Are You Really ‘Making’ Love?

By Kira Wagner

In biblical times it was referred to as “knowing”. Today the act of sexual intercourse between couples is most often relegated to “having sex” or “making love”.

It isn’t that “making love” is really negative. It’s definitely preferable to “having sex” particularly when your married.

I would just like to take a few minutes to examine how our language might be coloring our perception of the act and the relationship between a husband and wife.

When we look at the term to “know” – among other looser definitions one of them includes – “be cognizant or aware of a fact or a specific piece of information”.

To “have sex” implies the act – without emotional involvement.

To “make love” has been generally regarded as the more intimate version of intercourse between a husband and wife. Then I started thinking about it. If “love” already exists – how can you make it? If the cake is already done you don’t make it again.

In a way “making” love implies that you are attempting to create something that doesn’t exist. You may have the ingredients for love but – it isn’t there in it’s ultimate form.

So if our beliefs lead to our thoughts which dictate our actions and our intent is to “make love” with our spouse, isn’t making love a self-defeating action?

Aren’t we still trying to use the external or physical to create something internal? Something so delicate and beautiful yet blazing with passion that men and women have dedicated volumes to it’s description?

The human race has tried to expand on something that was written (1 Corinthians 13: 1-13) almost 2000 years ago where in the Greek language the word Charity was “Agape” or the broader sense of the word “Love.

And yes – much was written long before then too.

In the end – if you understand the power of your thoughts and words to initiate your actions. The next time you embrace your spouse and wish to enjoy those moments of pure bliss – remember this; you aren’t “making love” – you don’t need to create something new – you are simply sharing an intimate moment (hour or two). The physical expression of the love that already exists between the two of you.

Kira Wagner is a living example of recognizing choices to achieve tremendous results. Born to blind parents, she’s aware that the only handicaps are those we place on ourselves. Kira Wagner is a speaker, writer and coach. For more information go to

1 reply
  1. Elle
    Elle says:

    I love your truth about know and I so agree to the fact of making love. That truth and that fact working together are a wonderful encounter to experience. ;-}

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