55 Signs Your Spouse May Be Cheating On You

Here are some signs that can tip you off that you may have a cheating husband or cheating wife. Of course this list is for informational purposes only and should not be used as an excuse to go and whoop your partner’s a$$.  If you’re feeling uncertain about the connection you have with your partner we highly encourage you to be honest about what you’re feeling in a respectful way.  Should you need additional assistance to help you or yall work through your stuff…CLICK HERE to schedule a session with us (Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at)
Signs of a Cheating Spouse:

1) He just got a new cell phone but surprisingly the bill gets sent to his office address.

2) Your partner suddenly starts taking more business trips that last longer.

3) He no longer wants the baby seat in his car.

4) You can’t get your spouse to talk to you anymore.

5) Sex life? You hardly have sex any more.

6) Wow! Your sex life has suddenly taken off.

7) Your partner is paying way too much attention to you.

8) Your partner is ignoring you.

9) Your spouse is neglecting everyday chores and tasks.

10) He starts paying a lot of attention to a clean car. Everything is spotless inside and out.

11) You find you have to readjust the passenger seat every time you get in the car.

12) She seems to be working late at the office more than usual.

13) He has condoms even though you are on the birth control pill. She takes the pill even though you have had a vasectomy.

14) She just got a new male friend but she says not to worry because he’s gay or recently engaged.

15) Your partner is always running late.

16) When your partner comes home his hair is wet.

17) She always seems to be forgetting to wear her wedding ring.

18) He has suddenly taken up jogging when he normally only runs to the fridge.

19) You start smelling alcohol on her breath even though “she came straight home from work”.

20) Your Spidey senses are tingling. You just get the feeling that something is going on with your spouse. Your intuition or gut feeling is talking to you.

21) He starts to buy new clothes and starts looking REALLY, REALLY good.

22) She gets a new email address and doesn’t tell you about it.

23) She races you to the mail box to get the phone bill first.

24) You notice charges on your credit card statement that make no sense.

25) Your spouse seems more secretive. They are definitely hiding something.

26) You can’t get your partner to fight anymore even when you try really hard to make him or her mad.

27) Your partner doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything with you anymore.

28) He/She goes to another room to make private phone calls.

29) Your partner’s friends seem to be uncomfortable around you — like they know something.

30) You start getting an unusual number of telephone hang-ups.

31) Your partner encourages you to take a vacation alone.

32) Your spouse starts getting defensive when you ask if something is going on.

33) Your partner starts wearing new cologne or perfume.

34) You notice lipstick on his collar, or worse — on his underwear!

35) She deletes the phone log on her cell phone at least 5 times a day.

36) He turns off his cell phone when you are together like he is afraid to take a call beside you.

37) She becomes paranoid and uncomfortable even when you ask the most innocent questions.

38) Your partner spends many hours on the computer or phone after you’ve gone to bed.

39) Your partner has set up special security on the computer that you can’t access.

40) The internet browser history is deleted whenever you go to use a shared computer.
41) Your partner is spending less and less time with you.

42) She never seems to be at her desk when you call.

43) Use your nose. Your partner smells differently when they leave the house in the morning compared to when they come home in the evening. A different cologne or soap smell.

44) Your spouse suddenly becomes interested in new, different types of music.

45) Your partner starts talking differently, using different phrases and sayings and knowing more on a new subject.

46) Your spouse has unusual scratches or bruises on their neck, back or arms and you know the cat is not responsible.

47) Your partner has his/her cell phone locked down better than Fort Knox.

48) He never returns your calls when he’s out.

49) Your spouse’s underwear never makes it to the laundry or it appears to be rinsed before getting to the laundry hamper.

50) He heads to the shower or brushes his teeth as soon as he walks in the door.

51) He starts buying new underwear.

52) She buys new underwear and always wears matching bras and panties.

53) He starts doing his own laundry.

54) Your spouse starts receiving small unexplained gifts.

55) He learns how to remove hair. He now clips his nose hairs, trims his pubic hair and tweezes the hair growing out of his ears.

