One of the common complaints that we get from women when they take our relationship education classes is.. “he just doesn’t get me”. That statement usually comes as a cry of frustration and a desperate desire to achieve some alignment on issues, ideas, or experiences that mean something to HER. Unfortunately the desire to be “in tune” is often NOT satisfied because there is a misunderstanding and misinterpretation of verbal and nonverbal cues. Well fellas, you no longer have to sit idly in the dark making random assumptions about “what your woman meant when she said or did that”. The below article from AOL BlackVoices provides insight into the psyche of the woman and sheds light on the “real meaning” behind her words and ways of being. Of course, to be really clear you need to talk to your lady but this “womans dictionary” will give you clue of what she could be possibly thinking and feeling.
By Shirea L. Carroll
In order for most relationships to work, communication is essential. And although most women and men are well aware of this, the differences in how we communicate can often cause signals to get crossed. Improving communication between males and females boils down to understanding and then accepting the different styles of communication, instead of trying to change it. Especially when it comes to understanding the language of women.
Generally speaking, female communication can be very difficult for men to decipher due to the complex way women express themselves. This complexity usually comes as a result of one of two reasons. First, women are usually far more detail oriented than men, who typically communicate by getting “straight to the point.”
For example, a woman could attempt to tell her man about a certain co-worker who is bothering her at work, and somehow the story leads her to tell him details about what the co-worker had on, how many children she has, and what she ate for lunch. Sometimes when women expresses themselves, they include excessive details which can make it difficult for a man to pay attention or get the point she was trying to make.
The other most common reason men find it difficult to understand the language of a female is that we don’t always say what we truly mean. It’s baffling for a man to hear a woman say ‘yes’ and mean ‘no’, or say ‘no’ but really mean ‘yes’. So in an attempt to crack the code, here is a simple guide to understanding the language of women, or what we like to call the ‘Female Dictionary.’
‘Nevermind, Forget It‘
Usually said by a woman when she’s reached her first level of anger. When said, it actually means not only should you NOT forget it, but quickly figure out what you did wrong and apologize before her anger escalates.
Ex: Did you get home at 4 am? Well you should have–nevermind, forget it.
This is said as a response to something a female didn’t like and also serves as a warning for a man to explain what he just said immediately or retract it all together.
Synonym: What the hell did you just say to me?
‘I Love You‘
Women do not really say this unless they truly mean it. So ‘I love you,’ simply means I love you.
‘How Are You And Your Girlfriend?‘
Women never really care about the other woman, so if she is posing this question she’s subtly asking, “When are you two breaking up?”
Ex: Wow! We haven’t talked since we dated two years ago, how are you and your girlfriend doing?
‘I Didn’t Hear My Phone‘
Usually used as an excuse for when a woman doesn’t want to speak with you. She heard her phone and she just didn’t want to hear your voice.
Ex: What? You called? I didn’t hear my phone, it was in my purse.
When you do something wrong and gets a woman to a point where she is overtly calm and cool about the situation, approach with caution.
Ex: I passed by your house last night and I saw your ex’s car there. No, you don’t have to explain, it’s cool.
Sadly, most women are bluffing when they say these words. Often times a woman is not emotionally equipped to end the relationship yet, and uses this phrase as a warning. It usually ends up meaning, “I’m trying to get your attention, and I’ll allow you one more chance to make it right.”
Synonyms: It’s over, I can’t do this, I give up.
‘I’m Mad, I’ll Just Talk To You Later‘
Women love to talk and to communicate whether or not they are upset. If she says she no longer wants to continue the conversation, what she’s really saying is that she wants you to initiate conversation. Either way, it’s a request for the man to call or text to make sure she’s okay.
‘I’m Not Looking For A Relationship‘
While some women would prefer to be single, most would never shun a good man unless past experiences have her in a bad place. This statement is actually a public service announcement for a man to know she’s scared about being hurt again.
Synonyms: I’m just focusing on me, I’m sick of the BS
She’s past the point of any type of anger or frustration and has already made up in her mind that she’s ready to move on. At this point she’s already ‘doing her’ and no longer cares how you choose to behave.
