring others to grow and gain a deeper understanding of love. He is a devoted husband and the proud father of 4 amazing children.

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10 Things You Can Say To Make Your Man Feel Good About Being “Your Man.” « Love's Gumbo
October 8, 2011 at 2:11 pm

{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Princess January 8, 2013 at 2:18 pm

My man and I have a very open relationship. Some of these tips are helpful, but as others have stated, it all depends on the two individuals and their unique needs. I like for my man to say the words "I love you", but I appreciate it more when the word "love" is communicated through his actions. However, whenever I need more of anything, I have to respectfully and honestly communicate that to him.

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2 amariah January 22, 2013 at 6:36 pm

well for men it's like when u say it they sometimes don't know it's true but if ur man trust u then he will be fine with u just saying it

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3 Hope July 22, 2012 at 2:29 am

I don’t know if I can say all of these thongs. In the past when I did affirm it only encouraged him to lie in word and action. What I mean is, his intentions may have been sincere to reciprocate but he ended up falling short or telling me something he believes I want to hear but is not real to him. Because of that there is more distance because of it. I don’t know. I think each situation is unique. My husband is single minded and what I say to him rarely inspires a connection considered living or cherished according to most definitions. Some may be nice but many will only prompt him to perform in a capacity that he is I’ll equipped for.

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4 Loretta March 27, 2012 at 2:04 am

Isn't this a great list. Makes for a good foundation.

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5 Linda March 13, 2012 at 11:51 pm

While I understand what Hubs is saying, this article is not meant for everyone. There is no one-size-fits-all for ANY relationship, and anyone with sense should know this. If this doesn’t work for you then don’t apply it, if it does, then cool. I pick and choose when I read articles, but sometimes it’s wise to suspend your judgement in order to learn. Sometimes.

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6 Quindara King December 3, 2011 at 10:57 pm

So right, I noticed whenever he asks me "If I love him", then that means Im not saying or showing him enough about how much I do care and love him. Yes, we are long distance for right now but we been apart as friends for about 5 years and just started a real relationship about 5 months ago. Even before reading this list I've learned over time that my words sometimes can help when I can not physical express it to him. And I've seen how just saying "i love u" "i need u" or "i want u" could be like a hug to him, makes his day. And as his woman, my number job to him is to keep him happy, and as i keep him happy, then his happiness completes me. And trust me my happiness is top of his list as well.

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7 Cherry dene October 17, 2011 at 6:57 pm

so tru….sometime these are the things men wanna hear…to u know. really like this

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8 Leslie October 17, 2011 at 4:09 pm

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this bro!! Great read!!!

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9 Tonya Charles October 7, 2011 at 12:47 pm

Yes yes yes! This right here is the TRUTH. I try my damndest to say these things often, and for a long time I don't think her even understood why. But he gets it now, and I want him to know I am his helpmate on this journey and his woman for life.

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10 Tiffany N. Jackson September 29, 2011 at 9:18 pm

Pretty cool, that I do majority of these on a weekly basis!!

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11 SoontoBeMrs September 29, 2011 at 4:07 pm

Wow seeing this makes me feel I am on the right track with my fiancee. I've done just about everything on this list :) cool. Great post.

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12 Hubs September 25, 2011 at 4:51 am

All the valuable advice contained here – and some of it is valuable – applies equally to men and women. As a black man, some of this makes me cringe. For example, I'm glad to say I don't need to be told I am my woman's protector; if I was that insecure, I wouldn't be much of one in the first place. However, the biggest issue about this for me is the straightjacket roles it implies are natural for men and women. Every man is different; every woman is too. This fact is one of the eternal mysteries and joys of life. My advice? Ignore advice and concentrate on communicating openly, honestly, respectfully and consistently with your partner. Doesn't work every time – some things aren't meant to be – but it's a lot more likely to succeed than slavishly following advice from any website.

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13 Coach Steve September 25, 2011 at 7:57 am

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time……..Noone talks to our youth anymore . Everyone in the community don't go to church together like we use to. There's no group discussion except for in the street continuing the motto among young boys "The only thing better than p@$$y is new p@$$Y" So if using the web can get young youth to not have to reinvent the wheel when it comes to relationships..I feel is a good thing and THANKS ….Just my 2 cents…

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14 Ayize Ma'at September 25, 2011 at 11:46 am

Just so that I'm clear, are you saying that if your woman said to you "you make me feel safe" you wouldn't feel good? If you desire to have a healthy relationship with your self and your spouse, words and phrases of positive affirmation are NEEDED. You can't be solely physical and mental and call yourself whole. It's critical that you ALSO acknowledge and feed the emotional part of who you are and in doing so you're tending to all parts of your spirit. These words and phrases will open that door and expose you to intimacy like none other…..if you allow them. Being told you are your woman's protector has nothing to do with being insecure and everything to do with securely grasping what it means to be transparent and truly connected in a relationship. Lastly, the pendulum swings both ways….while this post was directed toward women these words and phrases are also applicable to men. My wife will focus on them (we men) ….if she chooses.
My recent post Is Marriage For White People? That’s A Dumb-A$$ Question!

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15 Marie January 18, 2012 at 10:29 pm

I agree. Saying these things may mean a lot to some men and practically nothing to others. My man asked me why I told him I loved him so often. He would rather I did things to show him I loved him rather than to say that I do.

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16 amariah January 22, 2013 at 6:34 pm

yeah my man said he would rather me show that I love him because words aren't always true

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17 Briana @ 20&Engaged September 24, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Time to communicate with hubby. These are things I should say more often
My recent post Finance Friday: Is Moving a Good Idea?

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18 Aiyana September 24, 2011 at 2:40 pm

Oh—My—Goodness. I come home and see you've written an article and what an article it is! This hit me right in my stomach baby. I am so grateful for you. If I haven't told you today, yesterday, or the day before PLEASE know that I looooooove you boy! I appreciate you ! I'm in awe of you. Every word in this article is so powerful. You are leading so many to a higher understanding of ourselves and our men.

Love you King…
My recent post 10 Things You Can Say TODAY To Put A Smile On Your Man’s Face

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19 Kandi September 24, 2011 at 1:12 pm

Great post Ayize!! I guess we do erroneously assume a woman's face should be on the poster board for "good communication". We all have work to do. I love that song by Jill Scott. I'm gonna tell my man right now, "I need you".

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20 Danielle V. September 24, 2011 at 1:10 pm

Ayize I don't know if I have it in me to say some of these things. I'm angry as hell. My man comes up short in so many areas. This is tough to swallow

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21 charity September 26, 2011 at 12:30 pm

I feel ya! Big azz babies!!!

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22 Deah October 1, 2011 at 6:42 pm

With all due respect, perhaps you need a new MAN. Don't waste your time with someone undeserving . . .

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23 Serendipity September 24, 2011 at 12:46 pm

I've got some work to do. Thanks for the friendly reminder brotha Ma'at.

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