Got Intimacy? Avoid These 11 Intimacy Killers

By Lori Radun As human beings, we all have an innate need to be close to someone. But sometimes the very thing we desire is the opposite of what we have. Some of us subconsciously sabotage the relationships we want because of our fear of intimacy. Sometimes we unknowingly and unwillingly drift apart because of our inability to engage in the delicate dance of intimacy. Others avoid intimacy altogether because the pain of past failures is too great. Intimacy, physical and emotional closeness, is tough to navigate our way through. It takes skill, hard work and commitment. I wish I could tell you it is easy once you know how. True intimacy is tough to achieve, but who says the best gifts are easy to obtain? In all honesty, I am certainly no expert on how to maintain and nurture closeness, but I have learned 11 things that will definitely kill intimacy in a relationship.

Dishonesty and Silence Intimacy requires honesty and openness. It only takes one lie to destroy the trust in a relationship. To be close to someone, we need to be able to share what is true and real about us. And we must be willing to hear someone else’s truth. Sometimes we think that it is best to not say anything at all if it means it may hurt our partner. So we silently hang on to our truth or share our truth with the wrong people. When we do this, there is no opportunity for the relationship to grow with integrity.

Lack of Trust Sometimes there is no dishonesty in the relationship, but still a lack of trust exists. Perhaps healthy trust has never been a part of your life, or maybe a painful event in life has fractured your ability to trust. A person must heal from their past and base their decision to trust someone on the present actions of a person. Deem people trustworthy until proven otherwise.

Desire to Change People True intimacy necessitates acceptance. Having acceptance of yourself and your partner is a powerful indicator of love. It doesn’t mean you have to like everything, but you need to let go of the need to change another person. When we lack acceptance of another person’s qualities, our tendency is to control. That control manifests itself in disapproving feelings, and sometimes even pressuring people to change. To feel close to another person, you must feel unconditionally accepted for who you are.

Inability to Express Your Needs and Feelings Unfortunately we, as humans, do not have the power to read minds. Therefore, we have to rely on our partners to communicate with us and vice versa. It is each person’s responsibility to express their needs and feelings. By sharing who we are and what’s important to us, we significantly increase our chances of having our needs met. On the other hand, if we repress our needs and feelings, we shut the other person out of our world, and make intimacy impossible.

Not Listening Communication is a two-way street. Many of us have no problem talking, but listening poses more of a challenge. Listening requires us to hear our partners with our heart. An added step to listening is acknowledging what we have heard. Are you really hearing your partner’s feelings and needs? Or are you thinking about how your partner is wrong or how you want to defend yourself? If your partner is constantly communicating the same need or feeling to you over and over, chances are you are not hearing your partner with your heart.

Self-Centeredness The minute you decide to enter into a committed relationship, the moment self-centeredness becomes a thing of the past. Intimacy requires there to be a balance between self, the other person and the relationship. It’s not about just you anymore. You have to take the feelings and needs of the other person and the relationship into consideration. Decisions about money, routines, free time, children, time, etc. now have to include your partner’s input.

Lack of Respect Chances are if you lack respect for your partner, your intimate life probably suffers. To respect means you hold a high opinion and highly value yourself or another person. You appreciate and show consideration for people. The closeness of intimacy needs a general feeling of respect for self and your partner. It also means you need to behave in a way that deserves respect. You cannot expect your partner to respect you if your actions do not warrant respect.

Imbalance of Power There cannot be one person in a relationship that sees him or herself as more important than his or her partner. A relationship consists of two people with perceived equality. That doesn’t mean one person isn’t smarter, more knowledgeable about certain topics, or has greater strengths in certain areas. It means the difference is not highlighted, flaunted or disrespected. Having a balance of power requires each person to have equal say in a discussion. It means the needs and feelings of each person are equally important.

Unhealthy Arguments All couples have disagreements. The intimacy in your relationship will suffer if you let your arguments get out of hand. Angry words, unresolved arguments, and inflicting emotional and physical pain will destroy intimacy. Couples that are close learn how to respectfully and healthily resolve their arguments.