Synonyms: Makes no difference to me, go right on
‘I’ll Be Ready In Five Minutes‘
The biggest lie a woman will ever tell. As women, we want to look nice for out man, while slightly making other women a little jealous. Five minutes at minimum will be at least another half hour.
Formula: For the correct arrival time, take the amount of minutes she says and add 20 minutes.
‘I’m A Free Spirit’
Usually used as code when a woman wants to discreetly express her sexuality. Meaning she’s really promiscuous and proud of it. Free spirit sounds much better than hoe any day.
Ex: Yes I saw James in the morning and Mike that same night, but you know I’m a free spirit.
‘Of Course I Miss You’
If a woman gives this response after being questioned as to whether or not she missed a man, trust – she really didn’t. If a woman missed a guy she would tell him without having to be asked. Sadly, this statement really means she didn’t want to hurt your feelings.
‘He’s Not Right For Me’
Excuse used by women when they are trying to decide whether or not they should date someone. Usually said after seeing the person for a significant amount of time, and what it really means is that she likes you but is trying not to.
Ex.: I like him a lot, but he has three baby mothers. He’s just not right for me.
‘When Are We Hanging Out?’
Woman are socialized to be chased, not to pursue. If she becomes impatiently inquisitive about when you two will be in each others presence, she’s really asking when are we having sex?
Synonyms: When are you coming over; I haven’t seen you in forever; I don’t have any plans tonight
‘I Like Older Guys’
Whether a woman is 24 or 37, if she turns you down because she says she likes older men, she’s telling you’re not established or rich enough to deal with her. Keep it moving.
‘Who Is She?’
Woman want to know in detail about all women in your life, including your mother. However, most men fail to realize that when this question is asked, what it really means is that she’s already done her due diligence and knows everything about the woman in question, and therefore wants to see if you will lie.
Ex: I saw that a Tiffany is your Facebook friend now; who is she?
‘You Make The Plans’
If you are dating a woman and she puts the pressure on you to plan the date, she is pleading for you to step up your game. What she’s really asking you to do is finally impress her.
Ex: I picked the restaurant the last two times. Tonight, you make the plans.
‘You So Nasty’
Usually flirtatiously said to a man in a sexual context. When used, she really means she likes what you are doing and doesn’t want you to stop. Do not let this confuse you when you actually do something gross, like fart or burp.
‘I Have A Yeast Infection’
Made popular when used in an episode of the hit show ‘Girlfriends,’ this phrase is said when a woman can’t think of any other excuse as to why she doesn’t want to to have sex with you at that particular time. Last resort.
‘How Do I Look?’
A humble way of a woman trying to figure out why she took five hours to get ready and you still haven’t complimented her. She is fishing for a compliment and really is asking, “why haven’t you noticed how good I look yet?”
Synonyms: Do you like my hair/outfit/nails/perfume?
‘I Have Nothing To Wear’
Your woman probably has way more clothes than you do, so if a woman says she has nothing to wear especially after an invitation from a man to go out, it’s a subtle request to go shopping in attempts not to look like a gold digger.
Ex: Wow, how nice of you to invite me that concert! Too bad I have nothing to wear.
Usually when a single woman tells a man she’s is free to date but that her situation is complicated, what she’s trying to say is she’s still in love with an old flame. Single is single, involved is involved, and there is no gray area unless a woman hasn’t let go of her ex.
Synonyms: I have a lot on my plate; I’m trying to see what the future brings .
Blam Fam are there words or phrases that should be added to this list? If you feel like your man just doesn’t “get you” here is an opportunity for you to make it plain.
Shirea L. Carroll is a journalist who has written for Essence, VIBE, Washington Post’s TheRoot.com, XXL’s Juicy, and AOL. Reporting on everything from music and entertainment to celebrity and love, she has interviewed some of today’s biggest celebrity names. Find the NJ native on her blog Invite Only, or follow her on Twitter@InviteOnly to find out “who is and isn’t invited.”