Dr. Boyce Speaks On BET & TJ Holmes. Says “Either Grow Up Or Give Up”

By Dr. Boyce Watkins

I’ve done a lot of work with various media outlets over the years, but it has left me relatively unsatisfied. The reason for my concern is that, as a business school professor, I tend to notice ownership structure, incentives and the role that capitalist organizations have played in the oppression and control of black people. Like infants being fed Vodka in their baby bottles, black people are consistently doused with an overwhelming amount of unhealthy propaganda, leading many of us to live our lives as the intellectual version of the walking dead.


There is no network that embodies this problematic disparity more than Black Entertainment Television (BET). I love BET for what it could have been, but I hate the network for what it chooses to be. BET has become a case study for all that can go wrong from a one-dimensional focus on corporate profitability with almost no concern for the externalities being created by destructive and irresponsible content. Even worse is that BET is ultimately run and controlled by Viacom, a company headed by executives who don’t have to go home to gun violence, sagging pants, educational underachievement and all the other cultural deformities that come from consuming weaponized psychological poison for the entire day.


One ray of hope for BET was the new show, “Don’t Sleep!” hosted by TJ Holmes. Almost no new show in the history of BET has generated as much buzz in the black community, at least among those with more than a 10th-grade reading level. Like the drunk a*s uncle who suddenly decides that he wants to take care of his kids, BET claimed that it was trying to turn over a new leaf and give us something that makes the black community better and not worse.


The problem for BET, similar to the uncle who suddenly decides to be a father, is the lack of trust. The network has abused our brains with the kind of garbage that could serve as a How-to Guide for the Willie Lynch syndrome and produced its content with almost no degree of corporate accountability. I even remember watching the rapper Wiz Khalifa perform a song (“On my Level”) where he bragged to an audience full of teenagers about “being sloppy drunk looking for the keys to my car.” Most of us turned off BET years ago and can’t even find it on our cable guide. Like the ex-girlfriend who slept with your best friend and stole your money, most of us feel that we escaped from the BET psychological plantation and can’t quite stomach the idea of coming back.


But TJ’s show seemed different and special. Holmes took his powerful brand away from the lilly white safe havens of CNN and brought it back to his community. Many of us hearing about the amazing guests and quality conversations on the show were saying, “I think I’m going to take a look.” The trust was coming back, and people were ready to take notice.


But before you could say the words, “I heart coonery,” BET cut TJ’s show back from five half-hour days a week to just one day per week (extending the show to one hour), simultaneously attempting to argue that the change means that they are giving TJ more time on the air instead of less. Sorry BET, but most of us know that five and a half hours per week is more than one. This is something we learned when we chose to pick up a math book instead of watching 106 & Park


So, BET allows for a show that significantly changes the direction of the network, the host does a great job, the show has solid ratings in spite of mediocre lead-ins and they kill it in just a month? The problem here is that the network should have at least given TJ three months on his original schedule to build an audience for the show instead of expecting him to overcome thirty years of misdirection in just a month. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think that this show was actually set up for failure.

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Beyonce Writes Open Letter To President Obama. Says He Is The Leader To Take Us From Where We Are To Where We Need To Be

By Aiyana Ma’at

On the night before the Presidential election wife, mom, & pop star Beyonce wrote an open letter to President Obama expressing her….and I quote….  “respect and adoration” for our President. I must say her letter was simple yet profound. There hasn’t been a leader or revolutionary in my lifetime quite like President Obama. I have much respect for Beyonce for publicly supporting our President! See what she wrote below:



Stacey Dash Endorses Romney. Backlash Is Intense. Says She Shocked By The “Fury”.

After experiencing a firestorm on Twitter fueled by racially explosive language, “Clueless” star Stacey Dash evoked Martin Luther King Jr. on Tuesday to explain why she’s supporting Mitt Romney for President.