Absence of Touch Although physical intimacy is just a part of total intimacy, it is a very important part. If you don’t make a point to hug, kiss, and experience sexual intimacy, your level of intimacy will be affected. You can still be close, but touch adds extra feelings of warmth, safety and love.

Extreme Separateness So many couples, after time, begin to live separate lives. Either their differences separate them or unawareness or lack of intention cause them to drift apart. Intimacy requires people to spend time together and share in each other’s life. A relationship is like a garden. You need to take the time to pull the weeds, fertilize and water the flowers. In other words, it requires time, love, and a commitment to keep the bad to a minimum. If you want your relationship to be intimate, love and respect one another, do your best to meet one another’s needs, share your dreams and feelings, and avoid these eleven intimacy killers.

Lori Radun, CEC – certified life coach for moms. To receive her FREE newsletter for moms and the special report “155 Things Moms Can Do to Raise Great Children, visit her website at http://www.true2youlifecoaching.com

Your Man Is Tired Of Being Rejected By YOU

By Py Kim Conant

From the earliest days of dating your man through years of marriage to him, it is inherent in his being a man that he constantly risks rejection by you. Early in the relationship you may turn down a date, not want to go to the restaurant or movie he suggests, refuse his good-night kiss (even on the third date, as I foolishly did to the man I later married), not let him come into your home, not want to have sex. Your man has the courage to keep taking the initiative with you, proposing things to you that you might turn down, thereby rejecting him in the process of rejecting his idea or suggestion.

Respect your man’s courage in the lifelong journey of risk-taking that he embarks on with you. It takes balls to be a man. Real nerve. Respect that. Even after you are together, even married, his risk-taking continues. A man’s life always involves a risk of rejection. It’s bad enough that he faces that risk at work (as do you, too, of course), but he also faces it at home, even from you, his woman who loves and respects him.

At work, a man may risk rejection (of an idea, a project, a request, a report, an opinion) that could negatively impact how he feels about himself as a man. However, a man’s greatest psychological vulnerability is not the risk of rejection at work, but the risk of rejection at home, from you, his woman. A man’s ego is most vulnerable when, after you have established a sexual relationship, he tells you that he wants to make love to you. At that point you hold his ego in your hands.

If you refuse his invitation or request for sex, you may think that you refused for some objective reason, such as the late hour, illness, chores that need doing, your own distractedness, not enough time, hunger, the baby’s diaper, not in the mood, or a hundred other reasonable scenarios that preclude lovemaking at that moment. If he were to ask why, you’d say, “Nothing personal; it’s just ___________ (fill in the blank).” You probably wouldn’t see it as a big deal. “We’ll make love later,” you’d probably think, if you thought about it any more at all.

“Wait a minute,” you might think, “I’m tired/it’s late/we have to leave in twenty minutes. That’s why I said no. I’m not rejecting him. I love him and I love his manhood.”

For him, when you refused his (brave, risky) offer to make love, you refused his manhood. Translation: You refused him as a man. He feels bad about himself as a man, refused by his girlfriend, fiancée, or wife, rejected by the woman he loves, his manhood rejected by the woman he loves, his manhood refused and rejected. It doesn’t feel good to be constantly rejected.

Py Kim Conant, the author of Sex Secrets of an American Geisha: How to Attract, Satisfy, and Keep Your Man,    

5 Tips To Help You Find THE ELUSIVE FEMALE ORGASM

By Sheri Winston

Don’t despair! Orgasm is a learnable skill —and every woman can become proficient at getting there. And if you already have your basic orgasm abilities down pat, you can use the same tools to expand your climax-ability.

Although sex is both natural and learned, for women, learning our path to orgasm is not always easy or natural. Just consider these statistics. Ten percent of women have never had one (yet!), while over half of women don’t have orgasms from intercourse, despite what you see in the wacky, unreal worlds of porn and romantic movies. Many if not most women are what I call “orgasm challenged”—sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t, and it’s a mystery why that is (or isn’t). So what’s a girl to do if she longs for delicious climaxes to her solo or partnered erotic experiences?

