The Very Awkward First Kiss

By Miss B. Haved

First dates are a mess — a big, huge, filthy, uncomfortable mess. Just give me a set of stirrups, a small, cold room and a hospital gown and I’d feel more at ease.

At some point during a date, you look at the other person and think one of two things — “Is he going to try to kiss me after this date?” or “Please don’t try to kiss me after this date.”

 A diagram of the first kiss

It’s really kind of silly when you think about it. You meet someone for the first time, they buy you dinner and a couple of drinks and you end your time together with one of the most intimate things two people can do together? You don’t lock lips with your dentist after you see him for the first time. You don’t swap spit with your boss at the end of the day (most people don’t, anyway). Why is it somewhat implied that you’ll kiss someone you’ve only known for a few hours just because you spent a couple of hours together?

To kiss or not to kiss: What’s more awkward?

Those of you who saw Enough Said starring the late James Gandolfini and Julia Louis-Dreyfus likely remember that excruciating moment at the end of the date when Gandolfini leans in for the kiss goodnight and Louis-Dreyfus pulls back and says that’s she’s not sure yet. Brutal. Just brutal. This scenario proves that not kissing can be just as awkward as kissing someone you barely know.

To kiss or not to kiss can drive a gal to distraction. I’ve been in both situations, but I must admit my dating experiences seem to end up in the “How am I going to get out of the kiss goodbye” category.

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5 Things That Will Kill Your Man’s Mood In The Bedroom

There is no worse let down for a man than to be in an amazing sexual experience only to be turned off by something that his partner knowingly or unknowingly does to send his arousal from seven to zero. Through a poll of about 100 men, I have compiled a list of the top five things women can do to turn men off during sex, and all of these things can be avoided with proper preparation. Take a look at what men are saying will send their libido south during sex.

1. Bad Hygiene
Bad breath, poorly cleaned genitals and bad bodily odor were at the top of the list for things that can turn a man off during sex. To avoid sending your partner running for the hills, make sure to brush your teeth thoroughly before sex as well as shower. If you believe your vagina is harboring a smell that is unnatural to your natural scent, consult your doctor to ensure you do not have a pH imbalance caused from a buildup of bacteria or from an infection.

2. Lack of Confidence
Complaints about feeling or looking fat, being unsure of sexual skills and complaining about it and being afraid to be seen naked in the light are all confidence issues that men wish would be left outside of the bedroom. Having confidence in yourself while in the nude and during sexual performance helps your partner to enjoy your company as much as he would want to with no limits. If you are insecure about your weight, adopt a cleaner diet consisting of green veggies, lean protein and low carb and low sugar intake. If you are unsure of your sexual skills, take a few sexual technique classes or read up on new techniques to spice up your skills. Watch adult performers use tricks that you may be able to use in your own personal life, and above all, ask your partner for guidance and help in aiding in the enhancement of your sexual skills.

3. Too Much Talking
Communication during sex is vital to know what does and doesn’t work for your partner, but when the talking goes outside of the sexual moment into other topics or when the talking becomes a list of demands, a man can only stand it for so long. If you would like to vent about your day or talk about who will be rearranging the furniture, leave that conversation for before getting into a sexual situation or afterwards. If you would like to tell your partner how you want to be pleasured, use wording that is less demanding and give suggestions (e.g., can we switch to this position? This feels much better than that. I love it when you do this that way, etc.)

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Truth Or Lie? Having Anal Sex Will Save Your Sex Life

After Cosmopolitan contributor, Anna Breslaw, chatted with a 39-year-old mom who loves anal sex, she got to thinking about the precise ways in which anal is taboo — and how to mythbust them. Clinical Sexologist and Marriage and Family Therapist Dr. Kat Van Kirk weighed in on what’s true about anal, and what’s not.

The myth: It will hurt. 
The truth: Anal sex doesn’t have to hurt. It’s often just done incorrectly. Many women find it incredibly pleasurable, and some even report having orgasms with them. If you and your partner start slow, work your way into insertion with smaller implements like fingers and sex toys and use plenty of lube, pain will be the last thing on your mind.

The myth: Once it hurts, it will always hurt. 
The truth: So you tried it once and insertion hurt really bad. You made your partner stop and vowed never to go “back” there again. You don’t have to shut the backdoor because of one or two negative experiences. Most of these experiences have to do with not following the above instructions: go slow, graduate in size and use lube. Plus there is a nice trick to get you relaxed. If you also stimulate your clitoris at the same time it can encourage the pleasure over pain response.

