What Is Your Love Language?

Do you know your love language? In other words, do you know what makes you feel most loved? What about your spouse? Do you know what really makes them feel loved?

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages: How To Express Heartfelt Commitment To Your Mate, after many years of counseling noticed a pattern: everyone he had ever counseled had a “love language”, a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. He also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own.

We’ve talked about how important it is to learn your own love language as well as the love language of the one you love. It can help to bridge gaps in between you and your spouse in so many ways. If you spoke English and your spouse spoke Spanish wouldn’t it be worthwhile and of supreme importance for you to learn their language? Look at this no differently.

Everyone has a love language. Below is a brief description of each love language. When you finish guessing which language you think you and your spouse are, have a discussion and see if you can do anything different to meet that need.

Taken from Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages

Words of Affirmation

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

B Intentional Family, How important is it to you to know your love language and the love language of your mate?

4 replies
  1. The1Ms.HBIC
    The1Ms.HBIC says:

    My spouse and I have taken the quiz. It was fun. My love language is Quality time and his is Words of affirmation. Thanks for the article!

  2. Cynthia
    Cynthia says:

    We did the paper version of this test in a class I took a couple of years ago. Excellent quiz. It helps you to understand what is really important to your spouse.

  3. Dave L
    Dave L says:

    I'm gonna make sure my wife and I sit down tonight and take this quiz. I think from it we will gain a better standing on how to romance the one another . There may be a selfish agenda ….she needs to know what makes me tick.

  4. Rhonda
    Rhonda says:

    This was excellent. Hopefully it will help to clear up some of the communication issues in my home. Thanks Ma'at's

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