For starters, relax. There’s nothing wrong with you—these are simply skills you haven’t learned yet. That’s right: sexual abilities are learned, just like playing the piano, speaking French or any other complex set of skills. You can learn how to improve your orgasmic capacity if you want to. It will probably take some time, and you’ll definitely have to practice, but sooner or later you can be exclaiming, “Oui, oui, oui!” or “Whee, whee, whee!”

Ultimately, the choice is yours. Unfortunately, in this world of ours it’s a lot easier to find someone to teach you French than it is to find a good orgasm class. Don’t despair! I’ll get you started right now on Female Orgasm Basics 101.

Slow Down and Take Your Time!
Since the average time spent in foreplay for couple sex is less than 10 minutes, we have one root cause of orgasmic issues right here. For most women full, deep and complete arousal can take up to 45 minutes. That’s right, 45 minutes! That amount of time is quite shocking to most people. When I present this info in a class there’s usually a moment of shocked silence. Then all the women give a big sigh of relief and suddenly light up with the understanding of why things may not work so well or how they’ve been engaging in erotic activities that they aren’t ready for—like intercourse. Our cultural models of arousal and orgasm are male-oriented, based on common patterns of men’s sexual responses. The male arousal pattern is of quick hot genitally-focused energy, leading to rapid erection. By contrast, for most women, most of the time, our erotic energy starts cool and diffuse and takes time to heat up and coalesce in our genitals. What’s the rush? Do you have something better to do than taking your time to get totally and utterly turned on?

Now, it is true that we women can learn how to enhance our arousal process and speed that curve up. In fact, everything I suggest below about learning to develop your own erotic mastery can help women get going faster. And everyone, both, men and women, can benefit from slowing down and taking enough time for both partners to get deeply and fully aroused.

Take A Nice Deep Breath
Breath is basic. You don’t have to remember any complicated esoteric formulas or worry if you’re doing it wrong. You certainly won’t forget to do it at all. Breath happens—and, if you want your orgasms to happen and then to expand, all you need to do is enhance whatever your breath is already doing by itself. Just do a little more. Breathe a little faster, draw it in a little deeper, let it out a bit longer, or open your chest and belly more. Enhance your breathing and you’ll augment your arousal. Don’t hold your breath or let anxiety tighten it up. Breathe into your pleasure, breathe into your body, keep it moving and you can breathe yourself right into a nice juicy orgasm. Keep breathing into it and your climax will be bigger and better.

Focus On Yourself
Yes, in this case it really is all about you. In order to get turned on, you need to connect to your own experience and feel your own pleasure. You can’t become a master musician only by playing duets. In order to become adept at playing your own instrument, you need to spend time doing solo practice. Yes: I did just tell you to go play with yourself. Solo sex is where you can pay attention to yourself without the distraction of another person’s needs, desires, expectations and demands. When focusing on your self-pleasure, you can discover what works for you and explore new pathways.

Repeating behavior and action is how you learn. Like driving a car or playing a musical instrument, you need to practice to get good at any learned skills, including (and perhaps especially) sex. Then, just like playing the piano, when you get the learning practiced, automatic and embodied, you can let go of thinking and just let the music flow out of you.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t play with partners when appropriate and available. It just means that you must also cultivate your own abilities, by yourself. And learn to trust your own pleasure as your best guide.

Move It — Flex Your Floor
Inside the bottom of your body lies a hammock of muscles that surround your genitalia and associated organs. Every time you grasp and release these muscles, you’re squeezing, rubbing and fondling your sexy bits. Essentially, you’re playing with yourself without using your hands, which is convenient because during sex your hands are often busy elsewhere.

The pelvic floor muscles also act as a trampoline for sexual energy. The muscles ricochet and reverberate it all around your body, spreading your arousal and magnifying its intensity.

