Celebrating Valentine’s Day At Home This Year? Give Your House A Romantic Makeover

By Jamie Scott

Valentine’s Day is a cause for celebration, and there’s no reason not to give your house a makeover in recognition of the day of love. If you’re like many people, you may be right at home with your honey and that is Ok. Home can be even better than going out. It’s all in how you accessorize the atmosphere! 😉

There are a range of ways in which you can romanticize your house, but first decide upon the colors you’d like to stick to. Hues of pink, red and nude palettes are particularly nice.

Once you’ve decided on colors, start by snatching up some big, beautiful bouquets and spreading them throughout the house. You could mix roses, lillies, carnations, peonies – even narcissus are gorgeous for Valentine’s, if they fit in with your color scheme. The smell is likely to make your loved one happier, and the sight of fresh flowers is always a welcome one after a tough day in the office.

Next, think about accessories – lighting fixtures, picture frames, curtain poles and lamps are all great places to start. Pick out antique-style, feminine pieces for Valentine’s, with gold trimmings and a rustic, lived-in feel, and your other half is sure to get in the mood. For darker personalities, go for deep reds and luscious royal purple; for the lighter feel, go for nudes and creamy tones.

One accessory that really creates a romantic feel is the candlestick holder – try raiding local antique and thrift stores for old, vintage pieces. Those with several forks are particularly pretty, and if you see a pair, grab them both, otherwise you’ll kick yourself when you get home for not having the matching set. Even if you don’t have both out all the time, it’s worth having them for occasions when you want it.

Lastly, why not consider sprucing up the bed a little? Buy a luxurious, soft throw, or some indulgent silk sheets. Rose petals sprinkled on the bed always go down a treat, and fluffy white pillows are very enticing, setting the perfect mood for a loved-up Valentine’s celebration.

Hey BLAM Fam, Will you be at home this Valentine’s Day? Share your tips with us!

It’s Not About Oral Sex…..Or Is It?

It’s Not About Oral Sex…..Or Is It?

I am in need of guidance. I am a 34 year old black male who has been dating a 24 year old mother of one. We spent our first few months talking, as I wanted to get to know her. I live in Houston and she in Sherman. So it does take some effort to see eachother, but it’s never an issue. I love her deeply and she knows this. I respect her and am committed to her and her daughter. We have wonderful communications. We always manage to work things through and we never hold grudges. I love the way I feel when i’m around her . She has expressed the same feelings towards me. All in all, we are good.

Here’s the rub. When we first started talking/dating, we would speak a little about sex, but not too much because I know what I can do in the bed and I didn’t want sex to become the foundation that we built our relationship on. But during that time, she would hint a few times that she can’t wait to do oral on me. Fast forward. I have not gotten it. Not even once. I make baths and massage this woman, I give her oral and whatever else she dersires in bed. I have asked her as politely as I can about it. Her previous response was “I will once I get comfortable.”

I have never been a cheater, but most of my life I have been cheated on. So this bothers me, I am a clean person. I even shave. So last night I ask her to tell me straight up if she is pulling my chain because my desires matter too. I give her oral with pleasure. And for her to have once bragged on it , yet has not done it to me yet, really hurts. I’ve asked all the important questions. Her response was “I think we should wait until we are married so it can be something special.”

That pissed me off in ways unknown. I don’t defer her wants and needs. Yet I have to wait, even longer? If i am the best manshe has ever had, as she claims, then why must I wait when I’m sure whe was slobbing other guys genitals in her past relationships? It make me feel unappreciated, unacknowledged, unattractive, unimportant, and insecure. It’s not fair. I’ve been a good man. Now the negro in me that has laid dormant in me since birth, is very tempted to find a woman on the side just to please me in that area. I spend my money, We talk for hours everyday. Yet I can’t get this one simple thing I ask for?

The only thing that is preventing me from doing it is the fact that i love her. But this cannot continue or she will lose me. I believe In “we instead of I”. I live that way in our relationship. I refer to her daughter as our child. I also belive in “you play how you practice”. This is truly hurting me on a deep level. If you guys have the time. Please help me figure out what to do.


Is It Ok For A Wife To Have A Hickey?

Sometimes couples in the heat of the moment get real passionate and leave evidence of their sexual rendezvous. Do you think that it’s ok for married couples to leave a passion mark…..a hickey? Is it all good or is it…. inappropriate? Let us know your thoughts…

My Husband Wants To Snuggle…But I Don’t Do All That

What do you do when cuddling isn’t a part of your emotional make up? How do you meet the need of someone who really wants physical affection when you’re not an affectionate person? This is a question we received from a viewer. Listen in to hear our advice.

13 Ways To Be Intimate WITHOUT Having Sex

This is a guide to show you how to be more intimate with your partner without having sex.


