5 Signs That Your Relationship Is Done!

By Alex Daniels

Relationships are fragile and not everyone you meet is destined to be your soul mate. But, that’s the good thing about dating. You can meet different people so that you will know when the right person does come along. So, what are some of the indications that your relationship may be headed south? Take a look at the following 5 signs and see if your love will pass the test.

Inconvenience. Does your partner all of a sudden act as though making time for you is a burden? If you feel like your sweetheart cannot or will not fit you into their busy schedule, there may be a reason. If you’re spending more and more time apart, it may be time to make the distance permanent.

Defensiveness. When your mate isn’t where he/she is supposed to be and then becomes defensive when asked about it, you may have a problem. This may be a sign of cheating or just plain out dishonesty but, either way, it’s a good indication that the relationship is in trouble.

Dishonesty. If someone deceives you, it’s not okay. Whether it’s something that you can forgive or not, that’s a personal decision. Regardless of the deceit or it’s severity, the fact that your partner was dishonest is not an indication that the relationship is heading in the right direction. Why did this person deceive you and why did they believe it was okay? If this situation isn’t corrected, the relationship is just as good as finished either way you look at it.

Constant arguments. If you and your mate are always bickering, ask yourself what has changed within the relationship to create all of the hostility. If nitpicking is a problem, why does it seem as though the other person is always trying to start an argument? If there are legitimate reasons for the disagreements, what are they and what lead to their development? In some cases, people just change and may even grow apart. If your occasional argument has turned into a daily habit, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship and try to determine whether or not these issues can or will ever be resolved.

The rumor mill. Rumors are rumors and sometimes they may be just that. But some say there is a little bit of truth to every one. If people are talking about your mate, listen to what they are saying and decide for yourself whether or not there is any credibility to their statements. When you’re in love, your judgement may be clouded and you may even be angry at those who are talking. In deciding who and what to believe, first consider who is doing the talking. Is it someone that cares for you and has always had your best interest at heart? If so, take a good listen to what they are saying. This doesn’t mean that you should believe everything that you hear and, by that same token, you shouldn’t disbelieve it either.

9 Interesting Facts About Divorce For Black Couples

By Charreah K. Jackson

Falling in love is easy. Falling out of love is a little more complicated – especially when it leads to a divorce. Chicago matrimonial attorney Lester L. Barclay has guided more than 1,000 couples through divorce and shares his insights in the new book The African-American Guide to Divorce & Drama: Breaking Up Without Breaking Down. We caught up with the happily married father to get his surprising findings from the frontlines of divorce in the Black community.

#1 It Takes A Village to Get a Divorce
“When you’re Black, you’re not just married to one person, you’re married to a family. You’re married to a community. You may be married to a church. We’ve always embraced the concept that it takes a village. In many instances, people’s outside influences have significant impact over how we view things. It’s ‘I can’t make a move unless I talk with my pastor.’ We see litigants who will stand up before the judge and say I want to pray about this first or I want to talk this over with my family. Other people don’t always understand the position of community and family structure. For instance, you’ll have a grandmother who will come to court and the judge will say, ‘Well this is between the mother and father.’ Well in many instances, that grandmother is the one who is taking care of the kids.”

#2 Women Pull the Purse Strings
“What makes our divorces different is that our community is formed around a matriarch. African-American women tend to be better-educated and higher-wage earners so when you’re ending a marital relationship the economic factors come into play. If you have an African-American woman who has her master’s degree and she’s married to someone who has a high school diploma and works at the post office, she’s not going to voluntarily pay alimony for maintenance to him. And so, the whole negotiating position of African-American women is much stronger when you see that they control the money. 40 or 50 years ago we were renters, now we’re owners.”

