By Dr. Linda Miles
1. CELEBRATE VALENTINES DAY EVERY DAY: Love is a practice. Say I love you in the morning and at night… more is better.Share with one another the things that give you the greatest pleasure and help one another’s dream come true. For example if you partner loves music, bring home CDs or tickets to concerts often. If your partner loves football watch with him on a regular basis. Remember these are GIFTS and are done without resentment;you are dream-makers. A good relationship is like good sex—both partners give and receive what they want.
2. HEAT UP THE BEDROOM: Since most men are visual,they appreciate lingerie.Women tend to need to be “talked up” during the day. However,everyone is different so you need a love map to one another.
3. MAKE CONNECTIONS: Research shows that happy couples connect often with their eyes, soft voice ,body language. Cool couples have habitual ways they distance. Communicate connection. Use soft eyes when you look at your partner and touch often.
4. LIVE PASSIONATELY AND NOT JUST FOR PASSION: A wise Native American once said, “As you go the way of life you will see a great chasm. Jump… It is not as wide as you think.” If your life is cool, how can your relationship stay hot?
5. IN LOVING THE SPIRITUAL IT IS DIFFICULT TO DESPISE THE EARTHLY. Develop a spiritual practice together. You can use prayer, inspirational readings, meditation. Offer gratitude to one another by sharing one thing you appreciate about your partner before you go to sleep. This practice builds a positive emotional bank account. Spiritual practice generates warmth that heats up the relationship.
6. DON’T JUST SURVIVE,VISUALIZE: Visualize your dream relationship. Close your eyes and feel the warmth and connection. Affirm what you want. Our unconscious mind is filled with negative thoughts. Retrain your brain. Many people never saw a model of a hot relationship so they need lots of visualization practice. A famous neuroscientist observed, “In the brain, practice makes permanent”
7. WE CANNOT STOP LIFE’S SORROWS BUT WE CAN CHOOSE JOY: Mother Theresa said, “Our best protection is a joyful heart” Have fun together. Act like kids. Masters and Johnson observed good sex is like two children under the sheets.
8. WAKE UP WITHOUT MAKE-UP: We cannot have true intimacy unless we drop our masks.Live every day like Valentines Day instead of Halloween!
As William Blake attests,” men and women are not alien creatures….we all want the same things”. Positive touch is so important it helps people love longer, decrease blood pressure, and improve the immune system. Renee Spitz was the first to identify that although babies in orphanages were fed and changed if they weren’t held, they’d die.
Author, Dr. Linda Miles, is deeply committed to helping individuals and couples achieve rewarding relationships. She is an expert with a doctorate in Counseling Psychology, and has worked in the mental health field for over thirty years. She has been interviewed extensively on radio, TV, and in newspapers and magazines. Find more relationship ideas and relaxation techniques on her web site and in the award-winning book she co-authored, The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth, and Train Your Brain: For Successful Relationships, CD.http://www.drlindamiles.com