My Husband Sent A Pic Of His Penis To Another Woman…..But Says It Was A Joke

Dear Ma’ats,
I have been reading your articles and watching your videos for the past year.  It has really opened my mind and helped me in my personal growth through marriage.  I have a question that I hope you can help me through.  Two years ago I found a phototaken of my husband’s penis that he emailed to another woman.  We were sharing the same cell phone bc at the time he wasn’t working and we couldn’t afford two.  I was looking through his photos in order to re-send a picture of our daughter to my mother.  I confronted him and he assured me that it was sent just as a joke (one I didn’t understand).  I said ok, but kept my eyes on him (something I had never done before).  Around this same time of sharing cell phones, I ran across text messages he had sent other women.  There were only a few, but they were very vulgar in nature. They were women he had been friends with  in the past and had sexual relations with.  Again, he assured me that there was nothing going on and that he even did it to help his friend (who was going through a divorce and death of a parent-What a way to help a friend?).  I tried to get over it for the sake of our marriage but kept thinking there was more.  Two years crept by (he found a job) and I still had this nagging feeling that something else was happening during this time.  I asked and this time he told me that he confided in a friend at the time.  They met up for lunch occassionally, but nothing ever happened.  She was unemployed and they were able to talk about their feelings with each other (his depression over losing his job and us losing our home).  We talked and I reassured him that I was always there to talk to him.  I made attempts to communicate with him more to show him he could always count on me.  But, inside I still felt there was more.  One day while using my laptop, I noticed that he didnt’ log off of Facebook.  I knew it was wrong, but honestly felt that I could get the answers I had been searching for all these years.  I found hundreds of messages by three different women, including the two I mentioned earlier. They talked about the things they would do to each other, what their life would have been like had they gotten together, our marriage,etc.  I confronted him again and found out that he had kissed two women and that one of them regularly visited him at his job.  One of the women’shusband found out and confronted them both.  He said that there was no sexual contact (aside from the kiss), but felt that it could have turned sexual had it continued.  I asked him to stop all communication with these women on Facebook.  He says he doesn’t understand why he has to do that.  He stopped communication with the married woman, but only because she initiated it.   I feel totally betrayed and feel that he cheated.  He says he didnt’ cheat bc he didnt’ sleep with anyone.  I have lost all confidence in myself and feel that I am to blame. He did finally delete the two women as his friends on facebook, but I often wonder what else he may be up to.  We dont’ have money for counseling so I have been searching your website and others for advice.  He says if I want counseling, only I should go because it’s my problem that I don’t trust him.  What should I do?
-married to an emotional cheater

I’m In Love With A Man Who Is Disabled

I’m in love with a man that is disabled . We have been together for over 3 years. Everyone on my side hates him because they say I should be with a man that can support me. I personally love him dearly. He’s great with my children and is loyal and loving to me. As I see it he gives this household a stable force. Is there something that I missing that everyone else sees?


I’m Getting Married In 1 Month BUT I Don’t Trust My Woman

Infidelity can wreak havoc in your relationship. Once the trust is lost it’s difficult to find. In order to find it…you have to keep looking, keep working, and keep believing that you will one day have it again. It ain’t easy but it’s possible. When you find it…you’ll know. We encourage you to have it…BEFORE you get married.  Check out the video and let us know what you think.


To get the first part of the relationship inspiration audio program Marriage Is For Grown Folks for ***FREE** CLICK HERE:

My Relationship Feels So Hopeless Sometimes I Feel Like DYING!

VIDEO: Good evening,
Thank you for all you do for us struggling couples out here 🙂
We are from Africa, leaving in the US for more than 10years. My husband was raised in a polygamist family and my parents divorced when I was 12. So needless to say, we really do not really have a good idea of what a sane relationship looks like.
We met while in high school. Got married 7 years ago and have 2 children.
My husband has been cheating on me since the beginning of our relationship. I can’t even recall how many times.  He is sweet most of the time but he has also told me some of the most devastating things I have heard so far ( you are useless in this house…I could have done much better without you…you do not support me…you are immature…all you do is receive receive receive…). I am only 30 y.o. but I feel used up, tired, ugly and worthless. I have a reached a point where I feel so worthless that I don’t even know what I want to do with my life, where I am going. I feel I have totally lost myself.
He says that I focus so much on his cheating that I lose sight of all the good things he does (hard worker, financial support mainly). For him, all men cheat and it does not mean anything else than sex. But it is killing me.
Am I crazy and immature?
Should I hang in there and do my best to save this marriage? Is marriage supposed to be that painful?
Sometimes I feel like dying…please help
Thank you.




It’s Not About Oral Sex…..Or Is It?

