Escaping The Emotional Cage Of Jealousy

By Ruth Purple

Jealousy can be sweet when it’s done in a minimum level. It can make you feel secure, or even attractive. But when jealousy hits the top of the scale, you better hold on tight for a chaotic and emotional roller coaster ride. It’s because dealing with a jealous partner can be emotionally and mentally draining.

Yes, without a doubt, an overly jealous partner may and be your own personal poltergeist; they can drain you in seconds like a vampire. Thus an exceedingly jealous lover can be intolerable, intrusive, irritating, and of course, annoying — to say the least. But take heed of these people, handling an overly jealous partner is an “ART”.

But first of all, you “Need” to understand what jealousy is all about. So let’s take a brief tour along definition lane — Chronic jealousy is often caused by fear of being left alone or being betrayed. This simply means that jealous individuals usually have trust issues. They have anxious-ambivalent style of attachment.

And the major influence of this attachment is rooted from their childhood. People with this kind of attachment are usually brought up by inconsistent or too protective caregivers, and as a result, they become anxious-ambivalent adults. These people tend to constantly worry about their love life. They need and crave for intimacy; results are, they never stop doubting and questioning their partner’s feelings towards them.

Ironically, the exceedingly jealous individuals behave in a ways that would make their fears real. That’s because when a lover is overwhelmed with jealousy, he or she behaves in a manipulative and controlling manner. Now when a partner behaves in this manner, the natural response is to pull back, be defensive and avert one’s independence.

And this response unfortunately involves secrecy and duplicity. This is an unproductive way of dealing with jealous partners because it will only infuriate them. The productive way of dealing with it is through communication. Talk to your partner about his or her fears. Ask them what makes him or her very anxious about your relationship? Most of all give them the “Ministry of Listening” All of us love attention, right? My advice is, give it to them.

Never be defensive and never argue, and never dismiss his or her jealousy as well. With regards to what you utter, do be cautious of these –“You’re a paranoid! Where the hell did you get that idea?” or “I am not that kind of person! I don’t flirt around! You’re crazy!” These are detrimental to your relationship.

It will not solve your problems. This will only make the jealousy more intense and will make your overly jealous partner alone and misunderstood. But if you get to make him or her talk about feelings of jealousy then you are heading somewhere productive. Be responsive and show to your jealous lover that you can be counted on.

This is where the challenge comes, because a partner with too much jealousy in them can be very persistent and difficult to understand, but if you have faith that both of you can overcome this phase in your relationship then eventually and hopefully everything will fall into place. Another relationship advice in dealing with a jealous partner is to give and show reassurance.

Always remind him or her that your love is true and you are very serious and committed with your relationship. Of course when your partner’s jealousy still dominates your relationship after following these advices then it’s time to take it slow. You can only do so much. There are things that you cannot change or control; after all we all have our limitations.

Insecurity and jealousy are personal issues that your partner needs to overcome within themselves. Remind you partner that if jealousy continues to dictate their every actions or emotions; they are actually depriving themselves the love and happiness that your relationship has to offer.


Ruth Purple is a successful relationship coach.  She invites you to visit :

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