By Joshua B. Butler IV
Atlanta is the city for opportunity. People are migrating to Atlanta from all over the world. For African-Americans Atlanta has been called the “Black Mecca”, because of its nurturing political and business climate. It would be natural to assume that Atlanta would provide fertile ground for cultivating healthy relationships. Why is the opposite true? Why are there so many broken relationships in Atlanta? Why can’t men and women get a long, form nurturing relationships that build strong families, which lead to strong communities thus insuring Atlanta’s status as the “Black Mecca”. Here are a few insights as to why there are so many broken relationships in Atlanta.
The first reason there are so many broken relationships in the Black Mecca is, the black man’s failure to commit. “How can you commit to a God you have never seen, and can not commit to a woman you see every day?” There is no logical reason why African American men fail to commit. I have heard it all; there is a disproportionate ratio of men to women, women have unfair expectations, women are gold diggers, are all excuses. The black man’s fear of commitment comes from a selfish need. To obligate or pledge one’s self to monogamy, takes character. There are benefits to monogamy. And the deceit of non-commitment builds stress.
The black man’s failure to commit has caused the black woman to grow a cold and frigid heart. The black woman has lost her nature to help the black man meet the needs of family and community because of his indiscretions. The second reason there are so many broken relationships is because the black woman has adopted and attitude of “I’m just doing me.” Her selfish state contributes to broken relationships by causing her not to appreciate honest and genuine men who want to love and respect her. Thus she finds excuses not to commit, taking her far away from her natural state. She then commoditizes her value, making herself available to the highest bidder. If a man wants her time, it must be worth her while. The black woman no longer needs a pimp; she prostitutes herself, for gifts, a dinner or to get a bill paid.
The third reason for so many broken relationships in Atlanta is our failure to forgive. With age and experience comes wisdom and patience. We become more patient with our friends and associates but less patient and tolerable of people who are our love interest. For some odd reason we hold our love interest to a higher standard than we do our best of friends; transgressions made by our friends don’t negatively affect us, while if the same mistake is made by a lover it could cause an end to the relationship, thus another broken relationship. Don’t hold the new love interest responsible for the sins and actions of a past relationship. Most men and women profess their innocence of this relationship mistake. However this is often not the case evident in the fact that a lover in the past was given numerous chances to lament for a misdeed where as with the new love, one strike and he or she is out the door. In forgiveness one must take responsibility for your on transgressions also. Sometimes you are not always right. If you did nothing wrong in the relationship, your are the problem!
I know what it is like to harden your heart, fearful of being hurt and disappointed. It seems like every time you open up, your mate lets you down. So instead of taking a chance on love you fall back to something familiar. A woman would rather take a tropical vacation with her girlfriends, all single and bitter, and what’s sad, they don’t even know that they are bitter, rather than take a chance with a man. This truncates the growth of the spirit, causing one to be spiritually deficient.
There are married couples sleeping in separate beds, suffering together in a broken marriage because of money or for the children. There are single women asking God, why me? Am I doing something wrong? Am I being punished for some past sin? I did all the right things, I went to college, I go to church, and yet Lord, why doesn’t a man love me. There are men asking the creator, “Why can’t the black woman see my value?” I say to you, that you can be whole again. However, forgiveness from both men and women is essential for broken hearts to heal and wholeness to be restored to our relationships.
Joshua B. Butler, IV is the CEO of the Yashin Corporation. Honor, Integrity and Ambition are the cardinal principles of Yashin. As an urban media consultant Joshua produces content for print, television, film and the web. Over the past 5 years he has helped individuals and corporations communicate to millions of people all over the world.