VIDEO: I have been married for three years. My husband and I mesh on so many levels. He is hard working, sober, a great friend, and provider. Before I begin, I will admit that there was a lot of self discovery that should have taken place on my behalf prior to marrying. But I have been working with mentors, PUSHING, and making great strides in terms of becoming the whole woman my creator intended me to be.
However I am starved for intimacy, affection, and social interaction with my spouse. He is a workaholic who enjoys making money so that we can enjoy every amenity (good food, entertainment, etc) from the comfort (in my mind confines) of our home. I want to go see a movie, he wants to watch it at home in our theater and whines that he’s tired from working 70 hour weeks. He set very aggressive financial goals (to which I contribute) and feels like once we reach these goals (10 year plan) we can start to enjoy life. The problem is that when I jump on board with a particular goal, he raises the bar and I am starting to think that his obsession with material gain is a diversion and a distraction from what’s in front of him.
But where does that leave us now? I don’t ask for much. I am fully capable of hanging out with friends, or going out to eat/see a movie alone. But sometimes I want to go out and have a nice meal with my husband and he says we can make the meal at home and relax. If I express a sexual desire or need for emotional or physical intimacy, he often tells me he’s tired or not feeling well. He works hard, he comes home. He is satisfied and often doesn’t know there’s a problem until I blow up. We have mentors who I feel could work with us and have been a great deal of help previously but he doesn’t make time for them either.
I spent my 20’s preparing for marriage and putting certain experiences and sexual adventure on hold until I found the one worthy of sharing with. He got married to settle down, I got married to have someone enjoy the adventure of life with. When I tell him how I feel he says I am being selfish, or will try for a week and revert back to his old ways.
I am beginning to feel like a robot who offers intimacy when he needs it. Bottom line is I didn’t get married to be single and am tired of going places alone, being available for his needs and not having mine met…I am tired of begging for what I need. My mind is wondering and I am increasingly picturing a life without him. I can no longer be vulnerable to him because I have been rejected one too many times. Is there hope for us? Please help!
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