You Have NO Valid Reason To Cheat (Part 1)

By Ilex Bien-Aime

I often wonder, why do people get into serious relationships and or marriages if they know that they are going to stray? Athletes, actors, presidents, senators, preachers, and just plain old blue collar men and women cheat. There are so many reasons and excuses for why people cheat. But whether your situation has a compelling argument or not is irrelevant – you took a vow in front of family, friends, and most importantly, God! If you aren’t married, nothing is keeping you in that relationship. Why don’t you leave?! Cheating should not be an option – Cheating is NOT an option.

Ladies, we will start with why you say that you cheat. In reading several articles and blogs, one of the main reasons that a woman cheats is because she is seeking revenge. Another reason given is that she wants to know that she still has “it” ( sex appeal). She also cheats because she wants to feel a connection. Others cheat because of sexual boredom, while some cheat because they want to leave the relationship. They just do not want to verbally express this.

Men, please understand that you play at least some part in your woman going astray. Do you think it is ok to go running around and think that she will welcome you home with open arms? This reminds me of an old Johnny Taylor song that says, “who’s making love to your ole lady, while you’re out making love.”

Fellas, we generally know what it takes to capture a woman’s heart and yet we act like we don’t know what she wants when we get her. While courting her, we used to take her out and buy her nice little gifts. We used to tell her how beautiful she was and we made her feel like a queen. Now we treat her like an old pair of Air Force Ones. She’s lost that new shoe smell so now it’s time to get a new pair.

Remember when we used to talk to our woman for hours. It seemed like we could talk about anything. It was refreshing and fun. Now we really can’t string three sentences together. Once, “you hang up” – “no, you hang up” has now become, “dang I wish that she would shut up!” Now, the only way you try to connect is in the bedroom.

At some point men, we have to take our own actions into account. With that being said ladies, this in no way makes you less (or not) guilty of your infractions. You can’t teach a man a lesson by sleeping with another man. If he is the man that you want to keep, you just lost him with your betrayal. Even if he cheated on you 80 times, if you cheat on a man once, your relationship is pretty much over.

Just as men have to take some responsibility for the situation, ladies you have a role also. When you are trying to impress a man, you go all out. Not too many Hanes cottons are seen on your body when he is around. To get him, you used to show him those Frederick’s of Hollywood outfits and now it’s “bloomer time”. Yes, we all gain weight over time and a man does not have children so he does not know what it feels like to have baby weight but ladies, you can’t stop trying to impress your man. He should love you for you but remember also that your sexy body played some role in that. He at least needs to see that you are trying.

As far as having a connection and boredom are concerned, I caution women that you are playing a very dangerous game. Most men are alike – we know how to reel you in – we just forget about what to do with you once you’ve been “caught”. Your mate used to listen to you too, remember? You once had a connection with him, or so you thought. Now this dude, who has no ties to you, comes around and listens to your problems and goes away seeming like the guy of your dreams. Well of course he does because he walks away from the conversation with nothing really invested. He gets all the frills from you and there is no established drama or situations for him to reference. I guarantee that more times than not, he ends up a lot like your old guy.

Sex is another story all together. Let’s face it, men are one trick ponies in this area. We will continue to do the things that we saw on the latest porn. We developed a trusty move years before we met you and because no one ever said anything otherwise, we continue with that. You once liked the sex and now because it has not evolved, you seek it elsewhere. Part of the blame goes to you ladies. You have to know how to properly get your man to do what you want him to do. When a woman asks right, a man is willing to do just about anything. He wants to please you because he knows that if he does, he will be pleased in return. But what you seek does not come natural to him. With men it only takes a few pumps to get to the promised land but for you it’s different. The new guy will excite you for awhile but trust me, unless he is that rare Deuce Bigalow, he too will become stale!

CLICK HERE to read Part 2

My name is Ilex Bien-Aime and I live in Washington, DC with my lovely wife. I write as a man who has seen women mistreat themselves and who have allowed themselves to be mistreated. I write as a man who wants to give my future daughters a guideline on how to deal with men. Lastly I write what I write because my female friends are always asking my opinion about these situations.

7 replies
  1. Smoov
    Smoov says:

    In many of the cases, women cheat for a specific reason, but aren't ready to verbally admit those reasons – which could be a combination of many things that has negatively affected the relationship.

    The basics of maintaining a healthy relationship depends on honest communication – trusting one another to really listen to each other and acknowledging your changing needs & desires.

    No, it's never a good reason to cheat. Better to end the relationship as the negative feelings would be put out in the open so both of you are aware. And if you are unwilling to deal with your shared imperfections, then parting ways may be the key to separate lives and happiness elsewhere.

  2. Ilex
    Ilex says:

    My first thought would be for you guys to have an honest conversation. Secondly seek counseling and lastly seek divorce if you feel you have absolutely NO WAY around this situation. It is my opinion but cheating is never an acceptable option. All the excuses in the world will not make up for the fact that you broke your vows. If it is that bad, seek help or leave.

  3. vicky
    vicky says:

    Sometimes its the husband who loses interest in sex with the wife. Not only that, but interest in her at all! I'm not an advocate for cheating either but what does a wife do when her husband completely rejects her? I'm not overweight, we have no kids, and there's nothing going on that I can say explains his behavior. A person can only take so much rejection before they do seek it outside. I'm not saying you expect the new person to fulfill everything but just some moments of afffection acknowledgement, and conversation will go a long way when you are starving for attention!

  4. StealthGenie
    StealthGenie says:

    Great advice! I think loyalty by both partners is necessary to keep the relationship going. Women have the tendency to forgive the infidelity but when it comes to guys. You do something once and consider it’s all over.

  5. Christina Earthmotherand-Queen Boozer
    Christina Earthmotherand-Queen Boozer says:

    I say whatever to some of this and to some of it…hit the nail right on the head…Like getting back in-shape after the children you being a male have no idea what it's like or how hard it is for some women. The hormones in some cases make it impossible to lose all of the baby weight and with some like myself it just melted right off every-time just lucky I suppose 🙂

    Men should then plan on staying in shape and getting hair plugs if that is the case….Not getting tired over age because lets face it we are only physically compatible when we are older and you are younger….It seems that if a man cheats 80 times and a woman can only cheat once before the relationship is doomed women should dump the cheater the 1st time and find someone who can be honest.

    Women should never cheat it eventually damages them mentally, men don't feel anything for the most part but women cheat for emotional reasons men cheat mostly for physical reasons. While there are men that cheat for emotional reasons there are more that do not…Most women lose the intimacy with the person they are with and we need that. Men need variety and can get that with multiple women with out having to reveal that to their mate when if they would just open up could get it from their mate.

    Men need to realize that no matter how hard it is to open up about sexual appetites and fetishes it has to be easier than dealing with an angry mate or a vengeful mate because of cheating…If a man cannot get his freakin in with his woman he is with the wrong woman….

  6. 20 and Engaged
    20 and Engaged says:

    This! All of this! There's absolutely no good reason to cheat, but if people absolutely have to know why someone cheats, these are the reasons. I'm hitting the gym daily so that I can get my body back in place not only for myself, but also for my husband. I'm heading there right now!
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  1. […] as we did not dismiss the woman’s perspective in this equation (No Valid Reason To Cheat Part 1), we cannot dismiss the male side. Women you must take responsibility for some of this. Now truth be […]

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