What do you do when cuddling isn’t a part of your emotional make up? How do you meet the need of someone who really wants physical affection when you’re not an affectionate person? This is a question we received from a viewer. Listen in to hear our advice.
By Ayize Ma’at
Recently I spoke for Men’s Day about the role and responsibilities men have to their wife and children. My children were in attendance and I wanted to see if they retained the lesson and grasped the significance of the principles that I spoke on…the principles of Ma’at. Peek into a conversation at our dinner table about it…
Remember, taking the time to eat together will create the greatest opportunities for connecting in, teaching and listening to your children. Strong children are created on purpose. Stop Playing. Start pushing.
Ayize Ma’at is the Co-founder of Blackloveandmarriage.com along with his wife Aiyana. Husband. Father. Brother. Son. Uncle. Philosopher. Entrepreneur. Therapist. Teacher. Speaker. Entrepreneur. Thinker. Real. Laid Back…..These are all words that have been used to describe Ayize. Ayize is a certified Functional Family Therapist & Licensed Graduate Social Worker. He is also a certified Marriage & Relationship Educator specializing in couples & family work. When Ayize is not developing creative interventions to more effectively help others he can be found kicking back watching football, catching up on the latest Youtube videos and chilling with his Queen–Aiyana and their 5 beautiful & brilliant children.
Many couples believe that happily ever after literally means that after you get married your relationship will be all peaches and cream. NOT. One of the functions of being in relationship is to help you evolve…to help GROW YOU UP. While growing each other up in your relationship please know that it’s normal to experience stress in your relationship and that more than likely this too shall pass!
One of our viewers wrote in and indicated that her man criticizes black women and Christianity and wanted to know if they should marry? Check out the video and let us know what you think….
I had been single for 10 years before meeting my current partner online. I wasn’t expecting to fall in love but just wanted to start talking to males again in a safe way before entering the dating game. I was approached by this wonderful man and we clicked on so many levels. We have been in a relationship for 10 months and are seriously contemplating marriage.
I am a single mother of three children, he is a single father and plays an active role in his daughter’s life. I love his parenting, I love his work ethics, I love his level of intelligence, I love his caring nature, I love the fact that we speak every day, currently see each other probably weekly as we have decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. We advise each other on future work goals, discuss family goals, mortgages etc, we talk about everything and argue/debate about our differing opinions, we also laugh and enjoy each others company. My children and family love him. I have met his family a few times and we got on well.
Now for the problems: I am a born-again Christian – he identifies as Christian but is not born again and goes to church infrequently. My passion is in my faith – this has brought some conflict due to my religious beliefs. One example – he believes in evolution, I believe in creation (we have had intense debates on this – but have agreed to stop as its gets so heated). We have agreed that if we get married we will homeschool and teach our children both views. When he argues he swears A LOT and gets dirty with his words but has toned it down since I explained that I don’t like it. I am not used to it, my father never swore. I have tonned down the way I respond to him, which again has really worked.
The second problem is based on the way he talks about black women. He seems to have a low view of us based on what he has seen around him and has some deep hurts. We are both black! He has a strong passion for the black community, wants to make a difference i.e build community centres, create documentaries on the issues within the community, wants to advise women not to wear weaves etc (I’m natural, wear braids occasionally but have no problem with weaves). I support a lot of what he wants to do but not all. This bitterness that he feels about black women / community, feeds through on his view of religion and he calls the bible that I enjoy ‘the white mans’ book.
He says I am different from many black women and he calls me a lady. But I still take offense with these two issues: it’s like we are both fire when they come up. I just want him to understand that I am a black women so when he talks negatively about black women it hurts. I am also a Christian, so when he talks negatively about Christianity it hurts. We have broken up twice because of this but we always feel like we can get through them as on ever other level we are soo good together. We both love each other but are anxious about the next disagreement……HELP!
With these two issues in mind! Do you think I am ignoring a deeper issue? Can we build a successful happy home?
Thank you! and I love watching you both! He hasn’t witnessed many strong black relationship in his town or on UK television and is convinced it is rare. Most people he knows are either single parents or in bi-racial relationship. Both our kids are biracial. I haven’t introduced him to your channel but I am hoping watch your response with him. Sorry its so long!!
