Gay…To Be Or Not To Be? The Door Is Open And I Won’t Come Out.

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Dear Ayize & Aiyana,
     I know that you’ve discussed this previously but my story is a tad different. I am 22 going on 23 in April, a full time student and employed full time, no children, aspiring to be the owner of a spa and a plus- size model, I am celibate and most importantly, I am a Christian. In writing, I seem well put together but mentally and spiritually, I am NOT. I know what The Word of God says but what do you do when it doesnot match up with what you feel and, in my case, what you have been running from?    Growing up, I knew I was…”different”. At the early age of 6, I had thoughts of a female. During lunch time, this girl used my name in an example; she moaned my name and I started thinking about sex with her. Now what does a 1st grader know about sex is beyond most people’s imagination but it really goes to show you that children know more than you think. In addition to this, I’ve dealt with abuse from my father up until I was 15 years old. A LOT went on with that man.

When I was 9, I met this girl at summer camp who 8 years later became my first love. We were together a little over 2 years and ever since then, she’s been my only love. At the beginning of this relationship, I came out to my mother and she was FURIOUS! After her, I dated women for a year then got back with the guy that I dumped for her. I’ve been dating guys mostly and have talked to two women.

When I’m with a guy, it’s almost kind of…weird. I have a dominant personality which exudes a masculine aura. And my goodness when they challenge me, I HAVE to show them up. It’s kind of like two guys competing. As far as sex went, it was kind of boring and emotionless for me no matter how “good” it was and despite the fact that I was in a relationship with them. Upon losing my virginity right before my 17th birthday, I’ve had sex with 4 guys from then until now. It was simply sex, but when I was with my first love, I felt it in my heart.
Because I am a Christian, it is beyond hard to accept this part of me. To make matters worse, my older sister is a married lesbian with an adopted son and my younger brother is in question *he’s a tad on the feminine side*. My mother always thought that I’d the straight one but mentally, I don’t identify as that. She and others believe that I’m like this because of my sister but she has absolutely nothing to do with my problem. I didn’t even know she was a lesbian until I was in the 6th grade;
WEEEELLLLL after these thoughts started. Since my mother “gave birth to me in church”, I don’t want to leave my church but I also can’t stand for what I don’t believe when it comes to homosexuality. How do I get to a place of either acceptance of this or deliverance from this? I’ve prayed SOOO many times and went to the alter in church so that I could finally be free but it’s still heavy on me.
I think of how my life should be as far as family; a husband and 2 or 3 kids, however, I’m not sure. I just don’t want to be with a man and leave him for a woman like I did in the past, that’s why I’m trying to sort this out now before anything serious. Also, I’ve never been in love with a man. Could you all please help me so I can bury this once and for all?
Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at (founders of this site) are relationship experts and internet marketers who have been featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network, Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers, TV One, and other media outlets.  They are helping people build healthy relationships and build home based businesses.  To get INDIVIDUAL or COUPLES  COACHING from Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at CLICK HERE.  To learn how you can MAKE MONEY while working from home CLICK HERE.

Act Your Age: Wisdom Is Beauty

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By Lana Moline

There are a slew of commercials geared toward recapturing our youth.  Sometimes the messages are overt but most often they are hidden in the imagery.  I ask myself sometimes as I watch television who the target audience is as soon as the advertisements begin to roll.  I suppose appealing to the desire in most people to remain active and alive equates sometimes to youth and that bothers me somewhat.  Sure, I am the first person to support health and enjoyment in life which is the premise that most of these message fall under.  However, the part of it that I have a problem with is that it somehow diminishes the honor of maturing and authenticity.  I recognize that perhaps this approach is what sells but the message that it sends is one that repeatedly perpetuates juvenile behavior and a society of adult followers.

If we examine the world as a whole before internet and rapid changing technology, we may remember the honor in ritualistic family tradition.  Girls couldn’t wait to turn 13 because maybe their parents would allow them to wear lip gloss.  Boys couldn’t wait to turn 16 because then they would learn how to drive.  Eighteen was a big deal because some teens were officially permitted to date and we all know what 21 is equated to in this country.  However somewhere along the way 40 became the new 30 and 30 became the new 20 and so on.  With this,  the sense of duty to give, show and command a regal respect of wisdom is lost.

