What Does A Man/Father Know About Breast Feeding Anyway?
By Michael Covin AKA IamOFFDACHAIN
What Does A Man/Father Know About Breast Feeding Anyway? This was a remark that someone made to me on a blog site which will remain nameless. (only because it is not even deserving of the pub) There was an article written that was putting out information I felt was incorrect and was going to be read by thousands and I just could not allow the information to move forward unchallenged.
The mother was sharing how she felt tricked into thinking breast feeding was easy. I explained to her she should have gotten more accurate information before attempting breast feeding and from a better source. I told her even though your family may love you they are not always the best source for information. She felt offended by my statements and felt I would not know anything about the subject because I was a man. I told her I did not know you had to have the body part to study facts pertaining to the part of anatomy.
This is where I asked her the sex of her OBGYN…
Funny thing is she never answered that question for me…HMMMMM!
Anywho…
The comments…like most following breast feeding articles went on for days!! (Those who know what I am talking about just smile)
What I want the world to know is men/dads know lots about doing what is best for our children! If we are doing our reading and researching there is nothing our babies will receive other than what God offers. I explained to her that only 3% of the women of the world are in a situation where they are physically not able to breast feed and the others have just made a decision NOT to do what is best for the child PERIOD…and JUST NEED TO OWN THEIR CHOICES.
I also had to explain that my wife is a Lactation Educator and I am nosey when it comes to her literature.
Also, as a father of 4 little girls I have assisted my wife with 4 breast feeding challenges that have taken a span of over 10 years. Yep, but I probably don’t know much! Some of my wife’s challenges involved engorgement, cracked bleeding nipples, no latching, split nipples, no pooping AT ALL, weight loss of almost 1.0 pounds(more than once) which lasted for more than a month before the child started to pick up weight. During this time I have:
1. Kept my mouth closed
2. Asked my wife what she needed me to do
3. Giventhe baby breast milk from a spoon that my wife had expressed into a sippy cup for over a week for every feeding while my wife was in tears.
4. Kept the non-knowledgeable people who would discourage her away…BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY! (Some still don’t speak, but I am always going to protect my Queen)
I think my passion for breast feeding comes because I want my well educated/disciplined wife to always finish her goals. She is a finisher and because of her discipline she decided to nurse once she studied the BEST Godly options for our children and breast feeding is that option.
It is the option that bonds the child and mother. It is the option that gives the child all it needs for the entire first year of life. My daughters are exclusively BF for the first YEAR OF LIFE! It is the option that sets the child up for the best health results. (i.e. lower incidences of asthma, ear aches, allergies, digestive issues, common colds, etc.). Breast feeding is also responsible for lowering the mothers risk of breast cancer…but……..
“What does a father/dad know about Breast feeding anyway?”
IamOFFDACHAIN is a Husband and Dad who is a no holds barred, outspoken advocate for family and functional relationships. He has committed to change the game in his community by pushing educated and informed decisions to be the norm, because “that’s how it’s always been” are fighting words! You can find out more about him at www.offdachainandouttadabox.wordpress.com and check out his weekly radio show on www.everythingmanradio.com.
Very interesting article. Breast milk is the grace of God as the perfect food for babies. We recommend that babies be breastfed for 2 years. During that, as husbands, we must support our wives by providing quality and intake of nutritious food.
My recent post Breast Milk Storage Bags
Love the article. As a working mom who BF both my cherubs their entire first year – I am in 100% agreement with Michael and appreciate his willingness to tackle this. One final note – why in the WORLD would we pay up to $50 for a can of manmade food for our kids when we have the ability to a produce the real thing for free with patience and education. Peace.
WOW! An entire year!!! Your children and body will pay you dividends! You may have just fixed the HEALTH CARE ISSUE!!
MC
OMG- never even looked at it that way but YES- huge dividends my kids have been extremely healthy, little to no ear infections (none in the 2nd child, and only two with the first). We almost never go to the Dr yet our insurance premium rises by 30% each year. Oh yeah, I'm subsidizing those who chose not to give their gives the custom nutrition made for them. Thanks for the additional perspective.