  1. One of many things you can do to be more intimate is to play games with each other that you and just a friend would never play. For example, you want to make a kiss more interesting by kissing in different areas like their neck.
  2. Tease your partner! Just be sure that your partner knows it is just a joke and has some sense of humor to digest the tease!
  3. For women: Steal his wallet while you two are kissing. (This is recommended only if you two have been together for a while.) This will usually cause him to kiss you again so you are more caught up in the kiss while he is busy stealing his wallet back.
  4. For men: Women don’t need a wallet to steal. They have “back pockets.” If they stole your wallet that opens up the option for you to explore their “back pockets.” But if they are not ready for or you are not ready for “pocket action”, don’t be afraid to say so!
  5. When making out, if you have made out before, make the make-out session more interesting by swirling your tongue around on the tip of their tongue before pulling away from the kiss. Make sure to be slow in doing this. This is sure to send shivers down their spine, and make them want more.
  6. Another fun “game” to play when making out is to steal each-others gum, tic tacs, or whatever you may have. Just make sure, when you are trading off, not to trade a bunch of spit too unless they you know they like that.
  7. Another fun game to play which works especially well if your partner isn’t very good at kissing is to to tell them not to move an inch and start to kiss them how you like it. This could be on the mouth, neck ect. However if they start to join in and they are doing what you were hoping they would do…Don’t stop them!
  8. Teasing the other person with your kisses can be fun. But for some it makes them frustrated and angry. Make sure you know how they react to things before you try playing “hard to get.” Some things to do to tease with a kiss are to: go in for a kiss then stop as your lips brush, and then pull back and smile. This will cause them most of the time, to come in more aggressively for a kiss.
  9. Also, go in for a kiss and kiss your partner gently on the lips, then to the jawline and kiss along there, linger just for a few seconds around their ear, this allows your partner to hear your breathing and often gives the person ‘tingles’ or ‘goosebumps’, and in general is rather nice for them. then from the ear move down onto the neck and kiss them there for a short while, then eventually, return to the lips and find out just how much they enjoyed this little detour by seeing how desperate they are to kiss you. This works especially well on girls.
  10. Another teasing kiss to try would be you go in for a kiss and kiss them, but before you pull away to touch their bottom lip with your tongue as if you were going in to make out, you pull away. This will also make them pull you back most of the time, for another kiss.
  11. Also another fun thing to try is wrestling. Not necessarily on the floor or on a bed (this could lead to other things) but if you are “pretend fighting” over things like tickling each other. This is fun and it helps with bonding.
  12. Girls: Rest on your partners chest for a second while you’re kissing then lean back and your partner will want a little more than a small touchy kiss! (This may lead to other things)
  13. Overall, remember to have fun with each other. Being in a relationship means more than just the physical aspect of it. Remember to accept flaws.


  • Before making out or playing any of the games that go along with making out, make sure to brush your teeth! No one likes bad breath!
  • Just cuddle! Human touch is comforting, and often a great way to… interest people. A cuddle can stay a cuddle, turn into a kiss, or even more. It depends on how you cuddle. Head on shoulder contact stays friendly, but lower hands or prolonged chest-to-chest contact goes further.
  • Be adventurous. Don’t do the same old thing every time you’re together.
  • Don’t always go for a makeout session. Only do it when the mood feels right and you are both feeling it.
  • Respect each others’ boundaries. Including your own.
  • Look into his eyes and smile.
  • Make sure not only to rely on the physical aspect of your relationship but also to connect and talk with the person you’re with. This makes a relationship a great and rewarding one.
  • Tell you partner how much you love him/her.
  • Spend quality time together.
  • Make sure you know how far you can go with your partner. The last thing you want is being rejected and feeling guilty.
  • A good atmosphere usually have very rewarding results.
  • Compliment each other.
  • Tell your partner what you like, and what you don’t prefer.


  • Some of these tips could lead to sex. If that’s not what you want, say so! Don’t be afraid to speak up.


25 Things You Can Try To Have The Most Delicious And Electrifying Sex TONIGHT!!!

Sex….one of the greatest gifts to cherish in your relationship. As satisfying as having that great orgasm is…..there are so many other things you can do to turn up the intimacy and lust in your bedroom.  In this video we share some really intimate stuff about our relationship and give some tips and tricks to make your bedroom, or bathroom, or kitchen, or basement, or car….or wherever you desire to get it on…..SIZZLE.

Get your glass of wine and a pen and paper & take notes! This is gonna be good!

