My Husband Has Sex With Me While I’m Sleeping

by Black Love And Marriage.com on August 6, 2012

in Love & Marriage,Sex & Intimacy

Post image for My Husband Has Sex With Me While I’m Sleeping


Does your spouse engage in sexual acts with you that you consider to be disrespectful? How about having sex with you while you’re sleeping?

This young lady has written in because she is horrified that her friend deals with this in her marriage. She feels it’s creepy and downright disrespectful. Listen in to the details and let us know what you think.

{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Elle August 26, 2012 at 2:32 pm

The man needs to be heard in this. What's his position here?
My recent post HOW TO USE RED FLAGS…A WORD TO THE HAUGHTY

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2 Kay August 7, 2012 at 4:14 am

I’m happy for my husband to sex me while I sleep. Providing it doesn’t involve me getting on top. He has my permission plus it’s sexy to me as long as I don’t have an early start.

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3 Alphonso 'Al' Taylor November 15, 2011 at 3:18 am

These days, you have a lot of people who prefer to be awakened by their significant other through sex and just be surprised in some way of that matter, while they're sleeping. Its really a big turn on for most. But to be more careful as some are deep sleepers and can't feel a thing, which is quite unusual, its best to just wake up your partner. Let him or her know, you're feeling horny and see if the two of you can get it in. That's probably the safest way to do it, instead of claiming disrespect to violation, rape.

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4 Marta July 19, 2011 at 4:34 pm

Dean, the fact that your wife told u she didn’t like it or want it and u still wanna make her give in to what YOU WANT just is a bye red flag to me. Not every single whim or fantasy men have needs to be acted on. The expectation that women should be open to allowing you to sleep rape us, for those of us the “sleep rape” concept is TRUE (not the pls rape me n my sleep comments) is problematic and wrong and hateful. To see how viplated your wife felt and betrayed and angry and hurt and to dare to want her to gothru what causes that again just for your enjoyment is sadistic and unfair.

But at least you aren’t the husband who denied his wife then raped her in her sleep. U just sleep raped and are anxious to do it again. I’m really sad and worried for your wife. I hope you can drop this sadistic wish and respect hers.

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5 Marta July 19, 2011 at 4:23 pm

I hope gummy bear reads this and that the blOg owners post it.

I am a bw married for 3 yrs now and a survivor of multiple rapes. It is tremendously difficult as a rape survivor to be intimate with husbands who are clueless selfish and lacking in emotiOnal capacity. It serves as a constant reminder of what that beast did to you when ur husband is insensitive to your reality. Rape is SERIOUS and any unwanted sex IS rape regardless ofwhether they be a husband or not.

I am guessing that the blog owner, the male, has very little experience with rape survivors and how to handle interactions with us. You need validation that your feelings in response to him sleep raping you are real and well valid!

Men don’t really get what rape is or what it does to women. Women don’t really either unless they been there themselves. No matter when you were raped, how, how many times it is something that requires a great deal of sensitivity and care. Husbands NEED to be sensitive to this reality and to what it feels like as a woman to have our power taken from us. We live in an ever present reality and threat that any man anywhere any time can force himself into our lives and bodies.

You MUST honor you feelings and he MUST respect tha you, like millions of other women and girls, have rape trauma. That doesn’t just go away and sometimes for some women it never does and u never “get over” a man using you body taking your body and power away from you.

I understand that husbands and wives should take care Of one another. But if sex is so important to men that they think masturbating into their wives bodies while we sleep is ok, don’t marry women and get yourself some help immediately before you destroy anyone else.

I wish u the best in your road to healing. It’s very hard when your husband is callous and insensitive, you have to demand that he work to be mindful of your trauma other wise what is the point?

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6 Sherita A. Hall June 30, 2011 at 5:04 pm

If she's feels like that, then she needs to have a talk with the hubby and let him know how that makes her feel; in my opinion..if you're feeling, fumbling, and stroking; you WILL wake me up and we'll BOTH be some happy campers!

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7 Ayize June 9, 2011 at 10:22 am

Gummybear,
Honesty is always the best route. I suggest that you sit him down and express to him all of your feelings…including the “you’re not attracted to me” part. He needs to hear how his actions impacted you. Your feelings matter so don’t hold them in…share them. Just make sure you’re coming from a space of love and a true desire to connect with him ..vs. a space of anger and just wanting to “get him told”.

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8 gummybear June 9, 2011 at 8:44 am

Hi, Thank god I came up with this website. Tonight me and my husband just got into a really bad argument and I am not quite sure if I took it to the extreme, but earlier in the day I really wanted to make love to him and he rejected me and he went off and played some lame game on the computer. (Mech Commander 2?) And well the night went on and so finally I fell asleep at 2am and usually I have a hard time to go to sleep earlier than that so it was good. He was doing me in my sleep and when I woke up I felt so dirty, and just disgusted. I felt like bad and sad and betrayed! so many feelings. I was raped when I was 11, and when I woke up to my husband a couple hours ago, I felt the same way, and I started crying really bad. But then again I felt like…I am not attractive enough because I had told him earlier, well……..more like, seduced him to come to bed with me and have sex, and he rejected me. He just said"oh honey, not now" in a nice way. I got over it. And to think he came and didn't even finish me was really selfish of him. I have always told him to wake me up, and to ask me for anything if he is horny or something but he only said"i didn't want to wake you up". And omg it was just horrible..i am still having trouble talking to him about it. I know from this might seem that our marriage is all over the place but to be honest…its not. He's a soldier and sometimes has trouble understanding everything. He wont admit some mistakes and in between other things. Now, all I can think of is doing the same to him…..I feel like that would make me feel better. But I don't know what to do anymore..What does anyone suggest? please help!