 

What this ultimately means in today’s society is that the line of progression is receding and the natural order of human growth and development is confused and that is unfortunate.  Personally, there is nothing more beautiful than gaining insight into wisdom that I have yet to possess.  I absolutely love to listen to elders who have gone through and conquered some of the things that I am facing as a woman, mother and wife.  That simply makes my life easier because it gives me a key to the next phase of my journey.  It is crucial to our existence that elders relish in the knowledge that they have gained and embrace what that means for others who look to them for guidance.  When this happens as it should it confirms that God will direct my path the same way He directs others.

I Corinthians 13:11 – When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

Lana Moline is an integral part of the Blackloveandmarriage.com writing team, freelance writer and poet who lives in Ft. Worth with her three kids and husband Emile. Married 11 years, both media professionals have vowed to maintain integrity in all aspects of print and broadcast journalism.Visit her atLana Moline Speaks.

Hang Out With Ayize & Aiyana & Learn How To Turn Up The Love & Sex In Your Relationship! JAN. 12TH @ 9PM.

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By Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at

Hey Fam! We are soooo excited and pleased to announce our new Relationship Renovation series that will be kicking off in January 2014!

As we sat and talked and evaluated how 2013 has been for us and what our goals for 2014 should be we kept coming back to the idea that we want to connect more, help more, and do more. Yes, that’s what we said—In 2014 we want to:

CONNECT MORE…..to you

HELP MORE……for you and

DO MORE……with you  🙂

We said “How can we be the most helpful and make the most impact?” We asked you on Facebook and Twitter and via our other social media platforms and YOU ANSWERED. You said you wanted to talk with us more about very important topics that so many of you are dealing with in your relationships. We received such great feedback and so many different topics that we decided to begin a Bi-Weekly Relationship Renovation Series. 

  •  This is where we will discuss important, juicy, fun, and fundamental issues that are relevant to relationships of all kinds.
  •  This is where you will have the opportunity to participate!  How? You can be “on” with us to share your story or ask a question as it relates to the theme of the Hangout. You can also share by asking questions when we have our “Ask Us Anything”Hangouts. And, of course you can chat with us during the Hangout as well.
  •  This is where you can come every 2 weeks to “go to school” and get insight and answers on all things relationships!

So, save the date for AYIZE & AIYANA’S  FIRST RELATIONSHIP RENOVATION HANGOUT WHERE WE WILL TALK ABOUT HOW TO TURN UP THE LOVE & SEX  IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP!

WHEN: THURSDAY, JAN 12, 2014

WHAT TIME: 9PM

WHERE: https://plus.google.com/u/0/b/115322807699470470126/events/cpei4jicmq9at68295i830fcil8

For our first Hangout–We’re looking for singles or couples that would like to be featured on the Hangout. You should be willing to either share your story around sex and intimacy and/or ask a question. No questions are off limits. Any issue you have when it comes to sex and intimacy in your relationship(s)–past or present—BRING IT. We want to hear it!

Interested? Send an email with your issue or question to askus@bintentional.com or by clicking here: http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/ask-the-maats/
***ATTENTION*** YOU MUST PUT THE WORDS GOOGLE HANGOUT SOME WHERE IN THE SUBJECT LINE OR IN THE BODY OF THE EMAIL PLEASE!!! REMEMBER, WE DO ADVICE VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE AND IF YOU DON’T LET US KNOW THAT YOU’RE RESPONDING TO THE GOOGLE HANGOUT CALL FOR PARTICIPANTS THEN YOUR EMAIL WILL GO TO THE BACK OF A VERY LONG WAITLIST OF FOLKS WAITING FOR US TO ANSWER THEIR VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE.

TO JOIN THE HANGOUT ENTER BELOW:

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Love Your Family And Let Them Know It

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By Sharon Rodriguez

I believe in acknowledging my wrongs publicly. Who knows, maybe my mistake will help open someone else’s mind or heart.

Today I went to my God Fathers funeral. It was a beautiful Home going service in honor of a wonderful, loving, God like man who touched many lives. When my own father died 28 years ago I was so hurt and self absorbed that I lost contact with this…my God Family. Big mistake. He, my Godfather was hand picked at my birth to guide me and assist me after my Dad was no longer here. I was just to young, dumb to take advantage of the gift that I was given.