What Men Aren’t Saying About Sex-Part 1

By Ilex Bien-Aime

When God created men and women, He had some serious jokes. We were made to be physically compatible and yet our anatomy’s tend to make our sex lives difficult. But sex goes beyond just the physical state, our mental state is just as important. There is always this preverbal tug-of-war between the sexes but true understanding is lacking. Let’s face it, a man will never truly know how it feels to be a woman and a woman will never truly know how it feels to be a man. I think the biggest problem is that we know this fact and yet we tend to do a lot of assuming and less communicating with each other.

For the most part, God made man’s body simple or at least more simple than women’s bodies. Think about it, a healthy man with an adequate amount of testosterone wakes up with an erection everyday. He does not have to think about sex, it’s just a simple human function for him. It does not take a lot to get a man going. If you are looking good in your Victoria Secrets, we are ready to go. If we see you in those jeans that we like that show off your sexy curves, all we can think about is taking them off. Ok let’s be real, if you come in the room wearing a moo moo, we will still want to make love to you. Sure men love visual stimulation and a moo moo may not work for him in the long run, when it comes to sex though, if we want it that won’t matter much.

It takes men a long time to grasp the concept that women are not built the same as we are. Not only are we not built the same, we do not think the same way. Men don’t need all day interaction, hand holding, kissing, and sweet nothings. We could be sitting downstairs watching football all day and when we come upstairs we can be ready to make love on the spot. A woman can be upstairs watching Basketball Wives marathons and she may not need to say two words to us, if she comes downstairs and is ready for sex, we will not turn her away. I will admit, that as a married man, I am starting to understand this concept a lot better. Growing into a man can be made difficult when you have developed bad habits as a younger man. Many men are used to making booty calls but your wife does not want to be treated that way. We don’t do this out of disrespect, we just see the situation from a totally different angle.

Men define intimacy differently than women. A woman may like to be told that she is beautiful and desirable. Men on the other hand like for you to show us that you think we are desirable. Nothing makes a man feel better than when his woman can’t keep her eyes and hands off of him. I know that women think that sex is mostly physical for men but we believe sex is very intimate for us. Often times men feel rejected by their wives because they feel that their wives do not desire them as much as they should. A man does not like feeling that he has to bring sex to the table all of the time. Sure you may never tell him no when he attempts to make love to you, but if you don’t initiate it, he will start to resent that.

Most men won’t say this out loud but it is discouraging to hear women say that they are thinking about other things during sex. I thought that sex was supposed to be enjoyable and some women claim to be thinking about bills, the kids, or whatever else may be on their minds. Let’s be real, sex is on average 3-13 minutes long, so can’t your man have your body and mind for that amount of time. Don’t think that we just walk around the world aimlessly, we have things on our mind also but when you are naked in front of us at that moment, you are all that matters to us. The bills will be there, the kids will be ok, and you can think about every thing else when we are done.

My name is Ilex Bien-Aime and I live in Washington, DC with my lovely wife. I write as a man who has seen women mistreat themselves and who have allowed themselves to be mistreated. I write as a man who wants to give my future daughters a guideline on how to deal with men. Lastly I write what I write because my female friends are always asking my opinion about these situations. Connect with Ilex at Iamsayingit.blogspot.com or via email at ilexbienaime@gmail.com.

Let’s Make Love Tonight

Have you ever found yourself in a space where your mind says “I want some”… BUT your body says “I’m tired” OR “I don’t know what to do” OR “I don’t want to be rejected” OR “I’m not getting it started it’s his/her turn to initiate”?  Don’t worry, those feelings are normal.  We all have a lot going on and while we may want to “make love” we sometimes shy away from it because our thoughts, emotions, and experiences are clamoring for our attention which make it practically impossible to relax, relate and release.  Well guess what yall if you need some assistance getting past the psycho/emotional barriers….peep this list by Jayme Waxman of 50 things you can try TONIGHT that will get you on your way to getting your groove on.  Check them out and make it do what it do. Lol.

  1. Kiss like you did before you had ever done anything else.
  2. Breathe together, holding and hugging each other while you do it.
  3. Eat seductively. Really pay attention to how you lick ice cream or chew meat off a bone.
  4. See how long you can stay turned on without taking any of your clothes off.
  5. Dry hump with your clothes, or at least your underwear, on.
  6. Rub your hair all over his body.
  7. For at least one minute, both of you stare into each other’s eyes.
  8. Set up email accounts using aliases. Then send dirty emails and pictures to that account.
  9. Play a game of striptease.
  10. Collaborate on a piece of erotic writing or storytelling. You write/recite a paragraph, then your partner does the same. Go back and forth until you finish the story.
  11. Buy a pair of nitrile gloves and give your partner a gloved hand job. (Trust me, it feels different.)
  12. Wear a mask.
  13. Wear a wig.
  14. Try a new condom, heck, try the female condom.
  15. Use a string of pearls (plastic beads will do just fine), and masturbate his penis.
  16. Masturbate him with a banana peel. Try warming it in the microwave for five seconds for warmer, happier times.
  17. Use lube. Lots of lube.
  18. Use silicone lube and get it on in the shower.
  19. Be blindfolded or do the blindfolding.
  20. Find three things in the kitchen (like a spatula, wooden spoon, honey) that you can play with sensually.
  21. Fingerpaint each other’s breasts.
  22. Rock around the clit. With your finger, go clockwise from 12 on back, and counterclockwise. See what time feels best.
  23. Rent a porn and reenact a scene.
  24. Masturbate for each other. Cheer, hoot, and holler for your lover.
  25. Read each other an erotic story from a sexy book.


