By Ilex Bien-Aime
I often wonder, why do people get into serious relationships and or marriages if they know that they are going to stray? Athletes, actors, presidents, senators, preachers, and just plain old blue collar men and women cheat. There are so many reasons and excuses for why people cheat. But whether your situation has a compelling argument or not is irrelevant – you took a vow in front of family, friends, and most importantly, God! If you aren’t married, nothing is keeping you in that relationship. Why don’t you leave?! Cheating should not be an option – Cheating is NOT an option.
Ladies, we will start with why you say that you cheat. In reading several articles and blogs, one of the main reasons that a woman cheats is because she is seeking revenge. Another reason given is that she wants to know that she still has “it” ( sex appeal). She also cheats because she wants to feel a connection. Others cheat because of sexual boredom, while some cheat because they want to leave the relationship. They just do not want to verbally express this.
Men, please understand that you play at least some part in your woman going astray. Do you think it is ok to go running around and think that she will welcome you home with open arms? This reminds me of an old Johnny Taylor song that says, “who’s making love to your ole lady, while you’re out making love.”
Fellas, we generally know what it takes to capture a woman’s heart and yet we act like we don’t know what she wants when we get her. While courting her, we used to take her out and buy her nice little gifts. We used to tell her how beautiful she was and we made her feel like a queen. Now we treat her like an old pair of Air Force Ones. She’s lost that new shoe smell so now it’s time to get a new pair.
Remember when we used to talk to our woman for hours. It seemed like we could talk about anything. It was refreshing and fun. Now we really can’t string three sentences together. Once, “you hang up” – “no, you hang up” has now become, “dang I wish that she would shut up!” Now, the only way you try to connect is in the bedroom.
At some point men, we have to take our own actions into account. With that being said ladies, this in no way makes you less (or not) guilty of your infractions. You can’t teach a man a lesson by sleeping with another man. If he is the man that you want to keep, you just lost him with your betrayal. Even if he cheated on you 80 times, if you cheat on a man once, your relationship is pretty much over.
Just as men have to take some responsibility for the situation, ladies you have a role also. When you are trying to impress a man, you go all out. Not too many Hanes cottons are seen on your body when he is around. To get him, you used to show him those Frederick’s of Hollywood outfits and now it’s “bloomer time”. Yes, we all gain weight over time and a man does not have children so he does not know what it feels like to have baby weight but ladies, you can’t stop trying to impress your man. He should love you for you but remember also that your sexy body played some role in that. He at least needs to see that you are trying.
As far as having a connection and boredom are concerned, I caution women that you are playing a very dangerous game. Most men are alike – we know how to reel you in – we just forget about what to do with you once you’ve been “caught”. Your mate used to listen to you too, remember? You once had a connection with him, or so you thought. Now this dude, who has no ties to you, comes around and listens to your problems and goes away seeming like the guy of your dreams. Well of course he does because he walks away from the conversation with nothing really invested. He gets all the frills from you and there is no established drama or situations for him to reference. I guarantee that more times than not, he ends up a lot like your old guy.
Sex is another story all together. Let’s face it, men are one trick ponies in this area. We will continue to do the things that we saw on the latest porn. We developed a trusty move years before we met you and because no one ever said anything otherwise, we continue with that. You once liked the sex and now because it has not evolved, you seek it elsewhere. Part of the blame goes to you ladies. You have to know how to properly get your man to do what you want him to do. When a woman asks right, a man is willing to do just about anything. He wants to please you because he knows that if he does, he will be pleased in return. But what you seek does not come natural to him. With men it only takes a few pumps to get to the promised land but for you it’s different. The new guy will excite you for awhile but trust me, unless he is that rare Deuce Bigalow, he too will become stale!
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My name is Ilex Bien-Aime and I live in Washington, DC with my lovely wife. I write as a man who has seen women mistreat themselves and who have allowed themselves to be mistreated. I write as a man who wants to give my future daughters a guideline on how to deal with men. Lastly I write what I write because my female friends are always asking my opinion about these situations.