One of our viewers wrote in and indicated that her man criticizes black women and Christianity and wanted to know if they should marry? Check out the video and let us know what you think….
I had been single for 10 years before meeting my current partner online. I wasn’t expecting to fall in love but just wanted to start talking to males again in a safe way before entering the dating game. I was approached by this wonderful man and we clicked on so many levels. We have been in a relationship for 10 months and are seriously contemplating marriage.
I am a single mother of three children, he is a single father and plays an active role in his daughter’s life. I love his parenting, I love his work ethics, I love his level of intelligence, I love his caring nature, I love the fact that we speak every day, currently see each other probably weekly as we have decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. We advise each other on future work goals, discuss family goals, mortgages etc, we talk about everything and argue/debate about our differing opinions, we also laugh and enjoy each others company. My children and family love him. I have met his family a few times and we got on well.
Now for the problems: I am a born-again Christian – he identifies as Christian but is not born again and goes to church infrequently. My passion is in my faith – this has brought some conflict due to my religious beliefs. One example – he believes in evolution, I believe in creation (we have had intense debates on this – but have agreed to stop as its gets so heated). We have agreed that if we get married we will homeschool and teach our children both views. When he argues he swears A LOT and gets dirty with his words but has toned it down since I explained that I don’t like it. I am not used to it, my father never swore. I have tonned down the way I respond to him, which again has really worked.
The second problem is based on the way he talks about black women. He seems to have a low view of us based on what he has seen around him and has some deep hurts. We are both black! He has a strong passion for the black community, wants to make a difference i.e build community centres, create documentaries on the issues within the community, wants to advise women not to wear weaves etc (I’m natural, wear braids occasionally but have no problem with weaves). I support a lot of what he wants to do but not all. This bitterness that he feels about black women / community, feeds through on his view of religion and he calls the bible that I enjoy ‘the white mans’ book.
He says I am different from many black women and he calls me a lady. But I still take offense with these two issues: it’s like we are both fire when they come up. I just want him to understand that I am a black women so when he talks negatively about black women it hurts. I am also a Christian, so when he talks negatively about Christianity it hurts. We have broken up twice because of this but we always feel like we can get through them as on ever other level we are soo good together. We both love each other but are anxious about the next disagreement……HELP!
With these two issues in mind! Do you think I am ignoring a deeper issue? Can we build a successful happy home?
Thank you! and I love watching you both! He hasn’t witnessed many strong black relationship in his town or on UK television and is convinced it is rare. Most people he knows are either single parents or in bi-racial relationship. Both our kids are biracial. I haven’t introduced him to your channel but I am hoping watch your response with him. Sorry its so long!!