Does The Black Church Keep Black Women Single?

We recently came across a piece CNN did asking the question “Does the black church keep black women single?”. It was quite interesting and thought provoking on many levels. This piece was done based on an article written by Deborrah Cooper, relationship advice columnist for the San Francisco Examiner. Cooper feels that the black church has been the main reason black women have been and continue to be single. She argues that “rigid beliefs constructed by the black church are blinding black women in their search for love”. For example, she talks about the fact that in her opinion many christian black women feel a man is not “equally yoked” if he does not attend church every Sunday and is thereby eliminated as a potential date or mate. She also asserts & we quote: “It is my belief that the Black church, structured around traditional gender roles which makes women submissive and inferior to men, greatly limits females. Single black women sitting in church every Sunday are being subtly brianwashed, soothed and placated into waiting without demand for what they want to magically come to them.”

Cooper says that the man in the below video is “a prime example of the true reason that there are so many single, never married black women in the United States-black churches”.

We think she has something here. We think that there are definitely church environments in the black community that have clearly defined roles for women that subjugate women and serve to ultimately oppress rather than empower women. I am amazed, at times, at how much I’ve observed black folks (women & men alike) participate in their church experience more like it’s a select club than a place to truly examine spiritual principles and their practical application. I have to admit that sometimes the automatic agreement from church -goers when engaged in worship, bible study, etc. makes it difficult (and sometimes nearly impossible) for people to question that which they may not agree with/understand or offer up a perspective that’s different from an age old perspective or view in the black church community. At the same time, we think Cooper is making a sweeping generalization here that she seems to be far too smart for. Contrary to what many would like to believe, the black church is NOT a monolithic institution that we should feel free to throw all of Black America’s problems on. For example, there are many black churches with men in leadership that lift up and celebrate women in true and authentic leadership positions. There are also many congregations with women at the head who do not espouse limiting and suppressive doctrine from their pulpits. These churches endeavor to ask the difficult questions, listen to all of the answers, take responsibility for their part in the problems, and challenge us as individuals to ultimately take ownership of our own relationship with God (not the church or a social construct) so that we can grow and develop spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and morally. At the end of the day both (meaning the black church & black women) have contributed to the “Black Single Women” epidemic in our community. However, we believe it is ultimately up to black women to choose for themselves what they will let take residence in their minds and hearts. At the end of the day we are always responsible for ourselves.

What thoughts & feelings come up for you on this? We really want to hear from you on this issue. Leave a comment or submit a video response and we’ll post it on our site.

To read the full CNN article click here.

A Couple of Classic Throw Back “Cosby Show” Clips To Crack You Up!

What follows is a couple of classic throw back “Cosby Show” clips to remind us of how important family is and give you some friday warm and fuzzies along with a good laugh to top it all off. Enjoy!

Huxtable Family Happy Anniversary Performance

The Huxtable family teams up to show their love and celebrate their grandparents’ 49th anniversary with a lip-sync rendition of Ray Charles’ classic, “Night Time Is The Right Time”. We think Rudy is absolutely hilarious!

Claire Huxtable lets Elvin (Sandra’s boyfriend) have it!

Claire asks Elvin if he would like a cup of coffee and Elvin replies “I didn’t know you did that kind of thing”.  Claire asks “What kind of thing?” to which Elvin replies “Serve”. Well, what happens next….don’t let us ruin it—have a listen.

Video Content Courtesy of Carsey Werner, LLC.

Why Do Black Men Harass Black Women In The Street?

VIDEO: “I am sick and tired of Black men cat calling, asking if they can walk with me, calling me shorty and disrespecting me in the street. Black men shut your pie holes before I pull your du-rag over your eyes! Other sistas have complained about this. Black men, stop acting like baboons in the street and leave Black women alone!”

