My Biological Clock Is THUMPING! I Need To Get Pregnant NOW!!!

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[yframe url=’http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_Mecx8cEZs’]

VIDEO: Hey BLAM Fam…check out the below question from a viewer and let us know what you think.

Hi,

Great website!!! thanks for all of the MUCH NEEDED help!

Our problems always arise when talking about finances, we are trying to get back on track after the economy hurt my husbands business and we need to have a vasectomy reversal as my clock is ticking, which we need to pay for too. It is a very emotional situation for me and i keep on being forceful and having no patience because I’M SCARED I am so maternal and I am 38 i love my husband so much  but  he does not want to go into further debt by getting a loan and I DO! because i want to get it done quickly!!  If i have to wait for us to save it it could take 6 months before we are ready to start trying. I feel so angry and emotional. He is working very hard and I am too and the moment and i really don’t want further debt i know i should just trust God but i feel SOOO sad at the moment. I have a great faith but sometimes i just can’t see the positive anymore. Please help!! x

Black Women & Wealth: Gender Disparity Even Among Black 1 Percent

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By Shartia Brantley

A review of the 2007 Survey of Consumer Finances data reveals a troubling disparity: the top black 1 percent of households by income did not include a woman as head of the household . The same is true for for Hispanics. This doesn’t mean female-headed households do not exist among the top income earners, but their numbers appear to be small.

“It’s somewhat depressing, but it kind of shows us for every Sheila Johnson or Oprah Winfrey, clearly hundreds of thousands are financially struggling and not where they want to be in terms of income and net worth,” says Lynnette Kalfani-Cox, Co-founder of Askthemoneycoach.com, a free financial advice blog.

Black women lack participation in so-called “wealth builders,” says Wilhelmina Leigh, Senior Research Associate at the Joint Center for Political and Economic Studies , Leigh says looking at the drivers of wealth underscores the scarcity of black women in the top 1 percent.

“Look at the major forms of wealth — owning a house, stocks, bonds and business ownership. African-Americans fall short and African-American women especially fall short in terms of having those things,” says Leigh. “So it’s not a mystery at all. It’s an unfortunate and very explainable reality.”

Ironically, black women are earning more college degrees their male counterparts, but have not been able to capitalize on that advantage when it comes to building wealth.

According to the U.S. Department of Education, black women earned 66 percent of bachelors degrees conferred to African-Americans, versus 34 percent for black men in the 2008-2009 academic year.

“Women are not on the ‘wealth escalator,'” says Mariko Chang, author of Shortchanged: Why Women Have Less Wealth & What Can Be Done About It. “These are things that help people convert their wealth more quickly.”

They include fringe benefits such as company sponsored retirement accounts and health benefits. Chang says women are more likely to work part-time jobs that don’t offer these benefits.

A black woman 1 percenter, who asks not to be identified, says “the critical thing necessary in building wealth is that you have to take risks. Women who want to have children and a family have to bet harder , younger.”

CLICK HERE for the full article at TheGrio.com.

The One Woman Show In My Head Is Robbing Me Of My Peace

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By Lana Moline

The place where I get mad the most is in my mind.  I scream, cry and have a full tantrum all in my head. You see I’m too composed to loose it with the sets of peering eyes standing around jumping to conclusions.  I wouldn’t have that.  So instead, I retreat into my mind way behind the smile and MAC lipglass.  While my neighbor is sharing how great her daughter is doing in dance class, I’m having a knock down, drag out fight in my head because I’ve determined that whatever has happened and whoever has wronged me deserves all of my attention all of the time.  But then I hear something that snaps me back to the present.  “Are you ok,” my neighbor says.  Although I say yes, the blank look on my face says otherwise.

The problem with this is that I’ve given one situation too much power and not put it in its proper perspective. I’ve let it interfere with other areas of my happy existence where it should not have been welcomed.  Life is a highway of experiences and we know all too well how uncomfortable traffic jams are.  The majority of the delay in traffic jams is because other drivers slow down just to see and once they see what is going on then they continue on their way.

So what if we allowed every single setback, disappointment or offending word to cause a major traffic jam in our lives?  The flow of progression would consistently be stalled or delayed and it may even jam up others who are around and those private knock down sessions that happens from time to time would be counterproductive all around.

