Motherhood: Overcoming The Diffilculties


Mothers, especially a new one, experience great joy when they cradle their newborn babies in their arms. No matter how painful the delivery process was and how tired she may be, a mother immediately yearns to bond with her baby and looks forward to the experience of motherhood.

Unfortunately, in many instances, the trip back from the hospital with the baby can also be the beginning of a nightmare for a new mother. While previously her thought of motherhood is centered on taking care of a cute and smiley little one, now, she may feel that she is being saddled with an ‘uncontrollable’ baby. Exhaustion and lack of sleep coupled with a fussy baby can easily trigger a switch in emotions.

Sometimes, the problem is also compounded by the lack of help from the spouse, especially when he is not always home due to work commitments, resulting in the mother having to shoulder the burden of childcare on her own. This causes resentment to build up and together with the exhaustion, they become a potent combination for quarrels to take place. The downhill slide into further unhappiness and depression is but a step away in such a scenario.

If you are one of those mothers who is feeling this way, there are a few things that you can do to make the experience of motherhood more fulfilling.

1. Take the Initiative to Learn

If you have a fussy baby and are at a loss on how to handle the situation, be proactive and search for solutions. For example, many babies like to be rocked to sleep and the moment you put them down in their cot, they will start crying incessantly. On the other hand if you continually rock your little one to sleep, you may be unknowingly creating a dependency (i.e., baby needs to be rocked in order to .Take a step back and do not be consumed by anger or sadness. Instead look for the reason behind the problem and find out whether there are solutions that could possibly work for your baby. Talk to other parents and check if they have encountered the same problem before. Alternatively, the internet is a rich source of information and there are many websites that offer valuable advice on a wide range of issues when it comes to baby care. If you take the initiative to learn, you will have a better idea of what to expect and what you can do to cope, thus, lessening unnecessary pressure on yourself.

2. Be Flexible

We are all creatures of habit and sometimes, this may not necessarily be a good thing. For instance, you may have a list of chores that you need to do each morning but are now finding it difficult to squeeze in all of the tasks before your baby wakes up for the day. If that is the case, redo your list and move your chores around. There is no fixed rule to say that you have to do the laundry at a particular time of the day, is there? Similarly, if you have not vacuumed the floor for the third day in a row, so be it. If you are tired, get yourself some rest when your baby nods off and leave the not-so-urgent chores for another time. Try to be flexible and organize yourself around your baby’s schedule.

3. Communicate with your Spouse

We all know that communication is a vital ingredient in any relationship. But it is also something that is very easily overlooked, especially when a baby arrives, as our time and attention are now fully diverted towards the baby, sometimes to the exclusion of everything else. Therefore, you have to make time to talk to your spouse and tell him your feelings and difficulties, if any. Encourage him to be more involved in taking care of the baby and more importantly, learn to let go and let him take charge if he is willing.

4. Look at the Bright Side

If you are at the bottom now, then tell yourself that the only way to go is up. Be positive because the difficult moments do not last. After all, your baby will grow and all the problems that you are facing now will most probably not be there within months or even weeks. For example, if you are forced to wake up every two hours each night now to feed your baby, remind yourself that you will probably be waking up only once a night or even not at all, in another two or three months’ time. The difficulties will disappear as time passes and before you know it, your child would have left babyhood behind to graduate into a toddler.

Yes, being a mother is not easy, especially if you are new to the task. But whatever negative feelings you may have, learn to put them aside. Do not dwell on them. Instead concentrate on bringing up your baby to the best of your ability by adopting the few suggestions above and/or whatever means that may be helpful. If you learn to enjoy your baby, you will find motherhood a much more pleasant and fulfilling experience.

Check out the author’s blog which details transition tips from crib to bed. Also read about sleepless nights with a crying baby which is a common experience for many parents here.

Your Favorite African American TV Moms

The other day while reading I saw an article that listed 10 Favorite TV Moms.  I held my breath as I  clicked on the post because I was curious to see whether the list would depict black women in a positive light. Guess what…8 out of the 10 Moms listed were black and 5 of the 8 were married.  Question… do you feel like the roles of the below TV moms is a fair representation of black mother’s in America?  If so…what TV MOM do you most identify with.  I’ll tell you this…after reviewing the list from…one TV “MOM” should NOT have made the cut.  BLAM FAM…is this how your  Favorite Black TV Mom list would look?  Let us know what you think.

By Veronica Wells

In honor of the pending holiday, Madame Noire is going to celebrate our favorite mothers throughout the week. To kick things off we’ll start with our favorite moms from our favorite sitcoms. (Ooo a rhyme!) While these women are very different from one another, they all possess qualities that made us believe them in the mother role. Maybe you even saw a little of your own moms in the following women. Check it out.

Claire Huxtable (The Cosby Show)

Let’s just get the heavy hitter out of the way. No need to make you click all the way through the list. Claire Huxtable was the epitome of class. Not only was she a lawyer and a wife; Claire raised five children. What was best about Claire was that while she was refined, remember she’d break out her Spanish skills, she also kept it all the way real with her children.

Florida Evans (Good Times)

While the Huxtables were living in the lap of luxury with a lawyer and doctor in the house, Florida and James struggled in a major way. What was so inspiring about Florida is that she and James were down for each other throughout the worst circumstances. You never know what life is going to throw your way and it’s good to know you have a “ride or die” partner by your side.

Julia (Julia)

Black people across the country were starving for a role in which an African American didn’t have to play a maid. And then came Julia. We couldn’t do this list without her. Julia was classy, educated and she took care of her son by herself. She was widowed remember.  She was a refreshing change we gladly welcomed.

Mama Payne (Martin)

Every list needs a wild card and Mama Payne is ours. She wasn’t the most classy or the most kind but if nothing else we knew she had Martin’s back and would do anything for him. In an ideal world our own mother’s wouldn’t be crazy as all hell, like Mama Payne,  but we’d certainly want moms to look out for us.

Vivian (the first one) (Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)

We have to give it up to Vivian. In the midst of raising her own children, she took in her nephew. That’s admirable. Like Claire Huxtable the first Vivian exuded an air of class that we appreciated. But like black mamas the world over she was quick to snap if anybody got out of order.

Tasha Mack (The Game)

Whether you love or loathe Tasha Mack, you have to admit the woman is entertaining. She definitely has had more than her fair share of hood moments; but there is something to be said about a woman who can raise a son by herself and get him to the league. Not only that Tasha was smart enough to capitalize on the relationships she was forming with all those athletes and start her own company.

Nikki Parker (The Parkers)

Nikki Parker was another single mother but no one can say she was not involved in her daughter’s life. In fact she might have been too involved. When Kim went off to college Nikki went right with her. While she might have stepped on Kim’s toes and embarrassed her chasing after Professor Ogelvee it’s nice that Nikki still got her education.

Rochelle (Everybody Hates Chris)

Rochelle was truly crazy. It didn’t take much to take her there. You knew when that face of hers started shape shifting, somebody was gon’ get it. (And it usually Chris.) I liked the depth to Rochelle’s character. Her family had to penny pinch but she had good taste and was always perpetrating like she was ghetto fabulous. We all know a woman like that.  I also like the dynamic between she and Julius. They bickered here and there but they really were a team in raising their children. I liked that and the moments she shared with Chris, you know, after she’d blown but before the ending credits rolled.

BLAM FAM…what African American TV Moms are missing from this list?