7 Tips To Increase Your Sex Drive

By: J Brennan

Has your sex life been a bit neglected lately? Its not like you don’t care but well, it’s just finding the time and energy. It seems impossible some days because there’s work and cleaning and working out and grocery shopping and cooking dinner, laundry, kids, family commitments, friends, ironing!

When you do get horizontal you pass out within minutes. Or you’re not in the mood. Or you just can’t be bothered. Soon enough a month has passed and you can’t remember the last time you had sex. And when was the last time you kissed your partner and I mean really kissed them, not just a polite peck?

If this sounds like you and you want to get back to having a healthy sex life keep reading.

1. Start slow

If you haven’t been intimate for sometime then you might want to build up slowly to get back in synch with each other. Instead of attempting to leap from a standing start to racing speed, ease your way back into each other’s physical space by touching when you can and by being considerate with each other.

2. Surprise!

The element of surprise can be very enticing. You could try taking a long bath together, ambush your partner with a long slow kiss when they are expecting to just touch lips, buy some sexy outfit and give them their own fashion show!

3. Say what you’d like

Don’t assume that because you’ve been together for awhile that your partner knows exactly what you want. Even if they do know, it won’t hurt to tell them once in awhile.

4. Enjoy yourself

When was the last time you fell about laughing together? Or try playing your favorite music and dancing up a storm. Or buy the music that was popular when you first got together and put it on for a trip down memory lane.

5. Put it on paper

If you feel embarrassed saying what you want write it instead. The plus is that you can be as specific as you like without your face turning beetroot red and it gives your partner time to process what you’ve said and get into the mood.

6. Be There

Focus on what you are doing by stopping the internal chatter. Don’t worry that you forgot to pick up the dry cleaning, or how you need to call your mother about her birthday, or the fact that you’re out of cereal. Leave all that stuff to later. Much later. Chances are it won’t seem nearly so important once you’re done.

7. Sex stories to get you in the mood

The mind is crucial in any attempt to resuscitate your sex life. It needs to be turned on first and the body will follow.  Increasing your sex drive won’t happen overnight. It will take some effort. But it won’t happen just because you want it to be different. Try taking an active approach to getting the most out of your sex life. Of all the strategies listed above, reading erotic stories can be one of the most powerful. The secret is finding the right stories but even that isn’t so difficult anymore.

J Brennan provides guidance on love, sex, marriage and family for couples seeking more from their relationship with her website: LoveSexMarriage101.com She also has a collection of sexy stories available at Sexdrive101.com

13 replies
  1. Rose
    Rose says:

    Wow….I am 21 and in love and I hope and pray that when I am a married woman I don’t end up like some of the women commenting on this article. I hope I never become too busy to have a moment of sexual intimacy with the love of my life and man I chose to spend the rest of my life with. My mom had children a job and was PTA president and I know for a fact she was still making love to my father…granted I found it gross as a child but after reading these comments…im glad she showed me how to make it work.

  2. Nicole
    Nicole says:

    I totally agree with Nicole and Arnelle. Between getting kids off to school, cleaning the house, dropping the baby off to daycre, going to school myself, going to work, and then coming home-just to cook, clean again, help with homework, and then attempt to do my own homework-where does sex fit in? Men help out when they want to-even when you ask them to but then expect you to climb on top of them or vice versa. If he wants to-the door is wide open. I am doing it all anyhow, so if another woman wants him-guess what? she can have him. He should've married someone with a high sex drive as him, as well as someone that is willing to put important things off to satisfy him.

    • Nicole
      Nicole says:

      Because those are the real priorities. Children going to school-Priority. Working to pay bills, live comfortably, and make sure everything is able to be taken care of-Priority. Maintaining a clean house-Priority. Cooking, so everyone can eat-Priority. Finishing school-Priority. All of these things are priorities and ultimately responsibilities. Those are things that have to be done-not things that should be done to please someone for a few minutes. Maybe I see things a little different-but sex isn't something I have to have-therefore-for me it is not a priority. There are more ways than sex to be intimate with your partner.

    • Nikki317
      Nikki317 says:

      I don't think it is so much about making everything else a priority, it is about what she feels is a priority and a responsibility, and what her spouse may feel is a priority and a responsibility. She may not feel like sex is a priority, whereas her spouse does. If he is putting extra emphasis on wanting/needing sex-she may not want it as much or at all because then it becomes as if that is all he cares about. Its like forget about all the other priorities as long as the man is getting sex than everything else can wait.

