Children – The True Victims Of Divorce

By Ruth Purple

The family is the basic unit of society and every care should be taken to preserve it by the state, church and the family itself. However, if counseling and reconciliation cannot solve the conflict within the family, divorce maybe seen as the best solution. To couples with kids however the situation is much more complex as compared to childless couples.

Divorce can be devastating to the children and may leave a long-lasting scar that may affect their being useful citizens of the community. During the divorce process, the offspring’s will go through emotional conflicts. Anger is prevalent. Anger at the present condition, anger towards their parents, themselves and some may feel that they are to at fault for the separation.

Feelings of sadness, misery and loss are felt because there will be changes in where they will live. They will lose the other parent, their friends, their school, people and circumstances that stabilize their daily lives. They will feel rejection. Studies have shown that boys and girls are affected differently and respond in various manners.

Boys are more rowdy because they have to show and act out their inner feelings. They go on fights, they are defiant. They cause disturbances and would not be still even for a short period of time. They are the ones who will turn to drugs and alcohol. They girls on the other hand suffer inwardly and become introverts.

They are apprehensive and miserable. Thus they turn to untimely relationships or sexual promiscuity that may lead to early pregnancy or early marriage. Thus if not guided accordingly these children tend to stop school and will waste themselves into substance abuse. They will become citizens with emotional and mental illnesses, criminals or discards of society.

To save the children, the parents should have the obligation to guide their children through the divorce process and for a period after that until their emotional conflicts have been resolved. They should subdue their own emotion turmoil and together try to show the same affection and devotion for the children.

Explain to the kids to make them understand why the parents have to go on their separate ways. They have to be assured that they are in secured hands despite the changes in the family set-up. During the divorce proceedings, the couple should be civil with each other because this will also have a bearing in alleviating the negative feelings of the children.

It will slowly enfold in their understanding that they are undergoing a process and a change but they will still have their both parents. After the divorce has been finalized, visitation of non-custodial parent should be encouraged and made a positive experience to everyone. The children can then accept the situation gradually and will cope with the changes in their lives.

On the other hand, the non-custodial parent is also encouraged to have a hand in the affairs of the child and will be a constant partner in guiding the growth of the children.

Ruth Purple is a Relationship Expert who has been successfully coaching individuals and couples in their relationships. Get A Copy of her sensational ebook on Winning Over Infidelity. Experience a Happier Love Life.  You can read more from Ruth at

3 replies
  1. Pat K.
    Pat K. says:

    Somebody has got to break the cycle of divorce in each family. No one's asking you if you're happy, no one's asking if you feel fulfilled. If you've made babies, you need to give them a fighting chance in this world that will give them NOTHING!

    News flash! Marriage is not happy every minute of every day! Mature people learn to do what works, even in difficult times. Marriage is the best test of maturity known to mankind. That's why the divorce rate is so high….few of us are mature.

    What we're doing is causing our children to "rescue" themselves from the bad situations we've put them in. We've absolved ourselves of parental responsibility, and expect the kids to be the ones who adjust to our decision to divorce. How about we adjust to our decision to marry the person we're in union with?

    Grow up, people. If the foundation of an entire race of people is broken up (marriage is a firm foundation), we can't expect the children of that generation to prosper and do well. As a social and marriage visionary, I can promise you all that our children will fail at the same rate that our marriages do.

  2. On my own
    On my own says:

    I appreciate this article. Though articles like this always leaving me feeling sad and guilty. I left my children's father (the children are with me) in 2011. I know the separation has had some affect on my two eldest children, ages 13 & 12 (I have 4 children and one adult stepdaughter). I wish I could have stayed but it was an emotionally abusive relationship – not good for me or them. I struggled with leaving for year because I wanted my children to have a two-parent household. And here I am, separated, like my mother was from my father, and both of my grandmothers before that.. I hope to teach my children enough so that they don't repeat the cycle.

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