The myth: Only “sluts” have anal sex. 
The truth: You’ve always heard that bad girls are the only ones willing to have anal sex. In actuality, anal sex has been voted the number one taboo sexual behavior that heterosexual couples want to try. So obviously, we all can’t be sluts. There’s a natural curiosity about our bodies and if there is pleasure to be had, you should feel you can explore that in a safe and healthy way.

The myth: Having anal sex will save your sex life. 
The truth: Yes, I have actually heard this in my office more than once. It usually has to do with a couple that has more than once sexual issue, especially a female who might be inhibited about her sexuality and it is getting in the way of her sex life with her partner. Some men behold anal sex as the holy grail and if they can just get their wives and girlfriends to partake then the floodgates (so to speak) about sex would open in general. Those other issues need to be worked out ahead of time and then if and when she feels open to the experience should they approach the subject. If she is just doing it out of fear of losing her relationship, she probably won’t enjoy it anyway.

The myth: Your man won’t respect you later. 
The truth: So he got what he wanted from you and now wants nothing to do with you? I’m sure this happens occasionally but with more than just anal sex but any sort of sexual activity. Most men though, are modern enough to see anal sex as just one component of healthy sex life. And because of the taboo of anal sex, it might actually help you feel closer and more emotionally bonded to your partner.

The myth: It will cause you physical damage. 
The truth: Having any sort of sex the “wrong way” could cause damage. Think about it: If you are vaginally dry and don’t use additional lube, you can cause micro-tears in the vagina. The same thing can happen in anal sex. Granted the vagina does create it’s own lubrication usually (depending on hormones etc.) and the anus does not but that just means real lube (not saliva) needs to be used for a healthy experience.

The myth: You don’t need to use condoms when you have anal sex.
The truth: This is a misconception because many people think that because there is no pregnancy risk that you also don’t need to use a condom. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Most STDs are transferrable through the anus (chlamydia, gonorrhea, infectious hepatitis and HIV). Some even more so, because the lining of the anus is much more thin and can be broken more easily if too much dry friction occurs (again, please refer to the importance of lube use).

The myth: Once you give your partner anal sex, it will be all he wants. 
The truth: It’s no secret, many men do cop to the fact that they enjoy the additional tightness the anus affords as compared to the vagina. But most men don’t want to give up the main entry either. Vaginas are still revered. Anal sex tends to be a “treat” mixed into your regular sexual repertoire of play.

The myth: Your anus will get all stretched out. 
The truth: Just like the myth that the vagina gets irreparably stretched out from childbirth, this is also a misconception. There were rumors in the late seventies of groups of men who engaged in so much anal activity that they actually lost control of bowel movements. Regular, healthy use of anal sex will not lead to this outcome. Through regular anal sex, your anus does learn to become more relaxed but much of that has to do with your ability to relax yourself mentally for the act. And we all know that the vagina accommodates a wide range of penises, the anus can too — with the right introduction.

The myth: It’s dirty (literally). 
The truth: This is probably one of the biggest misconceptions I run across. The anus and the lower part of the rectum actually have very little fecal material in them, which means it tends to not be nearly as dirty as you think. This doesn’t mean you should transfer the elements into the vagina by having anal sex and then vaginal sex though because they are two different environments, even microscopic fecal elements can cause vaginal infections. Just be sure to as with antimicrobial soap before vaginal re-entry or just end your sexual exploits for that evening with anal sex. Regardless, if you are still concerned, you can always have a bowel movement prior followed by an enema, if you want to be squeaky clean.

 

To see original article click HERE.

Fellas Don’t Forget The Foreplay

By Tyomi Morgan

It is of no surprise to me that the average couple only spends one to four minutes on foreplay before jumping right into the penetration portion of intercourse, considering we live in a day and age where everything is quick, on the go and instant. Somewhere through the decades, we have lost sight of what foreplay is really for. We’ve substituted it with quick, lackluster oral stimulation and saliva to lubricate, but did you know that foreplay is what turns women on and ensures a lasting sexual experience? Let me explain…

Men are easily aroused by sight and sound and can become erect and ready to enter within three minutes. However, it takes women a bit longer to become stimulated and ready to be penetrated (anywhere from 10-15 minutes). Foreplay is a set of physical and mental acts that help ignite the desire for sex, as well as help lower inhibitions in your partner to help you gain his/her trust. When a woman is stimulated before actually being penetrated, her vagina will produce secretions that will help lubricate the area to reduce friction during movement, and her cervix will widen and recede further back toward the uterus to allow a better fit for the penis (the vagina at a resting state before arousal is only about 2.75 inches deep).