Today I realized that I just lost my other father and to make it even worse I had not been around to love him, hug him, experience him and even learn from him all these years. My children who have no living grandfather would have had one. I feel like I lost my Dad all over again. It hurts.

I will not make that mistake with my God Mother. She is still beautiful, graceful and gracious. She hugged me and said “don’t ever stay away from me again.” I promised that I would not. My name was even in the program. The family that I had not been in contact with for over 25 years still acknowledges me as one of their own.

Don’t wait until it’s to late. Love your family, whether by birth or the chosen ones and let them know it. You never know when the opportunity will be lost for this lifetime.

 

Follow Sharon on Facebook

Some People Want A Relationship So Bad. What About Your Relationship With God?

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By Pierre E.

Fear causes us to make alot of unwise decisions, especially when it

comes to relationships… The fear of feeling left out.. The fear of

being single at a certain age (as if being in a relationship is an

achievement).. The fear of a person we “think” is perfect for us,

ending up with someone else.. The fear of missing out on our

childbearing years, and never being able to have children, etc. …..

This type of fear creates desperation…. A desperation that causes us

to disregard all wisdom and intellect, and try to force things into

place in our lives.. (which ultimately leads to pain and heartache).

 

But if we would trust in God, we’d see that we don’t have to try to

create our own blessing… Proverbs 10:22 says that “The blessing of

the LORD makes rich, and he adds NO sorrow with it.” ….. God knows

what we like! He knows what we find attractive. He even knows the very

number of hairs on our head (Luke 12:7)! So when GOD blesses us with a

mate, He’s gonna make sure that we receive everything we wanted, and more! We don’t have to chase anyone, we don’t have to settle for just

anyone who comes our way, nor do we have to randomly date trying to

find Mr. or Mrs. Right… All we have to do is wait on God… A

slow-cooked meal beats the microwave!

 

Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the

desires of your heart.” ……. Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the

kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things [Your heart’s desires] will be added to you.” …….. The only relationship

we need to work on, is our relationship with the LORD…. Stay

encouraged (reader), aaaaaand wait……

 

 

Pierre E. is a minister, writer and Christian Hip-Hop artist from Los Angeles, CA. After pursuing a career in secular rap music, acting, photography, modeling, club promoting, etc. He discovered that the true meaning of life is only found in Jesus Christ. None of Pierre’s job titles could bring him the peace and joy that he longed for. It was only when he accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior (in February, 2012), that he experienced joy unspeakable. Pierre now dedicates his life to spreading the Gospel of Christ.

Check him out at the following: 

 

 

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What Do You Do When The Alarm Goes Off?…Do You Run And Hide or Face Your Fear?

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Fear is necessary…it alerts us to physical and emotional danger.  Although it’s a part of who we are, sometimes we allow past experiences to assign fear to anticipated experiences when it may not even be necessary.  Simply put…we’re afraid for no damn reason.  A lot of times, fear is an involuntary response based on past conditioning, that we wish we didn’t have.  Sorry…the roots of your fear run deep so it’s gonna take some time to get over whatever issues have you emotionally petrified.  Really and truthfully eliminating fear is NOT THE POINT.  The more important point is, how do you deal with fear when it has you in it’s grip.  In this video we share an experience where fear held us hostage…and we also share a similar experience where we acknowledged the fear and stood tall and faced it.  Check it out and let us know what you think.

How Successful Women Balance Work and Life

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By Marcia Greer

Successful women balance work and life with the knowledge that there can be no alternative. If they want a challenging career while staying dedicated to their family, then woman must be willing to make some sacrifices. No one said it would be easy, but the balance is possible! You just need a solid support system and time to yourself occasionally. The following list will give you a better idea on how to make some sense of the work/ life balance.
Make Your Priorities 
The first thing you need to do long before your children are born or before starting a new job is to make a list of your priorities. Do you want to be a partner by 38? Are you determined to attend every recital performance of your child? Success will not come without some sacrifices. As a result, you don’t want to be caught in the middle of a struggle between of an important business meeting or your child’s birthday without understanding the risks in avoiding either.
Dedication is Key
Your dedication to balancing your life and work is pertinent. You need to make sure that you are willing to do anything it takes at work and at home to make everyone happy and satisfied. That said, you also need to make sure those around you know you’re dedicated to them as well. If you have to miss a child’s soccer  game or a spouse’s art showing, communicate why. Assure them of your love and support. Promise to make it up to them, and then follow through.