“I chose him not by the color of his skin, but the content of his character,” the black actress told CNN’s Piers Morgan.

Dash also dished that the GOP nominee’s running mate, Paul Ryan, called her personally to praise her, she said.


But Morgan began the interview by reading Dash some of the more provocative tweets pouncing on her initial Twitter post Sunday, when she urged people to “vote for Romney.”

“This is somebody who tweeted, ‘You’re an unemployed black woman endorsing Mitt Romney. You’re voting against yourself thrice, you poor beautiful idiot.’ And somebody else just put, ‘Kill yourself, you old hag,’” Morgan said, labeling the remarks “disgusting.”

“I don’t feel offended. I just feel that, you know, as a country, this is my choice,” Dash responded. “This is the man [Romney] I want to lead my country.”


Other Twitter users who attacked Dash referred to her as an “indoor slave” and joked that she is no longer black.


Samuel L. Jackson, an ardent supporter of President Obama, also tweeted his surprise Tuesday that Dash plans to vote for Romney — although the potty-mouthed actor kept it clean.

“Wait, did Stacey Dash Really endorse Romney today?! REALLY????! Is she CRA………..??!” Jackson wrote.

Dash said getting bashed on Twitter “saddened and shocked” her. But plenty of Twitter users also came to her defense — and she mentioned that veep candidate Ryan called her Tuesday.

“He said, ‘Thank you so much for your support,’ and that I was brave, and they support me, and I thought that was so generous and kind,” Dash said.


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How to Fix Selfishness in Your Marriage Before It’s Too Late

By D.P. Haynes

Are you unhappy with your marital situation and searching for how to fix selfishness in your marriage? Well, I’m not sure what particular way selfishness is hurting your marriage but I do know if it’s not dealt with it can quickly ruin a marriage.

The following statement written by James Allen puts selfishness in perspective for me:

“The selfishness must be discovered and understood before it can be removed. It is powerless to remove itself, neither will it pass away of itself. Darkness ceases only when light is introduced; so ignorance can only be dispersed by Knowledge; selfishness by Love.”

Selfishness has the tendency to ignite other problems in your marriage so it’s important to deal with it early on. Some of the fruits of selfishness is bitterness and lack of self control.

You see, couples enter the marriage with different expectations and ideas regarding how their marriage should be. Unfortunately, reality sets in and couples quickly realize that marriage is not as easy as they visualized. One of the hardest things to leave out of the marriage is the idea that your needs are more important than your spouses.

When things aren’t going according to our selfish desires, we can easily become frustrated and bitter. Bitterness is a good ingredient for destroying a marriage. You need to fix selfishness in your marriage before bitterness sets in.

If you don’t learn how to fix selfishness in your marriage before it’s too late it can lead to other destructive behaviors. For example, if a spouse is frustrated and bitter and wants to get his or her way they are more vulnerable to infidelity.

You see, all it takes is for someone to come along and agree with them, take their side and let them know how misunderstood and mistreated he or she is. Before you know it emotionally a connection is made and then you know what can happen next.

How to Fix Selfishness in Your Marriage

The way you deal with selfishness in your marriage is bring it to light. Although, it’s easy to assume that your spouse knows how selfish he or she is, it’s not always the case.

  • Make a list of the top 5 selfish characteristics that are driving you crazy.
  • Create a similar list of some selfish behaviors you may exhibit from time to time.
  • Schedule some quiet uninterrupted talk time to review the selfishness that you believe is hurting the growth of your marriage.
  • Be prepared for defensiveness or perhaps resentment or anger because selfishness is not easy to receive as constructive criticism.

The key is to make sure your spouse doesn’t feel under attack but rather that you are bringing up the issue because you are truly hurting and want to make things better.

Come up with some suggestions for fixing some of the selfish things you may do from time to time and see if your spouse can do the same.

Selfishness doesn’t have to ruin your marriage and your life. However, It’s definitely a marriage killer if you don’t fix it.