If a woman experiences dryness or pain during sex, more than likely her partner hasn’t warmed her up before trying to start the race.  It’s just like jumping into a car in the middle of winter and driving it without letting it warm. Chances are your car will run slow for a few minutes and you may be causing damage to your car in the long run.  When you skip foreplay, you put your partner at risk for tearing, bleeding, pain and a rough experience. More foreplay equals a wider cervix and more lubrication, which encourages better and longer sex.

So, if you are looking for a few quick tips on how to incorporate more foreplay into your sexual experiences, look no more!  CLICK HERE to get your quick tips.

If Strangers Can Kiss….Why Can’t You?

Natural passion exists between two people when given the chance to come out. It may be hard to allow it to come out in your relationship because you’ve got soooo much “stuff” invested…BUT..it’s still possible. You’ve just got to give it a try. Check out the below video where complete strangers push past the awkwardness and engage in a first kiss. What can you learn from their ability to push past their discomfort for the sake of connection?

You don’t have to allow the passion to die in your relationship. If you’ve grown comfortable with turning away from your spouse it’s time to switch it up and do something different. In the below video we show you how it’s done and how you can do it too.

5 Yoga Moves That Can Improve Your Sex Life

By Kristen Droesch

It’s an old joke that you should always stretch before sex, but nothing could be closer to the truth. Stretching and exercising will go a long way to improving your sex life. And what better way to combine the two than with yoga? Here we have five yoga moves to stretch you out, strengthen your body and get you ready for the big moment.

Move 1: Sat Kriya Meditation
Position yourself with your heels beneath your buttocks. Raise your arms over your head, interlocking your hands with your index fingers pointing to the ceiling. Use the chant “Sat Nam.” On “Sat” pull in your bellybutton, and release on “Nam”. You should focus on pulling energy into your body and releasing it peacefully, as well as lifting and lowering your pelvic floor.

Why you should try it: A form of meditation, this move strengthens core muscles as well as the perineum.

Move 2: Child’s Pose
Again, begin with your heels beneath your buttocks. Your big toes should be touching, and your knees set as wide as your hips. Exhale as you lower your torso to your thighs, and move your arms either straight out of front of you (palms down) or aligned along your bent legs (palms up). Lengthen your spine from your tailbone to your neck and relax into the pose. You can hold this position for anywhere from 30 seconds to several minutes.

Why you should try it: This simple but effective position relaxes you and allows you to center yourself, making for a much more enjoyable time together. Remember, the mind is the sexiest organ!

Move 3: Downward Facing Dog
Begin on your hands and knees. Lift your hips, slowly straightening your arms and legs. You should end in an inverted V position, with your heels touching the floor (but only if you can. If you feel resistance, stay on the balls of your feet). Keep your hands flat on the floor, shoulder-width apart and hold the pose for several breaths.

Why you should try it: This pose hits several important pre-coital points. It will relax the body, stretch the back and pelvis, and just generally boost your confidence (who wouldn’t feel confident in such a powerful pose)?

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My Husband Can’t Satisfy Me And I Feel Sexually Deprived

Viewer Question: I am seriously addicted to PORN!!!!! I cant get enough of my husband and he cant keep up.  I been seeing a therapist about my unhealthy relationship with food. The therapist recommended I find something else to do with my time other than eat. Therefore I have been losing weight and watching porn. I don’t want to be honest and tell my therapist what I HAVE BEEN DOING to replace my eating. But…. I really need help!!!! I LOVE LOVE my husband. He is amazing, but he is not interested in trying NEW sex things! I wanted to buy toys and he is not interested. Since, I been watching the PORN, I NEED MORE SEX!!!! I FEEL SO SEXUALLY DEPRIVED!!!!

What’s up y’all we are Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at….a married couple that has been together since high school. Yup…high school sweet hearts. We have Fo’… not four… but Fo’ incredible children…who keep us on our toes all the time : ) We are relationship therapists, coaches, and experts that have been featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network, Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers, TV One, and other media outlets. We are helpers…we are healers….and we are here to serve you.

