When A Father Cries For His Son

/in /by

By Ayize Ma’at

I hesitate to write this post as I sit here…trying to make some sense of the cluster of emotions that have bum rushed my spirit.  A part of me is reluctant to express what is weighing heavy on my heart….however, the greater part of me NEEDS to tell you the story of my tears in an attempt to release the frustration, anger, fear, and sadness that I’m wrestling with.  I love my son with every ounce of my being.  Since he is our first born…he holds a special place in my heart that is reserved only for him.  As a matter of fact when he gets older he may possibly read this post….so let me say this:

Duah, I love you completely.  I am thankful for you, I am committed to you, and I am proud to be your father.

A year ago we were told that our 9 year old son has arthritis in his hip.  Yup…a 9 year old with arthritis…go figure.  When the  Dr. first shared that news with me… it broke me down.  Now I know arthritis within itself is not the end of the world, but for him to deal with Sickle Cell Anemia, Asthma, and now Arthritis…..that’s a bit much.  So being overwhelmed with emotion I cried.  I cried because I don’t want my son to hurt.  I cried because i don’t want my son to have to deal with the embarrassment that may come from his physical limitations.  I cried because there’s a good chance my son won’t play sports the way I played sports as a child.

That was a year ago when we got the news about arthritis….well today he had a follow up appointment with the specialist and the condition of his hip has deteriorated to a point where the Dr. said NO running or jumping for the next year.  When Aiyana called me and shared this info with me….every part of me screamed “FUCK….here’s something else my son has to deal with”.

Asante has developed a remarkable ability to find the positives in his experiences.  When I talked to him he sounded sad…but there was a hint of optimism in his energy when I told him I love him and we’re going to have a great time riding bikes and swimming this summer.  When I got off the phone with him,  tears started welling up in my eyes.  Why does he have to deal with this.   I don’t want him to experience this.  I wish I could carry his pain, fear, frustration, and embarrassment for him.  I wish I could give him more than my love.

I love you Duah.

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24 replies
  1. Ilex
    Ilex says:

    At first I didn't want to read this article because I was afriad of the emotions that I would feel but I read it anyway. I pray for your son and for the rest of your family. I don't have any magical things to say, but what I can say is that my heart goes out to you guys and I believe earnestly that he will be alright because of you and your wife! Your love, commitment, and dedication may not heal his infirmities, but they will help ease the pain. He knows that you love him and that you support him and because you show so much love and support for us, 1000's of us will be sending our prayers towards you! Much love brother and keep your head up!!!

  2. Jakki
    Jakki says:

    Thank you for Sharing Ayize, Your son is so Blessed to have such a strong male figure in his life; his daddy, his father his protector. A man that knows crying is displaying his ultimate manhood. I hope you know that you and your family is such an inspiration to me mine~ Happy Father's Day

  3. Harriet
    Harriet says:

    As a mother who has dealt with a myriad of medical issues with my child, I totally feel your pain. My son started out with RSV, then asthma, then food allergies (he can eat air, tho…LOL), been hospitalized three times, kidney and bladder infections, surgery, then a VCUG (yeah…a catheter down “there” *cringe*)…that feeling of helplessness is universal to good parents. You want to believe your love is enough, but moments like what you describe make you feel like it isn’t.

    Aiyana definitely brought about the importance and priceless nature of that intangible: your love and support. Y’all give it to complete strangers in ample supply, so I can imagine how much it impacts the future generations you are raising under your own roof.

    I’m definitely praying with and for you all. Kids are resilient…they can bounce back emotionally from stuff like this so much quicker than we can. But man…a toast to a father’s love. Kinda made me think about how God feels about us when we’re in pain. And if His love is enough, and He created YOU in His image and likeness, then your love is enough as well.

    Thanks for sharing. Love y’all dearly!

  4. Your Father-in-Law
    Your Father-in-Law says:

    Ayize, this is a beautiful message conveying your steadfast love for your wonderful son, and my wonderful grandson, Asante. I am proud of you for being so real and honest. Whoever said that men are not supposed to cry? Men have emotions just like everyone else. I am glad that you are man enough to openly share your unconditional love for your beloved son. That bold expression of love requires courage, strength, and integrity that many so-called “men” don’t have. Keep the faith and believe that, with God, all things are possible.

