3 Really Important Lessons Being A Wife & Mommy Have Taught Me…

By Aiyana Ma’at

Life really is nothing but a big ol’ school with all kinds of classes to take and lessons to learn. I’ll admit that I looooove a lesson. I’ve always had an appreciation for the deeper hidden meaning and purpose underneath and behind things. Ask my husband and my kids. They’ll tell you my favorite question “What’s the lesson?!” 🙂  And while I can’t deny I’m a “Ooooh….what’s the lesson? ” lover I’m not always a fan of the lessons that I’m  learning or the ones that keep showing up because my resistant ass keeps refusing to learn it. Nevertheless…..I want to grow. I want know myself better. I want to understand and accept my weak places and cultivate and embrace my strong spaces. 

And what I know is that the only way I’ll do that is by looking for, searching for, listening for, yearning for…. yup, you know it….. the lesson! So, here are 3 lessons (just 3 for now….tee hee) I’ve learned (and am learning) in my life taught to me by none other than my wonderful husband and children. 😉

#1 It’s Ok to not have it all together. With the very busy life I lead….working a full time job, working with my husband in our business, counseling couples, running groups, speaking here and there, being a wife to my hubby and raising 5 kids……shiiiii…..ain’t nobody got time for trying to be (or look) perfect. I’m too old for that and fakery just ain’t my style.

#2 It’s important to admit when you’ve messed up and even more important to say you’re sorry. This is a lesson that kept escaping me early on in my marriage but I really have worked on it and make it a point to just say “I’m sorry” when I don’t do what I said I would, when I jump to conclusions and start judging my husband, when I mess up and lose my temper and yell a little too loud or perhaps am too harsh with the kids and I see in their eyes that I really hurt their feelings. I may not see it or do it right away—but I try my best to do it as much as possible. We have to remind ourselves that no one ever died of having a bruised ego and having to confess you were wrong….it’s good for us,  it’s good for strong marriages and its good for our children to see and experience with us.  Quick tip- If you can’t say it—write it. You gotta start somewhere and in this area something really is better than nothing.

#3 Having a family is a privilege and a special place to do my work. Look…I got issues. You do too. Who doesn’t? And when we have issues there are certain things, words, tones, people and places that will trigger us, set us up, or set us off.  And it doesn’t always matter that it’s your first born child you’re dealing with or your loving husband—-everyone and every thing is fair game to push your buttons and stretch you until you’re uncomfortable as hell. I am a work in progress and I say that with pure proud joy! Because I don’t have to be making progress. Pursuing progress and growth is a CHOICE! So, i never take it for granted that God has given me 6 other beautiful souls to live with, learn from, and grow with as we all make choices day to day, hour to hour and minute to minute to do our work (Pssst…..for those who’d like a little more explanation as to what “doing your work” means…..simply put it means cleaning up your emotional shit, owning your boo boo and flushing it down the toilet so you can heal and be whole!)

I’ve learned so much more than what I’ve shared here but this is what I wanted to share today. Below are some pics of my family….the folks who demand my growth!

#Groworgohome #Stopplayingstartpushing #Marriagematters #Familiesmatter #YOUmatter!

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I’ve Discovered That I Have Super Powers…..And You Do Too!!

What’s up Fam,
Hope you’re doing well today.  I’m doing pretty good.  I had a moment this morning that made me realize something special about myself.  Truth be told, it actually put me in sync with something that I already knew….but really don’t always pay that much attention to.
Check it…..I was laying in the bed next to my wife and the alarm went off.  I think it was Steve Harvey’s loud mouth that jolted me from my sleep. lol.  In any event I woke up….cut the alarm off….and got back in the bed.  You know how we do : )  While laying in bed with my eyes closed I reached out with my left hand towards my wife and touched her on the inside of her arm.  I didn’t massage it….I didn’t caress it….I didn’t fondle it…..I just touched it.  I touched the inside of her arm and then BAM!!!!!!!  That single touch triggered a chain of events that became amazingly explosive.
You wanna know what she did in response to my touch?  What she did next really blew my mind…..not because she hadn’t done it before…..more so because I became even more aware of the profundity in simplicity.  I wasn’t really looking for anything to be reciprocated…but guess what…she did. You wanna know what she did?
Aiyana took her right hand and reached out toward me and placed it on my left hand (ya know the one that was touching her)…and BAM!!  Yassssss!!!!!  The magnetism was amplified.  I touched her…She touched me…and in that moment a spiritual funnel was created that reinforced our love.  Wow!!!
I did that with my super powers fam.  With a simple touch ….I RECOGNIZED her.  I REASSURED her.  I REVITALIZED us.
Guess what…YOU HAVE SUPER POWERS TOO…
I know you can do the same…..try it today!
Until next time,
To infinity and beyond!!!!!! : )

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I’m In Love With A Man Who Is Disabled

I’m in love with a man that is disabled . We have been together for over 3 years. Everyone on my side hates him because they say I should be with a man that can support me. I personally love him dearly. He’s great with my children and is loyal and loving to me. As I see it he gives this household a stable force. Is there something that I missing that everyone else sees?