D P Haynes is the author of Saving Your Marriage. Visit him at www.RestoringRelationships.infoto access more information about saving your marriage.

Right Or Wrong? High School Guidance Counselor Fired For Writing Racy Book…Compares Vaginas Of Black, White, Asian, & Latina Women

Bryan Craig, a now former high school guidance counselor and girl’s basketball coach, told “NBC Chicago” he was wrongfully terminated from his job for writing a ‘racy’ self-help/relationship book.

The book is called “It’s Her Fault” and Bryan said he wrote the book in an effort to “give women a road map to having the upper hand in a relationship with a man”.

“I just expressed my opinion in a book and it had nothing to do with my position as guidance counselor” says Bryan.


The Chicago Tribune reports that Rich Township High School District voted unanimously to fire Craig last week. Craig has filed a $1 million federal lawsuit against the district and its school board.


One excerpt from the book contains a line about Craig’s “weakness for cleavage,” and other parts give women advice on how to perform oral sex.



Here’s an excerpt provided by Jezebel.com from Bryan’s book comparing the difference between the vaginas of Black White, Asian and Latina women.


“White women’s vaginal walls are almost exactly regular pink, and the heat value is very average, but usually more moist than others.


Asian women have a smaller vagina, which is standard in color. The size of a vagina usually adds to a man’s ego as far as penis size is concerned.


Darker black women have hot pink vaginal walls. Lighter black women have lighter pink vaginal walls and they’re typically warmer than that of the darker ladies.


Black women in general have more meat surrounding their vagina than other races, which shows more camel toe form with clothes on.


Latin women’s vaginal walls are very similar to light-skinned women, but they are much warmer.”

Soooo, BLAM Fam….this is an interesting situation isn’t it? People should be able to stretch out into new industries like Bryan did, right? He didn’t go around promoting his book to the children at school. The word is that he was actually an excellent guidance counselor who the kids loved. But, then again doesn’t a business, organization, or institution have the right to determine what they stand for or do not stand for or want to be affiliated with? There are many organizations that have a code of conduct/code of ethics that extends beyond the workplace because they feel you represent the brand, organization,institution at all times. Is this fair?

What do you think?

Did You Catch Aiyana Ma’at & Judge Lynn Talking Cheating & Whether To Stay Or Go? We’ve Got It HERE!

by Team BLAM

Did you get a chance to hear BLAM’s Aiyana Ma’at talk about the heartbreak and betrayal of cheating with Divorce Court’s Judge Lynn Toler and Atlanta Kiss 104.1’s Jennifer Keitt? If not, have a listen when you get some free space. The show was really interesting because so many callers were kept it amazingly real and shared what they’ve either been through or are going through with cheating. There are so many reasons why people cheat and even more reasons why people choose to stay or go.

Funny moment of the evening? When Judge Lynn was asked “Why do people cheat?” She said “for many reasons….” One of them ? “Sometimes you get a little Do-It Fluid in your system” otherwise known as alcohol. Good one Judge Lynn.

When BLAM’s Aiyana was asked whether or not she sees more people choosing to stay or choosing to go when they’ve experienced infidelity she said…

Don’t let us spoil it! Listen in HERE. 😉

(*Quick Tip* There will be a list of past shows for you to click on. You are looking for  the show from 9/16/2012.)

VIDEO: Tisha Campbell-Martin Answers The Question: “Do Women Need Men?”

Actress Tisha Campbell Martin and VH1’s “Tough Love” host Steve Ward made an appearance on Good Afternoon America’s “Toe-To-Toe” show to discuss whether or not women really need men. The fact that this is even a question to debate is hilarious to us! Nonetheless, the question was asked. Listen in and let us know what you think…

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VIDEO: Black, Female, & Republican…So, What Do You Think About Mia Love?

