Confessions From A Cheating Wife

by Black Love And Marriage.com on July 13, 2012

in Infidelity, Cheating & Affairs

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By Ruth Purple

It has been said that women are less likely to cheat but when they do, the affair can be really serious and intense. That’s because when a woman cheats on her husband, she is likely to have an emotional affair rather than a fleeting one night stand. And because of this emotional intimacy based extramarital relationship, the cheating wife is more likely to consider leaving her husband.

One woman shares her story about almost leaving her husband of ten years for another man. Learn how she saved her marriage and how she fell in love with her husband again.

“The year 2007 was a tough year for my marriage. This was also the same year I met Tim, my lover for nearly three years.

He was also married with two children. And just like me, he was also looking for a breather from his stifling marriage.

Initially, I thought that extramarital affair helped improve my marriage. I demanded less from my husband, I never bicker, I never argue. I just couldn’t care less, if my husband was unavailable, I could always call on Tim.

The affair didn’t feel wrong. I never felt guilty. There was a point where I secretly consulted a lawyer friend about divorce. ‘Life is short…,’ I said. I was never ashamed of it. I even introduced him to some of my closest friends. With the pampering, the attention and the abundance of sex, I felt beautiful and sexy.

Everything was going my way. I was happy… until the clandestine relationship became too complicated. It became more chaotic than my marriage. He became distrustful and I became very jealous. The fun disappeared.

We tried holding on to our extramarital relationship, but it became worst everyday. It was a slow and painful process, but I decided to let go.

I still think of him sometimes. I even tried calling him, but never did. It’s not worth it anymore. It feels good not being a “cheating wife.” I feel clean and decent. Being out of the affair made me feel good about myself.

But the big factor that made me refuse from even looking back to my double-life was the attention my husband showed. He gave me and my children a home, he made sure the bills are paid on time, the groceries are plentiful, and the children’s school expenses are well provided. He also made sure that we are safe and secure. That nobody would dare harm us or take advantage of us. But it was my husband’s decision to prioritize us that made a huge influence to never again become a cheating wife. His decision to provide, protect and prioritize made me appreciate him more. And from that, more pleasant things followed- the sex becomes an experience, we communicate better and we are having fun again.

I can’t believe that I cheated on my husband. I regret being a cheating wife. If I could turn back the time, I would never allow myself to get involve with another man.

I believe that when a husband learns to provide, protect and prioritize, his wife will never ever consider having an affair. Or if you want to get your wife back from infidelity, this is the good way to do it.   What do you think?

Ruth Purple, is a Relationship and Dating Expert. Conquer Infidelity and Experience a Happier Love Life through her New eBook.  Visit her website at www.relazine.com

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Cleora Willer August 2, 2013 at 7:19 am

Not clear on what you’ve got in mind, Laila. Can you give us some more information?

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2 EMMA February 8, 2013 at 9:05 am

SELFISHNESS,SELF CENTERDNESS AND LACK OF ENDURANCE ARE OBIVOUSLY AT PLAY ON THE ACCOUNT OF THIS AUTHOR.THE KIND OF LOVE SHE HAS FOR HER FAITHFUL AND DEDICATED HUSBAND WAS CONDITIONAL AND MATERIALISTIC IN NATURE. SHE PROBABLY DOES NOT DESRVE THIS KIND OF MAN BUT I WANT TO CONSIDER HER FORTUNATE FOR MARRYING SUCH A MAN. IT ALSO SHOWS THAT IF HER HUSBAND COULD NO LONGER ROVIDE FOR THOSE THING SHE WILL CHEAT AGAIN AND AGAIN.I WOULD N’T KNOW IF THAT WOMAN IS A CHRISTIAN BUT IF SHE IS ACHRISTIAN HAS BETRAY NOT ONLY HER HUSBAND BUT HER LORD(CHRIST).IF SHE MUST MAKE HEAVEN LET HER CONFESS HER INFIDELITY TO HER HUSBAND OR ELSE THE GATE OF HEAVEN MAY BE SHORT PERMANET AGAINST HER. SHE NEEDS TO DO THE RESTITUTION

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3 Desiree July 16, 2012 at 12:36 am

I appreciated her honesty and transparency for explaining why she cheating, but I was waiting for a deep revelation about what she learned, how she could have approached things differently, how other women can avoid the same mistake — but those things never came. What is unsettling is that her renewed love for her husband was very conditional. In an ideal world, yes, every husband would be a protector and provider, but if they are not is that an open ticket to infidelity? If her husband stops doing those things, will she feel entitled to step out again? I just hopes she realizes that being faithful and committed, even under circumstances that are not ideal is both a choice and a cornerstone of strong marriages. -Desiree (Creator of http://www.thelovejourney.com)
Desiree´s last blog post ..Do You Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve?
Desiree´s last blog post ..Do You Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve?

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4 Pat K. July 14, 2012 at 9:18 pm

Marital selfishness and lack of a generous view of the marital partner is the main cause for infidelity. We somehow have come to believe that when we're not getting exactly what we want, it's okay to step outside of the marriage. Wrong answer! Anybody ever heard of, "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for as long as we both shall live"? Writing your own wedding vows tends to cover up the real issue. My people, these are still the promises we make when we marry!

A closely related subject – did anybody see the Frontline story on HIV in the Black Community??? Keepin' the lovin' at home has some benefits (if both partners cooperate)!

