By Crid Lee
There is a common misconception that intimacy in marriage dies out after the honeymoon period. There are countless movies that crack jokes at sexless marriages as if it is a course of nature to be expected. In fact, most married couples will assert that they also believe intimacy is supposed to die down with time.
Is this true? Is there any way to ensure that intimacy in your marriage never dies?
The good news is intimacy in marriage does not have to die out. It especially doesn’t have to go away completely. It is normal for there to be dips in the intimacy levels over time as the relationship goes through struggles and comes back strong again. A complete death to intimacy is not normal!
Recognizing a Dip
The first secret to keeping intimacy alive in your marriage is to recognize when a dip in your usual intimacy levels occurs. You should try to catch this as early on as possible. You don’t want to wait until there is a complete dry spell and there seems to be no hope of ever achieving intimacy again.
Some signs of weakening intimacy that you may notice include:
- You don’t turn toward one another at night anymore. You are more in your own corners, interested only in sleep.
- One or both of you start reading in bed or doing other things to fill the time that would typically be filled up with intimacy and sex.
- You or your partner doesn’t seem to be paying attention during conversations. It’s like holding a one-sided conversation or you don’t feel interested in what they say anymore.
- The fights are occurring more frequently than the kissing or make out sessions.
There are many other signs that could alert you to a potential dry spell. It’s important to recognize that intimacy gets into trouble when other aspects of the relationship are in trouble. Keep that in mind and keep your eyes open for trouble in paradise. The earlier you catch it the better.
What to Do about a Dip
As soon as you think there may be a drop in the level of intimacy in your marriage, start giving some thought to what could be behind this. There is always a reason! You may not understand the reason if it is something with your spouse, but know that there is always s a reason.
Sometimes a dip in intimacy can be as simple as someone getting too comfortable in the relationship. You stop making the effort to hold the relationship together and build that intimacy up so it starts to slack.
Pulling It Back Together
You can do a variety of things to start rebuilding intimacy in your relationship. Think about the potential causes for the dip and then get creative on ways to spice things up and bring that connection back. It may be as simple as trying new things and bringing some fresh excitement into the bedroom.
Remember, intimacy in marriage doesn’t have to die out with time. You can grow old together and remain as intimately connected as ever. You just have to recognize when things are starting to slip and take action to revive the intimacy as quickly as possible.