If you or someone you know would like to have INDIVIDUAL or COUPLES coaching from us please CLICK HERE

To learn how you can work with us, have a business around whatever your passion is, and EARN MONEY ONLINE…. CLICK HERE

Do You Know Your Sexual Rights?

By Amy Jo Goddard

Given the latest attacks on women’s sexual and reproductive rights and the responses of many critical thinking lawmakers about men’s sexual rights, I thought it was high time I posted the actual Declaration of Sexual Rights.

I’ve often heard people’s surprise at the idea of having sexual rights. I hope you’ll give some thought to the eleven rights that my colleagues at the World Association for Sexology drafted back in 1999 in order to bring into the light how important it is that we address sexuality as a fundamental part of who we are and of our total freedom, equality and certainly, our pursuit of happiness.

DECLARATION OF SEXUAL RIGHTS   Adopted by the World Association for Sexology, Hong Kong, 1999.   Sexuality is an integral part of the personality of every human being. Its full development depends upon the satisfaction of basic human needs such as the desire for contact, intimacy, emotional expression, pleasure, tenderness and love.   Sexuality is constructed through the interaction between the individual and social structures. Full development of sexuality is essential for individual, interpersonal, and societal well being.   Sexual rights are universal human rights based on the inherent freedom, dignity, and equality of all human beings. Since health is a fundamental human right, so must sexual health be a basic human right.   In order to assure that human beings and societies develop healthy sexuality, the following sexual rights must be recognized, promoted, respected, and defended by all societies through all means. Sexual health is the result of an environment that recognizes, respects and exercises these sexual rights.

1. The right to sexual freedom. Sexual freedom encompasses the possibility for individuals to express their full sexual potential. However, this excludes all forms of sexual coercion, exploitation and abuse at any time and situations in life.

2. The right to sexual autonomy, sexual integrity, and safety of the sexual body. This right involves the ability to make autonomous decisions about one’s sexual life within a context of one’s own personal and social ethics. It also encompasses control and enjoyment of our own bodies free from torture, mutilation and violence of any sort.

3. The right to sexual privacy. This involves the right for individual decisions and behaviors about intimacy as long as they do not intrude on the sexual rights of others.

4. The right to sexual equity. This refers to freedom from all forms of discrimination regardless of sex, gender, sexual orientation, age, race, social class, religion, or physical and emotional disability.

5. The right to sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure, including autoeroticism, is a source of physical, psychological, intellectual and spiritual well being.

6. The right to emotional sexual expression. Sexual expression is more than erotic pleasure or sexual acts. Individuals have a right to express their sexuality through communication, touch, emotional expression and love.

7. The right to sexually associate freely. This means the possibility to marry or not, to divorce, and to establish other types of responsible sexual associations.

8. The right to make free and responsible reproductive choices. This encompasses the right to decide whether or not to have children, the number and spacing of children, and the right to full access to the means of fertility regulation.

9. The right to sexual information based upon scientific inquiry. This right implies that sexual information should be generated through the process of unencumbered and yet scientifically ethical inquiry, and disseminated in appropriate ways at all societal levels.

10. The right to comprehensive sexuality education. This is a lifelong process from birth throughout the life cycle and should involve all social institutions.

11. The right to sexual health care. Sexual health care should be available for prevention and treatment of all sexual concerns, problems and disorders.   Sexual Rights are Fundamental and Universal Human Rights

Most of these rights are either currently being violated systemically in the U.S. or proposed amendments and bills will be in violation of them, should they pass.

In case you missed it, Oklahoma State Senator Johnson proposed the “spilled semen amendment” to the Oklahoma state personhood bill, which grants rights to an embryo. In an interview she said that, “Anytime a man spills semen anywhere than in a woman’s vagina he would be deemed as violating this proposal.” Check out the full interview on NPR where lawmakers debate our sexual and reproductive rights.   This is a serious slippery slope. Pay attention!

What Is True Intimacy?

By Patricia Beck

Lately, meditations center around Intimacy. The frequency of which it is longingly spoken of by both genders has been sucker punching me with astounding regularity in the last few months.