My Husband Sent A Pic Of His Penis To Another Woman…..But Says It Was A Joke

Dear Ma’ats,
I have been reading your articles and watching your videos for the past year.  It has really opened my mind and helped me in my personal growth through marriage.  I have a question that I hope you can help me through.  Two years ago I found a phototaken of my husband’s penis that he emailed to another woman.  We were sharing the same cell phone bc at the time he wasn’t working and we couldn’t afford two.  I was looking through his photos in order to re-send a picture of our daughter to my mother.  I confronted him and he assured me that it was sent just as a joke (one I didn’t understand).  I said ok, but kept my eyes on him (something I had never done before).  Around this same time of sharing cell phones, I ran across text messages he had sent other women.  There were only a few, but they were very vulgar in nature. They were women he had been friends with  in the past and had sexual relations with.  Again, he assured me that there was nothing going on and that he even did it to help his friend (who was going through a divorce and death of a parent-What a way to help a friend?).  I tried to get over it for the sake of our marriage but kept thinking there was more.  Two years crept by (he found a job) and I still had this nagging feeling that something else was happening during this time.  I asked and this time he told me that he confided in a friend at the time.  They met up for lunch occassionally, but nothing ever happened.  She was unemployed and they were able to talk about their feelings with each other (his depression over losing his job and us losing our home).  We talked and I reassured him that I was always there to talk to him.  I made attempts to communicate with him more to show him he could always count on me.  But, inside I still felt there was more.  One day while using my laptop, I noticed that he didnt’ log off of Facebook.  I knew it was wrong, but honestly felt that I could get the answers I had been searching for all these years.  I found hundreds of messages by three different women, including the two I mentioned earlier. They talked about the things they would do to each other, what their life would have been like had they gotten together, our marriage,etc.  I confronted him again and found out that he had kissed two women and that one of them regularly visited him at his job.  One of the women’shusband found out and confronted them both.  He said that there was no sexual contact (aside from the kiss), but felt that it could have turned sexual had it continued.  I asked him to stop all communication with these women on Facebook.  He says he doesn’t understand why he has to do that.  He stopped communication with the married woman, but only because she initiated it.   I feel totally betrayed and feel that he cheated.  He says he didnt’ cheat bc he didnt’ sleep with anyone.  I have lost all confidence in myself and feel that I am to blame. He did finally delete the two women as his friends on facebook, but I often wonder what else he may be up to.  We dont’ have money for counseling so I have been searching your website and others for advice.  He says if I want counseling, only I should go because it’s my problem that I don’t trust him.  What should I do?
-married to an emotional cheater

I’m Getting Married In 1 Month BUT I Don’t Trust My Woman

Infidelity can wreak havoc in your relationship. Once the trust is lost it’s difficult to find. In order to find it…you have to keep looking, keep working, and keep believing that you will one day have it again. It ain’t easy but it’s possible. When you find it…you’ll know. We encourage you to have it…BEFORE you get married.  Check out the video and let us know what you think.

For an INDIVIDUAL or COUPLES COACHING/COUNSELING SESSION click the link below
http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/black-marriage-services-take-a-class/relationship-coaching-counseling/

To get the first part of the relationship inspiration audio program Marriage Is For Grown Folks for ***FREE** CLICK HERE: http://www.blackloveandmarriage.com/marriage-is-for-grown-folks-free-download/

I Choose To Fight For My Marriage: A Story About Facing Infidelity

By Terry Ross

The crushing blow came after 10 years of marriage, infidelity had struck again. For society as a whole it was nothing new marriage after marriage is destroyed by infidelity but it’s different when it strikes so close to home.

The first few days were the hardest the days after someone had felt the need to let the secret about the infidelity out and after he had finally had to come clean about the affair. It wasn’t even that he didn’t even love her, he said, he didn’t want their marriage to be over, he had never meant for it to happen.

She was devastated, she couldn’t think straight, she couldn’t eat and she couldn’t sleep. Infidelity, how could he do this to her, how could he sleep with someone else and then come crawling back into her bed.

Her mother looked after the children for a few days, just to give her time to think and protect them from the trauma. She just had to have space, time to come to terms with what had happened. For some infidelity might not seem such a big deal but she was shocked, she had no idea what was going on, she thought she was happily married, she felt emotionally destroyed, as if her world was going to end, she was grieving for her loss.