This would have been such a great article if he wasn't attacking another mom in the process
My recent post Happy Father's Day
Though I do agree we have to watch our presentation…The article was originally written on my blog http://www.offdachainandouttadabox.wordpress.com and blackloveandmarriage saw it was a great article and asked permission to post. The reality is some will never like the presentation of what we can do better(especially when it involves our children)
I received the following email while going back and forth in these comments about MC's tone while the fact that support and education are the real issues have been confirmed: (I did get her permission to post this).
"I have a 3 month old who was breastfeeding like a champ until she got thrush. The thrush is now gone and she will not nurse at all. I thought it was a nursing strike.. But this has now been going on for more than two weeks. I have tried co-sleeping, skin to skin, rocking, walking, baby wearing, and as a last desperate attempt – sugar water. I have no clue what else I can do. Is it possible for her to be self weaning this early? Im still pumping, however, my milk supply is starting to suffer. Any feedback or thoughts/suggestions you could offer would be greatly appreciated."
I would gladly forward on any suggestions. God has made it very clear that one of my purposes is to promote breastfeeding in the AA community. I'm going to use my time accordingly.
Real talk….Everybody doesn't have the motherly feelings that tend to come with birth. I've actually heard some black women say "my breast is for my man not my baby". This ain't cool. It's downright ignorant.
Ladies, I agree with you…the spirit of Michaels post and his comments on the other article are a bit abrasive. Ladies, we also must be real……every single one of us knows somebody who gave up on breast feeding or chose not to breast feed either because they were uncomfortable, impatient, or inconvenienced. Statistically speaking in a CDC report (http://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/data/nis_data/index.htm) on children born from 1999-2007 we see that Hispanic women were most likely to initiate breastfeeding (80 percent); followed by non-Hispanic whites (73 percent); and non-Hispanic blacks (54 percent). This is a HUGE problem. I respect Michael as a man for shining light on this topic.
Where is the link to the original blog you are referencing?
My recent post Happy Father's Day
http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2011/02/24/i-a…
My recent post I Need A Hobby
Great article! I am still breast feeding my 14 month old daughter because of all it benefits – not only for her but for me also. My husband supports me all the way. He wants what is BEST for his family.
Once again you have taken attention away from what could have been useful information by choosing an accusatory and condemning approach. Yes, there needs to be more awareness about breast feeding in the Black community, and all communities. Yes it would be very helpful for fathers to educate themselves on breastfeeding issues to provide better support for their wives. Yet instead of making this point, you allow every thing good you have to say to get lost in your tone. I applaud your efforts as a father to learn more about breast feeding. Now maybe you can learn more about tact, tone, and presentation to have more success in getting your point across.
My recent post New Life for Old Releases: How to Make the Most of Your Press Release
2 Timothy 4
For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 4 They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.
This is the issue with breastfeeding, marriage, parenting, education, and so many other areas in our community. The “I’m going to do me” attitude has had serious implications on our families and the future of the AA culture is dismal at best.
He’s a man, not a woman, so yes, his delivery was not PC and wrapped up pretty with a bow, but he’s on point!
What can we do as a community to get more AA doing what God has designed for our children?
We can do a lot, that's a loaded question. But what ever we do we should do it with class and respect.
My recent post Happy Father's Day
You tried to creep over here and still got the same results so at some point maybe you realize that the problem is not the information, the problem is you. You still have no proof that Gwen who wrote the article is not in that 3% and feel free to name our website in every opportunity given. Here it is for those who don't know: BlackandMarriedWithKids.com also known as BMWK and you can find us on FB at http://www.facebook.com/happilyeverafterthemovie
We put it down for black families every day of the week now with almost 3000 posts since launching in December of 2007. So now since no one agreed with you here either I guess you'll go to a 3rd site and leave both of ours nameless.
