By Roseanna Leaton
Most of us are familiar with the DINKS abbreviation, which stands for Dual Income, No Kids. I came across another term the other day – DINS. This stands for Dual Income, No Sex. A friend laughingly joked that being a DINS leads to becoming a DINKS couple!
This is, however, no laughing matter. It has been found that happiness and a healthy sex life (i.e. more frequent) go hand in hand, although which comes first still provides a hot topic for debate.
Most DINS in fact do have kids, as well as both partners being out at work on a daily basis. With so many different high priority objectives seeking their attention, sex sadly takes a back seat or even gets thrown out of the window. Clearly there are a growing number of couples that fall into this trap, or this abbreviated term would never have been coined.
If you are involved in a DINS relationship it is probably well worth your while to take a small step back and re-examine your priorities in life. I’m not suggesting that you give up your dual income status or neglect your kids. Far from it. I’m merely suggesting that if happiness in your relationship is what you really want to achieve, then sex should come a little higher up on your list of priorities.
I know that sounds more than a little simplistic. You’re tired, you’re busy and you’re feeling tense and under pressure. You haven’t got time for sex. You’re not in the mood for sex.
And here lies the crux of the matter. If you were in the mood for sex you would make time for it. I agree that this is a chicken and egg situation. You could easily argue that if you had more time you would feel in the mood for sex. But that’s not a perspective to choose if you are looking to change your DINS status to one of “Happily married couple with healthy sex life”.
Feelings and emotional connections are what trigger motivation in anything. And so to become motivated to get yourself more sex (and to feel happier because of this) you need to find ways in which you can put yourself in the mood for a little bit of spousal arousal.
There are many ways in which to do this. By prioritizing sex on your agenda and in your thoughts you will get your body moving in the right direction. Visual stimulation can be a good trigger; hence the number of soft-porn magazines around. Reading a romantic novel will often get a woman’s mind (and also that of a man) into the right mood, especially when you read the “juicy bits”.
If there are other issues that stand between you and your spouse these need addressing. Don’t let anger or upsets fester and destroy your marriage. It’s not worth harboring grudges. Deal with them or let them go.
Perhaps a lack of sexual confidence also plays a part in allowing your relationship to take on the DINS status. Again, if this is the case, what’s stopping you from addressing this issue? If you don’t know how to deal with this then you might like to start by listening to a hypnosis mp3 recording designed to build your sexual confidence and enhance your libido.
There are many things that you can do so as to guard against becoming a DINS. You just have to decide that happiness in your relationship is a priority and you will naturally find your way to this end goal.