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9 dean March 26, 2011 at 1:38 am

2 nights ago i could not sleep and started touching up the miss, you know soft kisses running my hands over her body and then playing with her.
the response i got was all possitive her breathing got heavy and she opened her legs more so i kept going thinking she knew what was going on but just kept her eyes closed.
i got her so close to orgasm but she closed her legs and rolled over , her breathing slowed and i thought she just went back to sleep, untill the next day were after attempting to get things going before we had to get out of bed i was just given the cold shoulder, i let it pass putting it down to time restrant.
but then later that night i was once again given the cold shoulder so i asked why she was so keen to play the night before but not help get me over the line now and i was meet with a blank stare and a question of when?
i told her and she went off telling me how she didnt know i did it to her and i was wrong to have done it and so on.
she has calmed down now and things seem to be ok but now i would love to know if i could try and do it to her again as she enjoyed it so much in her sleep but am to scared to ask after the bad reaction i got.
what to do?

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10 Ayize March 26, 2011 at 10:14 am

That was deep. Don't get it twisted….some times the body will respond to sexual stimulation eventhough the heart is somewhere else. If you look at some victims of rape…many have expressed a feeling of being BETRAYED by their bodies because they were aroused during this psychological, emotional, and spiritually traumatizing ordeal. Just keep in mind that arousal does not automatically equate to enjoyment. I would encourage you to take the risk and have some honest dialogue with her…..tell her how it made you feel, why you liked it, and why you would like to experience it again with her. real talk brings about real understanding.
My recent post 5 Questions To Ask To Bring You And Your Boo Closer

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11 dady February 22, 2011 at 11:41 pm

her Question don't make any sense , because she will feel it when he is touching her , unless she is using drugs or dead. it a lie.
i guess she just wanna find reason to charge him , while she is enjoying her sleep-sex

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12 Ayize February 23, 2011 at 3:27 am

wow…u think it might be a setup…lol
My recent post Don’t Sacrifice Couple Time For Kid Time…Don’t Do It!!!!

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13 Alove November 14, 2011 at 9:39 pm

It is not a lie! My husband has admitted to me that he has had sex w/me while I was asllep. My intial response was “you”re lying!”. Primarily because I could not begin to understand how we coyuld have had sex and I wasn’t able to remember…@ all. But my husband went into great detail. He spoke of how I was “into it”. That being “into it” is what pissed me off because that it when I realized he was telling the truth and I could not remeber a thing. I went from angry, to feeling violated, to feeling like it was rape. I felt that it was rape because that is what society says it is…but @ the end of the day, my husband was horny, he got off, and he didn’t have to leave home. And to be completely honest…if he had woken me up…he wouldn’t have got any because I had to work in the morning. Thank god for the subconscience because I was “into it” and he was happy.

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14 Chessa August 8, 2012 at 3:30 pm

I had sex with my boyfriend while he was asleep… twice. I thought he was just play sleeping but as it turns out he has no recollection of it.

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15 Nyah February 22, 2011 at 9:14 pm

I definitely would have no problem with it. i dont see how that happens but if it did better me than someone else secretly or out in the open! Either way my man wanting me in the middle of the night and can't wait is a major turn on and I'll probably wake up and enjoy it!

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16 9etherhighestbeing February 22, 2011 at 12:22 am

HUH!….. WHAT!….. LOL please do that? to me

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17 MsPEEKABOOO February 22, 2011 at 12:21 am

THE TWO OF YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL COUPLE AND? I ENJOY WATCHING YOUR VIDEOS~STAY BLESSED

MsPEEKABOOO

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18 NappyNaturally February 22, 2011 at 12:20 am

….thank you so much for this response…I have to remind myself that my way is not the only way and what is good for me may not be good for? someone else….signed trying to stop being so judgmental

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19 H. Roberta Williams February 21, 2011 at 7:04 pm

It depends on the couple, I guess. If she likes it, I love it. I never liked it when my ex husband did that, but I think it was because it brought back bad memories more than anything else. I would like to think that the next time around. BUT, with all that said, it would be impossible for me to remain asleep if I felt someone poke-poking me. Wake me up with foreplay or something.

You're right….if someone feels like they're being disrespected, then that boundary needs to be erected (no pun intended), discussed and followed.
My recent post The Mens Room- Church and Family

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20 niakisali February 21, 2011 at 6:56 pm

I think it might be a fetish, I have seen documentaries on ppl? who like to have sex with "unconcious" ppl. I dont know why/how she doesn't wake up personally. But I don't like when making love turns into something like that.

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21 KCphantasmagoric February 21, 2011 at 6:54 pm

i? love your hair.

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22 loveedigveggies1004 February 21, 2011 at 6:53 pm

Good? advice.

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23 bernadetelsmith February 21, 2011 at 6:52 pm

My hubby & I discussed this matter from the beginning. He has my permission to initiate things if I'm asleep. I? agree it depends on the couple.

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24 keyboardqueen100 February 21, 2011 at 6:51 pm

Personal feeling my other half does that and sometimes it really bothers me and other times it? doesnt. and i usually think im having an intense dream before i realize whats goin on. it's like going in and out of conciousness but in a great way. but thats just me. to each his own

keyboardqueen100

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25 chocolatemomof3 February 21, 2011 at 6:48 pm

This is normal for me. We discussed it and sometimes my husband has a need and I'm exhausted. Go for it. if she doesn't? like it, then they need to discuss it. But to call it rape is a stretch.

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