My recent post GIVEAWAY: BMWK & Pampers Want To Give You $300 For a Baby Shower
Hello Lamar,
Nice commercial! I am not creeping and no the results are not the same. The persons who have read my literature for what it is are in agreement. The persons who have come over from your site are still bringing the same energy. I just don't understand why in our community we don't hold our friends/family accountable. The young lady has proven she is not in the 3%. I do agree that your site does a good job putting it down but I just believe as a people we support each other for NOT doing what is BEST. I have yet to see anyone deal with the FACTS. The fact is we are the only mammal that finds it okay to give our children another mammals milk…and the AA community is lost in the 'I don't like how you said that to me.' You can grow or stay where you are and our community deals with more and more in the area of health and wellness. Again…good commercial, but It leaves me believing you came for that and that only
MC
Please don't deride this man. The fact remains that you accused HIS writer on HIS site of essentially being a liar all because you weren't able to prove the measures she took to feed her son from her breast were according to your standards. You then condescendingly assumed that we black folk would follow along as lemmings off a cliff and all refuse to breastfeed our children because she was honest about her own personal experience, so you took it upon yourself to "save" us with your "information." You then came to THIS site — whose owners know and are friends with this man and with whom they have colaborated — and basically took another dig at his site and his writer. This is just unconscionable and I'm so puzzled as to how you can't see this.
The interesting thing is you and I probably have similar if not identical views about parenting. But I would find it very difficult to take any direction from you because you seem less interested in helping people and more interested in being "right."
Your right Denise! I am a horrible presenter and I owe everyone involved an apology…Now the AA community is still not BF. How do we address this?
MC
To be quite honest with you, one way to do so would be to tout the financial benefits. Talk about saved money on formula and health care costs.
For many AA mothers, BF accessories are cost-prohibitive. Support legislation (which is already in place) that makes those things tax-deductable. Develop partnerships with pump manufacturers to provide pumps to hospitals who service mostly low-income patients for free or at a reduced cost.
I honestly don't know who they are polling because I promise you, not a single one of my AA girlfriends and relatives who've had babies in the past 10 years or so have NOT breastfed. We all have. Seriously, when are these statistical studies coming our way?
My recent post I Need A Hobby
Wow Denise!! I applaud you, your families, and friends!! Where do you live? I'm curious because I have been an advocate for breastfeeding for about 10 years and I have not seen nearly as many mothers choosing to breastfeed. In my circle of friends, yes, we all do it, but generally speaking, at church, the mall, restaurants, Disney World, and almost every other public place I visit, I see the majority of women bottlefeeding. (and I often see them mixing the formula, so it's unlikely that its usually pumped breastmilk).
i might be jumping on this whole thing a little late, but i think the issue is more of a class issue than specifically an AA issue. i am an attorney in juvenile court and i deal with a lot of cases with abused/neglected kids and their families, almost all of whom are indigent. when i ask the ladies who are pregnant if they are considering breastfeeding, they look at me as though i asked them to feed their baby mud or something. it seems to me that there is some cultural aversion to it: the residual ignorance that it is dirty or gross.
but i think that the WIC program policies are good. people may or may not be aware, but they reward breasfeeding mothers with some extras. that is a good start.
but out of all the families i have worked with in the court: i dont think a single one has breastfed. so ironic that those who can least afford to buy inferior formula are almost always doing it.
I'm confused. Maybe things have changed A LOT since this post. But I got my breast pump and breast milk storage bags for free. Also, anything that I do buy is tax deductible. Although, due to my "low income" I was able to receive a free $300 electrical double pump, they have MUCH cheaper ones out there
By not attacking people. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
My recent post Happy Father's Day
We posted this article without knowledge of the history that came with it. We respect Michael Covin for his passion and investment when it comes to fatherhood and the black family. Upon checking out the article that is referenced in this post (through links that were left in the comments 🙂 ) we can equally say that we respect Gwen Jimmere for her passion and investment when it comes to motherhood and the black family
My recent post 3 Tips To Help Your Spouse Put Down Addiction And Pick Up Their Life
I remember this guy and the article on the other site. Still shaking my head my friend. Sometimes enough is enough. Wisdom, wisdom where are you? What's the point, we heard him the first time. And he was not received then and I personally don't want to hear what he has to say now. This is the same audience, what gives? Michael, people can't hear what you are saying for watching what you do.
Then I apologize for my presentation…But when the smoke clears you still are left with the facts.
I don't understand why you wouldn't just put the facts out there in this article, as opposed to the "smoke" and mirrors of what seemed like a personal vendetta.
