WNBA Star Sheryl Swoopes Announces She’s Engaged To A Man.. 6 Years After She Publicly Announced She Was Gay

First and foremost we at BLAM want to say congratulations to Sheryl Swoopes on her engagement.  We truly wish you wedded bliss as you journey the road less traveled to deepen your understanding of self through marriage.  We always say that marriage is for grown folks and that ain’t no lie.  If you allow it..marriage will also grow you up as you encounter the increased responsibility of tending to more than just yourself.  As you’re becoming “grown” in marriage your life will certainly take all sorts of twist and turns which will hopefully strengthen your marital resolve.  Although Sheryl has not yet began her 2nd marriage, the recent announcement of her engagement is viewed as a MAJOR twist in her life.  Some are for it and some are against it.  In the end, we at BLAM hope that you’ve found true love.

By Maya Rupert

This year, Sheryl Swoopes, the three-time WNBA MVP and the first player to be signed with the league when it was created, announced her engagement to a man. This announcement comes six years after she received a lot of media attention after coming out when she announced her relationship with then-partner Alisa Scott.

Since her announcement, some people have questioned her sexual orientation. The news of her engagement has prompted some negative coverage and reactions that accuse her of, essentially, not being gay anymore. One headline calls Swoopes “NSGAA,” or “not so gay after all,” suggesting that because Swoopes isn’t currently in a same-sex relationship, she was never “really” a lesbian or she is “no longer” a lesbian. The problem is that this approach relies solely on her current relationship status to define her identity.

It’s a popular way to conceptualize sexual orientation, but an entirely incorrect and harmful one. The idea that at any given time, a person’s sexual orientation is a function of their current romantic relationship erases bisexuality completely, misunderstands how identity works, and simply misses the point. This conflation of a person’s current romantic relationship with their identity is a big part of why the “B” in LGBT has remained virtually invisible in the sports world and in the broader culture. Even as Sheryl may choose to not use a label of any kind, it is time to know that bisexual people — yes, even in sports — are a reality and valued members of our communities.

Interestingly, as I’ve found myself defending Swoopes in the wake of her announcement, I’ve noticed that the argument is shockingly similar to another point of controversy in professional basketball. In order to understand Swoopes’ identity in a way that can envision this type of fluidity, you have to understand the role and value of a combo guard.

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According To The FEMALE Dictionary….

One of the common complaints that we get from women when they take our relationship education classes is.. “he just doesn’t get me”.   That statement usually comes as a cry of frustration and a desperate desire to achieve some alignment on issues, ideas, or experiences that mean something to HER.  Unfortunately  the desire to be “in tune” is often NOT satisfied because there is a misunderstanding and misinterpretation of verbal and nonverbal cues.  Well fellas, you no longer have to sit idly in the dark making random assumptions about “what your woman meant when she said or did that”.  The below article from AOL BlackVoices provides insight into the psyche of the woman and sheds light on the “real meaning” behind her words and ways of being.  Of course, to be really clear you need to talk to your lady but this “womans dictionary” will give you clue of what she could be possibly thinking and feeling.

By Shirea L. Carroll

In order for most relationships to work, communication is essential. And although most women and men are well aware of this, the differences in how we communicate can often cause signals to get crossed. Improving communication between males and females boils down to understanding and then accepting the different styles of communication, instead of trying to change it. Especially when it comes to understanding the language of women.

Generally speaking, female communication can be very difficult for men to decipher due to the complex way women express themselves. This complexity usually comes as a result of one of two reasons. First, women are usually far more detail oriented than men, who typically communicate by getting “straight to the point.”

For example, a woman could attempt to tell her man about a certain co-worker who is bothering her at work, and somehow the story leads her to tell him details about what the co-worker had on, how many children she has, and what she ate for lunch. Sometimes when women expresses themselves, they include excessive details which can make it difficult for a man to pay attention or get the point she was trying to make.

