by Aiyana Ma’at Tye Tribbett recently sat down with the Associated Press and shared some of the details of the infidelity that threatened to destroy his marriage. In the interview Tye talks about the fact that there doesn’t have to be “lack” in your marriage for lust to take hold. I think this is so important to acknowledge and be mindful of. We are all human beings and no matter how fabulous and secure you’re relationship is—we need to remember that what you don’t defend is susceptible to attack. If there are gaps or weak spaces in your relationship you need to pay attention to them and address them. For example, let’s say there’s a core group of your co-workers that you are friends with and hang out with at work. You all eat lunch together, have your inside jokes, do happy hours and the whole nine. You would count them as good friends and they would do the same for you. However, you begin to notice that there is some “interesting” energy/chemistry between you and one particular co-worker. What do you do? Ignore it, acknowledge it and talk about it with your spouse, take note of it for yourself and begin to limit the amount of one on one contact you have with that person or minimize it….it’s not that serious, right? Well, my husband and I have found that the best rule is to ACKNOWLEDGE & AVOID.
ACKNOWLEDGE: That means you admit the attraction or the chemistry and not just to yourself—yep, you tell your spouse about it. If you’re not used to doing this then it will probably be extremely awkward to do at first. But, when you do you’ll more than likely feel relief after the uncomfortable feelings because you don’t have this little secret you’re keeping from your partner. Do you open up the possibility for your spouse to be a little alarmed—maybe. It depends on the couple. But, you also open up the possibility for there to be real talk in your relationship that in the long run builds a more solid connected couple. You can talk about it and 9 times out of 10 your relationship will be strengthened as your partner gains confidence in your commitment to be honest with them.
AVOID: So, this means what is says—Make a concerted effort to minimize your one to one contact with this person. Be cordial and keep it moving. Just save the “I would never cheat on my husband/wife.” and “That’s not necessary to do.” comments. Invest more in being smart then trying to seem as if you are. Plain and simple. Lee Bailey’s Electronic Urban Report shared Tribbett’s interview and we have an excerpt for you below.
The Associated Press: You and your family have been through a lot of drama. How did you fall into the trap of cheating on your wife?
Tribbett: I thought it was something that’ll never happen. I saw infidelity with my mom and dad who was a pastor, which made them split. I told myself that I would never do that. So when it happened in my marriage, it was like “Whoa.” God broke down my self-righteousness, my pride.
AP: How did you feel when she did the same to you?
Tribbett: As a husband it is PARAMOUNT to be there for your wife emotionally, and I blew it and I wasn’t there for her, which opened her up to fall into the same trap and commit the same sin as I did! I’m just so grateful that it wasn’t the end for us!
AP: What led you to cheat?
Tribbett: (Televangelist) Joyce Meyers gave the best explanation of what my situation was about. She said lust has no conscience. It doesn’t care if you’re married, doesn’t care about your responsibility, doesn’t care if you’re a pastor. It wants what it wants when it wants. It doesn’t have to be because of lack for lust to take hold.
AP: How was it for you when you and your wife took a break from each other?
Tribbett: When I was between my house and mom’s home, I was contemplating suicide — almost every day.
AP: Like any other gospel artist, you preach against what you and your wife have done to each other. Does your approach change on how people should live their life through your beliefs?
Tribbett: I still have to say the same thing as before because it’s a sin. I still say it’s wrong. But my approach is more compassionate. It’s not as militant. It’s easier to preach against something that’s not your struggle. Through this situation, this humiliation has made me walk in humility.
AP: How do you expect people to listen to you now?
Tribbett: I don’t know. It’s been very difficult to face people who look up to you. … But this situation made people see that leaders are not above what they teach. I’ll never choose this again, but I’m grateful that it happened.
AP: How much has your relationship with your wife changed?
Tribbett: Every second, it’s like we are texting each other. We’ve been married for 13 years, but it’s kind of like we are dating again. Personally, this is a fresh start for me as a husband and a father.
AP: What type of advice would you give to someone who is toying with the idea of cheating?
Tribbett: Don’t trust yourself. You’re thinking to yourself, “We’ll just text.” Your limits are going to keep getting broader and broader. That’s how we deceive ourselves. You need to flee. Run!
AP: How about the ones who have followed through with the act?
Tribbett: I will say it’s tough, but restoration is possible. … God is able to restore your marriage and bring it back to life. I’m a witness to that. I thought it was a wrap! I wasn’t concerned about my career. It’s all about total submission, total surrender. The temptation will come back only to show your deliverance.
Ok, so B Intentional Family, what do you think about this? Could ACKNOWLEDGE & AVOID work in your relationship?
