By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
“We ‘love’ another in order to get something ourselves….There can be no greater mistake than that, for love is incapable of asking for anything.” — A Course in Miracles
“Love is incapable of asking for anything.” Wow! Take a moment to think about that statement, and then think about what you think love is.
What do you think love is?
* Does love demand that another person give himself or herself up for you?
* Is love jealous?
* Does love ask another person to prove to you that he or she loves you?
* Does love expect that another should listen to your anger, your complaints, and your judgments?
* Are you being loving when you take responsibility for another’s feelings?
* Are you being loving when you are being a martyr?
* Are you being loving when you physically harm another – even if it is in the name of love?
In fact, aren’t all of the above what love is not?
If “Love is incapable of asking for anything,” then what is love?
* Love gives for the pure joy of giving – whether it is time, caring, understanding, compassion, kindness, help, money, gifts, compliments, and so on.
* Love is the energy that flows into you from Spirit when your heart is open. It fills you so that you don’t need anything from anyone, and then it flows out to others.
* Love is what you joyfully do to care for yourself, fully embracing the sacred privilege of taking loving care of yourself – of your feelings, your health, your environment, your safety and security, and your self of worth and self-esteem.
* Love sees what needs to be done and does it with no outcome in mind other than the joy of helping another.
* Love never has an agenda, as real love “is incapable of asking for anything.”
Are you “loving” another to get something for yourself? “There can be no greater mistake than that.”
Why can there be no greater mistake than that? Because whatever it is you are doing is not love. You are completely missing what love is. And in trying to “love” another to get something for yourself, you will always be disappointed. Your relationships will not work because they work only when there is love.
How do you reach a point where you don’t need anything from another – where you are so filled up with love within that you just want to offer it? How do you heal the emptiness within that is so needy of love?
By learning how to fill yourself with love, how to overflow with love like a glass of water so filled to the brim that it is overflowing. This will never happen from trying to get love from another.
There is only one way I know of to become filled with love, and that is to open your heart to learning – with your spiritual guidance – how to be loving to yourself.
You have to start with yourself, since it is only when you are filled with love that you have love to offer another. When you deeply desire to learn to be loving to yourself, your heart will open and you will start to receive love and wisdom from your Higher Self. You will be taught what loving yourself means, what thoughts to think and actions to take that are loving to you. As you do this, you will become filled with love and discover that you don’t actually need to get love from another.
When you learn to love yourself and fill yourself with love, you will discover the great joy and fulfillment in giving love – giving with no agenda attached.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah. Visit her at innerbonding.com.