The other most common reason men find it difficult to understand the language of a female is that we don’t always say what we truly mean. It’s baffling for a man to hear a woman say ‘yes’ and mean ‘no’, or say ‘no’ but really mean ‘yes’. So in an attempt to crack the code, here is a simple guide to understanding the language of women, or what we like to call the ‘Female Dictionary.’

‘Nevermind, Forget It
Usually said by a woman when she’s reached her first level of anger. When said, it actually means not only should you NOT forget it, but quickly figure out what you did wrong and apologize before her anger escalates.
Ex: Did you get home at 4 am? Well you should have–nevermind, forget it.

‘Excuse Me?
This is said as a response to something a female didn’t like and also serves as a warning for a man to explain what he just said immediately or retract it all together.
Synonym: What the hell did you just say to me?

‘I Love You
Women do not really say this unless they truly mean it. So ‘I love you,’ simply means I love you.

‘How Are You And Your Girlfriend?

Women never really care about the other woman, so if she is posing this question she’s subtly asking, “When are you two breaking up?”
Ex: Wow! We haven’t talked since we dated two years ago, how are you and your girlfriend doing?

‘I Didn’t Hear My Phone
Usually used as an excuse for when a woman doesn’t want to speak with you. She heard her phone and she just didn’t want to hear your voice.
Ex: What? You called? I didn’t hear my phone, it was in my purse.

‘It’s Cool
When you do something wrong and gets a woman to a point where she is overtly calm and cool about the situation, approach with caution.
Ex: I passed by your house last night and I saw your ex’s car there. No, you don’t have to explain, it’s cool.

‘I’m Done
Sadly, most women are bluffing when they say these words. Often times a woman is not emotionally equipped to end the relationship yet, and uses this phrase as a warning. It usually ends up meaning, “I’m trying to get your attention, and I’ll allow you one more chance to make it right.”
Synonyms: It’s over, I can’t do this, I give up.

‘I’m Mad, I’ll Just Talk To You Later
Women love to talk and to communicate whether or not they are upset. If she says she no longer wants to continue the conversation, what she’s really saying is that she wants you to initiate conversation. Either way, it’s a request for the man to call or text to make sure she’s okay.

‘I’m Not Looking For A Relationship

While some women would prefer to be single, most would never shun a good man unless past experiences have her in a bad place. This statement is actually a public service announcement for a man to know she’s scared about being hurt again.
Synonyms: I’m just focusing on me, I’m sick of the BS

‘Do You
She’s past the point of any type of anger or frustration and has already made up in her mind that she’s ready to move on. At this point she’s already ‘doing her’ and no longer cares how you choose to behave.
Synonyms: Makes no difference to me, go right on

‘I’ll Be Ready In Five Minutes
The biggest lie a woman will ever tell. As women, we want to look nice for out man, while slightly making other women a little jealous. Five minutes at minimum will be at least another half hour.
Formula: For the correct arrival time, take the amount of minutes she says and add 20 minutes.

‘I’m A Free Spirit’
Usually used as code when a woman wants to discreetly express her sexuality. Meaning she’s really promiscuous and proud of it. Free spirit sounds much better than hoe any day.
Ex: Yes I saw James in the morning and Mike that same night, but you know I’m a free spirit.

‘Of Course I Miss You’
If a woman gives this response after being questioned as to whether or not she missed a man, trust – she really didn’t. If a woman missed a guy she would tell him without having to be asked. Sadly, this statement really means she didn’t want to hurt your feelings.

‘He’s Not Right For Me’
Excuse used by women when they are trying to decide whether or not they should date someone. Usually said after seeing the person for a significant amount of time, and what it really means is that she likes you but is trying not to.
Ex.: I like him a lot, but he has three baby mothers. He’s just not right for me.

‘When Are We Hanging Out?’
Woman are socialized to be chased, not to pursue. If she becomes impatiently inquisitive about when you two will be in each others presence, she’s really asking when are we having sex?
Synonyms: When are you coming over; I haven’t seen you in forever; I don’t have any plans tonight

‘I Like Older Guys’
Whether a woman is 24 or 37, if she turns you down because she says she likes older men, she’s telling you’re not established or rich enough to deal with her. Keep it moving.

