Just recently while on a radio interview we were asked about first steps to find Mr. or Ms. Right. After a short commercial break we returned to the airways with the notion that self love should be the first love. It’s not a new idea…but it’s an idea that many people don’t really get. Most people are looking for external validation and external affirmation so much so that they unfortunately forget to look in the mirror and wrap their arms around themselves. It’s o.k to love up on yourself. If you don’t nobody else will. The below is an excerpt from Psychcentral.com showing ways in which putting yourself first….being selfish….can better serve you in finding lasting love.
- Remind yourself that you are lovable. If you don’t think you are worthy of love, no one else will. If you think you can only be loved by people who need you or by being needed, give it up. Focus on developing yourself. Start your day with a few quiet minutes to remind yourself of your best qualities. Write them down. Decide to put at least some of those qualities out there for the world to see every day.
- Respect yourself enough to expect others to treat you with respect. If someone is disrespectful, calmly remind them that you expect to be spoken to respectfully, even when you may be wrong, even if you are in disagreement. Of course, that means being equally respectful of other people when they are wrong or in disagreement.
- Work on any feelings of insecurity you may have. If you think the only people who will love you are those who are grateful to you; if you need to be in control in order to be secure; you have work to do. Instead of rescuing yet another person as an avenue to “love,” love yourself enough to focus on developing your sense of self-worth.
- Love yourself enough to take care of yourself and to present yourself well. That means get enough sleep, eat sensibly, and get some exercise. Being attractive doesn’t take $40 fingernails, a $200 haircut or $500 shoes. Attractiveness that lasts beyond a first impression takes being healthy and put together.
- Do your personal emotional work. If you have been told you are “too needy” or “too controlling,” take it seriously. Think about whether the comment was justified. Of course, sometimes people say such things in anger. But sometimes they are onto something — or part of something. If you don’t feel like you can be an equal partner with a person you see as your equal, you might want to consider some therapy to help you sort out why and what you can do about it.