It was days before she could pull herself together enough to try and think about what she should do. She’d been married for so long she felt like her right arm had been ripped off. Infidelity hits people in different ways, some angry, some calm acceptance while others are stunned, she was stunned into shock.

It was a while before she felt she could ask the question ‘why’, she needed to know to try and understand what had happened, why it had happened, why an affair, why she wasn’t enough. If she was to move on and survive infidelity she had to get some answers.

Apparently it just happened, a common enough answer, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and in a moment of weakness he gave into temptation. He said the affair was over, it was a short fling, it didn’t mean anything, he would never do it again, he loved her and he would do anything to save their marriage. He pleaded with her to forgive his infidelity.

She had a hard choice to make:

• firstly did she believe him,
• secondly could she ever trust him again
• thirdly was she capable of forgiving infidelity

He said he still loved her and she knew that a week ago she was happily married and loved him. She knew she could forgive him almost anything, but infidelity, it was asking too much. She thought long and hard, she considered the children, she thought about life without him and remembered the good times they had together and then she thought about him in bed with another woman. The same image came popping back into her head like a never ending nightmare.

It was a few weeks later when she finally decided that they would give it another go. In her heart of hearts she knew he wouldn’t have gone looking for someone else to jump into bed with. She knew infidelity would be really hard to forgive but he promised that he would never look at another woman again and deep down she did believe him.

She decided to enlist some help, just so that she had support and guidance on how to survive infidelity. It might seem strange to some but she really needed someone to tell her to do this and do that, in her mind it made it less personal, more of challenge rather than a crisis.

For her the right approach was to save her marriage, for her, for her kids and for the family but it only worked because she made a conscious decision that she could and would learn to forgive infidelity and learn to trust him again.

5 Reasons Why A “Work Spouse” Is A Bad Idea….Especially When You’re Married.

By Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at

If you’re not careful and intentional about guarding your marriage, working “closely” with a co-worker for five, six, or seven days a week can definitely cause some serious issues in your relationship.  Truthfully, there may be true chemistry between you and your colleague…a chemistry that feels like a distant memory in your marriage.  It’s not abnormal to be attracted to someone other than your spouse especially if you’re experiencing an empty, lonely, and touch deprived relationship at home.  Hell, even if all your needs are met by your boo it’s still within the realm of possibility that you may get caught up spending a little bit more time at somebody’s desk, or having corner of the cafeteria “lunch meetings” when you know you ain’t right.  Sure it’s not right…but it’s happening.  Folks we’re here to let you know 5 Reasons why the work spouse thing is not a good idea.

1.  You Are Married: You made a commitment to your spouse and to your marriage (and it probably wasn’t packed with a whole bunch of “only if he/she” contingencies)

2. You Have Children: When..not if but WHEN your husband/wife finds out your relationship will be Fu@!ed UP.  And having a Fuc$ed Up relationship creates a greater chance of having Fuc$ed Up children.

3.  You don’t have a bullet proof heart:  You might wanna classify it as just a booty call or a piece of lunch meat…but fam when the heart is involved it becomes more than that.  And more often than not…when THE HEART BECOMES INVOLVED and that’s when the HEAD & HEART BEGIN TO HURT.

4. No Job No Money:  Many places have strict policies as it pertains to office romance.  It’s not a good look to lose your income over something that’s fleeting.  Having sex in the elevator, the car, the closet, or on your desk may be an exciting idea….but is it really worth it when your bare ass is sitting on a pink slip and got some “splainin” to do when you get home?

5.  Your Secret Is Everybody’s “Secret”:  If you think he or she ain’t gonna share with somebody about the “pick me up” they’re getting during the day…you’re a damn fool.  Loose lips sink ships and it’s only a matter of time before somebody and then the wrong body (your spouse) finds out.  Trust…we’ve seen it happen over and over and over again counseling couples.

What’s up y’all we are Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at….a married couple that has been together since high school. Yup…high school sweet hearts. We have five incredible children…who keep us on our toes all the time : ) We are relationship therapists, coaches, and experts that have been featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network, Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers, TV One, and other media outlets. We are helpers…we are healers….and we are here to serve you.

