How To Deal With Drama In Your Relationship

Drama. Issues. Craziness. A relationship without any issues is an unhealthy relationship. Yup, you read that right. All relationships need a balance of happiness and a lil hell in order to be authentic, productive, and amazingly blissful! So, don’t trip because you have a little drama….just know how to deal with it.

Listen in and we’ll give you some real good info on how to do just that!

 

We Dare You To Compromise In Your Relationship

Relationships are all about give and take. It’s those folks who are soooo committed to standing their ground that end up standing alone. Learn to compromise yall….it’s critical to your relationships longevity.

Is Your Relationship Environment Toxic?

“When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment it is in–not the flower.” There’s a lot us married folks that can learn from that statement. We need to stop focusing on and trying to fix our spouses and pay attention to how we contribute to a loving and positive (or nasty and toxic) environment. You have more power than you realize. Stop Playing. Start Pushing.


Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at, licensed clinical therapists and high school sweethearts, have been together for 22 years and married for 14. Together, they are the founders of B Intentional LLC, a personal development & relationship education company. Known for their signature down to earth and “keep it real” style. Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at have been featured on Dr. Drew’s Life Changers T.V. Show, Michael Baisden Show, Roland Martin’s Washington Watch, The Matt Mcgill Show, The Oprah Winfrey Network, and many more. While they are grateful for an abundance of opportunities to work with people all over the country committed to transcending self limiting barriers and elevating themselves and their relationships to a higher level, their most valued and important accomplishments to date are their 5 beautiful children who keep them busy, focused, centered, and laughing!

It’s Normal To Experience Stress In Your Relationship…

Many couples believe that happily ever after literally means that after you get married your relationship will be all peaches and cream. NOT. One of the functions of being in relationship is to help you evolve…to help GROW YOU UP. While growing each other up in your relationship please know that it’s normal to experience stress in your relationship and that more than likely this too shall pass!

How To Deal With A Stubborn Spouse Who Always Pushes Back

Resistant. Attitude. Can’t take criticism. Never wrong. Hard for them to hear you because they’re so busy defending themselves…. sound familiar. If this is your spouse or…maybe it’s you….this question and answer is for YOU.

A viewer wrote in and said….

Hey guys, love the show. I have a question I’d like to pose, anonymously. How does one communicate an issue with someone who is stubborn or quick to anger? Verbal aggression is a lot of the times used as a barrier to deflect an issue that need to be addressed. Serious issues as well as the minor stuff. Difficult to penetrate, even with persistence… Tips?

What are some of the ways you deal with your boo when they ain’t trying to hear you? Are you strategic? Creative? Or do you push back too? Listen in to our answer below.

BLAM Is Looking For One Lucky Couple To Be Coached For FREE By Ayize & Aiyana In A Google Hangout LIVE On Air Session!

By Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at

Yup, you read that right. We’re looking for one courageous couple to participate in a LIVE On Air Google Hangout with us. You will both share your issue and what you’re having difficulty with in your relationship and we will give you a professional balanced, un-biased real perspective from both a man and woman who are not only professional therapists but are actually married! Meaning we just don’t talk the talk—we walk the walk. So, what does this require from you?

  • Your comfort with sharing your relationship story and issue with the public. Your session will be published online and will be able to viewed by others.
  • Your ability to be transparent and talk honestly about your thoughts and feelings.
  • Your willingness to receive constructive and very honest feedback from us–The Ma’at’s. (It may be helpful to watch some of our videos so that you can become familiar with our style.)

Sound like something that would be helpful to you and yours? Your next step is to contact us by either emailing info (at)bintentional.com or CLICKING HERE. Please include Google Hangout Coaching Session in the subject line and we will be in touch. Wanna learn a little more about us? Click HERE.

We know this is going to be amazing!

Stop Playing. Start Pushing.

~Ayize & Aiyana

How To Turn Conflict Into Connection

By Dr. Richard Nicastro

“I really hate it when we argue…but I’ve also learned so much about my husband from our fights and we have a stronger relationship now.” ~Sandra, married seven years

Even the most effective communicators get into spats now and then. And despite your best efforts at marital bliss, you and your partner will disagree and argue from time to time.

But not all conflict is bad-conflict (if handled correctly) can teach you a great deal about yourself and your spouse or partner.