#3 Mental Health Neglect and Marriage Don’t Mix
“African-Americans don’t do as well with getting therapy. So for Black people who are having marital problems that may lead to divorce, we’re resistant to any kind of intervention by mental health. We perceive that, if I have to see a therapist, than something’s wrong with me. Often times, we don’t have the same resources available to us that the broader community has and even when we do have those resources, the stigma can be very challenging. For instance, African-American men rarely want to do therapy. And sometimes, Black women will say, ‘I’ve got to go see a lawyer and I’ve got to get out of this because I think we’re spinning our wheels. The train is stuck in the depot and because he won’t seek therapy.’”

#4 Conditioned for Call and Response
“When we go to church, we yell out, ‘amen.’ If the preacher is off-tune, then you’re, ‘Oh Lord, please help ‘em.’ We’re just a more expressive people. I’ve seen White judges and lawyers who don’t fully understand how we express ourselves. A couple could be fighting like cats and dogs before the judge, but in the hallway, they are back friends again. And the judge looks at them and says, ‘Oh my God those people are out of control.’ But they might drive back in the same car. Just because we express ourselves a certain way, doesn’t necessarily mean that others understand what we mean when we express ourselves.

#5 A Bad Marriage Can Have a Good Divorce
“Just because you have failed at your marriage, you shouldn’t fail again with a divorce. The drama from a divorce can often determine the course of how things progress in the future. If you end your marital relationship in an amicable way, that often sets the tone for how you interact in the future. But if it’s hostile and he’s angry at her or if she feels a sense of betrayal, all those things will likely not be forgotten. He will always remember that she cannot be trusted. She will vilify him. 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce, whether in the church or outside of the church. We have to look at how we can end marriages in a peaceful way that gives dignity to both parties and keeps in mind doing what is in the best interest of the children if involved.”

#6 Divorce is for Spouses, Not Children
“All children of a divorce are impacted by their parents’ divorce. Most children will tell you that they want their parents to be together. But they have little control over the outcome of a divorce situation. What tends to happen in the African-American community is that many fathers who get divorces from their spouses simply divorce the whole family and walk away. I have seen lawyers who don’t look like myself who will think, ‘I’ve gotten her the house, I’ve gotten her the kids. I’ve gotten her alimony.’ But that wife is saying, ‘more important than all those things is that he has a relationship with our children at the end of the day.’ That lawyer thinks he or she has done a great job for that client and at the same time, they don’t recognize the impact this is having on this family in the future. When a father divorces his children, when he divorces his spouse is a very tragic thing in our community.”

#7 Different Skills Needed for Divorce
“Divorce is the ultimate disposal of the marital relationship. We plan for weddings, we plan for funerals but we do not plan for divorce. I tell folks considering divorce you need to look before you leap because for an African-American woman who has been dependent upon a husband for health insurance, there’s a possibility that you may lose your medical coverage. There’s a possibility that you may go from living in a home to living in an apartment. So all these dynamics go into the ending of a marriage, which can also be expensive. If you do decide to get divorced, settle your emotional issues before you begin dealing with your legal issues to avoid a drawn out and procey process. If you take a custody battle to court, it could easily cost you $30,000 to $75,000 in legal fees.”



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Why Do We Stay In Relationships We Should’ve Left A Long Time Ago?

By Rachel Dack, MS, LCPC, NCC

Unfortunately, it is all too common to stay in an unhealthy or toxic relationship. In fact, most people can relate to over-staying in a relationship with a partner who was not right for them, who displayed major red flags, or treated them poorly. Many admit to staying in a relationship even though their gut repeatedly told them to get out.

So, why do we stay in relationships that bring us pain and unhappiness or continue to engage with partners who are not good for us?

There are many reasons, although fear and insecurity are the biggest two. When contemplating whether to leave a relationship or not, fear often kicks in. Questions surface: Will I ever find love again? What if I end up alone forever? These questions ignite fear. Common fears include being alone, being single and not being able to find a partner who treats you well. These ideas create a spiral of negative and catastrophic thinking which makes it even more difficult to leave an unhealthy relationship.