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http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/black-marriage-services-take-a-class/relationship-coaching-counseling/

Fatherhood and The Central Park Five

On 5/19/2019 I had the fortunate experience of attending a Q & A following a screening at the SVA Theatre of Ava Duvernay’s “When They See Us”. This 4 part mini series is a dramatic depiction of Korey Wise, Yusef Salaam, Kevin Richardson, Antron McCray, and Raymond Santana’s youth being stolen from them as they were wrongfully convicted of a crime (brutal rape of a white woman) they didn’t commit in 1989. Our son Asante Ma’at (Asante Blackk) has the fortunate experience of playing Kevin Richardson in the mini-series. During the screening i was captivated by the insight and eloquence of the youth and adult cast. I was particularly intrigued and impressed by a comment MIchael K Williams made regarding the character he played, Bobby McCray (Antron McCrays father). During the mini-series Mr. McCray is portrayed as being emotionally torn and conflicted about how to adequately provide and protect his family during this period of crisis. The film depicts Bobby McCray angrily urging his son (Antron McCray) during the process of coerced interrogation to “give them what they want” (a confession to raping a woman in Central Park).

What stood out to me about Michael’s comments was how he as an actor was willing to enter into a space of vulnerability and explore/expose the complexity of fatherhood and shed light on the pain, fear, disappointment, love, and purpose that exist in the realm of being an imperfect parent. Michael K Williams asked the question….what made Antron’s father do what he did? It’s one thing and it may even be easy to blame him and judge him for the decision he made to intensely implore his son to cooperate and to not attend the initial stages of his son’s trial. It’s another thing to honor the fullness of his experience and recognize that even in his absence….he loved his son….he loved his wife…and he was doing the best he knew how to do in that moment. Michael K Williams spoke to Bobby McCray’s dilemma free of judgement. Michael K. Williams in his portrayal of Mr. McCray showed that there was awareness that he could have done more for his son and family. There was also a shedding of additional light on the complexity and nuance of fatherhood…especially when one feels shackled by the past particularly when it involves being a part of criminal justice system.

How Are You Representing Your Relationship?

Whether you have a boo or not we want to give you a shout out for being intentional about being in relationship. We know your journey isn’t always pretty or always ugly…..it’s always a little bit of both. We salute you for pressing forward and representing “real love”.

Pushing Through Chaos To Experience Connection

Pssst. We’ve got a secret for you. You’ve got to prioritize your relationship. There will always be stress of some sort that you’re dealing with (even the good kind). Always! You can’t wait for things to quiet down. You can’t wait until you handle this bill or that situation. You can’t wait! You’ve got to be intentional about connecting even when you’re confronted with challenges. Connection is the lifeline of your relationship and will sustain you and your sweetie during the toughest of times. But, guess what you don’t get out what you don’t put in. So, CONNECT! Like your life….or YOUR RELATIONSHIP depends on it.  😉 Stop Playing Start Pushing.

How To Know When Your Spouse Really Needs You To Be There

There are certain times in marriage when your spouse needs you. More than they might normally need you. And what do I mean by need you? Well, it can look a number of ways. Every person is different. Perhaps they need you to whisper words of encouragement and confidence when they are having a really tough time at work. Maybe they need you to reach out and give them a reassuring touch to remind them how important and impactful they are when they are doubting their parenting or their relationship with that particularly difficult child. Or maybe they need you to come back and speak love and life to them after a really big blow up where you both said some things that you wish you could take back…. Like I said….every person is different and whether you know it or not it’s your job to pay attention to your spouse and give what’s needed during those times. So, how will you know it’s one of those times?

Here are a couple of quick tips to knowing when your spouse really needs you:

#1 It never fails that when they really need you is when it’s really difficult for you to be there for them. It might be that you have physical obstacles ( a choice between that trip with your friends or stay with your sweetie) or emotional obstacles ( you’re really upset with them and have feelings of your own right when they need you to overcome that and just be there for them). However it happens—-these are sure signs that your boo needs you.

#2 They tell you. Sometimes we dismiss our loved ones as being dramatic, manipulative or just plain old selfish when they say I need you (and let’s be real it doesn’t always come out in a sweet and pleading way does it?) They can be demanding or sulking or whatever but the truth of the matter is they probably really do need you.

Blackloveandmarriage.com writers and supporters include husbands, wives, singles, youth, elders and anyone who has a desire to lift up and support black women, men children and families.  BlackLoveandMarriage.com exists to transform the image and quality of relationships in the African-American community and the nation. Husband & Wife team, Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at, use their platform to address a wide range of issues that exist within relationships. They combine real talk along with insight from their own relationship to provide viewers with the tools they need to take themselves & their relationships to the next level.

Be Patient With Your Process!

 

 

Family Meals Create Strong Children

By Ayize Ma’at

Recently I spoke for Men’s Day about the role and responsibilities men have to their wife and children. My children were in attendance and I wanted to see if they retained the lesson and grasped the significance of the principles that I spoke on…the principles of Ma’at. It’s so important that we take time to check in with our children, talk with them, make sure they’re listening and connecting to the important messages we want to make sure they’re getting. Be intentional with your kids. It makes a difference…

How Are You Moving Through Your Meantime?


Getting through the discomfort….the meantime is hard. Especially when there’s so much expectancy, possibility, and becoming awaiting you on the other side. “Becoming” is all about pushing past the discomfort…..the difficulty and making a decision that you’re determined to have your destiny. Be intentional yall!