Have you heard about Mia Love? If you haven’t you will soon. She is making waves in the Republican party and is hoping to become the first-ever black republican woman to win a seat in congress. She is a staunch conservative and a 36-year-old, first-generation Haitian-American She’s already mayor of Saratoga Springs, a small town in mostly white Utah and she drew sustained applause with a speech that combined her family’s journey to the U.S. and references to civil-rights icons.

Listen in to a few of her words at the GOP Convention and then tell us BLAM Fam…What do you think?



Must Have Tips From A Successful Black Marriage

By Myrtle Jones

Seems we’re always hearing that marriage is an endangered institution among Black folks, but you can’t prove it by this long-married couple.

Once, a friend sent me a copy of Joy Jones’s (no relation) March 2006 column in The Washington Post, “Marriage Is for White People.” In it, Jones, a single Black woman, reflects on the notion that African-Americans have given up on the institution of marriage altogether. After reading it, my friend and I began sharing our views about what we thought were the solutions.

I’ve heard all of the gloomy statistics before. I know, for instance, that 42 percent of African-American women and 43 percent of African-American men ages 15 and over have never been married, compared with only 21 percent of White women and 27 percent of White men.

I also understand how I have come to be, at the age of 37, among the ranks of never-married African-Americans. I was born in the 1970s, a time when parents were teaching their daughters, as my mother taught me, to focus on education and career. If I focused on these, so the reasoning went, then a family of my own would naturally follow.

Today I have the education and the career, but the family has yet to follow.

For many years I worked so hard on staying “focused” that I either ignored or dismissed opportunities to develop relationships that could lead to marriage. When I finally did decide to focus on relationships, I spent time trying to decide what I wanted. A year later I thought that it would happen instantly, or at least soon.

It didn’t, but I remain optimistic that marriage will happen for me one day. Meanwhile, I am learning that life is always about balance. Focusing too much on one thing–whether it is career, family, or relationship–is never a good thing.

Likewise, I believe that African-Americans should stop focusing so much on how bad things are on the marriage front and how we got here, and instead look at ways to make things better. There are African-Americans who are happily married, and we should look to them for inspiration and advice.

One successful marriage I know of is that between my uncle Arthur and aunt Altha. Arthur, 62, and Altha, 56, have been married for more than 33 years. They married soon after college, before either of them had delved deeply into a career. They achieved career and family success simultaneously and not consecutively, as I was advised to do.

Uncle Arthur and Aunt Altha don’t always agree with each other, yet they always seem to communicate with, respect, and love each other. They have fun together and seem to know when to ignore or simply give their mate room to breathe.

I asked Uncle Arthur and Aunt Altha what they thought about the state of Black marriage, and here’s what they said single people ought to know:

1. Respect each other.

Young girls and boys need to learn early on how to be a friend to the opposite sex.

2. Stop building your life around rap music and bling-bling.

In other words, quit being so superficial. Guys focus too much on a woman’s body, and women focus too much on a man’s wallet. Money won’t buy you love, and looks will fade over time.

3. Everyone wants to be catered to, but don’t be blinded by that need.

Look for the person who is hardworking but who may not always have a lot of time to spend with you. Many of our young men are brought up by women who smother them. Likewise, young women think that the man who loves them must shower them with attention. However, a man who is working on his career and making a living for his family will never be able to cater to you the same way that the lazy one whose sole focus is dating you will. A woman who is out there taking care of business will never be able to smother her man the way his mother did.

4. Remain flexible about choosing a mate as you grow older and gain success.

Aunt Altha stated, “My aunt has three successful daughters. Two are unmarried, and one is married. The one who married did so soon after she finished school. I don’t have a solution, but in thinking about it, I am sure the other two had challenges as they got older because they weren’t just going to marry anybody.”

5. Seek balance as you progress through life.

You don’t have to wait until you finish school to focus on a relationship. The two of you can build together. The key to making this work is to select someone who wants the same things out of life that you do.

