Myth: A Faked Orgasm Means Complete Dissatisfaction In The Bedroom

By Telisha Ng,

Amidst online conversations with readers over a recent article I wrote, 5 Common Mistakes Men Make Sexually That Turn Women Off, I found that many women could relate to the “are we there yet” point in the article. A personal bedroom pet peeve of mine, I remember becoming extremely frustrated with my partner at the time who would constantly ask me if I had an orgasm when I clearly had yet to reach that heavenly climax. And it wasn’t just one partner. I’ve seen men have damn near panic attacks because they were obsessed with the thought of making this woman climax as opposed to living in the moment. I suppose, it’s perfectly normal to be somewhat fixated on the sexual satisfaction of your partner, but fellas the repetitive, “did you cum yet?”, can turn a woman right off in a millisecond.

Recently a light bulb was set off in my head and it occurred to me that a large number of men are as in the dark about female orgasms as women are about why they leave the toilet seat up.

How did I deal with the broken record of a man who was probably ready to give up and out? Well after a few…”not yet”, I pushed the “emergency escape button”….

Disclaimer: The emergency escape button is not to be used on a regular or consistent basis. If you use this more than once a month or rather once a year, re-evaluate the relationship you are in!

I faked it! There is not one woman I’ve met who hasn’t had to resort to emergency measures at one point in her sex life. And the myth that a faked orgasm means a lackluster love life is far from the truth. I believe that an orgasm is rooted in mental stimulation. We all have rough days, emotionally trying moments in life and the mental and physical don’t always communicate the way they should. In this case for the purpose of saving an ego and to build confidence in my partner (or just to shut him up), I resorted to emergency measures…I took one for the team. Now I’ll be honest, this person is not in my life at the moment and won’t be ever again, but the boost of confidence helped enhance our bedroom experience at that time. Eventually the repetitive questions ceased as I learned to communicate exactly what I wanted, which was less question asking and more exploration. Like I always say in the bedroom we are all teachers and students collectively.

Isn’t faking an orgasm dishonest? Absolutely, especially if it’s being done on a regular basis, there is no way around that. However, a faked orgasm shouldn’t necessarily be seen as a cover up but more as a stepping stone. What can I do better to help my partner please me? How can I communicate my needs to him better? Should I be doing some more self-exploration? Is this relationship right for us?

Black Love and Marriage Family, what are your thoughts? Are faked orgasms an indication that a woman is dissatisfied in the bedroom? To fake or not to fake? Fellas, is it difficult to tell when a woman reaches the big “O”? Let’s discuss…

Telisha Ng is a freelance writer and author of the Goddess Intellect blog from Toronto, Canada. Connect with her on twitter @goddess_I or send her an email at  This article was originally published on

5 replies
  1. @brian_shelby
    @brian_shelby says:

    I would rather a woman just be honest and live in the moment if she's unable to climax. Else show me what she needs from me so I can help her. Men too have times when things don't always work out so, it's all good. There is no need to fake it unless there are self esteem issues. Some women don't think they are any good if they don't climax for their partner and men are the same way. Faking, to me, just says, "I'm insecure with myself," and that's no way to be. I expect honesty from my lover and they deserve the same in return. <a target="_blank" href="">Rock On! XOXO Brian
    My recent post To Achieve More Hot Sex between Men and Women We're…

  2. loveyourlife11
    loveyourlife11 says:

    Could someone please touch on the issue that some men fake orgasms too!! some men have been desensitized by excessively masturbating while going through puberty. This is more common than we think. It causes problems within relationships and marriages. I would love to hear what this does to a womans ego.

  3. Gerald
    Gerald says:

    Omg! This is true? I'm ruined lol I have been told by some women that they don't always have to Orgasm but when they do its wonderful, it doesn't bother me as a man as long as she can communicate to me where I could improve if she's not satisfied 🙂

  4. JTaylor
    JTaylor says:

    That is soooooo not true. Not all women have orgasms every single time they have sex. And just because u don't have an orgasm dosen't mean the sex was not good. I enjoy sex with or without an orgasm. My experience with faking and orgasm is letting my partner know that I enjoyed it and was totally satisfied…..

  5. 20 and Engaged
    20 and Engaged says:

    I don't think faking it once is dishonest per se; like you said, stress can keep you from reaching the mentality you need when you're trying to reach orgasm. But if you're doing it on a regular basis, you should talk to your partner and see how you guys can come in the middle.
    My recent post Marriage Chat Recap: Parenting with a Purpose

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