You might have had early childhood experiences or family, peer and romantic relationships throughout your life that resulted in you feeling inadequate or undeserving. Insecurities, regardless of where or when they originated, can certainly keep you in the wrong relationship, especially if you do not ultimately believe that you deserve better.

As distressing as your toxic relationship is, you also know what to expect from it. This creates a sense of false security in something that is really detrimental to your health and makes you believe that it is scarier to leave. For example, being able to predict that your partner will yell at you and degrade you each night might feel less anxiety provoking than making a huge change to end the relationship and deal with the unknown. You might even grow to believe that things will get better and change so you continue to ignore your gut.

There are other key components that keep us with toxic partners. Many report that they stay in unsatisfying relationships due to finances, kids, not wanting to break up their family, or move.

Here are a few points to consider if you know you should leave, but find yourself staying:

1. Understand the signs of a toxic relationships and trust how you feel.

Are you constantly being put down, feel fearful of being your true self or feel drained after most interactions with your partner? Does your partner try to exert power over you, control you, manipulate you or change you? Answering yes to these questions are true signals that your relationship is detrimental to your well-being. Healthy relationships are filled with respect, compassion, love, and support.

2. Assess what is keeping you in the relationship.

Is it fear, finances, pity or not wanting to break up your family? Are you afraid to be alone or question if you will find the loving partner you deserve? What are the factors that keep you stuck?

CLICK HERE to read more.

9 Things You’re Gonna Face When Dealing With Divorce

By Elizabeth Shaw

Even when ending your marriage is the right choice, it’s still hard — and not always in the way that you expect it to be. We all know that about half of marriages end in divorce, but not a single one of us ever thinks it will happen to us — which is why it can feel all the more unreal and heartbreaking when it does. In those early days, especially, it’s easy to feel like you won’t get through the next hour — let alone the whole day. Here’s what we wish we’d known.

1. You’re Braver Than You Know

You’re going to hear a lot of people telling you that you’re taking the easy way out and that you should suck up all the hurt and sadness because you took vows or because it’s better for the kids. Ignore them. It takes a huge amount of courage to stand up and demand a better life for yourself, your kids, and, yes, even your ex. Making a change is always harder than sticking with the status quo, so be proud of yourself. As for the kids: They deserve to have happy parents who can actually be present for them — and they deserve the chance to see what a healthy relationship looks like so they have a shot at having one someday, too.

2. Telling the Kids Will Be One of the Hardest Moments in Your Life…and You’ll Have to Explain It More Than Once

When it’s time to tell the kids, share the news together. Try not to demean or blame each other. And if it’s within your means, get advice ahead of time from a therapist. How the children react will, of course, depend on their age and temperament, but be prepared for anger, tears, screaming or even silence. They may blame one of you outright (rightly or wrongly). They may blame themselves (the hardest). And if they’re older toddlers or young preschoolers, there’s a good chance they’re not going to get it right away. Which means you’ll have some version of this conversation again and again.

3. Once News is Out, People Will Tell You They’ve Had a Bad Feeling About Him for Eons

You’ll ask them why they never said anything before. They’ll say, “Oh, you know, I didn’t feel like it was my place,” or “I didn’t think it would change anything…you were so in love with him.” Both may be perfectly true, but having this information now isn’t helpful or supportive. Feel free to say as much.

4. Friends Will Disappear and/or Take Sides

Obviously, you enter every relationship with your friends and his friends, and when you split, your people go with you. What’s harder is dealing with friendships you genuinely shared. For a while, you may still see each other solo, but as time goes on, some of those relationships will fade. Divorce makes people uncomfortable, and sometimes, it’s easier for them not to be around it. As unfair as that is and as hard as it may be to let go, it may be for the best. Surround yourself with people can see you for you — divorce and all.

5. You May Cry Spontaneously (And That’s Okay)

The trigger could be anything: A family walking down the street. A pregnant woman. A co-worker announcing her engagement. Or the fact that the dumb cable people are three hours late and why can’t something just go right?! Go ahead and let it out. You’ll feel better. And look, there are some things you might just not feel like doing for a while, especially if it involves celebrating someone’s marriage or baby. Try to go anyway. Yes, you’ll need to put your game face on but your friends, who’ve been there for you, still need you there for them.