Again, there is no one right way to play with your pelvic floor muscles, so experiment with lots of different actions. Squeeze, pull up, cinch together, flutter, vibrate, push, hold and release them as you see fit. Just get them involved and you’ll heighten your excitement, experience easier arousal and extend your orgasm.

Sound
Sound inhibition is the enemy of freeing your orgasm, so to escalate your experience, open your mouth and let the sounds out. You don’t have to raise the roof or frighten the horses, just try playing with little gasps and moans. Start small by making your breath audible. Play with making soft, sexy sounds as you proceed through your arousal journey. Expand your sound repertoire as you become more comfortable with your sound ability. Moan, coo, sigh and whimper and you’ll enhance your experience. Allow yourself to have fun releasing your soundtrack of pleasure.

Use sound (and breathe, of course) when you start coming and don’t stop. Allow the sound to roll out of your open mouth along with the orgasmic wave. As you’re climaxing, keep your sounds going and your orgasm will keep happening, too!

Take these ideas into the laboratory of your life and play with them. Do your own experiments and pay attention to what transpires. Try variations on each theme and notice where they take you. Explore and see what arises. Be your own scientist and observe what happens when you do it one way or another. Discover what works for you and then see if you can expand upon that. Try everything once or better yet, several times and attend to the results. Combine skills and notice how they enhance each other. Be creative and remember to play!

For women, orgasm is a learned pathway. You aren’t broken if you haven’t yet discovered or established your pathways. There are just some skills that you haven’t learned or mastered yet. Have faith that you can get there. You can!

Sheri Winston CNM, RN, BSN, LMT—medical professional, teacher of Wholistic Sexuality, and the founder and executive director of The Center for the Intimate Arts. We offer empowering, entertaining, enlightening erotic education for everyone: men, women, singles, partners, adults, teens and people of all orientations and inclinations. I’m here to inspire folks to have a lot more fun and fulfillment in their intimate lives!

Join Ayize & Aiyana Tonight On The J. Alan Show At 10pm EST To Discuss “You’re Turning Me Off In The Bedroom”

By Team BLAM

Join us tonight for some hot uncensored conversation around sex & intimacy and how to tell your mate that they are….uh….TURNING YOU OFF. It’s never easy to navigate these kinds of situations but if you want to have a healthy and hot relationship you’ll make sure you’re honest. So, how do you share something that can be so sensitive for so many???  And how do you make sure you’re turning your lover ON???

Tune in tonight and find out! 😉

Follow the link to join us: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/universalradio2/page/1

Good Sex….If It Ain’t Rough It Ain’t Right??

Hello Ayize & Aiyana

I’ve been following you all for the last 4 years and I really value the insight you all give and I just want to thank you for sharing so much over the years. It has really helped me and my wife in a lot of different ways. I have a question for you. Do you think most women like rough sex? I love my wife and we’ve been together for 12 years. Our sex life is ok…but that’s it. It;s just ok. I’d like to spice it up some and I’ve thought about getting a little rougher in the bedroom and maybe even doing some role playing. I just want to surprise my wife and switch it up but I’m not sure how she will take to it. Any words of advice you can give would be great! Much respect.

Great Sex – Six Tips To Help You Become A Better Lover

By Kelly Price

So you want to enjoy great sex and you want your partner to think of you as a great lover? Well the good news is that anyone can improve their sex life in the bedroom and the six tips enclosed will help you and your partner enjoys great sex.

Let’s look at them.

1. Respect

Show your partner respect. It’s a known fact that women need much more mental stimulation to enjoy great sex than men and they need to be relaxed and feel desired and wanted.

So, be a considerate lover and make your partner feel beautiful and wanted. They will then relax and let themselves go which is the key for them to enjoy the experience to its fullest.

2. Foreplay

There are many erogenous zones and it is important to explore them all not just the obvious ones! Here we will give you just 3 examples, but there are more that you can target.