Jayme Waxman: I’m an internationally recognized speaker, sex educator and podcaster with a post-graduate degree in human sexuality. I facilitate workshops nationally. Read my books, Getting Off: A Woman’s Guide to Masturbation and Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight. Watch my latest sex-ed DVD, 101 Positions for Lovers.

6 Habits That May Prevent Him From “Coming Correct” In The Bedroom

By Team BLAM

Men feel pressure to perform in the bedroom.  PERIOD.  No man wants to be the “2 minute brotha”, “Mr. No Show”, or “Mr. Limp Biscuit”…NO MAN.  For many men their self image and masculinity is heavily tied to their virility. The feeling is that, this is a space in my life where I can assert myself and prove I AM THE MAN…..I AM THAT DUDE.  While many men derive a sense of “self” from their abilities in the bedroom there are also many men who don’t.  Regardless of where you fall it’s important that you are aware that there are some behaviors you may be currently engaging in that can have you “coming up short” when it’s time to “come correct”.

Below are 6 Habits mentioned in EverydayHealth that may be having a negative impact on your sex life.  If everything is operating “all good” now…..please keep these tips in mind so your “tools” continue working properly in the future.

1.  A man who bikes for more than three hours a week risks damage to certain nerves. A hard bike seat “can compress the perineum (the area between the anus and scrotum), squeezing off the vital arteries and nerves necessary for normal sexual function.”

2.  Men who forget to floss their teeth increase the bacteria in their gums, and this bacteria can travel through the bloodstream, combine with plaque and clog blood vessels which make getting an erection difficult.

3.  Another bad habit EveryDayHealth suggests men watch out for are eating canned foods. Cans are lined with a material called bisphenol-A (BPA), a chemical that can interfere with your hormone systems and can inhibit male sex hormones.

4.  Disruptive snoring, or sleep apnea, is a red flag, too, because it signals that you have low baseline oxygen levels, and these levels are necessary to achieve an erection.

5.  Men should also be cautious of what medicine they take as erectile dysfunction can often be a side-effect of many anti-depressants and blood pressure-lowering drugs. Not only that, but serotonin is known to be a sexual inhibitor.

6.  Lastly, if a man has sustained pelvic injuries from severe trauma, i.e., falling from a ladder or a car accident, the damaged nerves and arteries in the urethra will lead to dysfunction.

Blam Fam we hope that this information will help you and your spouse have a healthy and long lasting sex life.

Men, Women, & Intimacy: Different Genders Achieve It In Different Ways

By Team BLAM

Many people have concluded that men are less interested in intimacy and seek to avoid it. But maybe intimacy is in the eye of the beholder. There is little doubt that men and women naturally seek out different kinds of intimacy, but that’s different from saying that men are not interested in it.

Whereas women tend to define intimacy more in terms of verbal communication, there is some evidence that men define intimacy more in terms of shared activities. This is a critical point to keep in mind. When a female asks her husband to spend some time talking about feelings, she may be showing her preference for intimacy; but so is a male who asks his wife to watch a game with him or make love.

Oftentimes, these preferences reflect our upbringing. Little girls work on verbal intimacy and little boys “hang out” with others while doing activities—especially activities with rules, such as sports. If you watch little girls and compare them to little boys, you’ll see that relationship patterns go way back. Whether it’s because of physical differences or the ways we’re raised, girls tend to talk more about relationships than boys, and boys don’t put as much “obvious” time and energy into maintaining them. Many folks agree that this is true for adults as well.

With all that said—-here’s some simple, powerful advice: You should spend more time figuring out what is intimate for your partner rather than assuming too much about what your partner likes and wants based on his or her gender. The happiest couples have usually developed the ability to connect on several levels of intimacy, including verbal communication, shared activities & interests, and sensual partnership just to name a few.

BLAM Fam, what do you think? Are men and women wired differently when it comes to intimacy?

Adapted from Fighting For Your Marriage by Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley, & Susan L. Blumberg