By Team BLAM
Many people have concluded that men are less interested in intimacy and seek to avoid it. But maybe intimacy is in the eye of the beholder. There is little doubt that men and women naturally seek out different kinds of intimacy, but that’s different from saying that men are not interested in it.
Whereas women tend to define intimacy more in terms of verbal communication, there is some evidence that men define intimacy more in terms of shared activities. This is a critical point to keep in mind. When a female asks her husband to spend some time talking about feelings, she may be showing her preference for intimacy; but so is a male who asks his wife to watch a game with him or make love.
Oftentimes, these preferences reflect our upbringing. Little girls work on verbal intimacy and little boys “hang out” with others while doing activities—especially activities with rules, such as sports. If you watch little girls and compare them to little boys, you’ll see that relationship patterns go way back. Whether it’s because of physical differences or the ways we’re raised, girls tend to talk more about relationships than boys, and boys don’t put as much “obvious” time and energy into maintaining them. Many folks agree that this is true for adults as well.
With all that said—-here’s some simple, powerful advice: You should spend more time figuring out what is intimate for your partner rather than assuming too much about what your partner likes and wants based on his or her gender. The happiest couples have usually developed the ability to connect on several levels of intimacy, including verbal communication, shared activities & interests, and sensual partnership just to name a few.
BLAM Fam, what do you think? Are men and women wired differently when it comes to intimacy?
Adapted from Fighting For Your Marriage by Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley, & Susan L. Blumberg