By Aiyana Ma’at
Ayize and I have been together for 22 years and married for almost 15. Our lives have changed so much since we first met and got together. We’ve been through so much together—good and bad, happy and sad. Whether we’re speaking somewhere, giving a workshop, or counseling a couple it never ceases to amaze me how often people ask us how we make it work and what’s the secret to making it work.
While there is not any one thing that has kept my husband and I glued together and hopelessly in love with one another there is one thing in particular that must be taken seriously and done if any couple wants to have even a lil’ bit of connection and undeniable passion for each other. It’s not complicated. It’s actually very simple but far too often I find that people make it way too complicated.
They talk about how hard it is to balance life…and trust me I understand. I, for one, have sooo many things on my plate I get overwhelmed at times by just thinking about it! But, guess what? No matter how much I have going on at any given time, no matter what my husband has that he’s working on, no matter how many PTA meetings, school projects, networking shindigs, business meetings, or talks we have to give—NO MATTER WHAT we make time for each other because one thing I know for absolute sure is this: What you value shows up in your actions, not your words. So, If I love my husband—If he truly is #1 then I know that my day to day life and activities need to reflect that. It’s what I DO–not just what I SAY, what I DEMONSTRATE–not just what I ARTICULATE that will truly show whether I’m really bout it, bout it or not.
Remember, taking the time to be with your mate is not just good for them, it’s good for you too. There are many reasons why alone time together is important. Here are 5:
- You keep your relationship alive
- You can listen to what’s been on your spouse’s mind lately (and take corrective action if it’s necessary)
- You both feel happy when you can spend time with the person you love
- It gives you both energy to cope with occasional stressful moments in family life
- It helps you to learn more about the (seemingly) small things about each other…preferences,quirks,etc.
“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” -Anthony Robbins
So, BLAM Fam….have you spent any quality time with the one you love lately?
Aiyana Ma’at is the wife of Ayize Ma’at, mom of 5, and co-founder and owner of this website, BlackLoveAndMarriage.com, as well as Reallovehelp.com. Aiyana is a Seeker, Motivator, Risk Taker, Explorer, & Overcomer. She is a self-described PurposePusher and does her best to live her life with self-awareness and intention. Some of her official titles include licensed psycho-therapist, certified marriage educator & relationship coach and speaker. She is clear that a part of the call on her life is to help bring insight and awareness to others so that they can “get out of their own way” and create the lives they want to have.