What I now understand is that sure I can get mad and I may have some onlookers who witness but something amazing can become of that.  As I allow the time to let it go and process, I can challenge myself to move past the pain to accept the lesson and that’s the beauty of it all.  The flaw in having this one woman show in my head was that it robbed me of peace and stifled my witness and the long-term effect of that cycle could have been tragic.  We all need one another to help us to STOP PLAYING AND START PUSHING!  This one is my thank you to The Ma’ats for sharing the journey.

Lana Moline is a freelance writer and poet who lives in Ft. Worth with her three kids and husband Emile. Married 11 years, both media professionals have vowed to maintain integrity in all aspects of print and broadcast journalism.Visit her at www.lanamolinespeaks.wordpress.com


3 Reasons To Love The “Other Woman”

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By MrsSays

Look at her.  She’s gotten her hair done and made sure her nails have gotten their proper treatment too.  Consideration has gone into her clothes and she switched out her handbag to coordinate.  She looks and feels good.  She has her fair share of responsibilities but she gets it all in.  She takes time for her interests and appreciates the value of her social life. She obviously loves herself.  No wonder your husband loves her too.

Before you get into your fighting stance let me clue you in…the other woman is YOU! Before you were married and before the babies and the bills and parent-teacher conferences she was YOU! Before you start expressing how much of my mind I must have lost if I think you have the time/money take a look at a few reasons you need to love the other woman again.

1) For you: If is counter-intuitive but you can’t be the wife, mother, friend or employee that you want to be if you take any time to energize yourself. It is pretty easy to roll your eyes at your husband and yell at your kids when you are tired and mourning your former life. Even the Proverbs 31 woman took time to share her talents for her own sake.

Proverbs 10: 22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple

It is only right that you reserve some of the intellect, know-how and general flyness you share with your family with yourself. You deserve it.

2) For your kids: Your kids should be the reason instead of the excuse for you to invest in yourself.  With all of the negative images out there the last thing they need to think is that a wife and mother should be a martyr and self-care is reserved for the single.  Modeling behavior is the best way to teach a skill.  The best way to show your children how a wife and mother should be treated is to treat yourself well.

3) For your marriage: Marriage is not 50/50.  It requires 100% of both of you. Your husband loves ALL of you including the other you. Giving your true self is a precious and valuable gift.  Continuing to preserve and cultivate yourself will insure that neither of you is clueless as to what to do with yourselves and your relationship after the children are grown. Do both of you a favor and make sure he experiences the best of both worlds in you.

Do you make taking care of yourself a priority? Do you think it is feasible if you have a young family?

About Mrs Says: 11 years ago  I became a partner in this thing call marriage.  My middle school sweetheart became my husband and I started to become someone else.  This isn’t a bad thing…as a matter of fact it is a very GOOD thing but either way it is a different thing.The point of MrsSays is to celebrate the world of Marriage from a woman’s point of view and to express all of the ups and downs, challenges and triumphs in the life of a married woman. I encourage you to be the the best YOU in your marriage, speak your mind and hopefully grow with me. Read more from MrsSays at http://mrssays.com/

Chicago Grandmother Started A Safe Haven For Kids In Her Living Room

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In Diane Latiker’s mind, it’s all been about the strength and mercy of her Lord and savior. How else can you explain how a 54-year-old mother and grandmother’s most vulnerable and frightening times resulted in her most courageous stand?

Eight years ago, Latiker stood utterly petrified over the mere thought of her 13-year-old daughter simply venturing outside their far South Side Chicago home. So rampant and random was all the violence in their Roseland neighborhood that in the last four years alone nearly 400 teens have lost their lives to gang-related violence.

It led Latiker to begin erecting a stone memorial just steps from her home to commemorate all the fallen and “shock the community” into action. To date, there are some 220 stones standing, with orders for more than 150 more.

“The gangs were everywhere, even right next door,” Latiker said of her motivation to start the Kids Off the Block community program in the living room of her home in 2003. Today, the now nationally recognized program has served more than 1,500 11- to 24-year-olds and Latiker is being saluted among CNN’s Top 10 Heroes of 2011.