Time for Your Self 
You need to find at least a couple hours for yourself each week. This can be as little as a spa treatment or an hour watching trashy TV. You need a moment alone to rejuvenate and feel ready to take on the challenges of the week ahead – don’t feel bad about that – everyone does!!A Solid Support System
Nothing can be accomplished alone. If this means relying on your partner or hiring a nanny, do it! Do not be afraid to ask for help. Hiring a nanny your trust will keep your kids safe and secure. There is no reason for you to feel guilty as long as you make time for each child. It could be as simple as making dinner and eating as a family when you get home from work. Hiring someone does not mean you are failing. On the contrary, a solid support system will make you feel better about your decisions in the long run.Be Prepared for Anything 
You never know what will happen. An emergency at home could tear you away from a business trip. An important work party could be on your anniversary. You have to be prepared to roll with the punches and expect things to get sticky at times. Life is not perfect, and you do not need to expect it as such. As long as you understand the risks involved by balancing a full time job and motherhood, then you will be fine.As you can see, the balance is not possible when you use a combination of the above. If you are willing to accept the given challenges, then anything is possible. Just remember that family should come first in times of need and special occasions.

Marcia Greer is a therapist who writes all about self-help and happiness. Her recent work is on the 10 Best Accredited Online Social Work Degree Programs.

But, I Don’t Know What My Purpose Is

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by Aiyana Ma’at

Are you confused about what your next step should be?  Are you unsure about what you are here on this earth to do?  What makes you smile?  What makes your heart beat faster?  Where do you find yourself getting that chill up your spine when you experience “that thing”?

Your purpose is closer than you realize.

Join us (Ayize & Aiyana) and learn how to discover your purpose and put ACTION to your passion by clicking the link below.  It’s an opportunity to work with us directly, share your passion, and make money.  No Excuses yall…

CLICK HERE to start working with us today.

Join Ayize & Aiyana And Learn How To Turn Your Passion Into Profits

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What’s up fam…before we tell you what’s good I’ve got to say that my wife is a big a$$ scaredy cat.  She looked back about a thousand time while recording this video all because she was afraid of some squirrels.  Can you believe that…smh

Alright on to what this post is really about….

We are so excited about this opportunity that we had to share it with you.  In fact …we’d be doing you a disservice if we didn’t share it. The opportunity to speak your voice, give life to your passion, and build a 6 figure/month business from home is right here in your lap.  Guess what…you can build it around whatever your interest are.

Yup you heard me….you can finally DO YOU and make money.  This has NOTHING to do with tea, herbs, vacuums, or any of the other MLM products that are out there.  This has EVERYTHING to do with reawakening your passion, blogging about your passion, inspiring people with your passion, and receiving concrete training on how to monetize your passion.

It’s so simple that you can actually have your blog set up faster than a FB profile.

I know it may be hard to believe but it’s real yall.  You’ve seen the success we’ve had from blogging (T.V. shows, Radio Shows, Magazines, etc)….we want to help you do the same.

Doesn’t matter if you’re a complete newbie with a vague idea of what you wanna do and be to a seasoned business owner, blogger, or brand ambassador. Either way—we’ve got you.

We want to help you remove all the confusion so you can focus on your passion.  Our gift to you is SIMPLICITY as you raise your blogging voice….SUPPORT as you make your mark…..and SUCCESS as you manifest all that you’re supposed to be.

CLICK HERE ….enter your email…and let’s take this journey together.

Join us (Team Made To Manifest) and let us help you give life and “legs” to your passion.

 

As always,

Stop Playing and Start Pushing

Embrace Your Crazy!!!

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By Ayize Ma’at

Live your best life. Live your life with purpose, meaning, and intention. It’s easy to just go along to get along. It’s easy to not stick out, fit in, blend in, and meet other people’s expectations. Yeah, it’s easy allright. It’s a slow easy death. Death not just to your dreams and desires but your soul. We’re all here to get a particular and very specific job done. God won’t whisper in your ear what he whispers in mine and she won’t whisper in mine what she whispers in the next person’s. Why? Because we’re ll unique and have unique gifts to give. Don’t live your life for somebody else….there life is already taken. DO YOU!!