No Sex In Your Marriage? Husbands Slow Down & Pay Attention
By Howard Guy
When you have no intimacy in marriage of the physical kind your relationship with your wife is on a slippery slope because while some people think they can divorce the notion of love from sex this is not what a marriage is about and sexless marriages have been proven to fail more times than they do not and even if they survive if the issue is not fixed both partners can end up frustrated, angry and bitter.
For husbands trying to discover why their wife has become so distant and uninterested in sex there is one bit of advice that you must heed and that is to slow down, do not force the issue and do not become angry, overbearing or depressed because trying to fix the problem like it is a nail and you are a hammer is not going to work when women’s emotions are so involved.
A woman’s emotional problems is at the heart of these issues you so it is not about physical appearance if you have put on a few pounds, it is not because their body has suddenly changed. Instead the vast amount of sexless marriages (18% of all marriages say some figures) are caused by one or more partners having deeper issues they cannot communicate properly, do not want to communicate or simply do not understand themselves. This can be very stressful to some women and one reaction is becoming sexually disinterested while these issues continue to dominate their mind and body.
So if you want an end to no sex in marriage you need to stop, listen and try to understand the reasons behind the excuses without making matters worse. This can be very difficult and rekindling the desires you used to have takes time and effort but when aroused again the benefits to your relationship emotionally and physically will last the test of time.
I am not married and never been, but after watching Dr. Berman "In the Bedroom" show I see the issue of sex is a big one. From the few shows I have watched, I see the issue can be on both sides, men and women. As a single woman, I meet men and many of them promote sexless marriages being the culprit for divorce. I often ask the question, "was it always that way" The answer is usually, no. Next question, Did you go to counseling? the answer is usually, no, I am not going to couseling. Over the course of time, I usually ask other questions and seems as though nothing positive was done to fix the problem. I am usaully baffled about why they didn't fight for thier marriages. I know that sex is important, but no one seems to inquire about the problem when something changes in the relationship. It almost seems as though the attitude is, "I can find someone else". I know that can't be the only answer. We must do better.
The possibilities are endless. He could be on the downlow. Men who are on the downlow and men who are experiencing medical conditions and do not want the pain of experiencing disappointment.
I think it is interesting that almost all articles written about sexless situations in marriage automatically blame the wife. I have known situations where it is reversed. And it is not because the wife's physical appearance drastically changed. Not because there are any medical issues. Can you write something from that point of view–where the wife does not get it when she wants it and how?
I think it's more of the communication portion. In order for us to pay closer attention, we need to be able to communicate what's really going on.
This is a great post! I’d like to know what is the cause of men rejecting their wives sexually. Is there any advice that can be given to a woman in this same situation?
This was simple and profound at the same time. Men please take heed to this message. If you pay attention to what's going on inside of us…we might pay more attention to you.