By Lanesha Townsend
You probably already know that one of the key aspects of any healthy relationship, and even just general happiness, is a fulfilling sex life. But, with work, children, and all the daily obligations that demand so much of our attention, that’s easier said than done, right?
Though there will always be mojo challenges, the below seven steps will help you bring sexy back into your life (and keep it there):
1. Stay healthy, fit and vibrant. It not only makes us outwardly attractive and alluring to others, but helps us feel sexy, desirable and confidant as well. That confidence creates sexual energy, a seductive charisma guaranteed to awaken and maintain a partner’s sexual interest.
Naturally, the most obvious way to stay healthy and fit is to take care of yourself, use alcohol moderately, control your blood pressure and weight, eat a well-balanced diet, get regular exercise and adequate rest. And remember, regular check-up visits to your physician must be an essential part of your sexual fitness program.
Also, couples who work to stay healthy together enjoy the added benefit of building emotional closeness (a must for the bedroom) while sharing a sport or fitness activity. Taking brisk walks together, for instance, gives couples an opportunity to talk, to share ideas and feelings, and to relax their nervous systems while enjoying a healthy workout.
2. Think young, fun and yes, sexy. When you watch someone who is enthusiastic, youthful, jovial and having a good time, do you even notice how old that person is? Probably not. Most likely you just want to get to know that person and be part of the high spirits. And when you keep your attitude and behavior youthful and playful, you’ll be the person others are attracted to and want to know.
Regardless of age, an adult’s personal approach to sex is supposed to be similarly positive, titillating, erotic and creative. Whether you’re 25 or 50, feel and be sexual without guilt! Loosen up and be inventive! Go ahead and have let yourself have fun!
3. Plan on having good sex. Good sex also requires good timing. Are you a morning person? A night owl? What about your partner? The best time to make love is when you and your partner are the most responsive (as men mature, that time is usually in the morning, but many women enjoy sex more in the evening). So, good sex also requires some planning.
As often as possible, clear everybody out of the house so you and your partner can be as uninhibited as you want to be. Get rid of the kids for a while, send the grandkids home to their parents (for a change!). Once alone, take time to enjoy yourselves. Turn off the TV. Turn down the lights (or turn them all on). Why not light candles? Add music. Share the tub or shower. Play an erotic and seductive board game. Watch a romantic or sexy video. Give each other relaxing, sensual massages. Have you ever used whipped cream in the bedroom? Or peanut butter? You can’t imagine the fun you can have with ice cubes! Take off all your clothes. Or put on costumes! Make love in the kitchen. Or on a blanket in the backyard under your favorite tree at midnight. Then do it again at high noon! Let your imagination and your sense of sexual adventure lead you and your partner into a glorious world of new sensations, and favorite joys. When you run out of ideas, there are plenty of books and videos on the market to help you discover new ones. Sex will never be boring again. And neither will your life. All it takes is a little creativity, time and planning. So start!
4. The cardinal rule: Just do it. And do it. And do it! Masters and Johnson, those famous sex researchers, claimed that continuing to have sex was the “cardinal rule for preserving sexual vigor beyond middle age.” Post-menopausal women who are sexually active have less shrinkage of the vagina and higher levels of naturally produced sex hormones than sexually inactive women. Men who are sexually active as they pass through middle age and beyond maintain higher blood testosterone levels than those who stop having sex. The bottom line? If you keep on doing it, you’ll continue to be able to keep on doing it! In other words, use it or lose it! It’s really that simple.
5. Send sex messages in as many ways as you can. The key to the best relationship (sexual and otherwise) is honest communication. If you don’t talk about your sex life and feelings with each other, then how can you get your message across and let your desires be known? Sex therapists encourage open, caring communication, as well as an affectionate relationship, as some of the most important keys to enhancing sexual happiness. Achieving a closer, more loving relationship with your partner is a crucial component of your sexual fitness program, as it’s difficult for sexual harmony to co-exist with marital distance and conflict, submerged resentment, basic incompatibility or lack of positive feelings toward one another.
Any barriers to communication must be addressed because they increasingly inhibit sexual feelings as we grow older. If poor communication is a problem in a relationship, a couple should seek the help of a therapist to develop deeper levels of intimacy, love and understanding, and greater shared physical enjoyment. The reward can be a richer, fuller, more exciting life.
Remember, too, that we also send sexy messages in very simple, ordinary, even nonverbal, ways, including being relaxed and interested in each other; not drinking too much alcohol; paying special attention to body and oral hygiene; and learning new ways to touch and please one another.
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