By Aiyana Ma’at
My husband and I receive questions all the time about how we maintain a happy relationship. Folks want to know how we manage running a business together along with raising 4 children. We are often asked how we maintain a hot & healthy sex life (check out the convo I had a while back about me and hubby’s off the chain sex life). And, while there are all kinds of tricks and tips I could give; after thinking about it I realized that there is one thing that is ultimately responsible for the kind of relationship that my husband and I have. It is this: We are emotionally connected to each other. Yup, that’s a huge part of why we’re able to have a happy relationship. We make it a point to be vulnerable with each other and to make time to really be with each other.
I must say I think it’s a little easier for me than my husband. Ayize, like many men, can sometimes hold back a bit with how he feels (and I’m talking about deep feelings….from the heart and gut; not opinions from the head, etc.). When I sense that he’s doing that I go out of my way to let him know that I want to know what’s on his heart and that he can trust that I won’t judge his feelings.
Ayize does the same thing with me. He goes out of his way to make me feel emotionally safe and If I start to retreat or put up a wall…he’ll bug me until the wall melts away and I’m back in our safe space being vulnerable again.
My point? You have to be intentional about maintaining closeness between you and your partner. You have to have the right accepting and non-judgemental attitude and you have to be willing to go the extra mile for the one you love. Ayize and I are no different than any other couple. We have our issues, upsets, & arguments just like everyone else. But, at the end of the day our # 1 priority is to keep transparency, honesty, and trust between the two of us. When you get a taste of what that feels like you never want to lose it!
If you have it in your relationship then keep it going! If you don’t then be intentional about creating it. No matter where you fall take some time out to just be with your sweetheart and ask these 5 questions to bring you and your boo closer–(remember, no judgement):
- If you had a magic wand and could change anything about our relationship, what would it be?
- Are there some things in your life you’ve never told anyone? Would you feel comfortable telling me one of them?
- What are three things you’d like me to consider doing differently in the bedroom?
- What do you think are the three most important things in life?
- What would your life be like if I weren’t in it? What things would you have done or not done?