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It Is Time To Get Out Of Your Toxic Relationship

Viewer Question: My husband and i have been separated for year,at times he blames me for everything,he loves me oneday,screams and is foaming at the mouth the next,i know there has been other women,but he has denied it because of his job,so that i think has held us back?i dont…im texting hundreds  a day,calling and calling,he will reply that he loves me,that he misses me?but still isnt back?when i ask why and why so long he will repeat that he is coming home,and put it out like  it was my fault again.i dont know im on pin and needles,have tried everything!!!!he is a master  in reverse physc .i love him dearly,i want to believe him,what in the world can i do?if i ask when he is coming home,sometime he will get mad,say things like im trying to wound him up??i just dont get anyh of this…its been a year,he says he will be back to hang lights?still isnt,he can say the most beautiful words,but hasnt been around n awhile,how do i get him back,how can i grab his attention and open his heart again to me?

Allow us to help you gain a better understanding of what’s going on in your relationship so you can have the love you deserve and desire. CLICK HERE to get your

Angry Wife Gives Sermon About Her Minister Husband Being A Wolf In Sheeps Clothing

Wow!!! This is really crazy y’all.  Divorce is not a laughing matter but this was funny..lol. Check out this video of an angry wife named Anjenette, who appeared on “Divorce Court” and gave Judge Lynn Toler a sermon about how she thought she was marrying a man of God, but her minister/husband turned out to be “a wolf in sheep’s clothing.”  Of course this story is littered with Tom Foolery ….but that’s what you get when you get ladies when he proposes to you while he’s living in a crack house.  Check out the video to hear her “preach” her points…and hear him defend himself against his wife, who he calls, “a hood rat minister”.

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Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at are relationship experts and internet marketers who have been featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network, Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers, TV One, and other media outlets.  They are helping people build healthy relationships and build home based businesses.  To learn how you can MAKE MONEY while working from home CLICK HERE.  To get INDIVIDUAL or COUPLES  COACHING from Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at CLICK HERE.

Important Things To Consider When You Decide To Separate From Your Spouse

By Alexander Naz

Couples separation, whether legal or physical, does not always mean it will lead to divorce. There are many cases where a separation means a time for renewed commitment and forgiveness. In most instances, couples separate with the hope of saving their marriage. It works sometime. After all, getting off an antagonistic and painful experience could give you sufficient perspective to go back in each other’s arms after several weeks or months and work things out.

Aside from the emotional aspects of couples separation, there are logistical problems that must obviously be considered. You will have to establish a new home, contend with financial matters as well as issues that are related to household responsibilities and children. It is vital that a couple who is considering separation sit down and decide on such issues. Who will be taking care of the children? How will conjugal financial issues be dealt with? Not taking care of such issues beforehand can turn them into lingering issues during the separation. This will make it difficult to be objective and assess the relationship.

Couples separation is a period where a couple can retire into separate corners and consider the issues that both are having in the relationship. They could consider their individual feelings and honestly think about the realities of divorce or reconciliation. If you are really trying to rebuild the union, it is vital that a line of communication between you and your spouse be kept open. It is as vital that you give yourself time and space, which is necessary in regrouping and sorting things out. Try finding the balance between spending energy and time on strengthening and making yourself more decisive and working out your marital issues. In addition, you should always consider the value of a counselor or family therapist in bringing a successful resolution to your situation.

There are cases where couples separation is more about creating a transition that is less severe than divorce, and less about relationship evaluation. If you, your spouse or both of you definitely decided that you no longer want to be in the marriage and are not willing to work on it, it should be communicated. It is not fair to keep such feelings back simply because you are afraid of eliciting a reaction or you feel guilty. The couples separation will not be able to gauge the potential and strength of your marriage accurately if both you and your spouse are not honest with each other.