Relationship Help: From conflict to connection

Ideally, conflict can lead to an increase in mutual understanding and a healthy re-adjustment of your relationship, rather than estrangement. Of course, during a heated exchange it may feel like your world is ending and that you’re in love with the most unreasonable person on the planet-so how can such an unwelcome experience lead to growth?

The opportunity for greater intimacy comes after an argument, in the post-conflict analysis.

Have you ever noticed how most sporting events have a post-game analysis? By going over what happened, coaches and athletes discover what worked and didn’t, they examine their strengths (what they should be doing more of) and their areas of vulnerability (what they should change); they then set goals for how to use this information to improve future performance.

Doesn’t your marriage or relationship deserve this level of attention?

Marriage help action steps:

So here are a few post-conflict questions for you and your spouse or partner to reflect on (try to think of a few of your own):

1. What can I learn about myself (my strengths and areas of vulnerability) from how I reacted and behaved during the conflict?

2. What can I learn about my spouse or partner (his/her strengths and areas of vulnerability) from how s/he reacted and behaved?

3. How can I use this information to show more understanding and greater appreciation of my spouse or partner?

The information gathered from these questions can ultimately lead to more effective communication and greater intimacy. To get the most out of your post-conflict analysis, it will be important for you to wait until you regain your emotional footing-in other words, you should feel calm and centered while reflecting on these questions (so you may need to wait until any strong, residual feelings left over from the conflict dissipate).

You will strengthen your relationship when you make a post-conflict analysis a regular part of your marriage or relationship.   Because conflict is painful, many couples simiply ignore what happened and try to get on with there life. When you do this, however, you’re ignoring important information that can help pave the way for a more harmonious marriage or relationship. So when you set aside the time to examine the nature of conflict, you place yourself in the drivers seat of the relationship, rather than leaving the outcome of your marriage or relationship to chance.

And don’t forget, you can make a significant impact on your relationship all by yourself. So if your partner isn’t on board with doing a post-conflict analysis, you can do it on your own and change your behavior in ways that will positively impact the future of your marriage or relationship.

Why In The Hell Are We Always Arguing?

If arguments were all you saw and heard growing up then it may feel natural to argue a lot. Truthfully you might get a high, an adrenaline rush from the excitement that arguing brings. But whatever the cause, chronic arguing brings problems – and not just for the neighbors…BUT…for your relationship and your family.

Yes, most of us argue sometimes and it would be a dry ass world if we all saw things in exactly the same way. Constructive arguing is cool, but destructive arguing can destroy valuable relationships. The opposite of arguing isn’t agreement in all things, it’s knowing how to disagree and still maintain mutual respect. The biggest understanding that you can embrace is difference is o.k. Once you get that…you’ll release the need to always be right and consequently the number of arguments will decrease. CHECK OUT THE BELOW VIDEO. It contains some valuable insights that will help you deal with disagreements..AKA…BEEF.

 

Dealing With Holidays & The In-Laws

How have you dealt with special days like Christmas, Thanksgiving, Fourth of July, Easter, Memorial Day, and birthdays? Most of us might think only in terms of the way we grew up, perhaps with Mom and Dad, and expect these occasions to be celebrated the same way.

 

The only problem, now that you’re married, is whose mom and dad’s celebration of the holidays you’re going to adopt. An added challenge confronts blended families, who may have a host of combinations of relationships and traditions to consider.

 

One husband and wife, like many others, found themselves in a quandary. Where should they go for Thanksgiving? In an effort to respect the desires of both sets of parents and a grandmother, they ended up rushing from house to house. The result: They didn’t enjoy the food or the time together.

 

Sometimes practical considerations minimize this conflict. If family members live far apart, the question of where to spend the holidays may be answered when travel costs are taken into account. Often, though, the solutions aren’t quite so clear.

 

Premarital counseling may be the best place to start addressing this question; it’s frequently covered in that setting. Whether you discussed this important area of family relationships before you were married or are just now beginning to deal with it, here are some key concepts that can help you decide how and where to spend your holidays:

 

Sit down with your spouse and share—orally and in writing—how each of you feels about holidays and how they’re spent. Include major national holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and other occasions that are special to you. If it’s your family’s tradition to take a drive to see the changing autumn leaves, for instance, don’t hesitate to mention it. The same goes for marking the start of fishing season, the last day of school, or the Super Bowl.

Explain how you spent the holidays as a child. Which aspects did you enjoy? Which would you like to change? If the two of you were raised in different countries or cultures, what holidays could you learn more about? For example, a spouse who grew up in England might not realize the significance of Thanksgiving and Independence Day to a mate who was raised in the U.S.