6. Being married will not prevent you from achieving your dreams.

On the contrary, being married will allow you to accomplish more than you can as a single person. The commitment of marriage inspires both of you to strive for more out of life for you and your family, and the foundation of marriage will support your efforts.

7. Get the ring and marriage first before you try setting up house to raise children.

The time when a woman has a baby is one of the hardest periods for men, according to Uncle Arthur. “Women tend to be very emotional while pregnant, and after the baby is born, we have to learn to adapt to our wife spending most of her time with the child.” Consequently, this is the time when men are most likely to leave, especially if they have not made a commitment to the mother.

Uncle Arthur and Aunt Altha also have advice about creating a successful marriage for young couples who are contemplating taking the plunge:

1. Don’t marry someone if you don’t like his or her family.

You don’t just marry the person–you marry the family, too. If the family does not like you, they will always try to find fault with you and work to destroy the marriage. If you still want to marry, Uncle Arthur suggests that you have your mate straighten out any problems with his or her relatives rather than rely on you to do it.

2. Don’t marry with the idea that you will change your partner.

Your mate may change, but not because you pressured him or her to. Uncle Arthur says that when his future wife met him, he was not one for going to church. Even though they were both Christians, he did not bother her about going, and she did not bother him about not going. In time he started going, but it was his choice, he insists.

3. Remember that marriage is about give and take.

There will be times when you don’t agree with your mate but you have to go along with his or her choice anyway. “As much as I love cars, I have never picked out a car since I’ve been married,” says Uncle Arthur. “I put a bug in her ear about what I might like, but I let her pick out all of the cars.”

4. Don’t be afraid to trust your mate.

Uncle Arthur says, “Most girls, Black or White, don’t want to get married because they don’t trust anyone. Trust comes naturally from within yourself. My wife never asked where I was going or when I was coming back, unless she needed to know so that I could watch the kids or because we’d planned on doing something. I did not ask her, either. We trust each other.”

Regardless of your past experiences, remember that marriage is not out of the question for you. Countless people get married for the first time in their 40s. If you’re not sure how to make it happen for you, start by asking for advice from the happily married people within your inner circle.

Myrtle Jones is an assistant professor at Rochester Institute of Technology.

Black Folks, Double Consciousness, & The 4th Of July…What It All Means To Me

By Aiyana Ma’at

Growing up, the 4th of July wasn’t really a big deal in my house—but then again it kinda was. We weren’t flag saluting super patriotic folk. Don’t get me wrong most of my family and friends didn’t have to go to work so we often all got together at someone’s house for a BBQ or the women would sometimes take advantage of Independence Day sales and take off to the mall. Living in Maryland, right next door to the Nation’s Capital meant going down to the Mall in DC and watching the best fireworks you’ve ever seen in your life. We did this almost every year.  Playing with my cousins. Getting to spend time with my favorite Aunties. I can still smell the food, hear the voices of my family, and feel the warmth that comes from being connected to other people who look like you and love you too. Those were good times.

As I got older and went away to college (Ceeeeeeee–Aaaaaaaaa-U-U-U-U-U….had to rep for my alma mater!) I was exposed to some things—no, a lot of things that I had never really taken the time to pay attention to. I had the opportunity to truly study concepts and realities like slavery, Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome, racism, internalized oppression and so much more. One of the things I learned about that I really felt quite powerfully during that time (and for many years after college) in my life was the reality of Double Consciousness that W.E.B. Dubois so brilliantly and pointedly described and defined so many years ago. I was amazed at how true something could ring  for me as a young black woman when it was written in 1897. It absolutely moved and floored me. This had to mean that America had obviously changed a lot—and then again it hadn’t.