“People said I was crazy because I let kids into my home that I didn’t even know,” said Latiker, the mother of eight children and grandmother of 13. “How could I not? We are losing a whole generation to violence. I’ve had six gangs in my home at one time. But that was the only safe place for them to be and I found that they respected that. We were in my dining room, then we moved into my bedroom, at one time there were more than 75 young people in my three rooms.”

What Latiker also soon found is that perhaps things aren’t nearly as hopeless as they may have sometimes seemed. “It started with me taking my daughter and some of her friends to the movies, swimming or whatever,” said Latiker, who over the years has gone as far as to sell the family television to generate funds for the program.

“Soon we were meeting in my living room to talk, do homework, just to be safe,” she added. “The kids started talking about how they wanted to be doctors, singers, performers. They didn’t just want to be out there running up and down the streets.”

And the more they sensed how much Diane Latiker cared, how much she believed in them, the more they grew to have confidence in themselves.

“Miss Diane, she changed my life and I love her for that,” said Maurice Gilchrist. Now 15, Gilchrist tells the woeful tale of how he joined a gang at 12-years-old and seemed destined for a life in the streets before he just so happened upon Latiker’s overcrowded home one snowy evening.

“We always we used to jump on people, rob, whatever,” said Gilchrist, who now earns good enough grades to compete in football for his high school team and has dreams of earning a scholarship. “You name it, I would be there. Without this program, I would be locked up, dead or somewhere beat up.

Latiker, who quit her job as a cosmetologist to be on hand for the program full time, beamed as Gilchrist spoke. No matter how many times she’s heard stories like it, she always soon finds her herself dabbing at her eyes.

Learn more about Diane Latiker and the work she does with young people by visiting her HERE.

Source: Blackamericaweb.com. Read the full article on HERE

Should Black Women Participate In “Slut Walk”?

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By Ayize Ma’at

This past weekend New York hosted it’s first SlutWalk, a protest march organized in response to the suggestion that women must mind what they wear in order to prevent sexual assault and harassment.  The Toronto based movement is sweeping the globe and has managed to galvanize support and drum up disdain within the black community.  In An Open Letter To SlutWalk Organizers From Black Women, several influential black feminist and allies have stated,

As black women and girls we find no space in SlutWalk, no space for participation and to unequivocally denounce rape and sexual assault as we have experienced it. We are perplexed by the use of the term “slut” and by any implication that this word, much like the word “Ho” or the “N” word should be re-appropriated. The way in which we are perceived and what happens to us before, during and after sexual assault crosses the boundaries of our mode of dress. Much of this is tied to our particular history. In the United States, where slavery constructed black female sexualities, Jim Crow kidnappings, rape and lynchings, gender misrepresentations, and more recently, where the black female immigrant struggle combine, “slut” has different associations for black women. We do not recognize ourselves nor do we see our lived experiences reflected within SlutWalk and especially not in its brand and its label.

Now, I completely “get” the reverberating declaration that a woman’s clothes do not give a man license to physically, mentally, emotionally, or verbally violate a woman.  I “get” that.  But what I don’t get is an attempt to birth a movement based off of a march called “Slut Walk”.  According to dictionary.com a slut is: 1. a dirty or slovenly woman  2.  an immoral or dissolute woman; prostitute.

A “cause” that is more than worthy of recognition, and is inflammatory enough to turn nearly everyone “on” has unfortunately turned a lot of people “off” because of it’s name…”Slut Walk”. Again I “get” that your clothes don’t give any man license to harass you.  Hell, if you walked down the street butter ball naked, NO MAN HAS THE RIGHT TO PHYSICALLY VIOLATE YOU.  With that being said, please understand that how you identify yourself and how you present yourself impacts those around you.  What type of impact are you having if you’re participating in a “Slut Walk”?

BLAM Fam what do yall think?  Are you down with the “Slut Walk” movement?  Do you agree with the opposition to the movement?

Are We Ruining Our Women?

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By Ilex Bien-Aime

I hear men complaining about damaged women all of the time. If you were to listen to most men, you would believe that we are always the correct and sane sex, while women  are crazy and always wrong. Too bad life is never really that black and white. Long before the book “Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus” was written, men and women knew that we could not have come from the same planet. In all honesty men and women really don’t see eye to eye on most subjects. At the same time though, we see and know more than we  let on that we see and know.