If you or someone you know would like to have INDIVIDUAL or COUPLES coaching from us please CLICK HERE

 

Healing Is A Process….Let’s Begin

By Ayize Ma’at

While sitting across the room from a couple, I watched his fidgety movements shout an ensnaring tale capturing a 27 year history of hesitation.  His ambivalence didn’t begin with her….however she views herself as the VICTIM of his indecision, his restlessness, his wandering eye…his failure to fully commit to her.  Her pain cast a cloudy glow around her that she’s been trying to shake for years.  His shame oozes from his pours…he doesn’t know how to shelter his soul from the storm that’s been hovering above him for years.  He hides…she hides.  They both are tormented…they both are torn…they both are hurt.  As they sit before us…in silence…in tears…in rage….in hope…we watch the subtle dance of healing begin.

If you’d like to have a session with Ayize & Aiyana Ma’at CLICK HERE.

Emotional Infidelity Is Just As Dangerous As Physical Infidelity

By Dale L. McClure

Most would usually think that emotional infidelity is less serious than physical infidelity but both share the same devastating effects as having a physical affair.

It can in fact elicit forbidden relationships especially when you are too attached with an individual other than your spouse. Emotional infidelity comes in when one’s emotional needs are unmet.

This leads to the association of an individual with someone other than his or her spouse. A person committing emotional infidelity “appears” to not even have the slightest idea that he is committing such forbidden acts.

There are too many justifications that the signs of impending danger are often overlooked.

Emotional infidelity is much more profound than physical infidelity. Ever heard of the adage “there is nothing so seductive as that which is forbidden”?

With physical infidelity, it is easy for a man or a woman to get over the situation.

Both can be considered cheating but with emotional infidelity the betrayal is kept hidden. When you fantasize about someone or you have lustful feelings toward someone it can grow into something more serious that may put your marriage at risk.

This happens when you see the person you are fantasizing about on a daily basis and you seem to be so attached with each other. Physical infidelity takes place when you hold hands, touch or kiss.

There are warning signs of physical and emotional infidelity and these are something you should watch for if you want to save your marriage.

Since physical infidelity is rooted from emotional infidelity, you should pay heed first to the signs of emotional infidelity and this may include:

• Emotional infidelity usually begins through friendship. This may take place at the workplace or even through a chat room.

Wherever the friendship started, this is something that you need to control as deep bond of friendship may just lead to something more serious.

If you are going to look at the bigger picture, making friends with the opposite sex may seem to be harmless but it can pose a lot of danger to your married life when you start to withdraw from your wife and prefer your “new found friend’s” company.

• If you spend more time with your “friend” than your wife, this is an obvious sign that you are about to border on emotional infidelity.

If you used to spend the weekends bonding with your family and you start changing plans and prefer to hang out with your “friend” it is high time you assess your feelings.

At first, the meetings are too casual but once you show a sign of disinterest in spending time with your spouse and you become too intimate with the other person, this can lead to physical indulges.

These often take place as means of covering up for the qualities that your spouse lacks.

• If you seem to share details of your married life that are supposed to be kept within your married life, you may also hover on the brink of disaster.

Once you share intimate feelings with the “friend” she will also have the tendency to tell you about her personal problems which also involve her married life.

When confrontation arises, most will defend that they are merely friends when the things that happened were the exact opposite.

• You should also watch out when your spouse mentions new friends and new places that have not been normally a part of his social life.

Watching his daily routines will also be necessary as a cheating spouse is more likely to change his daily routines and behavior.

• Emotional infidelity comes your way when your spouse starts to become too critical about your appearance and he/she no longer finds it appealing to spend time with you.

To avoid emotional infidelity you need to:

Steer clear of situations that may lead to forbidden love affairs.
This means you need to avoid making friends when you think that you cannot control your emotions.

You should know where to draw the line and if self-control is an issue, better avoid developing friendships with the opposite sex by all means.

Heed the warning bells

Physical infidelity will not even take place if you know how to put a stop to emotional infidelity and you can do this by simply heeding the tell tale signs of emotional infidelity. Stop convincing yourself that you are “just friends”.

Get out of the situation while you can because you will not realize that you have already subjected yourself to emotional infidelity until it is too late.