‘Who Is She?’
Woman want to know in detail about all women in your life, including your mother. However, most men fail to realize that when this question is asked, what it really means is that she’s already done her due diligence and knows everything about the woman in question, and therefore wants to see if you will lie.
Ex: I saw that a Tiffany is your Facebook friend now; who is she?

‘You Make The Plans’
If you are dating a woman and she puts the pressure on you to plan the date, she is pleading for you to step up your game. What she’s really asking you to do is finally impress her.
Ex: I picked the restaurant the last two times. Tonight, you make the plans.

‘You So Nasty’
Usually flirtatiously said to a man in a sexual context. When used, she really means she likes what you are doing and doesn’t want you to stop. Do not let this confuse you when you actually do something gross, like fart or burp.
Synonyms: Stoooooop

‘I Have A Yeast Infection’
Made popular when used in an episode of the hit show ‘Girlfriends,’ this phrase is said when a woman can’t think of any other excuse as to why she doesn’t want to to have sex with you at that particular time. Last resort.

‘How Do I Look?’
A humble way of a woman trying to figure out why she took five hours to get ready and you still haven’t complimented her. She is fishing for a compliment and really is asking, “why haven’t you noticed how good I look yet?”
Synonyms: Do you like my hair/outfit/nails/perfume?

‘I Have Nothing To Wear’
Your woman probably has way more clothes than you do, so if a woman says she has nothing to wear especially after an invitation from a man to go out, it’s a subtle request to go shopping in attempts not to look like a gold digger.
Ex: Wow, how nice of you to invite me that concert! Too bad I have nothing to wear.

‘It’s Complicated’
Usually when a single woman tells a man she’s is free to date but that her situation is complicated, what she’s trying to say is she’s still in love with an old flame. Single is single, involved is involved, and there is no gray area unless a woman hasn’t let go of her ex.
Synonyms: I have a lot on my plate; I’m trying to see what the future brings .

Blam Fam are there words or phrases that should be added to this list?  If you feel like your man just doesn’t “get you” here is an opportunity for you to make it plain.

Shirea L. Carroll is a journalist who has written for Essence, VIBE, Washington Post’s TheRoot.com, XXL’s Juicy, and AOL. Reporting on everything from music and entertainment to celebrity and love, she has interviewed some of today’s biggest celebrity names. Find the NJ native on her blog Invite Only, or follow her on Twitter@InviteOnly to find out “who is and isn’t invited.”

The 12 Craziest Types Of Women To AVOID

Have you ever been in a relationship with a sista that you knew wasn’t playing with a full deck?  Question……why were you in a relationship with her in the first place?….smh.  The below article is taken from AOL BlackVoices.  It will give you insight on what type of women to AVOID.

By Shirea L. Carroll

Ask a man to describe a woman, and often they’lll use some word synonymous withcrazy. A lot of men tend to think of women as emotionally unstable creatures, extremely temperamental, overly dramatic, irrational, and more. But the worst is when a man says that a woman “has issues.”

While that may be true from time to time, all women aren’t moments away from being put in a straitjacket. In fact, many actions perceived as “emotional” or “crazy” are actually warranted and justified responses to a man’s asinine actions.

For example, just because a women didn’t give you her number when you tried to holler at her on the street doesn’t mean she hates men. Women aren’t deranged stalkers just because they ask the man they’re dating why he’s been MIA for five days. The woman that’s the mother of your child isn’t an insane baby mama just because it took child support for you to finally take care of your kid.

Women are socialized to handle emotions differently than men. For example, women are shown as little girls that crying is okay. However, when little boys cry, they are taught to “man up,” making it hard for them as adults to decipher between a crazy woman and one who is simply going through it.
On the other hand, there are, in fact, women who hold on to emotional baggage until it festers into real deal issues. These women give emotionally stable women everywhere a bad rep. Here, we analyze
12 types of crazy women and teach you the difference between what’s sane and what’s a major red flag.