Viewer Question: I’m in love with an old class mate to whom I have a long intimate history with. He recently got out a relationship that ended badly and according to him has scarred him, enough that he may never want to get married . That relationship along with others has caused trust issues for him. However over the last 7 months or so we have spent darn near every day together and occasionally we are intimate. My feelings are all in, and now even though I know he doesn’t want a relationship right now, I almost feel like I’m cheating when I go out with other men. Should I just appreciate my friendship with him and abandon my true feelings for him or should I express myself and go for and risk potential awkwardness ? BLAM Fam let us know your thoughts.
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What’s up y’all we are Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at….a married couple that has been together since high school. Yup…high school sweet hearts. We have Fo’… not four… but Fo’ incredible children…who keep us on our toes all the time : ) We are relationship therapists, coaches, and experts that have been featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network, Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers, TV One, and other media outlets. We are helpers…we are healers….and we are here to serve you.
If you or someone you know would like to have INDIVIDUAL or COUPLES coaching from us please CLICK HERE
By Ayize Ma’at
It’s nothing to be ashamed of….you’re afraid. Afraid to love completely, fully, intentionally, freely, and affirmatively. We get it…there are a lot of risks that go along with letting go and allowing love to embrace you. The risks feel so large that they’re deterring you from reaching out and grabbing the rewards that love has to offer. You want it right. You want what you see that we (Ayize & Aiyana) have. You want the glass slipper and all those other good feelings you read about in 2nd grade class. You want to like coming home after work. You want to enjoy waking up next to your spouse and seeing their face. You want to be that teenager again looking forward to talking to your boo on the phone. You want to have your friend back.
Well…What’s blocking you? I know what it is….check out the video and make a commitment to STOP PLAYING and START PUSHING toward true love.
Sex….one of the greatest gifts to cherish in your relationship. As satisfying as having that great orgasm is…..there are so many other things you can do to turn up the intimacy and lust in your bedroom. In this video we share some really intimate stuff about our relationship and give some tips and tricks to make your bedroom, or bathroom, or kitchen, or basement, or car….or wherever you desire to get it on…..SIZZLE.
Get your glass of wine and a pen and paper & take notes! This is gonna be good!
It’s important to make sure you’re prioritizing and handling your business. First things first…..take care of your family. Turn towards them and not away from them. With all of the demands that life has to offer us every day it can at times be easy to get lost in the day to day hustle, bustle, and details of our lives. Every now and then we all need to pause and Get Our Lives Right! Take the time today to just sit and be quiet for simply 5 minutes and ask the question out loud (find a private space so folks don’t think you’re looney. Lol) What area of my life needs some attention. Whatever comes to you first is what you need to focus on. In the meantime watch today’s video and…..don’t forget! Stop Playing. Start Pushing.
Hello, I would really like you guys advice on something that has been bothering me for 6 years now. My husband and I have been together for about 6 years and have been married for 4 years . We have a 5 yrs.old and a 2 yrs old that are bothautistic. My husband blames me for having our children because when we first had my eldest my husband said that he did not want to be with me any more and did not want a family. After I left him the first time his family wanted to be involved in my son’s life so the convinced him to step up and be a father. After seeing my husband spend with our son I began to fall back in love with him but I guess now I realized he never really wanted to be with me. When my eldest was diagnosed my husband said that he didn’t want any more kids even though he knew that i did want more. Every time he wanted sex he would tell me lets make a baby and then when we fought he would tell me he dose not want to be with me and dose not want to be a father. after about a year of this we separated but he was still coming by and trying to have sex with me. We concieved our soon during that separation and now he blames me for getting pregnant and the fact that my youngest was diagnosed with autism he blames me for it. I now want a divorce but I hate feeling like I still love him. I don’t even know what to do. I He is the only man I have been with and I am afraid of being alone with two kids.What should I do?
By Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at
Do you ever have something you need to share with a loved one that isn’t the easiest thing for you to say or for them to receive? Of course you do. Saying “hard to say” uncomfortable things comes with the territory of being in a relationship. If you rarely find yourself dealing with this—-that’s a problem within itself. If we want real, honest, trusting, and transparent relationships then we MUST tell our loved ones the truth about how we feel, what we see, and how they impact us.
But, just because it is important for us to say what we need to say doesn’t mean we just get to let our thoughts and feeling roll out uncensored. We must be just as concerned and committed to making sure that we begin the conversation in a way that the person we’re talking to can receive what it is we’re about to say.
What do we mean by this? Listen in and you will surely find out. 😉