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5 Lady Lewis February 11, 2012 at 4:19 pm

I've read this artilce also read the comments…I feel everyone is right, I also feel everyone is wrong. Yes she admits to the affair. She also stated how he was a good man by paying the bills, house to live in, not running the street, not being a drunk, nor is he beating her or the children. I feel a cold hearted man can do all these things. In other words what good is it if you don't let the woman you say you love feel that love. You can't tell me you feel love from these things. Money doesn't tell anyone last I checked I love you, money doesnt make a woman feel that spot that only her attentive man can, not even double A batteries. In other words you have to give more than your money in order to complete a marriage. Was she wrong for cheating yes, but I feel this is why most people cheat. If this is true then please leave because your then cheating yourself also.

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6 Alex December 27, 2012 at 7:55 pm

I think your response completely misses the point and seems to me that many women's account of why they cheated on their husband who is devoted, kind, protective, provides for the family and even attractive, are at the end of the day selfish and shallow with no sense of devotion or really see the meaning behind the actions of a devoted husband and father. All I've heard about with some of these accounts is me me me! You completely miss the reason why the husband in the above account does all the things he does. He does all that he does out of love for his family. He goes to work to make money because he knows this is what he needs to do to provide those he loves with the things they need. He does this without thinking. He knows he needs to do whatever it takes to provide for the family. You really have no depth to your thinking and how to see the true meaning behind the actions of a devoted and loving husband. As a partner and wife of such a man, I would have thought women would understand to unconditionally give this man all of her love and as much attention as she can. The love a wife gives her husband make whatever job he is doing worth it. We show our love for each other through the support and sacrifice we make for each other and the children. We put the needs of those most important to us before ourselves because at the end of the day, these people are the only ones that truly matter. They will be the ones beside you when you are I'll or need support. Whe you unconditionally give love to your family you get it back. I sense that you are typical of women these days who make lists of things the other should give you but have no idea who you are and what meaningful qualities about you that you can give the other person.

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7 Rachannis January 18, 2012 at 10:53 am

I am often slighted by the term "good man". What makes a man ( i was about to say brotha) good? Well, first off paying the bills and establishing a physical home does not make him good, it actually makes him great only after he has the emotional availability and the strength to "raise" a family. This is the same deal for the "good woman". She, too, has to be mentally and emotionally available to raise a family and then have a physical contribution of some sorts.
I get what the author of this post outlines. I didn't see her place blame for her actions more than she realized that one (or more) component(s) of a healthy and balanced relationship was missing. She in turn looked outside of the marriage and faced chaos. The reality is, most all of us take a short cut in life and have to deal, or struggle through, with the clean up.
What the BLAM fam teaches us is to resolve the deeper issues. Issues with self, issues with unrealistic expectations and issues with not knowing how to communicate. Marriage or not, we all deserve the truth and that is what this article was more-so about. Be truthful in expectation yall. Don't ask for what you aren't willing to give..

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8 Kelly January 3, 2012 at 8:50 am

The author of this tale not only took for granted her spouse but her worth. She blames her husband for engaging in a lustful, sexual liaison with another man, but the reality is she did it and when she was doing it had nothing to do with her husband. There is nothing proper about what she did and the fact that she claims to still think of the man but makes love to her husband makes her a horrible wife and pitiful woman. Her husband was the same provider and spouse but she was blinded by the lust of another man to recognize what was in her home.

I am married and I love my husband. Cheating for me is not a option for “fixing” marital issues.

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9 Moe December 28, 2011 at 9:33 am

Perhpas I missed it but it sounds as though the author blamed her husband for her cheating and although she regrets it, she never admitted that it was wrong. She is living in a conditional world it sounds like to me and it took, not her husband but the extra marital affair to go bad for it to come to an end. Cheating is wrong no matter what the problems are in a marriage. People change, marriages go through changes but you hang in there faithfully to your spouse and to the marriage. Cheating is a conscious choice and the marriage problems are an excuse to justify the cheating. How is this article supposed to help anyone that is cheating?

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10 Ebi December 23, 2011 at 1:18 pm

Standard lack of self-responsibility on the part of the author. She justified all SHE did and stated that she only changed when (a) her 'fantasy perfect CHEATING world' became 'real'… like everything else in the actual world. Then it was when her husband changed that she felt able to enjoy and appreciate her marriage. Balderdash!

Until people grow up and take responsibility for their OWN behavior, we'll continue to read weak, self-excusing accounts like this.

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11 Just wondering December 22, 2011 at 4:25 pm

Maybe I missed it but she ever admit that her cheating was of her own doing of her own issues? Or does she believe that it was about what her husband wasn't doing?

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12 Arianna December 22, 2011 at 2:39 pm

I completely understand… We sometimes do have good men who appreciate and provide for their family… But then we have some men who have the potential to be great but refuse to step up to the plate until we have one foot out the door…. so out of fear they tune into the needs is their spouse… It’s sad.. But I do understand!

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13 Natasha December 22, 2011 at 12:48 pm

I would give life and limb to have a husband like that. Women who have wonderful men often don't appreciate or deserve them.

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14 Sojourner Thomas December 22, 2011 at 9:28 am

Wow, this was deep and I can’t judge but if I want to step out on my marriage, I would ask for a divorce. I can’t break my vows that we made to each other. My husband is wonderful.

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