My Husband Is A Great Provider BUT I’m Lonely And Starving For Intimacy

VIDEO: I have been married for three years.  My husband and I mesh on so many levels.   He is hard working, sober, a great friend, and provider.  Before I begin,  I will admit that there was a lot of self discovery that should have taken place on my behalf prior to marrying.  But I have been working with mentors, PUSHING, and making great strides in terms of becoming the whole woman my creator intended me to be.

However I am starved for intimacy, affection, and social interaction with my spouse.  He is a workaholic who enjoys making money so that we can enjoy every amenity (good food, entertainment, etc) from the comfort (in my mind confines) of our home.  I want to go see a movie, he wants to watch it at home in our theater and whines that he’s tired from working 70 hour weeks.  He set very aggressive financial goals (to which I contribute) and feels like once we reach these goals (10 year plan) we can start to enjoy life.  The problem is that when I jump on board with a particular goal, he raises the bar and I am starting to think that his obsession with material gain is a diversion and a distraction from what’s in front of him.

But where does that leave us now?  I don’t ask for much.  I am fully capable of hanging out with friends, or going out to eat/see a movie alone.  But sometimes I want to go out and have a nice meal with my husband and he says we can make the meal at home and relax.   If I express a sexual desire or need for emotional or physical intimacy, he often tells me he’s tired or not feeling well.   He works hard, he comes home.  He is satisfied and often doesn’t know there’s a problem until I blow up.  We have mentors who I feel could work with us and have been a great deal of help previously but he doesn’t make time for them either.

I spent my 20’s preparing for marriage and putting certain experiences and sexual adventure on hold until I found the one worthy of sharing with.  He got married to settle down, I got married to have someone enjoy the adventure of life with.   When I tell him how I feel he says I am being selfish, or  will try for a week and revert back to his old ways.

I am beginning to feel like a robot who offers intimacy when he needs it. Bottom line is I didn’t get married to be single and am tired of going places alone, being available for his needs and not having mine met…I am tired of begging for what I need.  My mind is wondering and I am increasingly picturing a life without him.  I can no longer be vulnerable to him because I have been rejected one too many times. Is there hope for us?  Please help!


CLICK HERE to get our Audio Program (SPEAK LOVE RIGHT)


5 replies
  1. Pat K.
    Pat K. says:

    Maats, great advice, as always! God bless you both! I love this site, and appreciate the chance to give this sister some advice.

    This sister has got a good man. I agree with you that she needs to get him to focus on the marriage. This brother has some intimacy issues, and is more comfortable with work than relationships. I've got one like this, so I know!

    We've been married 20 years, and we are almost total opposites! I do not consider this a bad thing, by the way! I learned to get him to focus on the the marriage, and I also accommodate his need to work and provide. She will need to keep getting him to focus on the marriage, over the years, until it becomes a habit for him. Yes, this will take some work, but it'll be well worth it!

    The upside to a brother like this is that they'll never want for anything! My husband worked so much that he renovated our house, and sold the one with the mortgage attached, taking us off of 30 years worth of debt! When he was doing the work, I made sure that we maintained the intimacy of our marriage. I brought him meals, brought our daughter to see him, and kept him focused on why he was doing the work: his family .

    Do not leave this brother, girl! You will be sorry it you do! Work to get him to focus on having some fun, and be there to have it with him. Trust me. I'm 20 years in, and if something happened to my husband, I don't want another man. I'm used to a good man, who works hard, is faithful and honest, and understands that he is the provider of our home. Brothers like this are hard to find! I didn't think they made 'em anymore!

    • Ayize
      Ayize says:

      great commentary as always

  2. Diane
    Diane says:

    I love yall…I've listened to every single one of your videos and my relationship and how I see myself has improved tremendously. Keep it up guys the world is watching.

  3. Eddie
    Eddie says:

    Yall are a beautiful couple and I appreciate your presence on the web. Yall keep the belief in "love" alive.

  4. watchmakeuptips
    watchmakeuptips says:

    I'm not black lol, but I love the points you two have to bring to help others. Great stuff!!

Comments are closed.