12. The “Why Didn’t You Call Me Back?!” Woman
Men act like they hate being on the phone, but she:

Isn’t Crazy if she’s reached out to you more than more than once after not speaking to you in 48-hour period.
She Has Issues if she texts you 11 times and calls 14 times – all in 30 minutes time span – after you told her you’re walking into church.

11. The GPS Woman
Men say they feel like a child when a woman keep tabs on them, but she:

Isn’t Crazy if she wants to know what you have planned for the weekend.
She Has Issues if she found out how long it should take you to get from point A to B, mileage on your car, or needs to know the EXACT store you are in at the mall.

10. The Love Atheist
Men love the gentle, loving side of woman, but she:

Isn’t Crazy if she says she’s taking love slow because of what she’s been through.
She Has Issues if she says that after what she’s been through, love is evil and she will never ever have any parts of it.

9. The “All Men Are Alike” Woman
As much they are guilty of doing it, men hate to be stereotyped. She:

Isn’t Crazy if she says things like, “You’re so predictable.”
She Has Issues if she frequently says things like, “All men are dogs,” “You’re just like the rest of them,” or “I hate all men.” Scary.

8. The Cry Baby
Men don’t respond well to tears, but she:

Isn’t Crazy if she cries when you miss your anniversary.
She Has Issues if she turns on the waterworks because she wants apple juice and not orange juice. Ummm…

7. The Ultra-Independent Woman
Guys often feel intimidated by an independent woman, but she:

Isn’t Crazy if she often reminds a man that she likes to stand on her own two feet and be able to do for herself.
She Has Issues if she’s always saying she “doesn’t need a man for sh*t.”

6. The Bi-Curious Woman
Believe it or not, some men aren’t aroused by girls who like girls, but she:

Isn’t Crazy if she ever thought about being with another woman.
She Has Issues if she goes back and forth between men and women every time a man hurts her.

5. The Laundry List Woman
Men watch
VH1’s ‘What Chilli Wants’ and roll their eyes with how picky Chilli is, but she:

Isn’t Crazy if she has her own list of things that she’s looking for and you don’t fit it.
She Has Issues if the list hasn’t been revised and reevaluated multiple times in the last 10 years.

4. The Everything’s-A-Big-Deal Woman
Some women do make a mountain our of a molehill, but she:

Isn’t Crazy if she screams at you for constantly not putting the toilet seat down.
She Has Issues if she thinks that, because you were 5 minutes late, you were out cheating – and doesn’t talk to you for a week.

3. The Fiend
Needy women quickly turn a man off, but she:

Isn’t Crazy if she asks, “When am I going to see you again?”
She Has Issues if she makes up some cockamamie scheme to force you two to see each other, or hates when you hang out with anyone but her.

2. The Lone Ranger
Men get fearful of the woman who has been single for too long, but she:

Isn’t Crazy if she’s working on personal goals and levels of success while single.
She Has Issues if she has 36 cats and shrine of her ex.

1. The Victim
A woman playing the victim can be annoying to men, but she:

Isn’t Crazy if she express exactly how and what she’s learned from her love failures.
She Has Issues if she starts of sentences with, “I used to be so ____,” and has let her past experience destroy her self confidence, self-esteem, and self worth.

Men need to realize that they are not beyond reproach; we all struggle at times from life’s obstacles, but it’s tiresome for a woman who has her mind and heart right to have to fight against the crazy stereotype when all women aren’t jaded. Know what you’re dealing with before you start labeling.

Shirea L. Carroll is a journalist who has written for Essence, VIBE, Washington Post’s TheRoot.com, XXL’s Juicy, and AOL. Reporting on everything from music and entertainment to celebrity and love, she has interviewed some of today’s biggest celebrity names. Find the NJ native on her blog Invite Only, or follow her on Twitter @InviteOnly to find out “who is and isn’t invited.”