By Ruth Purple
Another year has come by, and with this, you cannot help but to assess certain things, like how you’ve done the previous year, in your career, your relationship with your friends, your growth as a person. You try to see if you have really grown, financially, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. From this you try to set new goals again for the new year, to get that promotion, to buy that car, to go to that country, to have that amount in your bank. It is human nature to yearn stability, but with today’s career- driven world, your romantic relationship hardly gets the attention it needs, and before you know it, you don’t really know the person you are sleeping with.
Here are some signs that you have not been giving the right attention to your marriage.
Your partner surprises you… and not in a romantic way. Before you finish each other sentences and you “just know” what you husband is all about. But lately, you are surprised with what he is up to or what he is all about.
What you need to do: Give each other a moment. Set time every day where you and your spouse can talk about what happened during the day. This could be during breakfast or dinner, or the time when you are getting to bed. Give at least an hour or two talking about what went through your day or his day.
You don’t know his friends or have any friend in common. All the while you thought he was hanging out with his childhood buddy, whatsisname, but lately, you found see strangers in your living room, and in the garage with your honey-bunch, then take this as a red- flag that you have not been giving your relationship the attention it needs.
What you need to do: Ask your partner to go out, hang out, grab some beer and bring his friends along, and your friends along. While it is also healthy that you give each other time apart, it is not good for your relationship to go around with different circles. See to it that you know who his friends are, and that he interacts with your friends, too. Having friends in common is healthy for your relationship.
Your talks are all about obligation, if not chores. This usually happens to long- term couples. This is where your partner has become your roommate or housemate, who has to split the bill and work load around the house.
What you need to do: while obligation and chores help the house running smoothly, it can also put your relationship on the rough spot when put this as the centre of your relationship. Relationships are not about chores and obligations, give time to nurture your partner’s emotions.
Your sex life has become stale, or is non- existent. This may creep you out, because you swore when your relationship was young that you will not become that couple who never had sex, but now, you see yourself being that couple, where sex has become a special- occasion chore, or that thing you need to do every Friday or Saturday night before the late night weekend news comes on.
Aiming to be successful is great, but try to assess what comprises or defines success, because you might be heading the wrong way, and before you know it, you are losing the most valuable aspect in your life.