By Ms. Kristina Marchant
Does it feel like your marriage is slowly unraveling? Do you get the sense that your husband feels disenchanted with your union and is disinterested in you? Your marriage may need a buff and polish.
Communicate From An Open Heart
Lots of nice wives, who go to church and have the respect of their families and communities, have an energy about them that makes their husbands feel castrated.
There is nothing attractive to a man about a woman who treats him like a son who needs to learn his lesson or do as he is told. Your husband is not another variable in your life that needs to be controlled and managed. Gaining his love and devotion isn’t something squeezed into your weekly to-do list.
Even if you are using all the right words, you may still be talking at him or down to him instead of with him. Talk with your husband from a soft, loving, gentle and tender place inside you. If you feel icy and angry, he’s going to feel that coming off you no matter how proper and kind you think you sound to him. The emotion behind words is just as important as the words themselves.
Don’t think you can fool your husband with a line reading. Stop being a ‘formal cold-fish’ and start speaking with your man from your heart. Risk vulnerability and truth. (I know it’s scary, but it will help him have empathy for you). Tell him how angry you really are inside. Look him in the eye and show him (with caring, calm and honest words) how much you are hurting and how much you need him.
Learn How To Let Go & Just Be With Him
I know there are only a certain amount of hours in the day and that you have to be efficient to get things done, but when you are with your husband, you have to be with your husband.
There is nothing more insulting to a man than being ignored by his wife. If your husband is trying to tell you about something great that happened to him at the office, stop what you are doing and listen. Or tell him that you want to hear everything once you have a moment together. Don’t nod your head and pretend to hear him as you feed the kid, check the stove and type a text message.
We women are so funny. We need connection and yet most of us have a hard time allowing a connection to take place. I personally think we use activities that have to get done to protect ourselves from intimacy. What would really happen if you stopped what you were doing for five minutes to hear your husband speak? Or to embrace him? Or to kiss him? (And by embrace him and kiss him I don’t mean, “Hey honey. Quick hug. Okay now get your hands off me and set the table!”)
When you feel that ‘buzz of busy wife’, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re in the ‘no intimacy zone’. Try to drop what you are doing and connect with your man. You may even find yourself reacting in a funny way, like crying or feeling angry inside. Acknowledge those feelings and even say to him, “I feel angry right now. Why?” Let him soothe you and let your mind stay with him instead of obsessing over that one thing you have to get done.
You can even ask for his help when you know he needs you but you are busy: “I want to listen to you but I feel overwhelmed with all these chores. Can you feed the baby and then I will have a few minutes to listen to your story.” That way, if he says ‘No’, you are not at fault.