Can You Hear Me Now? Miscommunication In Marriage

By Friedrich Asen

People of two opposing ideas can stir up arguments and fights. It’s that situation when one thinks he has the right concept while the other one also believes he has the proper notion. Both of them would try to outsmart each other until one claims victory.

Here’s an actual example.

My spouse would sometimes buy me signature clothing. When my Mom founds out how much it costs, she would advise us to budget our money and just buy the affordable ones.

A problem occurs when my spouse thinks that her effort to give me the best was unappreciated. Mom, on the other hand, would think that my spouse is such a spender.

There’s a conflict with their beliefs. No two people are exactly alike. We are totally unique; not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.

There will be many times when your opinion will not correspond with that of another. So how can people prevent this kind of conflict from occurring?

Communication is the key to overcome doubts and misunderstandings.

You should let other people know what’s in your mind. Don’t keep them guessing.

There was a story about two couples who were filing a divorce. After the lawyer have spoken to them both, he found out that the root cause of all their problems was due to miscommunication.

Here’s one of the couple’s problems.

The man filing the divorce said that he just hated the breakfast meal that his wife often prepared for him. On the other hand, the wife said that she’s only preparing the meal because she thought it was her husband’s favorite. But she never liked cooking it because it’s very difficult to prepare.

See? If only one of them took the initiative to speak out what’s in his or her mind, then that particular dilemma would be over.

Now why would people prefer to keep their complaints and criticisms to themselves? What’s holding them back?

It’s because they do not want to be rejected. Most, people, if not all, would like to be accepted and to be perceived as likeable in the eyes of others.

So can you get your message across without hurting their feelings?

Substitute negative statements with positive ones.

Instead of saying “You don’t understand,” say “Let me explain.” Instead of remarking “You’re wrong,” say “Permit me to clarify.” Instead of stating “You failed to say,” just mention “Perhaps this was not stated.”

There are certain words that affect a person more negatively in comparison with other words that have the same meaning.

Nothing could be more pleasing to the ear than hearing someone else say that you are right. In this case, be prepared to let other people know that you respect their opinions. You may add your comments at the end, but acknowledge them first.

Say: You’re right, although … Great suggestion, however … I agree with your opinion, however … I would feel the same way if I were you, although … I understand your situation, however …

Reassure your counterparts that the decision made will benefit both parties. People need to feel that they have made the right choice.

Communication is a gift. Use it wisely for everyone’s advantage.

Friedrich Asen is a personal development and relationship expert, counsellor, coach and author since more than 20 years. For more highly informative articles about relationship please visit his site at

2 replies
  1. Patricia Knight
    Patricia Knight says:

    In the example of the signature clothing wife bought, and Mom disagreed with, I take issue. Love Mom, respect Mom, but keep Mom out of marital business. A wife shouldn't be having issues with her mother-in-law over something she bought for her own husband.

    Let us be careful to keep Mom a friend of the marriage, and not a foe. Take it from one who's been there; if ever there's issues between me and his mom…it's Mom who's got to go!

    If we like it, Mom's got to like it, too (or be quiet about her discontent). We've got a 19 year marriage to prove it.

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