  3. Nicole
    Nicole says:

    As bad as this may sound to some, I agree with Arnelle. I mean, there is alot going on during the course of a day. Children, school, keeping the house together, working, along with everything else that by the end of the day-sex is the last thing on the mind. People say that if you love your husband then you should take of him and please him, but what about pleasing the wife? I say sex is overrated, hell I wasn't dropping it like it was hot then, so why should I now that we are married….if this was the case-he should have married someone with a similiar sex drive or stayed single.

  4. Arnelle
    Arnelle says:

    This is a whole lot of work for a few minutes of pleasure. Sex is overrated. I am happy without it….why can't he be happy without it too?

    • Baby girl
      Baby girl says:

      If you love your man then you should want to please him, and make sure he is happy and well taking care of. There are plenty of women who will take care of your man sexually if you choose not to. Remember it takes to to make a marriage work…

      • Mylissa Tate-Oakley
        Mylissa Tate-Oakley says:

        EXACTLY! Women like this are always the ones to say I don't do anything but work, church, school and take care of home when in fact they REALLY aren't taking care of home between the sheets! When you find someone else has been in the sheets they get the poke mouth and rainy eyes but don't want to take time to keep things spicy! Even with kids your love life can be manageable. Women are built to be strong and versatile. In fact, its easy to start a movie night for the kids and sneak off with your hunny for a few mins of excitement! We do it all the time! Its those few mins here n there that keep the spice, knowing you were in the laundry room on spin cycle and the washing machine hasn't been on since yesterday! THAT is how we roll ! lol

        • Nicole
          Nicole says:

          The thing is this, there are a set of priorities that have to be done-a person has to go to work to help pay bills to hold the house down (in today's economy, unless your husband is making six figures on his own both parties have to work), the kids have to go to school because that is a must. The house has to be maintained because who wants to live in a dirty house? Who wants to eat sandwiches or take-out for dinner all the time? So when is there time for sex in all of this? Not to mention, children being involved in extracurricular activities, husband and/or wife going back to school to finish their education. Really? Yes women are built strong and versatile but if I have to be superwoman all the time for everyone-something has to give.

        • Nicole
          Nicole says:

          I will say this to you Mylissa Tate-Oakley, I commend you and your husband for being able to put on cartoons and sneak away, but some of us don't have that luxury. Some of us have those type of children that want mommy and daddy to watch the movie(s) with them and will follow you-if you leave the room. Some of us are just tired from all day and all week of trying to make sure everything is on the straight and narrow for the family. Some of us really just think that if I have to work on all the family responsibilities-then something has to shake and if that is sex then so-be it. Trust I will not have my mouth poked out and teary-eyed if someone else comes along and wants to sex my husband up. By all means-have at it- (gives me a reason to go do something nice for myself) but if that is all the relationship needs then why bother to put the rest of the attributes on the table?

          • Erika
            Erika says:

            THESE ARE EXCUSES!!!! It seems like you have time for everything else..but your relationship. Why be in a relationship if you are unwilling to direct time and energy toward working on it? If you love your man, appreciate your man. It's that simple.

            • Nikki317
              Nikki317 says:

              I understand where Nicole and Arnelle is coming from. It just seems like alot to have to do for a few minutes. Is a few minutes really worth it? Not really. In a relationship/marriage-there are alot of responsibilities that come with it, taking care of your spouse being one-but what happens when the husband isn't taking care of the wife? The wife is nearly breaking her back to make sure all is well with everyone but herself, and yet there is no help from the husband. Who would want to "sex-up" and please a man if he isn't holding up his end of the deal? What it boils down to is that some people measure a relationship on sex, and others base it on the whole package-the good/bad/and ugly. If there is not equal time and effort put in from both sides, then why bother for all that you could stay alone. have a V-8 and a toy…lol

    • Mylissa Tate-Oakley
      Mylissa Tate-Oakley says:

      Minutes??? Hell if all I had to worry about is squeezing in a few MINUTES then we wouldn't have any issue of sex! LOL

      My husband has NEVER went a few minutes…. I wouldn't miss it either if it was only minutes! You say Sex is overrated but obviously you haven't had any great sex at least not in a while.

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