It’s Not About Oral Sex…..Or Is It?

I am in need of guidance. I am a 34 year old black male who has been dating a 24 year old mother of one. We spent our first few months talking, as I wanted to get to know her. I live in Houston and she in Sherman. So it does take some effort to see eachother, but it’s never an issue. I love her deeply and she knows this. I respect her and am committed to her and her daughter. We have wonderful communications. We always manage to work things through and we never hold grudges. I love the way I feel when i’m around her . She has expressed the same feelings towards me. All in all, we are good.

Here’s the rub. When we first started talking/dating, we would speak a little about sex, but not too much because I know what I can do in the bed and I didn’t want sex to become the foundation that we built our relationship on. But during that time, she would hint a few times that she can’t wait to do oral on me. Fast forward. I have not gotten it. Not even once. I make baths and massage this woman, I give her oral and whatever else she dersires in bed. I have asked her as politely as I can about it. Her previous response was “I will once I get comfortable.”

I have never been a cheater, but most of my life I have been cheated on. So this bothers me, I am a clean person. I even shave. So last night I ask her to tell me straight up if she is pulling my chain because my desires matter too. I give her oral with pleasure. And for her to have once bragged on it , yet has not done it to me yet, really hurts. I’ve asked all the important questions. Her response was “I think we should wait until we are married so it can be something special.”

That pissed me off in ways unknown. I don’t defer her wants and needs. Yet I have to wait, even longer? If i am the best manshe has ever had, as she claims, then why must I wait when I’m sure whe was slobbing other guys genitals in her past relationships? It make me feel unappreciated, unacknowledged, unattractive, unimportant, and insecure. It’s not fair. I’ve been a good man. Now the negro in me that has laid dormant in me since birth, is very tempted to find a woman on the side just to please me in that area. I spend my money, We talk for hours everyday. Yet I can’t get this one simple thing I ask for?

The only thing that is preventing me from doing it is the fact that i love her. But this cannot continue or she will lose me. I believe In “we instead of I”. I live that way in our relationship. I refer to her daughter as our child. I also belive in “you play how you practice”. This is truly hurting me on a deep level. If you guys have the time. Please help me figure out what to do.


We Dare You To Compromise In Your Relationship

Relationships are all about give and take. It’s those folks who are soooo committed to standing their ground that end up standing alone. Learn to compromise yall….it’s critical to your relationships longevity.

Pushing Through Chaos To Experience Connection

Pssst. We’ve got a secret for you. You’ve got to prioritize your relationship. There will always be stress of some sort that you’re dealing with (even the good kind). Always! You can’t wait for things to quiet down. You can’t wait until you handle this bill or that situation. You can’t wait! You’ve got to be intentional about connecting even when you’re confronted with challenges. Connection is the lifeline of your relationship and will sustain you and your sweetie during the toughest of times. But, guess what you don’t get out what you don’t put in. So, CONNECT! Like your life….or YOUR RELATIONSHIP depends on it.  😉 Stop Playing Start Pushing.

Is It Ok For A Wife To Have A Hickey?

Sometimes couples in the heat of the moment get real passionate and leave evidence of their sexual rendezvous. Do you think that it’s ok for married couples to leave a passion mark…..a hickey? Is it all good or is it…. inappropriate? Let us know your thoughts…

Self Esteem 101. STOP Comparing Yourself!

This is for my sistas! From the time we are little we begin the self demeaning act of comparing ourselves to others. It can become a habit and really suck the life out of you and where you’re trying to go. So, just stop! Love, know and accept yourself and the sky is the limit!

My Abandonment Issues Are Holding Back My Love Life

Your relationship with your parents has a permanent presence in your present relationship whether you like it or not. This fan wrote in with questions about how he can overcome the abandonment issues he has with his mom and commit to his lady. Awareness and acknowledgement is the first step. We all have some kind of mommy or daddy issues. Being in a committed relationship is the perfect place to work to heal some of that….if it’s the right relationship. Listen in…


Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at, licensed clinical therapists and high school sweethearts, have been together for 22 years and married for 14. Together, they are the founders of B Intentional LLC, a personal development & relationship education company. Known for their signature down to earth and “keep it real” style. Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at have been featured on Dr. Drew’s Life Changers T.V. Show, Michael Baisden Show, Roland Martin’s Washington Watch, The Matt Mcgill Show, The Oprah Winfrey Network, and many more. While they are grateful for an abundance of opportunities to work with people all over the country committed to transcending self limiting barriers and elevating themselves and their relationships to a higher level, their most valued and important accomplishments to date are their 5 beautiful children who keep them busy, focused, centered, and laughing!