A little history

The term “double consciousness” originated from an 1897 Atlantic Monthly article of Du Bois’s titled “Strivings of the Negro People.” The term is used to describe an individual whose identity is divided into several facets. Double consciousness is an awareness of one’s self as well as an awareness of how others perceive that person. The danger of double consciousness resides in conforming and/or changing one’s identity to that of how others perceive the person.W. E. B. Du Bois used the term to describe the felt contradiction between social values and daily struggle faced by blacks in the United States. Being black, Du Bois argued, meant being deprived of a “true self?consciousness”. Blacks often perceived themselves through the generalized eyes of white America.

Du Bois referred to ‘double consciousness as “a world which yields him no true self-consciousness, but only lets him see himself through the revelation of the other world. It is a peculiar sensation, this double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one’s self through the eyes of others, of measuring one’s soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity. One ever feels his two-ness,–an American, a Negro; two warring souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled strivings; two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder”

This “two-ness” of being African and  American leads to psycho-social tensions in which individuals or groups are forced into identifying themselves into two social worlds and viewing themselves as insider and outsider refers to their split consciousness and disadvantageous social position. Du Bois said “the history of the American Negro is the history of this strife,—this longing to attain self-conscious (wo)manhood, to merge his double self into a better and truer self. In this merging he wishes neither of the older selves to be lost. He does not wish to Africanize America, for America has too much to teach the world and Africa. He wouldn’t bleach his Negro blood in a flood of white Americanism, for he knows that Negro blood has a message for the world. He simply wishes to make it possible for a man to be both a Negro and an American without being cursed and spit upon by his fellows, without having the doors of opportunity closed roughly in his face.”

History lesson concluded 😉

Coming into knowledge like this was not only profoundly challenging and liberating for me but it was a necessary part of my evolution and maturation as a young African American woman. For many years my husband (well, back then he was my boyfriend) and I did not recognize the 4th–meaning we did not go to any celebrations and didn’t pretend to want to. We had our own Juneteenth cook outs, raised the red, black, and green in lieu of the red, white, and blue and dared someone to say something. Now, we didn’t go around talking about “The white man this or the white man that….” But, I was clear I didn’t want any part of this Double-Consciousness. I wanted one–which meant I picked my ancestors. I was of African descent. I was black and that was that.

Fast forward…… a marriage and 4 babies later….my boyfriend is now my husband and a leader to people, particularly men, everywhere. The intense anger I used to hear in his voice when he talked bout being black in America has evolved into a cool confident self-awareness that comes from taking the time to know and learn himself in ways that many of us do not. It comes from knowing that there are still many ills that this country needs to address but at the end of the day taking personal responsibility for your life , your destiny, and your future is where it’s really at. It comes from knowing that black men need to channel years of anger into action and DO something significant with their lives. It is their right and their responsibility.

As for me, I have a clearer understanding of who I am today. I am absolutely positive that the purpose of living is to move closer to the Creator. I believe we come into the world with particular issues that the Creator already has chosen for us to work out and lessons that we specifically came to learn. My having an on again off again father and learning how to forgive and trust him and other men was a part of my Divine assignment here on earth. My learning to love and accept myself  and not fear and create rejection in my life is a part of my Divine assignment here on earth…..and my being born African in America with a legacy of Kings and Queens and Masters and Slave Ships is a part of my Divine assignment here on earth. My blackness is a part of my human existence. It does not define me. It helps to teach me about who I really am. I am Spirit FIRST having an earthly experience.

And, I am so thankful that I am free and at ease today to say that I am black and proud. I am African and American. I rock the red, black, and green and honor the red, white and blue. I give thanks, honor, and respect to the land that my ancestors come from and at the same time wouldn’t want to be in any other place than in my country: The United States of America.

So, tonight as me and the fam are hanging with friends and loved ones at my girl’s 4th of July cook-out and watching the beautiful fireworks burst into the air I’ll be holding my hubby’s hand and sneaking peeks of  the awe in my children’s eyes as the sky lights up. I’ll be resting easy (as I imagine the President and his family will be too….smile) with a knowing in my heart that this is my 4th of July too.