The neck – The nape of the neck is one of the best to target and will have your partner moaning with pleasure and wanting more so target it quickly.

The buttocks – What woman is not sensitive about her behind? Target it and tell her it’s beautiful, not only is it a physical turn on, it’s a mental turn on too and women love having their bottom complimented.

The inner thighs – Highly sensitive and a great area to tease as your partner will be expectant of what happens next!

3. Best Sexual Positions

The best sexual positions are not the most complicated in fact, if you read the great works of erotic literature such as the perfumed garden or the Karma Sutra, you will see there are really 4 positions that give the maximum in satisfaction and you don’t have to be an Olympic athlete to do them.

(1) Rear Entry. The Rear Entry position, when done correctly, maximizes potential for a G-spot orgasm because the man’s penis should rub on the upper wall of the woman’s vagina. To do this position correctly, the woman should kneel on all fours, her legs parted slightly. The woman should resist the urge to put her face down onto the bed, and instead try to keep her back arched slightly, with her elbows bent or her elbows up and locked. The entry angle changes dramatically when the woman leans forward into the bed. As the man enters her from behind, the sensation should be one of tight and full penetration. The woman may feel his penis hitting her cervix as this is often a good position to get full penetration. The man can change his penetration to hit the G-spot by pulling up on her hips and thrusting in a more downward motion.

(2) The Fusion. The Fusion position is a favorite in Kama Sutra. To get into this position, the man should sit on the bed or floor and extend his legs in front of him, and his arms behind him. The woman should then lower herself down onto his penis. Her legs should be up by his chest and bent, and her arms should be behind her and between his legs. She then uses a combination of her arms and her legs to “rock” herself on his penis in and in and out motion, sort of like a piston. This position may seem unlikely to produce a G-spot orgasm, but the angle and the seductive nature of the position make it highly erotic. The only bad drawback of this position is if you have bad knees, you will not be able to sustain it for long.

(3) The Flower Press. The Flower Press position is excellent for the G-spot orgasm, multiple orgasms, heavier male partners, heavier female partners, and pregnant women (earlier months). The woman lies on her back and allows the man to penetrate her, as in missionary position, but after penetration has been achieved, she then raises her legs up and back, until they are either on his shoulders or on his chest. The man kneels up against her and uses her thighs for support, and she can grab onto his hips to help bring him into her. This position allows for extreme penetration and his pelvic arch is against her clitoral area. It also provides a nice rubbing against the top of the vaginal wall because of the height of the man compared to the woman, which is what stimulates the G-spot.

(4) Rotated Woman. The Rotated Woman position is a favorite with both men and women alike because it offers excellent stimulation. To do it, the man lies flat on the bed and the woman lowers herself onto his penis facing BACKWARD toward his feet. Then, SLOWLY and CAREFULLY, she leans forward, until she is lying on top of him, her legs outstretched and her hands down by his feet. Then, she can slowly do a “figure 8” motion with her hips or just grab his ankles and slide herself up and down. Because she is lying down at this angle, her vagina is pulled taut, causing the penis to rub it tightly, hence the G-spot pressure. She also gets gentle clitoral rubbing by his testicles and legs, which is a pleasant and gentle surprise. The woman is completely in control here and can set the pace and the depth of the motion.

4. Control Your orgasm and last longer

One of the main problems men have is they cum too quickly and this leaves their partner unsatisfied. However, there is one trick that you can learn that will help you control your climax and it is simply this:

SLOW DOWN YOUR BREATHING

Breathing quickens and as it does so you climax, but by slowing your breathing down you are fooling your body into believing that you are not ready to cum and delaying the act.

5. Communication and complements 

Sex is communication and should not be done in silence.

By complimenting and making noise not only can you learn about what your partner likes and doesn’t, you can compliment and express the pleasure you are having too. The spoken word adds a great deal to great sex, so make noise and communicate!