I’ve written before that “Men are Vultures” because like the bird, we like to attack what we consider to be weaker prey. Men love opportunity and we will pounce on you when you are at your weakest point. Unless a man has been hiding under a rock all of his life, he generally knows the biggest weaknesses of women. Like a trained boxer, if he sees a cut under your eye, he will keep punching at it so that he can exploit it. This is why I can’t defend men completely when women attack us for our misdeeds.

Back in the day men used to lie to women in order to get what they wanted. Over time we realized that there was no need to lie. We can now tell you the truth and still get the same results but without the negative names and labels that women used to apply to our deceit. At some point most women have heard “I am not looking for a serious relationship”. If you haven’t heard it, trust me you will. That is the famous clause that both men and women use however the “male lawyer mind” has perfected it.

Telling a woman that we are not looking for a serious relationship is our way of saying, just in case something goes wrong with this little “agreement” we have, you don’t have grounds to disrespect me or be upset because I told you so from the beginning. If you look back at my article, “Your Weaknesses Used Against You,” you will see I have written that men know exactly what we are doing when we tell you we are not looking for anything serious. We know that women tend to say that they are cool with this arrangement at first but the law of averages will tell you, that most women cannot handle It. The man thinks that because we can say “I told you so,” we are somehow exonerated.

Men, like women, love to be in relationships. The difference between the sexes is that at some point women tend to want one man and men tend to want many women with that main woman leading the pack. Men want the benefits of being in a relationship but do not want the responsibility of the relationship. So he is willing to take you out, come over  your house to watch “Love Jones,” and in many cases spend quality time with you doing whatever. He will unofficially be your man but trust me, he officially still believes that he is not your man.

Deep down fellas, we are ruining our women because we use what we know are their weaknesses against them, for our own selfish gain. If you know that women think a certain way and you still choose to do certain things, you should hold yourself accountable for your dishonesty. You are purposely riding this gravy train and in many cases are purposely being misleading. You really don’t care that she will be hurt in this, all you care about is getting what you can get for as long as you can get it.

I understand that this is frustrating for both sides. On one hand we are telling women the truth. One the other hand women claim to understand and maybe even believe that they can survive the “just friends” category, yet both sides are GUILTY! Men are guilty because we know the results of this game before we start to play and women are guilty for deciding to play and then screaming foul once the game gets heated.
For my future daughters, I hope that men will change and learn to be more responsible. At the same time, if men never change I write this so that my future daughters and other women will decide not to get caught up in this foolish game.

My name is Ilex Bien-Aime and I live in Washington, DC with my lovely wife. I write as a man who has seen women mistreat themselves and who have allowed themselves to be mistreated. I write as a man who wants to give my future daughters a guideline on how to deal with men. Lastly I write what I write because my female friends are always asking my opinion about these situations.  Connect with Ilex at Iamsayingit.blogspot.com or via email at ilexbienaime@gmail.com

An Open Letter To My Single Sisters: He’s Married.. LEAVE HIM ALONE.

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By Neysa Ellery Taylor

Recently, I was at dinner with several women. One of the steamy topics of discussion was the fact that ”Tamicka” was being sought after by a new beau. But this beau had one problem – he’s married.   Tamicka was quick to point out that he was separated.  But the question I asked was, “Isn’t separated still married?”

Tamicka’s friend jumped to her defense and stated that the man was about to be divorced. But me being me re-iterated, “about to be divorced is still MARRIED, right?”  Lots of folks are about to be something. Some folks are about to be employed, about to be in school, about to be pregnant, about to be thin, about to be in rehab. About to be speaks to where you want to be, not to where you really are. And this is a dangerous slope when you are talking about many things. If you use the aforementioned examples, those about-to-be folks are currently unemployed, uneducated, without child, fat, and a crackhead.

So here is my question for women: When did it become ok to get romantically involved with a married man? I am not even going to touch on those in committed relationships.  For this rant/post I will only talk about married folks. (Cheating boyfriend and girlfriends can relax and take a deep breath.)