If you think that your relationship shows the above signs of emotional and physical infidelity do not ignore these signs as paying attention to them may actually save your marriage.

If you think that your spouse is cheating on you, do not be afraid to express your feelings. If you feel insecure about your relationship tell him or her about it. It is important that you keep your communication line open.

Discuss your personal concerns and allow your partner to explain his or her side. Shouting at the top of your lungs will not resolve anything. In fact, it can worsen the situation.

You can even talk to a marriage counselor if you think that your married life is already on the rocks. When discussing your problems try to see things in your spouse’s perspective.

Do not underestimate the power of emotional infidelity as this is more dangerous than physical infidelity. If you keep on entertaining sexual thoughts outside your marriage, it can lead to something disastrous.

If you think that your spouse is neglecting you, do not hesitate to tell him or her about it. He/she may not have the slightest idea that you are longing for his/her love.

Both of you may be very busy that you failed to give each other a little loving. Be honest with your feelings if you want to fulfill your emotional needs. If you remain mum about your personal feelings, nothing will be resolved.

You always have to be on the lookout for the signs of emotional infidelity because this can produce more deleterious effects than you know.

He Left Me…Had A Baby…Should I Take Him Back?

Hey family, I met and started dating a guy in 2010 after moving to a new city. We were together for about 6 months and days before our “anniversary” he drops the bomb through text ( how appropriate)that he is moving back to Virginia because “some girl” was pregnant. Well that some girl turned out to be an ex that he was still sleeping with and apparently unprotected because she became pregnant with his child. Being a daughter of the fatherless tribe I would never EVER condon any man , mine or not to abandon his child and responsibilities to be with me or any other woman so I told him she deserved him and that they would make a great family along with a few expletives and other colorful words. For obvious reason I was devastated but eventually got over the ordeal and moved on. Sooo Here it is four years later and he sends me a message on facebook. He said he had something he wanted to say so I gave him permission to call and he apologized and went on and on about how he missed me and how everyone pretty much told him he was stupid for effing up a good situation and how it took him leaving to realize how he messed up and moreover how he really broke my heart. The thing is we were both fairly young ( 19 and 20) not that immaturity is an excuse but nevertheless I’m appreciative that his immaturity was revealed before I invested more feelings into him. I wont make excuses for him because of how the situation went down and the total disregard for my feeling or our relationship, however i cant ignore what we used to have. I don’t want to be thirsty 😉 but I don’t want to be the type of person that can move on but can’t forgive and trust. He contends that he still loves me and wants to eventually marry me and have a family with me but at this point I can’t trust that brutha as far as I can throw him. I can’t shake the phrase ” once a cheater always a cheater” and the fact that some men feel like a baby mama is a lifetime “fallback” . I refuse to join a “league of baby mamas” as I know I deserve more than that but I also recognize that people grow and evolve, I guess it’s matter of patience to see if he serious or not. My question is one am I being thirsty for even considering that I might one day take back a man that had a baby on me, and or should he even be given another chance. At this point I want to safe guard my heart and I don’t want to be made a fool, but the love was never lost… HELP Y’ALL!!!
Signed,
Sincerely dazed and confused

 

Your Partner May Cheat On You IF ……

By Dr. Jeremy E. Sherman

You’re in love now, and doing great–so great that you consider committing forever. But forever is a long time, and you know feelings can change. You’d love to commit, but not if your partner is going to rip your heart out and stomp on it, adultery-style.

Blind faith in your partner’s pledged faithfulness sounds virtuous, but is impractical. Instead you find yourself trying to step out of today’s romantic haze to calculate the odds: “Twenty years out, am I in for a heart-stomping?”

What factors go into a calculation like that?

Factors too numerous to mention. Of course gender, since men and women have different cheating styles; attractiveness, since the hot are more likely to be invited to cheat; power, since power is an aphrodisiac; extroversion, since those who mingle more widely may tingle more widely. And there’s your partner’s to-do list, since idle hands are the devil’s plaything.

And that doesn’t begin to factor how things might change. How will your comparative looks fade over time? Whose libido will fade faster? Will one of you get clingy and the other restless? Will your partner stay true if you fall ill? Will your partner accept what the ravages of time do to us all eventually, or bolt in search of the fling that reaffirms? How much does your partner declare absolute commitment to integrity and moral principle? And how much can you trust those declarations to be more than lip service?