Seriously, the facts are valuable. I breastfed my son, so I couldn't agree more that BFing is an awesome experience for mothers and healthy for children.
But in Gwen's article, you lambasted her for discussing her personal experience, then decided to sneak in a few insults to her and BMWK in this one. C'mon, son!
To reiterate, your message is lost in the static you brought along with it.
So where do we go from here? Our community is suffering
NOW you're talking, MC! We do exactly what you're doing (minus the static…LOL). We put the facts out and educate our brothers and sister not only in this, but in other issues that tend to plague our communities.
Which–I gotta be honest with you–is why I was sooooo frustrated with this article and your responses to Gwen's. This website, BMWK and Gwen have established a track record of doing just that. I couldn't understand why you would attack the entities that were putting t heir money where their mouths were.
Your article from "What I want the world to know is men/dads know lots about doing what is best for our children!" on down was exactly what some people who aren't necessarily educated about BFing needed. The vitriol above it was a low blow, IMO (but we all know what people say about those).
Such a hot topic and I can not elaborate on it much except to say I'm at least happy to see a father let alone a AA father with some knowledge and support with breastfeeding. I am a RN and lactation consultant and I don't see many AA women breastfeeding. Now, I did not resad the original post and don't know where it originated. However, I can say it the woman felt she was "lied" to then that is her preception and it is valid. I know some lactation professional do with hold the truths in an effort to encourage women to breastfeed. I know there are different levels of breastfeeding knowledge and expertise as well. (I read back to earlier posts and believe I see the original posting link). All in all women in general and especially black women need all the support they can get and more to be successful in breastfeeding. Hopefully this young lady was able to find that help or solution and come to term with her breastfeeding experience. I know too many mothers who have slipped into PPD after grieving their loss of breastfeeding.
Thanks Tamara for your response. What I like most about your response is it came without any baggage and you were able to read the article for the needed truth that it brings to the subject. Keep pushing breastfeeding in the AA community!! We thank you!
MC
I also recall both the website, article and author of the article in question.
1) I applaud this website for giving you an opportunity to clear the air and state the facts;
2) You chose to squander that opportunity by insulting the good work and community of people doing positive things to uplift and encourage others;
3) Although I respect your efforts to educate others about lactation, your positive message is drowned out by the patronizing manner you employed to get your point across;
4) You probably didn't get a response to your question because more mature individuals would choose to ignore folly as opposed to adding to it…it takes two fools to fight, and she chose not to be one of them;
5) The author of that article has a child who is learning chinese, swimming, laughing hysterically, almost reading, and is being socialized in such a way that will make him not only a benefit to society, but a leader of other leaders.
All that said, I think you owe both this website and the other one an apology. Hopefully you'll have the testicular fortitude to make that happen.
I did not see your full response initially. If an apology is what you want the bible calls me to apologize anytime someone is offended. So I apologize to you and anyone else who was offended by my researched passion and delivery of information. I never want anyone to miss the facts.
MC
Please don't twist my words like you did Gwen's. LOL Being passionate about the facts is one thing. Delivery is quite another. As a Christian, I fully realize that with some you have to speak gently, and with others, you have to turn it up a few notches. My main concern is the fact that you used harshness where gentleness was needed.
Be passionate, by all means. It's refreshing to know there are fathers out there who are concerned for their children even down to the most basic aspects (i.e. feeding and nutrition). I would also implore you to use caution in what you place in a public forum where your words cannot be deleted once they are expressed in black and white.
I am not ashamed of my words. I wish I would have presented them differently because I feel like it would take away the EXCUSE for not breastfeeding. I think the issue is missed and I regret that and that only. So I am attempting to now get back to what the AA community is missing but the other sites papparazzi are stuck in yesteryear
*rolling eyes*
"…but the other site's papparazzi are stuck in yesteryear"
that statement made me want to completely ignore the importance and TRUTH of what you said prior to that. that's a perfect example of what concerns me about your approach. i pray you find a way to get your message out there with clarity, passion and effectiveness.
