It’s A Great Relationship, But Is It Time To Break Up?
You’ve found a new guy and the two of you have been dating for a few months now. He’s handsome, funny, and charming, and yet something about the relationship doesn’t feel quite right. You so much want this to work, as it has been some time since you’ve dated anyone this long with the prospect of a permanent commitment. But you still have some important unanswered questions.
1. Where does he go on the weekends? You’ve noticed from the beginning of your dating relationship that your boo doesn’t hang around on Saturday or Sunday. In fact, you don’t see him too often on Friday nights, either. You have to wonder if he has a family out there somewhere, or some kind of commitment elsewhere that is bound to interfere with yours at some point. In fact, it already is interfering. When you ask him why he can’t come around over the weekend, he stutters and stammers, but so far, no good excuses.
2. What about his family? After five months, you still haven’t met his parents, sister, or even his dog. He’s given you a dozen reasons why you can’t visit his apartment, none of them valid. You would love to meet his family-if he has one, that is. Moreover, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to be introduced to his coworkers, neighbors, or friends. But so far, none of that is happening. There was one buddy from college who was passing through town and took the two of you out for dinner, but that was it.
3. Does he really have a job? Even though he has vaguely mentioned having a job somewhere, he doesn’t say much about the work, the company, or his boss. You don’t actually know what he does or how much he makes. In fact, he’s often broke, which is why the two of you hang out at your place for pizza and television rather than go to the movies or dinner.
4. Will he ever get serious? This guy takes life pretty easy. He doesn’t seem to have any hassles or worries, and he’s not particularly interested in the future-with or without you. You’ve fallen into a fairly predictable and almost boring dating pattern, and you’re wondering if you could live this way the rest of your life even if things did get serious.
5. Does he meet your needs? When you need a shoulder to cry one, he withdraws a little, like he’s not very comfortable with emotion. At times when you want to dress up and go out, he’s ready to sack out on the sofa for a little snooze. He seldom shows much interest in your job, your family, or your hobbies. So what’s to love about him?
If any of these, especially in combinations of two or more, describe your relationship, maybe it’s time to move on. Unless you force a confrontation and insist on things changing, chances are they won’t. And who wants to force someone to pretend to like you, anyway? It could be time to give up and get going if your Romeo isn’t showing much enthusiasm.
Been here (regrettably) and done that (unfortunately)…the hardest thing to go through when you think you are on even playing ground with someone who says one thing and does something else completely different. It's my hope that now that I know better, I will do better!
My most recent past relationship fit into most, if not all, the categories listed above. I can say first hand… It isn’t a pleasant situation. Taking care a grown man (twice my senior), dealing with lies, complacency, etc. It didn’t take me too long to know that wasn’t right or what God intended for my life. Being young and single nowadays isn’t always easy, but like the Ma’ats say we have to stop playing and start pushing :-).
I say it's time to move on. I've come to a point in my life where I love me more than I'm willing to learn to love others. I was involved with someone for six months who falls into more than one of these categories … yet tells me that they DO care about me because they interrogate me and that is supposed to be demonstration of his feelings and commitment. Any idiot can run their mouth, but the proof is in the putting … INTO the relationship, and that isn't happening. He loves to talk, and sometimes listening to his idle chatter motivates me to keep on pushing … I've chosen to allow the chatter until he finds another person of interest … or my soulmate manifests. It's over between us.
I would say maybe it's time to get out depending on the age of the woman…if she has time, maybe she can have that convo and work on it…if she is somewhat older, it might be time to cut the losses and move on….relationships are tricky though…no set formula can be used all of the time…
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