Consider how your parents and other relatives may wish to have you involved. Perhaps a Christmas Eve service together is important to the wife’s parents, while Christmas dinner is central to the husband’s. Try to be open to the desires of family members—but not controlled by them.

Agree on how you as a couple would like to establish your own holiday traditions. Work for balance and fairness. For example, you might decide to spend Christmas morning with your parents and Christmas evening with your spouse’s (if both live close by). The following year you might spend the whole day at home as a couple—or, if you have children, with them.

Be open to changing your plan as needed. Flexibility and variation can help to avoid hard feelings when the in-laws’ expectations aren’t met. For instance, you might invite relatives to gather at your place instead of agonizing over which ones to visit. You might even take a vacation during the holidays to add variety and break the cycle of expectations.

Despite the usefulness of these steps, holiday observances still can be an emotional minefield for couples and in-laws. Here are some cautions to keep in mind:

 

It may be a lot easier for you and your spouse to change what you want for the holidays than for parents to adjust what’s been important to them for many years. Share openly with them some of your ideas and hopes for holiday times, letting them know that you value being with them.

Develop realistic expectations of how the holidays should be spent. Wishful thinking generally leads to hurt feelings and disappointments. Personality differences, physical limitations, and philosophical disagreements don’t disappear just because a particular date on the calendar has arrived. On the contrary, these factors often become more pronounced under stress—and most holidays provide plenty of that.

Holiday gift-giving can be a source of conflict and hurt. While it’s better to give than receive (Acts 20:35), most people seem to prefer a balance of the two. Exchanging presents can easily get out of hand, creating hardship for family members who can’t afford the expense. Try creative options. For example, you might give Christmas or birthday gifts to immediate family members, exchange names for other relatives, or give single gifts to family units.

There may be no specific right and wrong ways for families to spend the holidays together, but there could be better ways for you to approach holiday traditions and expectations. To keep those days worth celebrating, remember these tips:

 

 

Aim to make holiday times enjoyable and memorable.

Balance the development of your own traditions with those of the homes you came from.

Keep the focus on time spent together rather than amount of money spent.

 

From Focus on the Family’s Complete Guide to the First Five Years of Marriage, published by Tyndale. 

5 Signs That Your Relationship Is Done!

By Alex Daniels

Relationships are fragile and not everyone you meet is destined to be your soul mate. But, that’s the good thing about dating. You can meet different people so that you will know when the right person does come along. So, what are some of the indications that your relationship may be headed south? Take a look at the following 5 signs and see if your love will pass the test.

Inconvenience. Does your partner all of a sudden act as though making time for you is a burden? If you feel like your sweetheart cannot or will not fit you into their busy schedule, there may be a reason. If you’re spending more and more time apart, it may be time to make the distance permanent.

Defensiveness. When your mate isn’t where he/she is supposed to be and then becomes defensive when asked about it, you may have a problem. This may be a sign of cheating or just plain out dishonesty but, either way, it’s a good indication that the relationship is in trouble.

Dishonesty. If someone deceives you, it’s not okay. Whether it’s something that you can forgive or not, that’s a personal decision. Regardless of the deceit or it’s severity, the fact that your partner was dishonest is not an indication that the relationship is heading in the right direction. Why did this person deceive you and why did they believe it was okay? If this situation isn’t corrected, the relationship is just as good as finished either way you look at it.

Constant arguments. If you and your mate are always bickering, ask yourself what has changed within the relationship to create all of the hostility. If nitpicking is a problem, why does it seem as though the other person is always trying to start an argument? If there are legitimate reasons for the disagreements, what are they and what lead to their development? In some cases, people just change and may even grow apart. If your occasional argument has turned into a daily habit, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship and try to determine whether or not these issues can or will ever be resolved.

The rumor mill. Rumors are rumors and sometimes they may be just that. But some say there is a little bit of truth to every one. If people are talking about your mate, listen to what they are saying and decide for yourself whether or not there is any credibility to their statements. When you’re in love, your judgement may be clouded and you may even be angry at those who are talking. In deciding who and what to believe, first consider who is doing the talking. Is it someone that cares for you and has always had your best interest at heart? If so, take a good listen to what they are saying. This doesn’t mean that you should believe everything that you hear and, by that same token, you shouldn’t disbelieve it either.