6. Sensuality & Variety

You can enjoy great sex by setting a mood and adding plenty of variety. For example you can add in some sensual oils to appeal to the senses or you can add some massage in before sex. Setting a mood helps relax you both and appeals to the mind which then ensures that the physical act is enjoyed even more.

So there you have it, six tips that can help you enjoy better sex or even great sex with your partner – have fun.

 

Beautiful Sexual Intimacy In Marriage

By: Paul Friedman

There is an old adage that men hug women so they can make love and women make love in order for their men to hold them. Have you heard this before? From my experience meeting with couples I have to admit that for most of them it had gone beyond that. For most women making love had become something they endured because they love their husbands. Despite their husbands’ insensitivity in the bedroom. Most men don’t get it and most women don’t know how to explain it.

Our society does not teach or support intimacy. Our society teaches a sexuality that is raw and shallow. A man who thinks he is a good lover believes giving his wife an orgasm is all she looks forward to. This attitude is actually considered progressive compared to the man who just expects his wife to please him. For the most part men are clumsy and women are inarticulate when it comes to intimacy. In fact it is difficult to call the sexual interaction between most couples intimacy, at all. In most cases the man is doing what he thinks he needs to do in order to “please” his wife so he can ejaculate. Most men are not thinking about pleasing their wives just for the sake of pleasing them. And most women are trying to please their husband just so they can be done with it. Perhaps the most general exception is when the couple has a glass or two of wine, imagining they are having what they actually desire. Isn’t that sad? Rather than enjoying intimacy through a true connection a couple must mask their feelings in order to pretend they are being fulfilled. A huge number of couples do not even want to see each other with their clothes off.

Our culture has intimacy so confused that our schools teach sex education without gender interaction. Men and women have learned to be aroused by the most material aspects of intimate interaction. Sex in its crudest form has replaced true intimacy. The heart and genitalia have become separated from each other. Instead, the genitalia control the mind to the exclusion of the heart. Raw sexuality devours beautiful intimacy, and the heart is left unsatisfied.

In marriage a couple has the perfect platform to discover each other from the tips of the toes to the depths of their souls. With the right guidance and a little bit of instruction a husband and wife’s intimate moments can be absolutely amazing while providing gratification and fulfillment for the heart. In my lessons for a happy marriage I put off instruction on intimacy until the very last chapter because the road to intimacy must begin with a new understanding of what a true marital relationship looks like. The road towards intimacy weaves through understanding each other along with how to behave, how to communicate and how to please one another. Intimacy and a perfect relationship, which there’s no reason for you to not have, neither begins nor ends in the bedroom. It is the marriage itself. Don’t give up on your pursuit of the perfect marital relationship complete with intimacy. It is something you can have. But for now remember how much you love your spouse and don’t forget to tell him or her, “I love you.”

10 Tips To Keep Married (i.e.,Long Term) Sex Hot & Fun!!!!

By Aiyana Ma’at

Sex is awesome. Sex is soooo gooood. And sex is the BEST with my husband and best friend Ayize! WHEW! Don’t get me started! We fortunately have always had an intense sexual connection and curiosity that has allowed us to explore freely with each other and go to new unchartered territory and  heights together. We’re not shy about it. And we unapologeticlly  lift up to our married followers that GOOD HOT CONSISTENT SEX IS A MUST! As with all things it won’t “happen” for you if you don’t put time, effort, attention, love and excitement into it! We will be revisiting this juicy topic in July with our upcoming  Sex & Intimacy focus. In the meantime here are some tips to keep the most perfect sex—married sex—hot and interesting!

 

Keep it pretty

First things first, it’s impossible to have great sex if you don’t feel sexy, so treat yourself to a blowout or some new lingerie, whatever is needed to put the “va-va-voom” back into your step.

Flirt with each other
Make a habit of sending playful, sexy messages to him throughout the day. Make him salivate with anticipation by telling him what you’re wearing and what you want to do to him later.