These are the words of the author of this video…pretty disturbing. Disturbing on many levels. Please be advised that the video that follows is adult material, contains profanity, and is raw and to the point. On one hand we are disturbed by some of the words the author uses to describe black men and this particular behavior. On the other hand there is truth that exists in the author’s words. I (Aiyana) have experienced situations similar to this back in the day but it would be a stretch to say that the brothas trying to holler at me were men…they were clearly boys. Take a look and tell us what you think….

Janks Morton Film Trailer & Premiere: (For Women Only) We Need To Talk: A Message To Our Daughters

VIDEO: This one is from the Sistas to the Daughters….

“With heartfelt and intimate moments shared by ten phenomenal women from the southside of Chicago, their riveting and untold story will be shared… Sister, daughter, grandmother, aunt, or girlfriend, there is something I need to tell you about my life, and I hope my story will help you to heal…”

Filmmakers like Janks Morton and Lamar & Ronnie Tyler are not waiting for anyone to greenlight anything. They are taking control of our images and the conversations and charting new and unseen territory. We must support our own! Sisters pencil it in. Brothers tell the women in your lives. On August 5th at 8:00pm The Red Carpet Film Event “We Need To Talk: A Message To Our Daughters” will premiere at the Historic Avalon Theatre in Washington, D.C. For event details and tickets click here.

(African) Americans Are More Likely Than Ever To Wed Outside Their Racial Group

VIDEO: Interracial marriages are stirring up the “melting pot” more than ever.  According to Diane Swayer in this June 2010 broadcast this has been happening at a record rate in America. In fact, 1 in 6 new marriages are interracial. What is interesting is that while interracial marriage has been steadily increasing in this country African-Americans have typically been slow to follow—-until now. A notable shift has happened in the black community. 22% of black men married outside of their race in 2008 while 9% of black women married outside of their race the same year. As I listened to this clip….I wasn’t really sure what to make of those numbers. I  wonder why a shift is now occurring in the black community and we apparently are now more open to interracial dating & marriage. I also find it curious that black men seem to be leading this climb in our numbers… Listen in to Diane Sawyer as she paints a picture of where America has been and is now. Food for thought…. As always, I would love to hear your take on this.

~Happy Friday                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Aiyana

The State Of Black Relationships Movie Trailer

VIDEO: This is a trailer of the upcoming feature film, The State Of Black Relationships”, that explores the impact of relationships on every day life. For the record the little blip with me saying “dead, attacked, non-existent” are words that I’ve heard used to describe the state of black relationships—they’re not words I (Aiyana) would use! Lol! This film comes from a young filmmaker from Howard University, Jeremy Burkett. We love to see young folks doing something of value and trying to make an impact! Much respect and Kudos to Jeremy and Lempchord Productions for endeavoring to make a meaningful movie. Check it out and leave a comment letting us know what you think.

It’s About The Journey…Not The Destination So Ride With Me And Vote!

VIDEO: I am moving forward, trying to make this happen, walking my path, and creating my destiny!!!! I am auditioning to have MY OWN SHOW on the Oprah Winfrey Network! Please click on the link below to view and vote for my Video Audition for the Oprah Winfrey Network!!! (FYI: You need to click on the picture and bring up this full article for the link to work.)

VOTE RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!!!

My show idea is all about picking up and dusting off old forgotten dreams and goals and making them happen. But, first we have to figure out what’s getting in the way…what’s holding you back. Once we identify the barriers to getting to the next level the sky is the limit! FEAR, PROCRASTINATION, AND APATHY MOVE OUT OF THE WAY! We’re going to give wings to dreams! If you can dig it, please VOTE FOR ME NOW!!!

P.S. There is no limit to how often you can vote so vote more than once please. 🙂 The vote total won’t change right away but EVERY VOTE COUNTS!  Thank you sooooo much!!!!

P.P.S. …..And no matter what happens I’m soaking up every minute of it!!!! This experience and our entire life experience, for that matter, is about the JOURNEY not the DESTINATION!   So, come ride with me and VOTE, VOTE, VOTE!!!  🙂