Those close to me know that I love Denzel Washington. I mean really love Denzel – from Mississippi Masala to Pelham 123. And I have joked about attacking him if I ever met him. But the reality of it is, he is married and I respect that. Period. End of story.

Ohhh, I hear you whispering, “This must be a recent feeling. She must have gone through something that made her feel this way. Something must have happened.” Well, for the haters let me tell you – call my girls and ask them – my position on this hasn’t changed from the time I started dating to now. Why? Because while I might not of always believed in God’s power, I believed in karma. What goes around, comes around. If you take someone’s husband, then later on someone will take yours. I firmly believe that. This a belief is deeply rooted in my soul. So let’s talk. I’ll calm down. I’ll give every mistress/jump-off /#2 /chick-on-the-side a chance to make their case.  So, what do you have to say?

“There’s a shortage of good black men. What am I to do?” Be strong and wait for a single man to come. Have fun with your friends and your life without coveting someone else’s life.

“But he is my soul mate. We were meant to be together. If we had only met first.” Ummm, but you didn’t. So he isn’t your soul mate. Due to the covenant that he made with his wife, their souls are now intertwined. Their destiny’s are connected. Remember that part in the wedding where the pastor says that “let no man put asunder?” Yeah, that included you.

“If his wife was doing her job, he wouldn’t be over here.” Not true. Are some wives trifling? Yes. Are some wives busting their asses to take care of their families? Yes. She could be the best looking, well educated, best lover in the world and he could still act a fool. His missteps are not a reflection of her shortcomings.

“But he is wonderful. He does XYZ.” Yes, he is wonderful. Do you want to know why? Because his wife is washing his clothes. His wife is feeding the kids. His wife is cleaning the house. His wife is taking care of business. You don’t see the day to day activities. You don’t see the husband gassy, or trifling. All the mistress sees is the PR agent. As much as I love Denzel, I know that his greatness is mostly attributed to Pauletta. And my favorite church-going mistress line is this one:

“But I am praying that the Lord will move him from his wife and deliver him to me.” Do you really hear yourself? God isn’t a thief. He will not carjack someone’s marriage for you. What God has for you is for you? Not what God has for me is for you. How did you miss that in church? Pray for your own husband to be revealed.

So let me be nice for a moment. I know women are tired of the crap on the dating scene. Most of my friends are single and believe me, I’ve heard it all. But being lonely, broke, tired, or impatient is no reason to settle for a married man. Did you ever think that your own blessing/soulmate/husband could be around the corner but you are blocking that blessing because of your disobedience? Don’t you want someone all to yourself? That you can spend nights and holidays with? I hope so. I want it for you and I pray that you find it. I really do.

CLICK HERE to read Part 2 “An Open Letter To Married Men: She Ain’t Your Wife…LEAVE HER ALONE!

Neysa Ellery Taylor lives in Nashville, Tennessee with her husband, Chris, and their 4 children – Asyen, Maya, Preston, and Patrick.  An Emmy-Award winning journalist, she hopes to share her passion for marriage and God through her writing.  You can read more of her work at www.myriadthatisme.blogspot.com.

VIDEO: Confronting Sexism, Misogyny, and Hyper-Masculinity In Hip Hop

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By Team BLAM

For decades there have been constant complaints around the representation of black women in the rap industry. The industry itself has managed to suppress the deafening disapproval expressed by both black men and women who are concerned about the presence of sexism and misogyny in the rap game.  That’s no surprise.  The voice you hear is usually the one with the most money, power, influence, and unfortunately in the world of rap the woman is undervalued, marginalized, and consequently unheard.

This is not cool.  The condition of our community can be determined by the psychological, emotional, and spiritual condition of our women.  If we don’t take care of our women and our women don’t take care of themselves….who do we expect to do it?  Oh…I guess the rap industry will.  Smh

We, at BLAM want to give a shout out to award winning film maker Byron Hurt for having the courage to challenge the misrepresentation of women in hip hop through his documentary Hip -Hop: Beyond Beats And Rhymes. He’s shaking up popular notions by taking on misogyny, sexism, and hyper-masculinity.  He’s being intentional about shaping and shifting people’s paradigms by making us all aware that when it comes to the rap game it’s way more to it than what meets the eye.