Set the mood
Don’t underestimate the power of lighting a few candles. Make sure your bedroom is sexy and doesn’t have toys littering it. And turn off the tv

Just kiss
Agree to place a ban on sex for a certain length of time and just kiss and focus on foreplay. Abstaining from sex has the added benefit of charging up both of your libidos.

Surprise him
Don’t wear any underwear and let him find out.

Watch an erotic film together
It doesn’t have to be porn for it to be sexy. Some favorites: Body Heat, Belle du Jour, Last Tango in Paris, Like Water for Chocolate.

Play an adult game
Check out Game night for couples and Games that lovers play for some naughty suggestions.

Discover a new position
There are over 60 different positions in the Kama Sutra, so there’s no excuse to not try a new one at least once a week!

Share your fantasies
A little role-playing can be fun and it doesn’t have to be limited to the bedroom. Start the fun before you even get home by meeting at a bar and pretending you just met.

Get out of the bedroom
Sometimes a change of locale is all that’s needed to rev up the action. Try having sex somewhere unexpected; just be careful not to get caught!

If any of the ideas makes you feel nervous, then you should definitely try it first. The great part of being with someone for an extended period of time is that you can fully trust and feel safe with him, so don’t hesitate to try something out of your normal comfort zone, especially if it means revving your sex life up!

 

The Mysterious Connection Between Sexuality And Spirituality

By Deborah Anapol

One of the unfortunate side effects of the hijacked sexual revolution of the 1970s is that women have been shamed, ridiculed and aggressively persuaded that their desire to link love and sex is unliberated, old-fashioned and inconvenient. If we are talking about linking romance and sex, or infatuation and sex, I can see the value in questioning this linkage. But if it’s really love we are talking about, as defined in my book The Seven Natural Laws of Love and my previous blog “What is Love?” destroying this connection is akin to separating sexuality and spirituality. And separating sex and spirit, or the physical body from the energy that animates it, is a prescription for decreasing arousal and limiting the whole sexual experience to a rather mundane release of tension.

The mysterious connection between sex and spirit is one that some intuitively sense and appreciate while others find it anathema. The duality prone mind finds it at once difficult to comprehend and intrigued by the puzzle of their relationship. Yes, there are other polarities or seeming opposites, but at the core of it all is the quest to merge the often separated worlds of spirituality and sexuality, not to mention love and sex. Coining the term sexualove in the original Love Without Limits back in 1992, was my first intellectual effort to bridge this gap. Some immediately resonated and others are still hostile to this heretical attempt. We could call the whole endeavor embodied spirituality or  erotic spirituality or sacred sexuality. All of these concepts point to the same reality, and all of them are often empty words, hopeless mired in the duality of  thought from which they arise.

To distill these abstractions into practical realities, let me put it this way. The feminine – which exists potentially in both men and women but is more often identified with women – becomes sexually aroused primarily through the activation of breath and energy flow, which is grounded by full presence and relaxation in the physical body. When the feminine is not included in sexual exchange, both men and women are short changed. Even if a woman manages to become comfortable with a masculine sexuality, which emphasizes genital stimulation and ignores the rest of the body along with energetic (or spiritual) stimulation, her experience, as well as the experience of her partner, is inevitably limited.

A further challenge is that in today’s sacred sexuality subculture the starting point is usually healing the legacy of sexual guilt, shame and abuse so prevalent in our modern, or even post-modern, world. Healing is necessary, but it’s only the beginning.

CLICK HERE to read more.

From Fingers To Fisting….How Much Should A Wife Be Required To Do?

Many people are kinky and some are more kinky than others.  When you’re married should there be limits to how kinky you get and how kinky you expect your spouse to get?  Do boundaries still exist?  Is it o.k to say no to your husband or wife if they want to engage in a sexual act that is unsettling/uncomfortable to you.  Should you be sensitive to your spouse’s limitations and accept them for who they are and where they are in there sexual development?  Check out this video where we help this lady out who’s wondering if she should give in to her man’s desire to go from fingers to fisting.

 

For one on one coaching/counseling with Ayize & Aiyana CLICK HERE.