Right. And for the record, many BLAM readers are also BMWK readers, so there was no need to “come over” from anywhere. The Ma’ats can tell you I am a faithful reader/commenter of this site, and I’ve even written content for Ronnie and Lamar over at BMWK. The interwebs — particularly pertaining to sites that promote healthy Black marriages and families — aren’t really that big.
I respect your opinion. Thanks for giving this wonderful site your time and we hope you return as there are many other articles on this site daily.
MC
For the record, here's the full text of that article: http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2011/02/24/i-a…
And here is your first response to it:
"I am a man and in the car right now and this is the worst piece of literature I have read since Columbus discovered America!! I will respond with facts and will not allow this mess in the AA community. UGH! "
Please explain to me how that was an appropriate, edifying, or even remotely uplifting response to what she wrote.
I am glad that you posted this Denise and I am also glad that you said this was my first response. I would say this is about 2% of what I shared on the site.
Do you agree?
thanks for posting the link!
My recent post Happy Father's Day
Like Denise, I remember the article and comments that you speak of. And yes, the way you attacked the author was the reason people were so put off by you. It had little to do with your gender and the tone of this article isn't much better. Women can't and choose not to breastfeed for a variety of reasons. By the way this article reads, you're making it seem like they don't have their child's best interest at heart. Many people that read this, regardless of their views on breastfeeding, would have been put off. I suggest you find a better way to interact with people so you can get your message out. Try not to be so condemnatory and condescending to people that don't automatically agree with your views.
So are you saying if breast feeding is the BEST and a parent chooses not to breast feed they have their child BEST interest at heart?
Let me know if asking this question was condescending.
Thanks,
MC
Depends on the reason. But to assume that all women that don't choose to breastfeed do it for superficial reasons and don't care about their kid's wellbeing is wrong.
Michael, I remember the article.. and your off-putting and accusatory comments to the author. The backlash you received wasn't solely because you are a man, it was because the woman had written an article about HER admittedly rare and very disappointing episode in attempting to breastfeed her child. Her comment, "they lied to me" was to me very obviously meant to be sardonic, but you took it and ran with it. You accused her of being ill-informed (even though she described in detail the medical, expert, and anectodal advice she'd sought from a number of sources) and you also accused her of discouraging others to breastfeed (despite the fact that she whole-heartedly encouraged other mothers to do it). The brazen and callous manner in which you approached her is what led other people come to her defense and to question your qualification to comment on this subject the way you did.
My recent post I Need A Hobby
And despite how much you may have researched or even assisted in the successful breastfeeding of your children (congratulations, by the way), your real lack of knowledge in this area was more than evident in the way you came at this young woman, because had you been intimately aware of the overwhelming mental and emotional toll it takes on a woman to not be able to breastfeed, even if it's only due to a momentary drop in production, you would have been much more edifying to her. This woman was trying to find a silver lining, to come to terms with the fact that she's in the small minority of women who cannot successfully breastfeed. She needed validation, and you took her in the completely opposite direction. You chose to ride your high horse at her expense, be honest about that.
Relationship is the basis for ministry and I did not have a relationship before I attempted to address an issue. I was wrong for that and for every person that was offended by my tone THEN…I APOLOGIZE
MC
As for me, I breastfed exclusively and when my daughter was ready for solids, I made her food myself using organic vegetables, fruits, and grains (we're vegetarians, so no meat). I had a natural childbirth, I wore her and did kangaroo care, and I cloth diapered. If they ever write a book on natural, holistic parenting, I could certainly be a contributor. However, I'm not in the business of demonizing others for the choices they make, nor making another mother feel bad that she can't take the same course of action as I did in her own mothering.
My recent post I Need A Hobby
Great job Denise! I am so proud that you are doing what is BEST for your children. Their lives will be better because of your efforts. Since you are a mother who MADE it and I have had a challenge in the past with presentation…Help me out. How do you present the GODLY way to someone who wants to do it there way and that way does not line up with GOD?
MC
Thanks Denise. People seem to always lean on judgement when your held accountable for something you just don't want to do. Maybe a relationship should have preceded my comments to her but I felt that no one was doing the community any justice and I do remember several that agreed with my comments on this article. Do you remember any of this?
MC