By Lisa Schrader
Ahhh…the joys of committed relationship: someone to snuggle with at night, communication that doesn’t require words, a body that you know so well, freedom from those awkward “safe sex” talks and the stress of dating.
How do we enjoy all those goodies while keeping the passion and spark that brought us together in the first place? Why does it seem harder to ignite the fire the longer we’ve been together?
One of the things that makes sex so “YES!” with a new partner is that we don’t know them and don’t know ourselves with them. We are open to the field of all possibilities. We are more present, awake, in appreciation and wonder. And that’s very enlivening, exciting and sexy.
We kill that off when we develop a “fixed” way of being. It’s as though we put ourselves and our partner in boxes and tape them up tight with big labels that read: “Doesn’t like morning sex; Uncomfortable with dirty talk; Takes forever; Comes too quickly.”
Then we gather evidence to support the story as “true” which is easy because we always get more of what we focused on. Every time. Then our ego gets attached to being “right” even when none of this insanity supports our deeper heart desire to be passionately connected to our Beloved.
Although we do have legitimate preferences and boundaries, much of what we believe sabotages rather than supports ecstasy. The freedom to “reinvent” ourselves is one of the reasons that a new partner seems so enticing. The good news is that identifying and rewriting your story can create expansion inside the beautiful relationship you already have.