So many factors, the odds are practically incalculable.

Still, there’s one factor to monitor, that’s often overlooked until it’s too late. People sometimes misdiagnose it as narcissism. It deserves more detailed understanding and appreciation than that.

Partnership is a negotiation over freedom and safety, two qualities of utmost value, all the more so when tethering to each other as tightly as marrying. Ideally, partnership yields ample quantities of both qualities, partners feeling free to be themselves, unshackled, un-oppressed, and partners also feeling safe, well held, secure, not anxious about heart stompings of any sort, including the adulterous kind.

The sad truth about humans is that, though we’re nice when we feel safe, in a pinch, feeling unsafe or threatened, we tend to release our meanest dogs.

For many of us, the story of our love lives starts with a romantic quest for someone who doesn’t release those mean dogs when threatened. And never finding an exception to that human tendency, we settle into the reality that there will be those dogs from time to time. If we’re self-aware, we discover that even we aren’t exceptions to the human tendency, that we too release our meanest dogs in a pinch.

Not all mean dogs bark yangly. Just as there are different cheating styles, there are different mean-dog styles. Some mean dogs whimper self-pityingly, some take little under/over-the-radar nips, the kiss of death by a thousand cuts (See Yintimidation). There are just so many ways to be mean and we humans have discovered and used them all in a pinch, including focusing on your partner’s style of being mean while conveniently ignoring our styles.

The biggest threat to long term-partnership is stresscalation, a tit-for-tat, arms race in mean-dog tactics, an unleashed, escalating dog fight, two people each feeling unsafe, scrambling for safety and in the process, making each other feel unsafe on purpose, inadvertently or both.

Given that in a pinch, any of us might release our meanest dogs, there’s the potential for those dogfights in any relationship., but with some partners more so than with others, and those are the partners to watch out for.

CLICK HERE to read more.

 

A Letter From The Mistress To His Wife

the Mistress

#1) I got your text today….I was so amused at the questions you asked???
How Could i sleep with a married man??? Do you really think i awoke one morning and said today I will ruin a marriage? Because if you did your dumber then your husband said you were…Does your ignorance allow you to think I approached him?

For the record I approach no man and never have.

#2) You asked…How could I disrespect your wedding Vows?
Ummm For the record I wasn’t the one saying them with you….
I wasn’t the one professing my love for you in front of 100 guest, family and friends.
I believe this question is for the man who broke those vows not me.

Let’s be honest
What do i care about YOUR vows?

#3) You asked how could I live with myself for wrecking your happy home?
Now this will be my pleasure to respond too…Do u think i was the only one?
Do you think I am the first? If you do… don’t read any further then this…

If you want the truth continue reading…

When he took me out to dinner the waiter knew his name…
When the flowers were delivered to my job the delivery guy said he always sends the prettiest ones.
When we went to the hotel his secret CC was on file.

So much for your happy home

#4) You questioned how do i live with myself??? Where is my self respect? Now hold on to your seat belt you’re about to get an earful….How do u do it? How do u look in the mirror every morning comb your hair and brush your teeth and care for his children? cook him his breakfast possibly even pack him his lunch,,,When you know in heart he is loving someone else…

How do you function in life selling yourself short? why do u stay??????? For the kids???? That’s a lie…You stay because you feel so inadequate to leave!!!! OMG!!!! begin again Ohhh Geez might have to get a job….O NOOOO for the love of God I might have to like me again.

Where is YOUR self respect how can lay next to man who desired the flesh of another women…How do u lay next to man who told another i love u…How do look in your child’s eye and let them see you settled as second best????(THAT’S RIGHT YOU’RE SECOND BEST BECAUSE IF YOU WERE HIS ONE LOVE HE WOULDN’T HAVE SEEKED ANOTHER)

Where is YOUR self respect??? Don’t blame me cause you kept him…THAT WAS YOUR CHOICE…He thought you respected your self more and was hoping you were going to be the one to walk away but instead you stayed. Now take what you get and don’t judge me…Look at the man you kept.