  • Love and Intimacy
  • Fear of Intimacy
  • How to achieve Intimacy

It is everywhere in the media, obnoxious in its ubiquity.  Clients talk about lacking it, friends chat about it in various public places and everyone, in a relationship or not, wants it or to somehow improve it.

As I listen deeply to the content of conversations around this most confusing of subjects, it becomes obvious that few really know what it is.  Some call manipulative jabbering intimacy, while others seem obsessed with domesticating it and yoking to a predetermined course.  Almost all think of intimacy in terms of a romantic relationship and nothing else.

In any event, few possess the knowledge that true intimacy requires; that real intimacy is about being in that moment fully active and present with all that is happening within you and around you.  Real intimacy is not about some supposedly advanced Tantric sexual technique or  artificial “I feel..” statements.  These are delusions of closeness, prostituted and pimped out as the real thing. It is the quick fix for those seeking the easy route to intimacy.

When Intimacy is applied to love, it should be simple to be in that moment with your lover, to hear his breath, to absorb the sight of his long thighs and to be delighted with the playful idea that they seemingly are as long as your arms.  Or see her beautiful neck, swooping down into a graceful curved shoulder and to deeply appreciate the art of it.  And this is it; true intimacy, particularly in the context of love, is gratitude and wonder.  Simple to say and yet there is so much more depth beyond the superficial meaning of the mere words we all utter on these occasions.

Words make it difficult to tune out our chattering monkey mind so we can be really intimate with what our lover is. Our lover drowns in a barrage of our needy words and we choke ourselves with these meaningless sounds.  Noisy mental interference is why most people never achieve the even the basic moments of intimacy so desperately yearned for and sought so greedily.  For like spoiled toddlers,  we whine and cry for more, more, gimme more!  We can’t hear any thing else over all our loud screaming except those fearful internal voices shouting out about getting their needs met.  Howling loudly for our lover’s attention, we get nothing but empty promises to pacify us, just for time being.  Sadly, this is what passes for intimacy in most relationships: the mistaken idea that this type of empty verbal communication is communion with another human soul, that sexuality is an adjunct to this silly chatter.

Entitlement also masquerades as Intimacy.  “I’ve told you my secrets, so now you owe it to me to tell me yours”  becomes the battle cry for possessiveness, a close ally of entitlement.  A false ownership occurs once these exchanges happen, particularly if that ownership becomes codified by legal documentation. Between humans, intimacy is a gift that means nothing if not given freely.  It is wild and not likely to survive enforced domesticity or coercive monogamy.  I know of no surer way to kill an intimate relationship of any sort than to demand some one be more open to you or insist they are too wary or fearful of intimacy for your tastes.  That is our fear speaking, our insecurities and not theirs.  This too is not truly intimacy.

Intimacy must occur within our own selves with all things in both our inner and outer worlds before it can ignite with another human.  Then it becomes a rare and precious gift that lasts but a single spontaneous moment and is enough to nourish for a life time.  Once given, it is not obligatory for that other person to be in our life for the rest of theirs. They have delivered their priceless gift to you; appreciate it for its specialness and rarity.  Do not demand a school girl or boy fantasy in which intimacy of this sort is a routine event. This is not what a lover, spouse or friend does, not really.  It is, however, what pop culture sells and we lazily buy for gospel truth.

My contemplative answer to the intimacy issue: be aware, be kind and be grateful.  No one owes you love or intimacy and there is no honest formula for obtaining it from them.  Let it happen out of spontaneity, let it be freely given and deeply felt.  Develop your own intimacy with life, an intimacy as singular and unique as you are. Perhaps then, and only then, you will then be graced with a most wonderful treasure – a moment of true intimacy with another human being.

Grandma Says She Wants Some Dick for her 100th Birthday! Is She Keepin It 100 Or Gone Too Far?

By Aiyana Ma’at
Ok, so I saw this  video on FB and I have to admit there’s not a whole lot that surprises or gets to me. Some folks were amused. Some said “Go Granny!” and others were disturbed and said something is really wrong here.
I thought ….”Hey, she may not have had any in a really long time and that’s what she wants…..some _____. And at 100 years of age—she can say exactly what she wants.
And how refreshing it was to for me to see this video. So many of us don’t stand in our true feelings, keep it real and strive to be 100% authentic.
Granny taught a lesson today.  It’s better to be honest and fully yourself then half-ass it while you try to meet other folks expectations of you!