  5. MOE-ZELLA
    MOE-ZELLA says:

    TY FOR YOUR TRANSPARENCY THE VIDEOS ARE VERY HELPFUL AND INFORMATIVE I AM CURRENTLY SPERATED AND HAD TRIED MANY THINGS TO REPAIR MY MARRIAGE THREW WATCHING THESE VIDEOS I HAVE BEENN ABLE TO REFLECT ON MY RESPONSIBILTY I PLAYED IN THE FAILURE OF MY MARRIAGE AND AREA DAT NEEDED TO BE IMPROVE GOD BLESS U GUYS FOR SHARING YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL FAMILY LOVE THE PHRASE STOP PLAYIN KEEP PUSHIN BECAUSE RL MANY ARE PLAYIN WIT THE INSITUTION OF MARRIAGE STAY BLESSED

  6. bnfitdc
    bnfitdc says:

    Ayize, you inspire men. You're strong, transparent and full of love for your wife and children. Your son will naturally be strong, transparent and full love of love for his because of your example.

    Stay up. You have a whooole lot of people praying, sending love and PUSHING with you.

  7. MichaelAngelo
    MichaelAngelo says:

    my my my, Ayize, you never cease to amaze me with your clarity on things and how you show love to your children. You are a great example of what a father's love means and looks like. I believe that Asante will find a way to enjoy physical activities and you'll be right there along the way as you have been. I love you all

  8. Carmen
    Carmen says:

    Thank you so much for sharing. Your willingness to open up to the world is appreciated. I wish your son the best!

  9. @LamarTyler
    @LamarTyler says:

    Of course our prayers are with you and the fam. What a blessing for the two of you to have each other and that bond. I'm just so glad that he had a father to call like you when he needed you. Thank you for sharing such a personal experience on such a public platform, by writing just these few words you and your son have touched more lives than you probably could imagine.

  10. Terrence
    Terrence says:

    Thank you for sharing man. I feel you completely. I was just thinking about my baby girl this morning and how I don't even want her in pain from teething. You're a great father and man Ayize.

  11. Lakeesha Shaw
    Lakeesha Shaw says:

    Thanks for sharing! I'm in prayer for your BOY! Sometimes I think we have to recognized that our children's lives are not ours- our hopes and aspirations for them can be overwhelmes when they seem to not be attainable; however, be encouraged…your son e may be hurting but what the devil met for EVIL, you watch how GOD makes it GOOD! Stay blessed!

  12. Brandi
    Brandi says:

    Aiyana & Ayize – As a note of encouragement from a mother who has dealt with medical challenges and issues with my own son. The ONLY thing that matters to them is how MY DADDY( & mommy , but for sue daddy) loves me and is there for me, as Aiyana said the most impactful moment is when YOU say everything will be ok. He trust and believes in you and thats where he finds his comfort and the ability to move forward and take his challenges head on. Cry, scream, kick….and then go swimming 🙂 Love what you guys are doing

  13. ruleyourwife
    ruleyourwife says:

    Dude, this is why I have so much DAMN respect for you. You represent everything that every black man MUST represent.Asante is blessed to have you as his dad, Aiyanna is better because you are her husband and the world is better because of you.

    When my son was 12 he laid on a hospitable bed and I was told he would get much worse before he got better, if he was to get better, I told that doctor and the devil that they were liars and indeed they were.

    Keep praying to the God you know and continue to be there for him like I know you will. Just your presence, (the power of a black man loving his family) will give him the strenght to perserve through.

  14. Aiyana
    Aiyana says:

    Ayize your unconditional love for Asante helps and heals him in more ways than you can ever know baby. I thank God for the relationship that the two of you have. You should have seen his face when I gave him the phone to talk to you as we left the Doctor's office. Just hearing your voice made his eyes light up in a way that I could never do. The first thing he wanted to do was call you when we were leaving. He needed to hear his Dad say "It's gonna be Ok. We're gonna have fun riding bikes and swimming this summer" and then say "I love you."

    You give him more than you can ever know every day just by loving him, talking to him, being vulnerable with him, and keeping it real with him. I feel privileged to get to witness the bond that the two of you have. You are an inspiration.
    My recent post Marriage &amp Respect- One Can Not Live Without The Other

  15. forhealthymarriages©
    forhealthymarriages© says:

    Wow…I have to get my Emotions together after reading and feeling the Love as a Father to my Son as well. Much Love to you Ayize and Duah. Dr. Ayize Ma'at thank you for sharing!

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