Thank you Byron

Ladies & Gentlemen: Stop Giving Your “Gift” Away

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By Ilex Bien-Aime

I was reading Men’s Health Magazine not too long ago when I ran across an article titled 30 Secrets Women Keep. In the article women say that they would not tell there partner how many men they had slept with. The article goes on to say that even if she does give you a number of men she slept with, odds are she’s probably lying to you. If that’s  not bad enough they say, “Her lie is partly intentional (she doesn’t want to appear a floozy), but mostly it’s sexual amnesia. When a woman wants to pretend an encounter never occurred, she simply scraps the man from her official score sheet.”

Many women try to stay away from this conversation because we live in a society that does have double standards. Let’s be honest about this for a second, if a woman has slept with x amount of men, even other women look at her in a negative light. For men however, it is almost accepted that he has “sown his royal oates.” When watching a scene in the movie Better Than Sex the female character admitted to having had 27 sexual partners while the male character admitted that he had slept with somewhere between 40-50 women. Am I the only person that sees something wrong with this picture?

I am not writing about the double standards amongst our sexual practices. That is beyond old and quite frankly a stupid argument. What I’m writing about today is the gift that we have given away. Most of us who have gotten married, did not get married as virgins and though some of us have a conservative number of sexual partners, others will probably put Wilt Chamberlain to shame. This my friend should not be. If you have had sex with one more person other than your spouse, you have already given away your gift.

Many of us were raised in the church and taught that we should not have sex before marriage. We were taught that this was the design of  God. Sex is meant to be enjoyed and is a beautiful thing. It is meant to be the gift that you give to your spouse and only your spouse. Now a days sex is just a thing. It no longer holds any real significance to us because everyone is doing it. These days even elementary school kids are having sex. How sad is that?!

People think that their sexual past is just that, their sexual past. They believe that you should not worry about their past because that past does not involve you, but I disagree. In the movie For Colored Girls one of the main characters is seen in the doctor’s office crying with her husband because they cannot have kids. She admits to him for the first time that she had contracted a disease from another man some time ago and this is the reason that she can’t conceive. Her past had now become their past.

This isn’t just on women. Men are just as guilty. Because of our foolish ways we have spread disease throughout the land. On top of that, we run around getting women pregnant and in many cases random women. Before you know it, we have two and three baby mommas. Your past is not just about you—especially not when some of those crazy baby mommas come knocking on your door. Your future wife may not be all that accepting when she sees how much child support has to be paid on a monthly basis. She wants to be the first and only mother of your child.

These things are the outward consequences of past sexual relations. What about the inward things? In a survey from Men’s Health Magazine 51 percent of women said that is was natural to fantasize about other men while having sex. Though some men could care  less about what a woman is thinking during sex, I caution you that this is not a good thing. Make no mistake that men are guilty of this also but something that seems so innocent can become a big problem. Now you are starting to compare your partner to your old sexual partners. Trust me nothing good can come of this. Before you know it, your past is now staring your present and future directly in the face.  You’ll start to find yourself getting upset because your spouse does not do the things that someone else used to do. We are supposed to come into a marriage with the same amount of sexual experiences–zero. We are supposed to create our own sexual history and not have it blurred by other people.

We spend so much time worrying about fulfilling our sexual urges that we do not think about the future consequences of them. If you asked a man to give up his Rolex watch, he would want to know what he stood to gain from the exchange. If you asked a women to give up her new Christian Louboutin shoes, she would not give them up without a fight. Yet we give our bodies to just about anybody that smiles at us right. How many of us have people that we can’t remember in our sexual archives? How many of us have people that we hate in those archives? Sex is supposed to be the closest that you can ever be with someone. You are physically inside of another human being and to so many of us it means nothing. The once great gift that only one should have had the privilege of opening, is no longer valued the same way God designed it to be. So to you non-married readers out there I ask you, how long will you continue giving your gift away?

My name is Ilex Bien-Aime and I live in Washington, DC with my lovely wife. I write as a man who has seen women mistreat themselves and who have allowed themselves to be mistreated. I write as a man who wants to give my future daughters a guideline on how to deal with men. Lastly I write what I write because my female friends are always asking my opinion about these situations.