By Chris Roberts
Whenever you mention the topic of commitment in a new relationship, you can almost see your man go into shutdown mode. He may nod and pretend to listen but does he? Men generally don’t want to talk about commitments. Have you considered it may not be the commitment topic itself but the way you approach the topic to him?
When it comes to commitment, take out all the negative things that you have heard in the past and give it a fresh clean start. When you approach a man about commitment, make sure you have laid out your groundwork to make the conversation positive instead of drudgery.
Men and women see commitment in very different ways. Men don’t think about committing to a woman, they must feel a need to commit. They don’t lay awake at night counting the months you’ve have been dating. They casually reminisce about the qualities that they feel bring you closer. If you haven’t laid the groundwork for those memories, you are not ready to have the commitment conversation. Hold back on bringing up the subject.
You may be strong, independent, sexy and fun, but if you don’t know how to speak “man language”, you are no closer to him than the other women he’s dated.
When the time comes to talk about relationship feelings and expectations, pay close attention to his words. He may have a very different idea of what he expects from the relationship than you do. In man language, he may be telling you that he enjoys spending time with you but isn’t ready to give you a total commitment. Allow him to express his thoughts and emotions without prejudging his words. Don’t assume he’s non-committal; assume there is something still missing from the relationship.
Don’t pretend to be the woman he wants. He’s not looking for a different woman; he is looking for some additional characteristics in you that he hasn’t experienced up to that point. If you change who you are, you run the risk of being miserable because you can’t truly express yourself. Nurture the things that make him smile and avoid his hot buttons.
Don’t try to talk him into making a deeper commitment and show him how to commit on a deeper level. Talk to him in a manner that allows him to express to you what he’s missing in your relationship. Take these things to heart and focus your attention on giving him what he’s missing.
Be honest with him and ultimately with yourself. Men respect honesty and they cherish understanding. Establish an honest and open communication level and keep them open. You will be surprised how much closer you will become when he feels he can freely talk to you.
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